Lowkey Chaotic

Zoë Lilou

☀️Currently on summer break. Season 2 loading…☀️
Lowkey Chaotic feels like sitting inside Zoë Lilou’s mind as she tries to untangle love, shame, identity, ambition, and self-destruction in real time - raw enough to make people feel exposed, but honest enough to make them feel less alone.

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20 episodes
Avg 41 min
English

Episodes 20

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S1 · E49
June 24 · 40 min
I'm Tired of My Own Narrative
Before disappearing for summer, I wanted to leave you with one final thought: I think I'm tired of my own narrative. In this episode, we're talking about sobriety, growing pains, outgrowing old versions of ourselves, and why I think I've reached the point where I need fewer revelations and more experiences. Thank you for spending this season with me. See you after summer.
S1 · E47
June 9 · 46 min
Why Do We Want Validation From People Who Don't Care?
I met someone in LA and immediately found myself doing what so many of us do: trying to prove I was worth getting to know. In this episode, we're talking about validation, attention, self-worth, and why one person's indifference can sometimes outweigh the appreciation of hundreds of others. Because the question isn't why they didn't see us. The question is why we keep letting strangers decide whether we're worth seeing.
S1 · E46
May 28 · 48 min
I Think I've Been Wrong About a Few Things
a little life update from california. in this episode, i share a realization i've been having about how my first relationship - and the abuse that existed within it - may have shaped my relationship to intimacy in ways i didn't fully understand until now. we also talk about procrastination, routine, perspective shifts, and a few things that have been making more sense lately.
S1 · E45
May 14 · 51 min
I Want To Feel Seen
This episode starts with me attending a physiognomy class and somehow ends with me unpacking wanting to feel understood. We talk about the loneliness of being hyper-observant, the difference between attention and recognition, and why so many women feel deeply unseen despite constantly being looked at.
S1 · E44
May 6 · 40 min
She Still Lives In Me
The girl that used to willingly make very self-destructive choices still lives in me. Nowadays the craziest things I do are nothing compared to who I used to be… but she still lives in me. And she came out a little this morning.
S1 · E43
April 28 · 53 min
Why Do I Feel Wrong All the Time?
I get into: hypervigilance and constantly reading between the lines feeling like you have to “solve” every interaction internalized shame and always assuming you’re the problem and how these patterns might come from the environments we grew up in This episode is about what happens when awareness turns into self-blame and why everything can start to feel personal, even when it’s not.
S1 · E42
April 20 · 42 min
A Convenient Escape
It’s interesting how loud people get when it comes to correcting misinformation but where is that same energy when the information is actually correct? An episode about how statistics can become a convenient escape and how the focus shifts from the point to the detail.
S1 · E41
April 14 · 45 min
Cheating Doesn’t Automatically Make You a Bad Person
Apparently I’m pro-cheating now. All because I said that cheating once doesn’t make you a horrible person forever and people did not like that. So let’s unpack it. What even is cheating? Why does it trigger us so deeply? Why do we need it to mean something so clear? And why are we so uncomfortable with the idea that people are more than their worst moment? This isn’t about defending cheating. It’s about understanding people without losing your boundaries.
S1 · E40
April 4 · 40 min
The Fear of Being Cringe
In this episode, I talk about the fear of being seen, why we’re so scared of being cringe, and how it’s affecting the way we connect with each other. From moral superiority online to constantly judging each other, to feeling like everything is “too much” or “too weird” - it feels like we’ve created a culture where it’s safer to perform than to be real. (and in the spirit of all that: my debut single Starving Heart is out now 🤍)
S1 · E39
March 22 · 28 min
I Quit Drinking and Realized I’m Depressed
I quit drinking and thought everything would get better. Instead, I realized alcohol was never the problem - it was depression. In this episode, I talk about what depression has looked like for me, what sobriety actually reveals, and why I’m questioning whether I want love… or just someone to fix how I feel.
S1 · E38
March 15 · 36 min
The Kiss Test & The Science of Attraction
I went down a rabbit hole of research on why humans kiss and what might actually be happening in that moment - from biological signals our bodies pick up subconsciously to the complicated dance between chemistry and compatibility. Because sometimes your body knows something your brain hasn’t figured out yet.
S1 · E37
March 8 · 26 min
Can Men Be Feminists?
This conversation is rooted in my perspective as someone who was lucky enough to be born and live in a country where women have basic rights. But there are millions of women around the world who still don’t. If you’d like to support organizations working to change that: Malala Fund — https://malala.org Equality Now — https://www.equalitynow.org
S1 · E36
March 1 · 40 min
Sobriety, Self-Love & The Decisions That Changed Me
A reflective episode about sobriety, escapism, and the slow journey towards self-love. I share my experience quitting weed after eight years, my relationship with alcohol, and how my understanding of discipline and self-respect has evolved over the past two and a half years.
S1 · E35
February 21 · 32 min
Women Perform Pleasure. Men Perform Control.
This is a conversation about how, during sex, women often perform pleasure, comfort, and emotional regulation, while men perform control, composure, and stamina - roles shaped by culture, language, and expectation. We talk about performance vs presence, the aggressive language we use to describe sex, emotional labor during intimacy, and the feeling of being an experience instead of sharing one.
S1 · E34
February 14 · 44 min
I Knew It Was Bad for Me, But I Stayed Anyway
I didn’t stay because I was stupid. I stayed because the pain and relief cycle is addictive. A raw conversation about abuse, self-abandonment, and choosing someone else over yourself again and again.
S1 · E33
February 4 · 38 min
I Feel Rejected All the Time (And Abandoned)
I feel rejected all the time. Not just when the guy i caught feelings for ends things. Also when someone texts me with a dry tone. Or doesn’t reply. And it feels embarrassing to have such big feelings about such small things. So let’s unpack rejection.
S1 · E32
January 28 · 44 min
Why I Hold Back in Bed
As women, we’re constantly monitoring ourselves: on dates, in relationships, and in bed. This episode explores self-surveillance in dating and sex, why transactional intimacy can feel safer than romance, and why even with safe, respectful partners, being fully present can still feel impossible.
S1 · E31
January 18 · 1 hr 13 min
Women Who Love Too Much (You Were Never Too Much)
A deeply personal and cultural deep dive into why women are taught to believe they love too much and why that was never true. From heartbreak and sensitivity to situationships, ghosting, and emotional detachment, this episode is about reclaiming your heart, trusting your instincts, and remembering that you were never broken. You were just loving in a world that taught men to love too little.
S1 · E30
January 9 · 38 min
Let’s Talk About Kinks
Let’s talk about kinks. About desire and shame. About power, safety, and what it means to feel truly seen by someone. In this episode, I share what I’m learning about wanting, boundaries, trust, and intimacy and why desire is never as random as we think.
S1 · E29
January 1 · 24 min
Fuck Her Till She Falls In Love
“Fuck her till she falls in love” is a phrase that gets thrown around casually as a joke, a warning, or a dismissal. This episode takes that cliché apart. Instead of framing women’s attachment after intimacy as weakness or lack of control, we look at what’s actually happening beneath the surface: nervous system responses, cultural conditioning, and the power dynamics that shape how closeness is experienced and judged. If you’ve ever been told you “caught feelings” as if it were a personal failure, this conversation offers language, context, and relief instead of shame.

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