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Just a Minute with Dr Kumari

Dr Kumari Valentine

Small moments can make a meaningful difference.

Just a Minute with Dr Kumari brings psychological science into ordinary life through warm, thoughtful conversations, guided practices and simple ideas you can actually use.

Hosted by clinical psychologist Dr Kumari Valentine, the podcast explores overthinking, deeper self-care, mindfulness, the nervous system, relational and childhood wounds, the inner critic, connection and the complicated realities of being imperfectly human.

Each episode offers something to understand, something small to try and a question to take with you. You don’t need a perfect routine or an uninterrupted hour. Sometimes, meaningful change can begin with just a minute.

Psychological science—with a little bit of magic.

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23 episodes
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English

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S2 · E8
Today · 24 min
Why Can't I Stop Overthinking Even When I'm Exhausted?
Why Can't I Stop Overthinking Even When I'm Exhausted? Have you ever been completely exhausted, yet found yourself unable to switch off your thoughts? You replay conversations, worry about tomorrow, or revisit things that happened years ago. You know you're overthinking, but somehow you can't stop. In this episode of Just a Minute with Dr Kumari, clinical psychologist Dr Kumari Valentine explores the fascinating relationship between overthinking, stress and the body. Drawing on psychological research into rumination, sleep deprivation and the body's stress response, we explore how repetitive thinking can prolong physiological stress — and how being stressed or exhausted can make it harder to step away from our thoughts. We'll also consider why overthinking can become a way of trying to feel safe, particularly when we've experienced prolonged stress or trauma. Most importantly, we'll explore some gentle, practical ways to interrupt the cycle. Because sometimes, we don't need to think harder. We need to care for ourselves differently.
S2 · E7
Yesterday · 16 min
Why Do I Overthink Whether People Like Me?
Why Do I Overthink Whether People Like Me? Do you reread messages, analyse someone’s tone, or worry you’ve upset them after a conversation? In this episode of Just a Minute with Dr Kumari, clinical psychologist Dr Kumari Valentine explores the connection between rejection sensitivity and rumination—and why uncertainty about our relationships can keep us overthinking. Drawing on research by Downey and Feldman, Pearson and colleagues, and a 2026 meta-analysis, we explore how anticipating rejection may contribute to repetitive thinking. We also consider an important distinction: acknowledging genuine hurt while staying curious about what an interaction means. Following last week’s episode on journalling, this episode offers a brief reflective practice to separate what happened from what we fear it means, recognise our feelings and needs, and choose a kind, useful next step. Psychological science, with a little bit of magic. Research mentioned: Downey & Feldman (1996): https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.70.6.1327 Pearson, Watkins & Mullan (2011): https://doi.org/10.1016/j.brat.2011.06.004 Stewart, Sorid & Olino (2026): https://doi.org/10.1002/jclp.70136
S2 · E5
October 3 · 22 min
Can Journaling Make Overthinking Worse?
Journaling is often recommended — but what if writing things down sometimes keeps us stuck? In this episode, clinical psychologist Dr Kumari Valentine explores the difference between processing and rumination, drawing on the work of James Pennebaker and Susan Nolen-Hoeksema. We look at how journaling can become “overthinking on paper” when we stay fused with our thoughts, analyse rather than name our emotions, or use the page as another place to criticise ourselves. You’ll learn how to notice whether your writing is actually helping something move — and how perspective, emotion and self-compassion can make journaling more useful. Try the free One-Minute Overthinking Check-In to help you recognise when your thinking is taking you somewhere — and when you’re simply going around again. It is available here: https://justaminutewithdrkumari.substack.com/p/why-do-we-overthink?r=5fseg6&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=email
S2 · E5
September 26 · 19 min
Why Do I Find It So Hard to Just Enjoy Things?
Why is it so easy to replay an awkward conversation for hours — but so hard to stay with a lovely moment for more than a few seconds? In this lighter episode of Just a Minute, Dr Kumari explores the other side of rumination: our ability to linger on positive experiences. We look at the psychology of savouring, why we sometimes dampen joy before we've really felt it, and what positive emotions may be doing for our minds and bodies. This isn't about forcing yourself to “think positive” or ignoring difficult feelings. It's about noticing something much simpler: do the difficult moments get hours of your attention, while the good ones get seconds? You already know how to dwell. Perhaps it's worth becoming a little more careful about what you choose to dwell on. 🎧 Take a minute. Let something good linger.
S2 · E4
September 18 · 30 min
Why Do We Replay Conversations in our Head?
Why do some conversations continue in our minds long after they have ended? In this episode, Dr Kumari explores rumination as a relational process. We may replay conversations because we are searching for the understanding, reassurance or emotional validation that was missing from the original interaction—particularly when we struggle to validate our own feelings. Drawing on research by Susan Nolen-Hoeksema, Christopher Davis and Amanda Rose, this episode considers why people who ruminate may seek more support yet experience others as less supportive or more critical. It also explores co-rumination: how repeatedly analysing problems together can create genuine closeness while also increasing symptoms of depression and anxiety. You’ll learn: why emotionally unfinished conversations remain active in the mind the difference between reflection and rumination how to identify the validation you are still seeking when action, repair or a boundary may be needed a brief practice for stepping out of the replay and returning to yourself You do not have to prove that your emotion was justified before you are allowed to acknowledge it. 📄 Download the free Coming Back to Yourself resource here ✍️ Read an accompanying Substack piece. If this episode brings up significant distress, trauma or concerns about an unsafe relationship, consider seeking support from a suitably qualified professional.
S2 · E3
September 11 · 23 min
Why Do I Overthink Everything?
Why Do I Overthink Everything? Why does your mind replay conversations, search for certainty, and circle the same question without ever reaching an answer? In the first episode of our Overthinking Series, Dr Kumari explores why overthinking happens, the difference between productive reflection and rumination, and how repetitive thinking can become the mind’s attempt to protect us from uncertainty. It is important to acknowledge the pioneering work of clinical psychologist Professor Susan Nolen-Hoeksema, whose research explored rumination as one important, changeable pathway in understanding women’s greater vulnerability to depression. Plus, download the free One-Minute Overthinking Check-In to practise noticing the loop without judging yourself: https://justaminutewithdrkumari.substack.com/p/why-do-we-overthink?r=5fseg6&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=true
S2 · E2
September 6 · 18 min
Father's Day Bonus Episode
Do I Still Want My Dad’s Approval? A Father’s Day bonus episode Why can our dad’s opinion still matter so much — even when we’re well and truly grown up? In this special Father’s Day episode of Just a Minute, Dr Kumari Valentine explores how our relationships with our fathers can shape the way we see ourselves, seek approval and respond to criticism. We look at the small messages we absorb in childhood — about achievement, emotions, being “good enough” and what we need to do to feel accepted — and how these can sometimes show up later as perfectionism, people-pleasing, self-criticism or overthinking. This isn’t an episode about blaming fathers. Some dads loved through words; others through providing, fixing, teaching, showing up or simply doing the best they could with what they themselves had been given. We can understand a father’s story and still acknowledge what we needed. And because this is Just a Minute, there’s a gentle one-minute practice at the heart of the episode: What did you most need to hear from your dad? And what might change if you began offering yourself a little more of that message now? Father’s Day can hold love, gratitude, grief, disappointment and complicated feelings — sometimes all at once. This episode makes room for all of them. 🎁 Free companion reflection: The Words I Needed to Hear A gentle two-page exercise to help you explore what you received, what you needed, and what you’d like to carry forward. https://justaminutewithdrkumari.substack.com/p/just-a-minute-bonus-episode-fathers?r=5fseg6&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=true And if needing other people’s approval tends to leave you replaying conversations, second-guessing yourself or wondering whether you’ve done enough, stay with me. We’ll be exploring overthinking — and what actually helps — throughout the next episodes of Just a Minute. Small moments can make a meaningful difference. ❤️
S2 · E1
August 29 · 18 min
Returning to Ourselves, Resetting, Why Just a Minute
After quite a long pause, a new season of Just a Minute with Dr Kumari is here. We’ll be exploring overthinking, the invisible load, deeper self-care, the nervous system, our inner critics, relational wounds and the complicated realities of being human. Each episode will offer something to understand, something small to try and a question to take with you—because meaningful change doesn’t always require an uninterrupted hour or a perfect routine. Sometimes, it can begin with just a minute. Psychological science—with a little bit of magic. ✨ The free download I mentioned to help with Returning to yourselves is available here: https://tinyurl.com/ReturnToOurselves The 90 Card Card Deck is available [limited supplies]: https://www.kumarivalentine.com/shop
S1 · E55
February 14 · 20 min
Deeper Self Care - Looking After Ourselves
This Valentine’s Day, Just a Minute with Dr Kumari invites you to turn your attention inward and practice deep self-love. In this episode, I explore how to hold your inner child, vulnerable self, and past and future selves with compassion. I released my first digital journal and colouring book based on my self care cards: https://kumari.gumroad.com/l/nurture In this episode I talk about What deep self-care and self-love really mean How to acknowledge and soothe the parts of yourself often overlooked Practical journalling and colouring exercises from my new book, Nurture Your Inner Self Ways to show kindness to yourself, even if Valentine’s Day feels difficult or brings up challenging emotions Whether today is joyful, bittersweet, or hard, this episode offers a gentle, practical pause—a chance to breathe, reflect, and nurture the most important relationship you have: the one with yourself.
S1 · E54
Sep 29, 2025 · 18 min
The Invisible Load
In this episode we talk about overwhelm, stress, the invisible load of mothering and the role that progesterone can have on working memory.
S1 · E53
Jul 5, 2025 · 16 min
A Just a Minute Manifesto
In this gentle and grounding episode, Dr Kumari Valentine shares the Just a Minute Manifesto—a compassionate philosophy of healing through micro-moments of self-connection. Rooted in trauma-informed mindfulness, this episode explores how just one minute can reconnect us with our body, our breath, and the parts of ourselves that need care. You'll be invited into reflection, regulation, and a quiet rebellion against burnout culture. A soothing listen for anyone craving deep self-care, one deliberate minute at a time.
S1 · E52
May 9, 2025 · 20 min
Dissociation
In this episode I talk about Dissociation and introduce the idea of the Dissociation Thermometer I developed this week. You are welcome to download it and use it. Please share: https://pdflink.to/eccbd83c/ I also mentioned the petition that is taking up my time and is part of the concerning things happening for psychologists in New Zealand alongside other health professionals. https://our.actionstation.org.nz/petitions/protect-public-safety-and-psychology-in-new-zealand-a-petition-by-psychologists-and-supporters
S1 · E51
Mar 22, 2025 · 22 min
Protecting Psychology and the Public: The Threat to Evidence-Based Practice
I had planned to talk about this at a later point, but recent events have caused me alarm. The Minister for Mental Health (NZ) revealed on Tuesday that the government is developing Associate Psychologist Scopes of practice, with the help of the Psychologists Board in NZ. The proposed pathway means that people with a basic undergraduate degree (where there is no clinical or hands on training) would do a one year training and then be registered health professionals, Associate Psychologists. Amongst the many issues of harm to the public, including that the vulnerable public might not know what an Associate vs Clinical or Registered Psychologist is, is the erosion of one of our foundations of practice - the Scientist Practitioner Model. In this podcast, I talk about the importance of the Scientist Practitioner Model to Psychology.
S1 · E50
Nov 26, 2024 · 33 min
Eating for a Stress Less and more Healthy Christmas with Bridget Foliaki Davis
Can the way we eat affect how stressed we feel? The Christmas or holiday season is typically associated with a variety of stressors. In this episode with award winning chef and author, Bridget Foliaki Davis, we talk about gut health, stress, and eating. Bridget has some amazing tips to eat better this season in order to really nourish you and manage stress better. Bridget has TONS of free resources. She also has a transformative 28 day boost camp: https://bridgets.shop/ Free resource from me about 5 strategies to soothe the nervous system and proactively manage stress? Here is a PDF with audio guide I put together. Want to do a deeper psychological dive into a Stress Less Christmas? https://payhip.com/b/Ixcvg
S1 · E49
Sep 21, 2024 · 20 min
Mood Boosting Strategies Backed by Science
Low or depressed mood affects EVERYTHING. I am a clinical psychologist with almost two decades of clinical experience as well as previously having been a researcher and lecturer in psychological science. In this episode, I share some evidence based tips for lifting low mood or maintaining mood. The awful thing when you feel low is that it feels like "this is it"! It isn't! You can improve your mood. Stress also affects mood. Would you like some additional quick strategies to help soothe the nervous system, decrease stress, and feel better? download at: https://drkumari.ck.page
S1 · E48
Aug 28, 2024 · 22 min
Mindfulness and Relational Trauma
Mindfulness has many benefits but can also be misunderstood. I talk about what mindfulness is and how it can be useful when we are dealing with relational trauma.
S1 · E47
Jul 20, 2024 · 13 min
The Gut Brain Axis and Polyvagal Theory in a Nutshell
Episode 47: There is so much to the Gut Brain Axis but I give you a very quick overview and briefly cover Polyvagal theory.
S1 · E46
Jul 4, 2024 · 20 min
People Pleasing and Fawning in Response to Relational Trauma
Do you struggle with people pleasing and perhaps even identifying your own needs? In this episode I talk about the "fawn" response to relational trauma. My deeper self care course is available here: https://kumari.gumroad.com/l/deeperselfcare
S1 · E45
Feb 26, 2024 · 20 min
The Body in Stress and Six Things I did during an Extra Stressful Week
I often talk about the nervous system and soothing it for dealing with stress and trauma. Here I talk about what I mean by the nervous system. A couple of weeks ago, I had an extra stressful week and was pleased with a few things I put into place - I'm always learning! I hope these tips are useful to you too! Here is a download to the handout I talk about: 5 strategies to soothe the nervous system and cope with stress: https://drkumari.ck.page
S1 · E44
Feb 19, 2024 · 6 min
Some Reflections on Waitangi Day 2024
Waitangi Day is pretty important in New Zealand and a day I have mixed feelings about. One the one hand, it is really important, I feel, to honour our known guardians of the land and the special history and culture. On the other hand, there has been so much wrong doing, bias, racism, and disadvantage to the indigenous people of this country.

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