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LOVERS by Shan

LOVERS by shan

LOVERS by Shan is an education-first space where listeners come to better understand their own intimate lives through the life lessons and expertise of others. Shan Boodram’s mission is to empower everyone to be their own intimacy expert in the bedroom and beyond by treating guests of the podcast as educators in their own right. Past guests include Kelly Rowland who taught us about being a sensualist. Becky G who shared the importance of healthy love in an unhealthy body. Kerry Washington who warned about the dangers of keeping secrets. Kamie Crawford who taught us about the joys of breaking up. Jesse Reyez who reminded us that it's alright to admit you're the one who let a good one get away. When we paused in 2023 we had 5.1 million listeners and 8 million YouTube views. Excited to see how many lives we can impact in 2025 with our fresh look and approach. Sales and Distribution by Lemonada Media https://lemonadamedia.com/

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#7810
Yesterday · 1 hr 6 min
If It Don't Apply, Let It Fly | Responding to Your Comments Live: Kendrick Sampson
I'm answering your comments on Kendrick Sampson choosing freedom over romance, and you did not agree. When Kendrick Sampson (the actor you know from Insecure and How to Get Away with Murder, and the activist behind BLD PWR) sat down with me and said he cares about freedom more than romance, I had a feeling some of you would feel seen and some of you would feel personally called out, and the comments landed right down the middle. [One side heard someone finally say out loud that romantic love is only one kind of love worth building a life around, while the other side heard something that felt like permission to never fully choose anyone. CONFIRM against actual comments.] In this first episode of If It Don't Apply, Let It Fly, I'm reading the comments that split you and responding to them honestly, [including the ones that shifted how I think about the conversation and the ones I'm holding my ground on. CONFIRM against what Shan actually says]. If you walked away from Kendrick's episode feeling defensive, inspired, or stuck somewhere uncomfortable in between, this is for you, because the disagreement is where the real conversation was happening. Follow Kendrick Sampson Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kendrick38 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@kendrick BLD PWR: https://bldpwr.com Want more LOVERS? Follow Shan on Instagram → http://instagram.com/shanboodram Get a free weekly Love Letter from Shan → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community Explore free quizzes + worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes ________________________ Advertising & Other Inquiries: team@loversbyshan.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
#186
Wednesday · 58 min
Romantic Love Is the Most Narrow Form of Love ft. Kendrick Sampson
Kendrick Sampson (founder of the racial justice nonprofit BLD PWR, actor best known as Nathan in Insecure and Quincy Jones in Michael Jackson's biopic) sits down with Shan to talk about loving widely. Kendrick grew up in a house where nobody said "I love you" after his parents divorced, so love turned into something you did instead of something you said. Love is choosing someone else's needs over your own wants. It's why he has no plan for a romantic relationship, why he separates sex, pleasure, and love into three completely different things, and why he'll tell you flat out that romantic love is actually the smallest, most narrow kind there is. His 25 nieces and nephews come first. If he ever has kids, he wants to raise them with a homegirl, no romance required, because the village already exists. This is a conversation about what happens when you stop assuming a partner is the endpoint, and start asking who you're actually accountable to. —------- Showing some love to the sponsor of this episode Hollyood Ending. It is the book everyone will be talking about this fall. Buy Hollywood, Ending now wherever books are sold. Ready to reach your goals? Visit forhers.com/shan to get personalized, affordable care that gets you. Follow Kendrick Sampson Instagram: http://instagram.com/kendrick38 Follow BLD PWR Instagram: http://instagram.com/bldpwrYouTube: youtube.com/@buildpowertv Want more LOVERS? Follow Shan on Instagram → http://instagram.com/shanboodram Get a Lovers Letters from Shan → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community Explore free quizzes + worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
#185
September 16 · 48 min
I'm (Still) Concerned About Our Love, Pt. 3
Every couple of years, after a stretch that tested us, Jared and I climb onto the roof in the same outfit and talk honestly about what it did to our relationship. We did it in 2022 and again in 2024, and the second time a lot of people watched two exhausted parents be imperfect and decided that was the verdict on the whole thing. We're doing it anyway, because the hard years reach your love life whether you film it or not. This summer the kids were home for six weeks, the business didn't pause, several of my longest relationships shifted at once, and somewhere in there we had our worst argument in six years. It looked like it was about one day. It was actually about neither of us having the room to feel anything, and what happens when one person finally does. Jared explains why he didn't come over and hold me (an honest answer, not a flattering one), I explain why a voucher I printed him for exactly this moment stayed in his closet, and we get into how sex has changed as the kids have gotten older, including the 25-minute challenge he almost survived. This is a conversation about staying kind to the person closest to you when you have nothing left. If you've ever been graded on your worst week, this one is for you. _________ Thanks to Article for sponsoring this podcast! Article is offering our listeners $50 off your first purchase of $100 or more. To claim, visit ARTICLE.COM/LOVERS and the discount will be automatically applied at checkout. My pickiest eaters have no complaints on this one! Explore my Hungryroot Digital Cookbook "Recipes My Kids Will Actually Finish (No Bribery Required)." at https://hungryroot.com/LOVERS Ready to reach your goals? Visit forhers.com/shan to get personalized, affordable care that gets you. Stay hydrated every single day with Ultima Replenisher: Head to https://ultima.yt.link/cIC3aOP and use the code LOVERSBYSHAN20 for 20% off your order! _______ Follow Jared Brady Instagram: http://instagram.com/enjoyjaredbrady YouTube: youtube.com/@enjoyovereverything Want more LOVERS? Follow Shan Instagram → http://instagram.com/shanboodram Get a free weekly Love Letter from Shan → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community Explore free quizzes + worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
#184
September 9 · 45 min
He's Gay. She's a Lesbian. They're In a Co-Parenting Arrangement With Their Son
Brandi and Lawrence aren't a couple. He's a gay man, she's a lesbian, and they were best friends first, until they decided, in their twenties, to build a family together on purpose, with a legal parental agreement in place before they ever tried to conceive. They walk Shan through what that intentionality actually looked like. But underneath the logistics is the part nobody warned either of them about, the isolation Lawrence carried as the only man in his friend group building a family this way, and the year their living situation and their respective romantic relationships pulled the friendship apart so hard that Brandi had to tell Lawrence something she still calls one of the biggest heartbreaks of her life: that she could stay his co-parent, but she couldn't stay his friend. ____________ Ready to reach your goals? Visit https://www.forhers.com/shan to get personalized, affordable care that gets you. Right now, our listeners get an additional 15% off any MasterClass annual membership at https://www.masterclass.com/lovers Follow Parental Agreement Resource → https://u42luyhpb6f.typeform.com/agreement Website → http://theparentalagreement.com/ Follow Lawrence Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/lawrenceccarroll/ Majestic Art Gallery → https://majesticartgallery.org/ Donate to LA Pride → https://lapride.org/donate-to-la-pride/ Follow Brandi Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/brandijandrews/?hl=en Youth Dealer, skincare for melanated people → https://www.instagram.com/youthdealerco/?hl=en Want more Lover? Receive my Lovers Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community Explore quizzes and worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
#183
September 2 · 1 hr 8 min
Criticism Has No Place in a Relationship ft. The Gottmans
Drs. John and Julie Schwartz Gottman have followed 3,000 couples, some of them for twenty years, second by second, and in this conversation Shan brings them something that research was never designed to answer: what happens to a generation that has decided love isn't available to them, and has built community around that belief instead? Julie's answer is that those groups are writing each other a prescription for how to stay alone, and she says it with a tenderness that's hard to argue with. From there the three of them get into why criticism sabotages the exact thing you were trying to be heard about, why listening to a woman's anger is one of the strongest predictors of a relationship improving over time, and what John pulls out of his back pocket every time Julie says the four most terrifying words in the English language. This one is for anyone who has started to suspect that being right about dating and being loved are not the same project. ____________ Ready to reach your goals? Visit https://www.forhers.com/shan to get personalized, affordable care that gets you. Right now, our listeners get an additional 15% off any MasterClass annual membership at https://www.masterclass.com/lovers ____________ Follow The Gottmans Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/gottmaninstitute YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/thegottmaninstitute TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@thegottmaninstitute The Gottman Institute: https://www.gottman.com Courses and Books: https://www.gottman.com/shop/ Want more LOVERS? Follow Shan on Instagram → http://instagram.com/shanboodram Get a free weekly Love Letter from Shan → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community Explore free quizzes + worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes ________________________ Advertising & Other Inquiries: team@loversbyshan.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
#182
August 26 · 49 min
The Lengths One Catfish Went to Avoid Getting Caught
Kamie Crawford (former co-host of MTV's Catfish: The TV Show, now host of Relationsht*) sits down with Shan to unpack what actually keeps a catfishing scheme alive long after the story stops adding up. The conversation centers on Troi, who spent years believing he was in an email and phone relationship with a woman named Belly. His brother's boo, Tatiana, introduced him to her sister, Belly. Then came the car accident. Belly lost her memory entirely, Troi included. When the call finally came, it wasn't from Belly. It was Tatiana, breathless, saying Belly finally remembered him. Troi thought that was the end of the strange part, but it wasn't. Months later, his brother's choir competition landed in Orlando on the one day that mattered most to Troi: his own birthday. Tatiana and her sisters were finally coming to meet him in person. Years of phone calls and near-misses, about to become an IRL meetup. But you know how this goes by now... They never showed. What arrived instead was a video, of someone filming him from the crowd, sent as proof they'd been there all along. No Belly. No Tatiana. What happens after is even more shocking. That's the story I sat down with Kamie Crawford to unpack this week: not just how a lie like this gets built, but who is behind those lies and the psychology behind why. —----------- A huge thank you to Article for sponsoring this podcast! Article is offering our listeners $50 off your first purchase of $100 or more. To claim, visit ARTICLE.COM/LOVERS and the discount will be automatically applied at checkout. A personal fave, OneSkin! Get 15% off OneSkin with the code LOVERSBYSHAN at https://www.oneskin.co/LOVERSBYSHAN #oneskinpod My pickiest eaters have no complaints on this one! Explore my Hungryroot Digital Cookbook "Recipes My Kids Will Actually Finish (No Bribery Required)." at https://hungryroot.com/LOVERS Special shoutout to Beducated! Unlock deeper pleasure with a roadmap designed for you! All it takes is 5 minutes. Go to https://beduc.at/bg2635-boody to learn more! Thanks to For Hers. Ready to reach your goals? Visit forhers.com/shan to get personalized, affordable care that gets you. Stay hydrated every single day with Ultima Replenisher: Head to ⁠https://ultima.yt.link/aNAX4cg⁠ and use the code LOVERSBYSHAN20 for 20% off your order! —------- Follow Kamie CrawfordInstagram → https://www.instagram.com/kamiecrawford/Watch her podcast Relationshipshit → https://www.youtube.com/@relationshitpodWebsite → https://www.kamiecrawford.com/ Follow Troi Breeze Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/troibreeze/ Stream his music → https://lnk.to/themotion Website → https://troibreeze.com/ Want more Lover? Receive the weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community Explore quizzes and worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
#181
August 19 · 57 min
Listen Again: Singer Mario Opens Up About Emotional Healing After Maternal Trauma
In this deeply personal episode presented by Bumble, singer Mario opens up about the profound impact of unresolved trauma stemming from his relationship with his mother. He shares how this pain shaped his early behavior towards women, leading to manipulation and broken connections. Mario takes us on his journey of self-reflection, healing, and ultimately embracing his inner feminine energy, a process that not only reshaped his relationships but also elevated his personal growth and artistry. As Mario gets real about accountability, self-love, and the power of healing, he also introduces us to his latest album, "Glad You Came", a soulful and vulnerable collection of music inspired by his life experiences and growth. Tune in for an honest, thought-provoking conversation that dives into the intersections of trauma, love, and creativity. Follow Mario Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/marioworldwide/ Live Tour Dates → https://www.vipnation.com/tour/the-r-b-tour-mario Stream Mood Swings EP → https://music.empi.re/moodswingsmario Want more LOVERS? Follow Shan on Instagram → http://instagram.com/shanboodram Get a free Love Letter from Shan → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter Join the LOVERS Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community Explore free quizzes + worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
#180
August 12 · 55 min
Listen Again: Don’t Have Sex With Someone If You Both Can’t Do THIS ft. Lena Waithe
We've been on a short break the past two weeks, so we're revisiting one of our favorites: Lena Waithe on why she won't have sex with someone unless she can already picture what happens after, and why some of her deepest connections have never been physical at all. New episodes of LOVERS are back August 19. In this episode of LOVERS, I sit down with Emmy-winning writer, producer, and actress Lena Waithe (Queen & Slim, Master of None, The Chi) for an eye-opening conversation about intimacy, love, and meaningful connections. Lena shares why you should never have sex with someone unless you can imagine a positive aftermath for both of you. She dives into how cuddling can create a deeper emotional bond than sex, especially when the future of a relationship feels uncertain. Lena also opens up about the power of plutonic relationships, revealing why some of her most impactful connections today are non-romantic. With all of the rumors about her love life, Lena sets the record straight and shares what truly matters to her in building authentic connections. This episode will challenge your views on love, intimacy, and boundaries in ways you won’t want to miss! Thank you Lena! https://www.instagram.com/lenawaithe/ Legacy Talk Podcast https://lemonada.lnk.to/LegacyTalkWithLenaWaithehs?fbclid=PAZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAaZR0rgZOhMXnR_1HkQjiKfKa5_UUPHcXYlKFCmzjhKgXdje2qDlp8lbhmg_aem_wULmegwSQB8ct8zEmMkQfg Want more LOVERS?Follow Shan on Instagram → http://instagram.com/shanboodramGet a free Love Letter from Shan → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletterJoin the LOVERS Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/communityExplore free quizzes + worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes Advertising & Other Inquiries: team@loversbyshan.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
#179
August 5 · 1 hr 1 min
Listen Again: I Lost My Sex Drive Because He Never Did THIS ft. Cree Summer
We're on a short break the next two weeks, so we're revisiting one of our favorites: Cree Summer on losing (and finding again) her sex drive after 50, and why emotional safety made all the difference. New episodes of LOVERS are back August 19. In this episode, I sit down with the legendary Cree Summer to talk about her journey through love, loss, and rediscovery in her 50s. Cree opens up about losing her sex drive during her marriage due to a lack of emotional shelter and the importance of finding a partner who provides safety and calm during life's storms. We also dive into how her sex drive has improved post-menopause and what she's looking forward to as she explores love again in her senior years. This episode originally aired on April 30th, 2025. Follow Cree: instagram.com/iamcreesummer x.com/iamcreesummer Want more LOVERS?Follow Shan on Instagram → http://instagram.com/shanboodramGet a free Love Letter from Shan → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletterJoin the LOVERS Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/communityExplore free quizzes + worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes Advertising & Other Inquiries: team@loversbyshan.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
#178
July 29 · 1 hr 5 min
If There Was a Female Version of “Viagra”, Would You Take It?
#AD This episode is sponsored by Daré Bioscience. DARE to PLAY™ Sildenafil Cream is a compounded drug. It is not FDA-approved. This product has not been reviewed by FDA for safety or efficacy. It is manufactured in a 503B outsourcing facility under pharmaceutical Good Manufacturing Practices (GMP). Shan sits down with four women to talk about the low libido nobody prepares you for: the 26-year-old who kept saying "I'm supposed to be in my prime" and quietly decided she was broken, the married woman delighting in her season of stillness, and Shan's own reframe that low libido is only a dysfunction if it comes with an F word (frustrating). Then Sabrina Martucci Johnson, founder and CEO of Daré Bioscience, explains what actually happens in the body when desire and arousal stop cooperating, and why women were told for almost 30 years it was all in their heads. Follow Sabrina Martucci Johnson LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/sabrina-martucci-johnson/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@sabrinadareceo Follow Daré Bioscience LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/dare-bioscience Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/darebioscience/ —- Learn more about DARE to PLAY™ https://daretoplaybio.com/ Unlock deeper pleasure with a roadmap designed for you — all it takes is 5 minutes. Go to https://beduc.at/bg2631-boody to learn more! Follow Indigo MateoInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/indigomateoMusic: http://www.indigomateo.com/ Follow Jamille McClendonInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/thahealingfactor Follow Saraijah BarnesInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/Rai.destinei Follow Brittany Johnsonhttp://instagram.com/brittbekountry Want more LOVERS? Follow Shan on Instagram → http://instagram.com/shanboodram Get a free Love Letter from Shan → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter Join the LOVERS Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community Explore free quizzes + worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
#177
July 22 · 49 min
Naomi Sharon: Learning About OCD Taught Me Why I Can't Let Go
Naomi Sharon is an R&B singer-songwriter, the first woman signed to Drake's OVO Sound label, and the voice behind Obsidian — an album she wrote, she says, while stuck in a loop she didn't yet have a name for. Her new single is "No Sleep in Paradise," and it turns out to be a more accurate self-portrait than she realized when she wrote it. This conversation starts with that song title and follows it somewhere much harder. Naomi opens up about ROCD (Relationship OCD) — a form of OCD rooted, for her, in her parents' divorce at 12, the lie she found out about, and the trust that cracked in a way that never fully sealed. She describes what it actually does inside a relationship: the reassurance-seeking that exhausts even a loving partner, the rumination that colonizes every quiet moment, the specific experience of standing onstage mid-performance and suddenly being flooded with thoughts about whether he still loves her. And then the harder question underneath all of it — whether what she's feeling is her intuition or her fear, and what it costs not to be able to tell the difference. This one is for anyone who has ever been told to just let it go and discovered that wasn't something they could do. Want to learn more about OCD? International OCD Foundation (IOCDF) →⁠ https://iocdf.org/⁠ Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA) →⁠ https://adaa.org/⁠ National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) →⁠ https://www.nami.org/⁠ Mental Health America (MHA) →⁠ https://mhanational.org/⁠ Follow Naomi Sharon Instagram:⁠ https://www.instagram.com/naomisharon⁠ YouTube:⁠ https://www.youtube.com/@naomisharonmusic⁠ TikTok:⁠ https://www.tiktok.com/@naomisharon⁠ No Sleep in Paradise:⁠ https://ovo-naomisharon.ffm.to/nsip⁠ Want more LOVERS? Follow Shan on Instagram →⁠ http://instagram.com/shanboodram⁠ Get a free weekly Love Letter from Shan →⁠ http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter⁠ Join the Lovers Community →⁠ https://www.loversbyshan.com/community⁠ Explore free quizzes + worksheets →⁠ http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes⁠ Advertising & Other Inquiries: team@loversbyshan.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
#176
July 15 · 1 hr
Does Unrequited Love Mean the Love Wasn't Real? ft. Tanerélle
Tanerélle is a singer-songwriter whose voice sits somewhere between neo-soul and quiet revelation, with singles like feels like love and Nothing Without You building a devoted audience around the specific ache of loving someone more than they love you back. In this episode, she and Shan trace the song feels like love from its origin — a late-night phone call with an ex that felt like home until Tanerélle realized she was the only one feeling it — through the larger question of what it means to be someone's muse instead of their person, and why those two things can feel identical from the inside until they don't. They also talk about what OCD and rumination actually do inside a relationship when safety isn't there, the slow way gender roles and social conditioning closed the door on the free version of herself she showed up as early on, and the specific kind of loneliness that comes from being the one who always reaches out first. This one is for anyone who has ever loved out loud in a situation that didn't love them back the same way and wondered whether that still counted as real. --- Thanks to Stasis for sponsoring this video. Hold your stimulant to a higher standard — go to ⁠https://yt.link/K1ZEZNN⁠ and use code LOVERS for 15% off your first order. I'm sharing this in my personal capacity. Always speak with your own healthcare provider about what's right for you. #ad #StasisPartner *These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. ——— Follow Tanerélle Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tanerelle YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCxqYnbQ6uCZhsanm43Jk6zA TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@tanerelle Feels like love: https://open.spotify.com/track/6N5i4aUjLphRd77qlkpqdO Want more LOVERS? Follow Shan on Instagram → http://instagram.com/shanboodram Get a free weekly Love Letter from Shan → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community Explore free quizzes + worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes Advertising & Other Inquiries: team@loversbyshan.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
#175
July 8 · 1 hr 4 min
I Embarrassed Him and We Had to Talk About It
There are three forms of intimacy every relationship runs on — and most couples only know two of them. Emotional intimacy, physical intimacy, and the one nobody has named yet: social intimacy, which is the degree to which your partner actively represents, claims, and advocates for you in the rooms and relationships that matter. Not just privately, when it's easy, but publicly, when it costs something. This episode is Shan and Jared Brady sitting down to have that conversation for real — because as a public-figure couple in an open relationship where the woman is the financial lead, social intimacy isn't abstract for them, it's load-bearing. They work through what it actually looks like when your partner stops bringing you up, why that quietly erodes a relationship from the outside in, and what the research says about how much your partner's behavior in public spaces shapes your career, your network, and your sense of self. If you've ever felt invisible in someone else's life while being completely loved in theirs, this one is for you. Access our interactive social intimacy worksheet: https://www.loversbyshan.com/resource/social-intimacy-check-in-relationship-worksheet Want more LOVERS? Follow Shan on Instagram → http://instagram.com/shanboodram Get a free weekly Love Letter from Shan → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community Explore free quizzes + worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes Want More Jared https://www.instagram.com/enjoyjaredbrady https://www.youtube.com/channel/UClhYIBYFJZpdth_C8hOoy5Q Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
#174
July 1 · 41 min
Stop Turning Me Into Inspiration Porn — Ericka Hart on Nasty Work
Ericka Hart (she/they) is a sex educator, author, and breast cancer survivor who has spent their career arguing that pleasure isn't a luxury — it's a right that's been systematically withheld from Black, brown, queer, and disabled bodies. In this conversation, Erica and Shan trace the throughline from childhood activism that was never a choice, to being expelled from Peace Corps for loving who they loved, to the night they disclosed a double mastectomy mid-hookup and got the response that became their whole love story: "titties, I don't care." They talk about going topless at Afropunk and getting turned into "inspiration porn" instead of being seen as desirable, and about the gap between the two: being praised for surviving versus being wanted for who you actually are. Erica shares what it actually means to write a book, Nasty Work, for the most marginalized people, because when you center the people the world has held least, everybody gets to see themselves. This is a conversation about reclaiming a body the world has always tried to act on instead of let you inhabit, and what it costs, and what it feels like, to do that work on your own terms, even when it's still in progress. Follow Ericka Hart Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ihartericka/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@ihartericka1Website: https://ihartericka.com/ Book: Nasty Work: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/238226976-nasty-work Listen to Hoodrat to Headwrap (with Ebony Donnley): https://podcasts.apple.com/podcast/hoodrat-to-headwrap-a-decolonized-podcast/id1279429651 Want more LOVERS? Follow Shan on Instagram → http://instagram.com/shanboodram Get a free weekly Love Letter from Shan → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community Explore free quizzes + worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
#173
June 24 · 40 min
Loving Someone Based on How They Present Is the Whole Problem
Thanks to Stasis for sponsoring this video. Hold your stimulant to a higher standard — go to https://yt.link/iD6LFRL and use code LOVERS for 15% off your first order. I'm sharing this in my personal capacity. Always speak with your own healthcare provider about what's right for you. #ad #StasisPartner *These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. —------- Ezee (also known as Young Ezee) is an Atlanta-based comedian, actor, and content creator with over 6.6 million followers across platforms, known for her signature stud energy, her queer-centric digital shows, and her upcoming stand-up special Another Little Lesbian. This conversation goes somewhere most relationship content doesn't: the specific weight of being the one who always has to hold it together — not because you're a man, but because you look like one. Ezee talks about what it cost her to suppress her emotions to fit a role her partners assigned based on how she presents, the moment she realized she'd been leaking that suppression as rage instead of tears, and how her relationship with her fiancée Natalie became the first place she felt genuinely safe to be a full woman. Woven through all of it is a double-proposal story that ends up being the most precise illustration possible of what it looks like when someone refuses to let the person they love go unseen. This one is for anyone who has ever been handed a script they didn't write and loved someone hard enough to finally put it down. Follow Ezee https://www.instagram.com/ezee YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@youngezee TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@ezee Follow Andrea Lewis Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/andrealewis/?hl=en YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@andrealewischannel TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@missandrealewis?lang=en Want more LOVERS? Follow Shan on Instagram → http://instagram.com/shanboodram Get a free weekly Love Letter from Shan → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community Explore free quizzes + worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
#172
June 17 · 55 min
The Most Intimate Thing a Man Can Do for His Family ft. Jared Brady & Jonathan Singletary
Jared Brady and Jonathan Singletary sit down to talk about fatherhood, inheritance, and the difference between intention and what's already in the body. Jonathan Singletary is a Los Angeles-based musician, songwriter, and founder of Piano & Prayer, a musical meditation and community gathering practice featured in the LA Times that has grown into a meaningful spiritual presence for thousands of people. Jared Brady is a creative director, actor, and co-founder of Shared Entertainment. Both men are in the middle of the work. Jonathan reaches for his daughter on instinct before the decision clears his mind. Jared watches his father's disappointment move across his own face and recognizes it. Neither of them is reporting from a solved place — they're two fathers who love their kids, who came from fathers they love, and who are sitting with the uncomfortable truth that some of what they're trying not to repeat is already running underneath everything. What holds this conversation together is a question Jared names explicitly: when you strip away the edited version of yourself, what voice are you actually parenting from? This episode earns its warmth by being honest first — about cost, about inheritance, and about the grace it takes to extend that same grace back to your own father. This one is for anyone who is actively trying to parent differently than they were parented, and discovering that the work is less about what you know and more about what you notice. ———————— Show some love on Daddy Day with our sponsor Arya! Go to http://arya.fyi/shan and use code DADDY10 ;) LOVERS! Get 15% off OneSkin with the code LOVERSBYSHAN at https://www.oneskin.co/LOVERSBYSHAN #oneskinpod Showing love to our sponsor Biologica. Take their Quick Hormonal Life Stage Quiz to find the formula that’s right for you, and get up to 32% on your purchase: https://biologica.com/lovers Lots of love to our sponsor, Quince. Go to quince.com/lovers for FREE shipping and 365-day returns. ———————— Follow Jonathan Singletary Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jonathansingletary Website: https://www.jonathansingletary.com Piano & Prayer: https://www.jonathansingletary.com/piano-and-prayer/patreon Follow Jared Brady → Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/enjoyjaredbrady Want more LOVERS? Get a free weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community Explore free quizzes + worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
#171
June 10 · 56 min
How to Be in a Relationship Without One Foot Out the Door - Inayah on Going from Leaver to Lover
https://yt.link/quMC2B9 → thank you for the sponsor of this episode hers. Learn more about hers. Inayah on what it actually takes to stop being someone who's always ready to leave. Inayah is a Houston-born R&B singer and songwriter who first broke through with her viral cover of Ella Mai's "Boo'd Up" in 2018 (a moment that grew her following by over a million people overnight) and has since built a catalog — and a public identity — around emotional honesty, female independence, and not needing a man. Her forthcoming album is called Therapy Wasn't Enough, which is also the most accurate description of where this conversation begins. In this episode, Inayah gets specific about what it means to be a leaver (someone who, at any given moment, is already scanning for the reason to go) and what it has actually cost her to try to become something different inside a relationship with a partner whose traditional Jamaican values regularly collide with her experience as a modern American woman building her own life on her own terms. Neither of them has figured it out yet (they're not reporting from the finish line here), and that honesty is exactly what makes this conversation worth sitting with. This one is for anyone who loves someone and still can't quite make themselves put both feet in. Big love to the sponsor of this episode, Masterclass. Right now, our listeners get an additional 15% off any MasterClass annual membership at masterclass.com/lovers. ---------- Follow Inayah Instagram: http://instagram.com/inayah/ Stream Therapy Wasn't Enough: https://inayahofficial.com/ Want more Lover? Get a free weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community Explore free quizzes + worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
#170
June 3 · 1 hr 13 min
He Cheated. Then He Had a Son. Here's What He Did Differently
Sex Is a Skill. Beducated is where you learn it. Join Beducated today at https://beducate.me/loversbyshan. Big love to the sponsor of this episode, CozyEarth! Head to https://cozyearth.com/LOVERS and use my code LOVERS for an exclusive 20% off. Head to www.penguinrandomhouse.com to get your copy of Caro Claire Burke’s new book Yesteryear, a gripping, darkly funny thriller about an influencer trapped in a nightmare version of the past. —----- Dondré Whitfield on why men cheat — and what nobody taught them about love. Dondré Whitfield is an actor best known for his roles in Guiding Light, Queen Sugar, and The Game, and the author of Male vs. Man (a book about what it actually means to be a man in the context of family, fatherhood, and love). In this conversation, he traces the origin of his infidelity not to a moment of weakness but to a moment of watching his father lust after other women in plain sight (that was the day, he says, the cheater in him was born — not because he wanted to be that man, but because he didn't yet know he had a choice). What follows is one of the most specific and honest conversations we've had on this show about what it looks like when a man finally decides to understand himself and then builds an entire framework so his children don't have to start from zero. His concept, "we date as a family" (where the whole family meets not just the person a child is dating but their father too, so everyone can help scaffold the relationship toward something healthy), is practical, radical, and worth hearing in full. Follow Dondré Whitfield Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/alldondre/ Website → https://www.dondrewhitfield.com/ Get Dondré's book Male vs. Man → https://a.co/d/0het8rPc Want more Lover? Shan’s AI trained to give you her advice → http://loversbyshan.com Get a free weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community Explore free quizzes + worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
#70
June 1 · 31 min
I'm Sorry.
A few weeks ago I put out the Melissa Ford episode, and the comments told me something I already knew before I hit publish: I crossed a line I claim to stand against. This is me sitting with that. Chaos is a ladder. I've climbed it for twenty years. The only other ladder I know is love, and it's so much harder, because you have to actually feel your way up it. I also owe a more honest version of something I said before about my life, my relationship, the joy I keep telling from the outside in instead of the inside out. So I'm saying the true thing plainly: I have an amazing love life. This is the year I stop building from fear. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
May 27 · 1 hr 13 min
Part II: Finding Happily Ever After Without a Romantic Partner ft. Melyssa Ford
Showing some love of the sponsor of this episode #BEDucated. Join Beducated today at https://beducate.me/loversapril. Shout out to the sponsor of this episode #Quince. Go to Quince.com/LOVERS for free shipping and 365-day returns. LOVERS! Right now, you can receive up to 32% off your purchase by heading to Biologica.com/LOVERS! ——— Melyssa Ford has heard every version of the argument. She's seen the comments. She knows what people think about a woman her age with no husband and no kids who says she's genuinely happy. And she's back to say it again, louder. In this episode, Shan and Melyssa get into the real reason so many women are quietly stepping back from traditional relationship structures, not out of bitterness, not out of trauma, but out of a clear-eyed look at what they were actually being offered. If you've ever felt like the options on the table weren't worth the cost, this one is for you. Follow Melyssa Ford → Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/melyssaford → Watch Hot & Bothered with Melyssa Ford (YouTube): https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCgI18pIo71rZWq6upn_QxMg Listen to Hot & Bothered Podcast: available on Spotify, Apple Podcasts & all major platforms → Get her book Allow Me to Reintroduce Myself: 13 Lessons for a Life Well Lived: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/58631608-allow-me-to-reintroduce-myself?from_search=true&from_srp=true&qid=n6x35X4UoC&rank=1 Want more Lover? Shan’s AI trained to give you her advice → http://loversbyshan.com Get a free weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community Explore free quizzes + worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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