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It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People

When It's Not Your Fault: Blame, Backlash, and Setting Limits

May 14 · 30 min · Season 9 · Episode 14 · 30.2 MB
0:00-30:57

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When a high conflict person says it's all your fault, most reasonable people do something predictable — they start wondering what they did wrong. That instinct toward self-reflection is healthy in most relationships. With high conflict people, it becomes a trap.

Bill Eddy, LCSW, JD, and Megan Hunter, MBA, co-founders of the High Conflict Institute, unpack why high conflict personalities blame with an intensity that triggers your brain's threat-detection system — and why that intensity is precisely what makes you absorb guilt that isn't yours. They cover how to reality-test yourself when the blame lands hard, what to expect when you finally set a limit, and how to sit with the backlash without retreating into self-doubt.

It's All Your Fault is produced by TruStory FM.

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Important Notice: Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area.

  • (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
  • (00:43) - It’s NOT Your Fault
  • (02:22) - Why Do HCPs Blame?
  • (07:00) - Absorbing Guilt
  • (13:31) - Example
  • (17:36) - Setting Limits and Potential Backlash
  • (19:28) - Why HCPs Escalate
  • (24:20) - Grow Used to Uncomfortable Feelings
  • (26:29) - Knowing When It’s Not Safe
  • (28:28) - Key Takeaways
  • (29:27) - Wrap Up