I Wish You Knew

Adam Lane Smith & Andrey Korikov

Join the duo, Andrey Korikov, and Adam Lane Smith The Attachment Specialist, as they cut through the noise with bold, unfiltered discussions on love, connection, and relationships.

From questions about love, psychology, and relationships to discussing the latest shifts in the culture and media, they’ll cover it all.

If you’re ready for a podcast that’s as insightful and real as it gets—buckle up and get ready to rethink everything you thought you knew about relationships!

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#153
October 28 · 56 min
The Real Reason You Feel Like You Don't Matter | John R. Miles & Adam Lane Smith
He was CIO at Dell managing a billion and a half dollar budget. And he could not tell if he was valued more than the piece of furniture he was sitting in. Most people are living with that same feeling without knowing what it is. Adam Lane Smith sits down with John R. Miles, author of The Mattering Effect, to break down why the question “do I even matter?” is driving a global crisis and what it takes to build a life where your presence is felt rather than performed. 💬 Ready to transform your attachment? Work directly with me & my team: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/private-coaching/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_content=10/22 📋 FREE ATTACHMENT QUIZ - Find out your attachment style in under 5 minutes: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/attachment-quiz-organic/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_content=10/22 What you will learn in this video: 1- Why loneliness burnout and depression are not separate problems but symptoms of the same root cause 2- Why mattering is social immunity and what happens when it disappears 3- Why insecure attachment trains people to believe they are only worth what they produce 4- The four stepping stones from internal worth to impact and why most people never get past the first 5- Why belonging and mattering are completely different and why confusing them keeps people stuck 6- What it means to build a life where your presence changes the room 📬 NEWSLETTER Get weekly insights on attachment patterns: https://adamlanesmith.com/newsletter-signup/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_content=8/20 Connect with me on your second preferred platform: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentadam/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentbro YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@AttachmentAdam X: https://twitter.com/adamlanesmith Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AdamLaneSmith/ John R Miles Socials: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/john_r_miles/ , Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/johnrmiles.c0m , https://x.com/John_RMiles , LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/johnmileshumanperformanceexpert/ , Website: https://johnrmhttps://www.linkedin.com/in/johnmileshumanperformanceexpert/iles.com/
#152
October 23 · 1 hr 6 min
Why Men Pull Back When They're Hurting (And How To Help Them) | Dr Aaron Kheriaty
Stress has gone down by almost every historical measure. Suffering has gone up. Those turn out to be different things. In this episode, attachment expert Adam Lane Smith sits down with psychiatrist Dr. Aaron Kheriaty to ask why despair is rising in a culture organized around comfort, what the attempt to eliminate all discomfort has cost, and what ordinary people can do for someone struggling. The conversation covers the research on loneliness and risk, why intervention works more often than people assume, and why small acts of attention matter more than they look like they should. If you’re struggling, please reach out. In the US and Canada, call or text 988. In the UK and Ireland, call 116 123. Elsewhere, findahelpline.com lists services by country. Private Coaching, Apply Here: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/private-coaching/?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social&utm_content=10/16iwyk 📋 Learn your attachment style - take my free quiz: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/attachment-quiz-organic?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=socialiwyk&utm_content=10/16iwyk In this episode you will learn: 1- Why reduced external stress has not produced reduced suffering 2- What deaths of despair are, and what has happened to the numbers since 1999 3- Why solitude and loneliness are not the same thing 4- The three reasons religious practice shows up as protective in the research 5- What people who survived a crisis later said about it 6- Why hopelessness predicts risk better than severity of illness does 7- Why more clinicians alone cannot solve a problem rooted in isolation 8- The paradox: how trying to eliminate all discomfort produces more suffering 9- Why addiction is that paradox in its clearest form 10- How joy and suffering can occupy the same moment 11- Three concrete things to do, and a gratitude practice with unusually strong evidence behind it Dr. Aaron Kheriaty, MD, is a physician specializing in psychiatry and author of five books, including most recently, Making the Cut: How to Heal Modern Medicine (2025). He is a Fellow & Director of the Program in Bioethics, Technology, and Human Flourishing at the Ethics and Public Policy Center Connect with me on your second preferred platform: 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentadam/ 🎵 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentbro 𝕏: https://twitter.com/adamlanesmith 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AdamLaneSmith/ 🧵 Threads: https://www.threads.com/@attachmentadam
#151
October 12 · 1 hr 12 min
Why Modern Dating Is Failing Those Seeking Marriage | Emily & Daniel Hussem
She had 7000 comments on a single matchmaking post. Thirty of those people are now married. Six babies have been born. And it all started because she asked one question: what if I just tried to help? Adam Lane Smith sits down with Emily and Daniel Hussem, co-founders of Sacred Spark, a Catholic dating app, to break down why finding a spouse has never been harder, what the collapse of friend and family networks has done to an entire generation of people who desperately want marriage, and what is actually working to bring good people together. 🚨 My biggest coaching sale of the year is on and you can save 30% on coaching. Apply Here: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/private-coaching/?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social&utm_content=10/8iwyk 📋 Learn your attachment style - take my free quiz: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/attachment-quiz-organic?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=socialiwyk&utm_content=10/8iwyk In this episode you will learn: 1- How couples used to meet, and what replaced it 2- Why friends have stopped introducing each other, and what that costs 3- What thirty marriages from a single matchmaking post says about unmet demand 4- Why a dating app's business model works against the outcome its users want 5- The difference between being ready to date and wanting to be 6- Why so many faith communities make marriage sound like an endurance test 7- What the research actually says about married life, and where the stereotypes come from 8- A hundred years of family networks breaking down, traced decade by decade 9- What leading and being led looks like in a marriage where both people are secure 10- Why brotherhood and sisterhood take pressure off a marriage rather than competing with it 11- Red flags compared with personal triggers, and the only way to tell them apart 12- Why "I don't feel a spark" after four months is usually about something else Emily Wilson Hussem - Co-Founder SacredSpark, Inc. Emily Wilson Hussem is an internationally recognized Catholic speaker and author who shares her faith both online and at events around the globe. Emily has written 7 books, including the #1 Christian bestseller Sincerely, Stoneheart: Unmask the Enemy's Lies, Find the Truth That Sets You Free. Daniel Hussem - Co-Founder SacredSpark, Inc. Daniel Hussem is a husband, father of three, and a passionate Catholic with over a decade of experience in marketing, product strategy, and technology from the tech-startup world. Daniel holds a Master's degree in Business & Economics from Tilburg University in the Netherlands. Connect with me on your second preferred platform: 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentadam/ 🎵 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentbro 𝕏: https://twitter.com/adamlanesmith 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AdamLaneSmith/ 🧵 Threads: https://www.threads.com/@attachmentadam Links: https://www.youtube.com/@emwilss https://www.instagram.com/emwilss https://www.linkedin.com/in/danielhussem/?isSelfProfile=false
#150
October 1 · 1 hr 19 min
What Happens When Two Avoidants Fall in Love | Relationship Psychology Explained
Everyone said it could not work. Two avoidant people in the same relationship. Two people wired to pull back, protect themselves, and disappear the moment things get close. And then Carly and Mel proved everyone wrong. Adam Lane Smith sits down with couple Carly Randall and Mel Shingleton, two self-proclaimed avoidants, for a live coaching session that answers the question everyone in the comments has been asking: can two avoidant people actually build something real together? 🚨 My biggest coaching sale of the year is on and you can save 30% on coaching. Apply Here: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/private-coaching/?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social&utm_content=10/1 📋 Learn your attachment style - take my free quiz: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/attachment-quiz-organic?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=socialiwyk&utm_content=10/1 Learn your attachment style - take my free quiz: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/attachment-quiz-organic/?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social In this episode you will learn: 1- Why two avoidant people create a specific kind of relationship dynamic that looks fine on the surface and quietly starves underneath 2- Why avoidant people are not afraid of commitment they are afraid of the cost of being truly known 3- What emotional permanence is and why avoidant people struggle to hold onto the relationship when the other person is not in the room 4- Why the avoidant nervous system spikes when intimacy grows instead of relaxing into it 5- What context is and why it is the single most important currency two avoidant people have with each other 6- Why quarterly relationship check ins work better for avoidant couples than constant emotional processing 7- What it actually looks like when two avoidant people start doing the work in real time 8- The one thing avoidant partners need to say to each other that most of them never say Connect with me on your second preferred platform: 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentadam/ 🎵 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentbro 𝕏: https://twitter.com/adamlanesmith 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AdamLaneSmith/ 🧵 Threads: https://www.threads.com/@attachmentadam
#149
September 24 · 52 min
What God Wants From Men: How to Build True Masculinity | Met. Jonah & Adam Lane Smith
We have talked about masculinity and manhood on this show before. Today is the mature version of that conversation, going back to the oldest teachings we have. In this episode, attachment specialist Adam Lane Smith sits down with His Eminence Metropolitan Jonah, retired primate of the Orthodox Church in America, rector of St. Herman's Church and Abbot of St. Demetrios Monastery, for a conversation about what forms a man. 💬 Ready to work with me? Apply here: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/private-coaching?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=socialiwyk&utm_content=9/24 📋 Learn your attachment style - take my free quiz: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/attachment-quiz-organic?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=socialiwyk&utm_content=9/24 In this episode you will learn: 1- Why so many young men have no working model of a man, and what that costs them 2 - What it looks like for a father to nurture, and why the word gets mocked online 3 - Why a father's role with a son and with a daughter cannot be filled by anyone else 4- The distinction between servant leadership and authority that serves itself 5 - Why male friendship has thinned out, and the Russian word for the friend who is your other self 6- Why a marriage cannot carry every burden both people bring home 7 - The third way between swallowing every feeling and collapsing into all of them 8 - What asceticism actually asks of you, and why self-control is a threshold of maturity 9 - The nous, the two aspects of the mind, and what the Western tradition left behind 10 - Why responsibility without shame is the mature form of all of this Connect with me on your second preferred platform: 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentadam/ 🎵 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentbro 𝕏: https://twitter.com/adamlanesmith 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AdamLaneSmith/ 🧵 Threads: https://www.threads.com/@attachmentadam Metropolitan Jonah was born James Paffhausen in Chicago to a German American Episcopalian family, and was raised in Chicago, Los Angeles, and San Diego. While studying at the University of California, he discovered the Russian Orthodox Church and was received into the faith in 1978 at age 19. After completing his BA in Anthropology at UC Santa Cruz, he attended St. Vladimir's Seminary, earning both a Master of Divinity and a Master of Theology in Dogmatics. He later worked in real estate finance and for the OCA Diocese of the West, and resumed doctoral studies in theology at Berkeley before traveling to Russia in 1993, where he became a novice at Valaam Monastery. Upon returning to the United States, he was ordained a hierodeacon and then a hieromonk in 1994, serving St. Mary Magdalene Mission in Merced, California, and helping to establish several new missions.
#148
September 18 · 1 hr 10 min
The Truth About ADHD VS Attachment Trauma in Relationships | Dr. Steven Storage & Adam Lane Smith
ADHD, attachment, trauma, anxiety, and stress can look surprisingly similar. So how do you know what you’re actually dealing with? Adam Lane Smith sits down with psychiatrist Dr. Steven Storage to unpack what ADHD really looks like, how it affects relationships, what a proper assessment involves, and where medication, sleep, nutrition, movement, and behavioral work fit in. 💬 Ready to work with me? Apply here: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/private-coaching?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=socialiwyk&utm_content=9/17 📋 Learn your attachment style - take my free quiz: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/attachment-quiz-organic?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=socialiwyk&utm_content=9/17 In this episode you will learn: 1 - Why overlapping symptoms make self-diagnosis unreliable, and what curiosity is actually good for 2 - Why a diagnosis explains behavior without excusing it 3 - How growing up with ADHD features can shape attachment, including through a parent with the same wiring 4 - What the condition involves beyond attention: time blindness, impulse control, task initiation, and thought loops 5 - Where the strengths sit, and what happens when hyperfocus lands somewhere other than the relationship 6 - Why the quiet, high-achieving kid is often missed while the disruptive one is caught early 7 - What a thorough assessment includes, and why medication is one tool rather than the whole plan 8 - Practical systems: the five minute rule, the Eisenhower matrix, timed sprints, and breaking distant goals into visible wins 9 - For parents: why yelling works in the moment and costs you later, and what connection over correction looks like 10 - For partners: written lists over spoken ones, clear targets, shared activity, and time-limited conversations Links: IG: https://www.instagram.com/drstevenstorage/ YT: https://www.youtube.com/@dr_steven_storage/shorts Dr. Steven Storage is a doctor at the Amen Clinics in California. He is a diplomate of the Medical Board of California for Physicians and Surgeons and a diplomate in both Child/Adolescent and Adult Psychiatry for the American Board of Psychiatry and Neurology. He graduated from the University of California, Berkeley, magna cum laude with a degree in molecular and cell biology and earned his medical degree from the University of California, Los Angeles School of Medicine. Connect with me on your second preferred platform: 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentadam/ 🎵 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentbro 𝕏: https://twitter.com/adamlanesmith 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AdamLaneSmith/ 🧵 Threads: https://www.threads.com/@attachmentadam
#147
September 11 · 1 hr 3 min
The Real Reason Your Husband Is Pulling Away | Laura Doyle & Adam Lane Smith
Trying harder to fix your marriage can leave you exhausted, resentful, and convinced you’re married to a man who doesn’t care. In this episode of I Wish You Knew, Adam Lane Smith sits down with The Surrendered Wife author Laura Doyle to challenge what happens when fear turns into control, why stepping back can give a capable husband room to step forward, and how desire, receptivity, gratitude, and respect can change the dynamic between husband and wife. 💬 Ready to work with me? Apply here: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/private-coaching?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=socialiwyk&utm_content=9/10 📋 Learn your attachment style - take my free quiz: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/attachment-quiz-organic?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=socialiwyk&utm_content=9/10 🎥 Watch my main channel on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@UCBO093GsMmnA9tb8lZPhbgg In this episode you will learn: 1- Why overperforming in your marriage can leave you feeling like the only responsible adult 2- What can happen when you stop automatically taking over and give your husband room to contribute 3- Why “he doesn’t care” may not tell the whole story when your husband doesn’t know what would actually make you happy 4- How the phrase “I would love…” communicates a desire without turning it into criticism or a demand 5- Why receiving help, affection, gifts, and care can be difficult for women who are used to handling everything themselves 6- How gratitude can change both the way you see your husband and the way the two of you respond to each other 7- Why respect and a clean apology can restore connection faster than defending or explaining your criticism You don’t have to carry every responsibility, anticipate every problem, and manage your husband into becoming the partner you want. Sometimes changing the marriage starts with making your desires clear, allowing him the opportunity to respond, receiving what he gives, and noticing what happens when you stop treating control as the only thing keeping your life together. Connect with me on your second preferred platform: 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentadam/ 🎵 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentbro 𝕏: https://twitter.com/adamlanesmith 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AdamLaneSmith/ 🧵 Threads: https://www.threads.com/@attachmentadam
#146
August 27 · 54 min
How to Get Out of Your Head and Feel Like Yourself Again | Mark Walsh & Adam Lane Smith
Disembodiment rarely announces itself. It can look like fatigue, unexplained aches, trouble concentrating, or difficulty feeling close to the people around you. In this episode of I Wish You Knew, Adam Lane Smith sits down with embodiment expert Mark Walsh to unpack what happens when we stop listening to the body, and how rebuilding that connection can help you feel more present, connected, and human again. 💬 Ready to work with Adam and his team? Apply here: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/private-coaching/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_content=8/27 📋 Learn your attachment style - take Adam’ free quiz: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/attachment-quiz-organic/?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social&utm_content=8/27 👥 Free Secure Attachment Community - 7k+ members: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/secure-circle-free?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social&utm_content=8/27 🔒 Join the inner circle - get weekly live training from Adam and his Coaching Team: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/secure-circle-plus?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social&utm_content=8/27 In this episode you will learn: 1- Why the body whispers, then sings, then screams, and what it costs you to keep turning the volume up over it 2- What Mark calls the psychological apocalypse, and why the collapse may have already happened 3- The four connections modernity severed: to the body, to community, to nature, and to a higher power 4- Why treating yourself as a machine is the same habit that lets you treat everyone else as one 5- What co-regulation actually is, and why it’s more than therapy 6- Why chasing pleasure as a cure tends to land people somewhere worse 7- Where to start: one embodied practice you can fall in love with, and how to pick the one that fits what you're missing You don’t need to think your way back into connection. Sometimes the way back to yourself, other people, and the world around you starts with learning to inhabit your own body again. Mark is an expert in embodied learning, emotional intelligence, and practical psychology. His work focuses on helping individuals and organizations improve their performance and well-being through the mind-body connection. He has a fascinating background, with extensive training in martial arts, mindfulness, and various psychological disciplines. Mark has also taught in over 50 countries, including working with the UN and humanitarian projects in war zones. 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentadam/ 🎵 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentbro 𝕏 : https://twitter.com/adamlanesmith 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AdamLaneSmith/ 🎥 https://www.youtube.com/@AttachmentAdam/videos 🧵Threads: https://www.threads.com/@attachmentadam Mark Walsh: 🎥YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Theembodimentchannel 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/warkmalsh/ 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/embodimentunlimited 🌐 Website: https://embodimentunlimited.com/
#145
August 22 · 42 min
I Respond to My Most UNHINGED Podcast Comments | Adam Lane Smith Reacts
Adam Lane Smith celebrates three years of the I Wish You Knew podcast by reading your wildest comments, answering your most pressing questions, and sharing what he has learned from three years of conversations with guests from every walk of life. In this special episode Adam reflects on the shows that surprised him most, the moments that changed his thinking, and what he believes the future of men and women in relationships actually looks like. No guest. No script. Just Adam, your comments, and three years worth of things he wishes you knew. Looking for more way to learn from Adam? 💬 Ready to transform your attachment? Work directly with me & my team: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/private-coaching/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_content=8/22iwyk 👉 ADAM'S YOUTUBE LECTURES: https://www.youtube.com/@AttachmentAdam?sub_confirmation=1 👉 FREE SKILL DEMONSTRATION - Turning Back the Damage: The Live Relationship Repair Session. See what secure communication and real relationship repair look like in action with Colin Safranek and Alyssa Mullen, and register free to watch live on August 26th. https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/skill-demo-registration?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social&utm_content=8/22iwyk 👉 Watch my latest Masterclass replay to learn The Pattern Breaker Method and the secure repair skills that can help rebuild emotional safety, reduce defensiveness, and create meaningful change https://youtube.com/live/uF5WfsiBVyU 👉 Ready for more? My Secure Circle Plus community has it all - live training sessions, masterclasses, skill demos, and more: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/secure-circle-plus?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_content=8/22iwyk 💬 Ready to transform your attachment? Work directly with me & my team: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/private-coaching/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_content=8/22iwyk 📋 FREE ATTACHMENT QUIZ - Find out your attachment style in under 5 minutes: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/attachment-quiz-organic/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_content=8/22iwyk 📬 NEWSLETTER Get weekly insights on attachment patterns: https://adamlanesmith.com/newsletter-signup/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_content=8/22iwyk Connect with me on your second preferred platform: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentadam/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentbro X: https://twitter.com/adamlanesmith Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AdamLaneSmith/
#144
August 13 · 1 hr 8 min
What Couples Therapy Gets Wrong About Men | Jeff St. James & Adam Lane Smith
Most women use therapy as a metric for whether a man is ready for marriage. Most couples therapists are operating from a framework that was never designed with men in mind. And one licensed professional clinical counselor has seen enough that he is leaving the field entirely. Adam Lane Smith sits down with Jeff Saint James, licensed professional clinical counselor and men's issues specialist, to break down what modern therapy is getting wrong about men, why couples therapy is failing husbands at an alarming rate, and what women need to understand about the men they love that nobody in the mental health field is telling them. What you will learn in this video: 1- Why therapy as a metric for a healthy man is one of the most misleading filters women are using today 2- Why the couples therapy field is operating from assumptions that actively harm men and what those assumptions are 3- Why paternity fraud is one of the most underreported and destructive forces in modern relationships 4- Why men in survival mode cannot express their needs and what happens to a relationship when that continues for years 5- What masculine leadership actually looks like and why it is not what most women were told to be afraid of 6- Why gratitude and respect do more for a marriage than almost any therapeutic intervention 7- Why men and women are suffering in the same relationships without either one being able to see what the other is carrying If you love a man and want to understand what is actually happening inside him, this is the conversation that will change how you see him. Jeff St. James is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC), relationship strategist, and host of the Ask a Brotha podcast. Combining clinical expertise with candid cultural commentary, he helps people build emotionally safe, accountable relationships while tackling modern dating, emotional safety, and family dynamics. 👉 Reserve your spot for this FREE masterclass and learn the conversation and secure repair skills that help you lead change, even when your partner has given up. https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/masterclass-signup?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social&utm_content=8/13 👉 Jeff St. James is a licensed clinical counselor in the process of leaving the therapy field because it keeps allying against the men it was supposed to help. If you want to understand what healthy masculine leadership actually looks like, the FREE Secure Circle is where that conversation keeps going. Join free: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/secure-circle-free?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_content=8/13 👉 Too much couples therapy puts the man in the villain seat before the work even begins. Secure Circle Plus takes a different approach: coaches hold both partners accountable while teaching the attachment skills that rebuild connection through courses, practicums, and direct Q&A. Upgrade: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/secure-circle-plus?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_content=8/13 💬 Ready to transform your attachment? Work directly with me & my team: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/private-coaching/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_content=8/13 📋 FREE ATTACHMENT QUIZ - Find out your attachment style in under 5 minutes: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/attachment-quiz-organic/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_content=8/13 📬 NEWSLETTER Get weekly insights on attachment patterns: https://adamlanesmith.com/newsletter-signup/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_content=8/13 Connect with me on your second preferred platform: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentadam/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentbro X: https://twitter.com/adamlanesmith Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AdamLaneSmith/
#143
August 6 · 1 hr 11 min
The Science of Why You Cannot Feel Loved | Dr. Sue Carter & Adam Lane Smith
You are genuinely loved. Your partner is loyal. And you still cannot breathe out and relax all the way. That is not a character flaw. It is a biochemical problem. And it has a biochemical answer. Adam Lane Smith sits down with Dr. Sue Carter, the world's leading expert on oxytocin and vasopressin bonding, to break down exactly why some people cannot feel safe even when they are safe, what chronic fear does to the body over a lifetime, and what the science of love hormones actually tells us about how human beings bond, heal, and survive. What you will learn in this video: 1- Why you can be genuinely loved on paper and still be physically unable to feel that safety and what is actually happening in the body when that occurs 2- Why oxytocin is an extraordinary molecule and a terrible drug and what that distinction means for every person buying oxytocin spray 3- Why stress is not inherently bad and why shared challenge is actually one of the most powerful bonding mechanisms available to couples 4- Why the body encodes negative experiences differently than positive ones and what that means for people trying to heal 5- Why fathers who help raise their children live measurably longer and what the research says about sociality and longevity 6- Why novelty and shared experience produce more bonding than sitting on a couch together ever will 7- Why love connection and oxytocin are nature's medicine and why you cannot buy them on the internet If you have ever wondered why safety feels impossible to feel even when it surrounds you, this conversation will give you the science behind what is happening and what can actually change it. 👉 Join my Free Attachment Community - The Secure Circle. You get exclusive lives, videos, access to my team, and more! https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/secure-circle-free?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_content=8/6 👉 Ready for more? Upgrade to Secure Circle Plus for the complete attachment program, including courses, live masterclasses, coach-led practicums, workshops, Q&As, a private community, and session archive. Join today: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/secure-circle-plus?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_content=8/6 💬 Ready to transform your attachment? Work directly with me & my team: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/private-coaching/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_content=8/6 📋 FREE ATTACHMENT QUIZ - Find out your attachment style in under 5 minutes: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/attachment-quiz-organic/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_content=8/6 📬 NEWSLETTER Get weekly insights on attachment patterns: https://adamlanesmith.com/newsletter-signup/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_content=8/6 Connect with me on your second preferred platform: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentadam/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentbro X: https://twitter.com/adamlanesmith Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AdamLaneSmith/
#142
August 4 · 1 hr 11 min
What Psychiatry Gets Wrong About Attachment and Mental Health | Dr. Aaron Kheriaty & Adam Lane Smith
Adam Lane Smith sits down with Dr. Aaron Kheriaty, psychiatrist, medical ethicist, and author of Making the Cut, to break down what modern psychiatry is getting catastrophically wrong, why the chemical imbalance model is not just incomplete but actively harmful, and what actually heals people when medications and therapy alone are not enough. What you will learn in this video: 1- Why reducing mental illness to a chemical imbalance in the brain has produced a generation of people who believe they will never get better 2- Why psychiatrists are seeing numbers on a sheet instead of people and what the system that created that looks like from the inside 3- Why physical activity four times a week is as effective as antidepressants for mild to moderate depression and why nobody tells patients that 4- Why relationships are the single strongest predictor of outcomes even in the most severe mental illnesses including schizophrenia 5- Why people in third world countries with schizophrenia often do better than people in industrialized nations and what that reveals 6- Why modern life has become voluntary solitary confinement and why dopamine binges have replaced human connection 7- Why the loneliness epidemic cannot be solved by more therapists and what actually has to happen instead 8- What Dr. Kheriaty would change about American psychiatry if he had absolute power and control If you have ever been handed a prescription and sent home and felt like something essential was being missed, this conversation will show you exactly what that something was. 👉 Start building secure attachment in the FREE Secure Circle. Get access to the community, foundational resources, support from others on the same journey, and weekly insights. Join today: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/secure-circle-free?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_content=7/30 👉 Upgrade to Secure Circle Plus for weekly masterclasses, skill demonstrations, and guided exercises that move you from learning into doing, plus my best courses, coach Q&As, and a private community. Join Secure Circle Plus today: Join Secure Circle Plus today: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/secure-circle-plus?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_content=7/30 💬 Ready to transform your attachment? Work directly with me & my team: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/private-coaching/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_content=7/30 📋 FREE ATTACHMENT QUIZ - Find out your attachment style in under 5 minutes: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/attachment-quiz-organic/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_content=7/30 📬 NEWSLETTER Get weekly insights on attachment patterns: https://adamlanesmith.com/newsletter-signup/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_content=7/30 Aaron Kheriaty, MD, is a physician specializing in psychiatry and author of five books, including most recently, Making the Cut: How to Heal Modern Medicine (2025). He is a Fellow & Director of the Program in Bioethics, Technology, and Human Flourishing at the Ethics and Public Policy Center. He also serves in consulting and advisory roles at the Brownstone Institute, the Zephyr Institute, the Paul Ramsey Institute, and the Simone Weil Center for Political Philosophy. https://x.com/AaronKheriatyMD https://www.aaronkheriaty.com/
#141
July 23 · 57 min
What It Takes to Win an Avoidant Man's Heart | Brandon & Dana Wade
He built one of the most controversial dating sites in the world. He told every woman upfront on day one that he did not believe in marriage. And then he met Dana. And everything changed. Adam Lane Smith sits down with Brandon Wade, founder of Seeking.com, and his partner Dana to break down what it actually takes to win an avoidant man's heart. What you will learn in this video: 1- Why Brandon spent years believing love was a concept invented by poor people and what changed his mind 2- Why radical honesty on a dating profile attracted the right person faster than anything else 3- Why dating apps give you quantity but why quality requires something completely different 4- Why 65 percent of couples once met through family and friend networks and what the collapse of that has done to modern relationships 5- What women are actually looking for underneath the surface and why financial safety is not gold digging 6- Why men who pursue skill mastery and competence are automatically more attractive and how Brandon proved it 7- Why avoidant men build layers of ego and what the one thing is that finally brings those walls down 8- What secure attachment actually looks like inside a real relationship between two people who almost never found each other If you have ever wondered whether an avoidant man can actually change, this conversation is your answer. 👉 Join my Free Attachment Community - The Secure Circle. You get exclusive lives, videos, access to my team, and more! http://links.adamlanesmith.com/free-secure-circle 👉 Ready for more? Upgrade to Secure Circle Plus for the complete attachment program, including courses, live masterclasses, coach-led practicums, workshops, Q&As, a private community, and session archive. Join today: http://links.adamlanesmith.com/plus-secure-circle 💬 Ready to transform your attachment? Work directly with me & my team: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/private-coaching/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_content=7/23 📋 FREE ATTACHMENT QUIZ - Find out your attachment style in under 5 minutes: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/attachment-quiz-organic/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_content=7/23 📬 NEWSLETTER Get weekly insights on attachment patterns: https://adamlanesmith.com/newsletter-signup/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_content=7/23
#140
July 23 · 1 hr 4 min
13 Habits That Build Emotional Resilience | Amy Morin and Adam Lane Smith
She lost her mother to a brain aneurysm. Then three years to the day, her 26 year old husband died of a heart attack. She was a therapist who had studied grief and still felt completely unprepared for what it actually felt like. Adam Lane Smith sits down with Amy Morin, therapist and bestselling author of “13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do”, to break down what mental strength actually is, why resilience is not the same as just bouncing back, and what people with anxious attachment specifically need to hear about building the capacity to survive hard seasons without losing themselves. What you will learn in this video: 1- Why resilience is not about bouncing back and what mental strength actually looks like from the inside 2- Why stopping certain behaviors is often easier and more powerful than starting new ones 3- What learned helplessness is and why understanding it changed everything about how Amy works with people 4- Why anxiously attached people are uniquely vulnerable to the 13 thinking traps that drain mental strength 5- Where the line is between helping someone grow stronger and accidentally making them helpless 6- Why chasing someone who disrespects you costs you more than the relationship ever gave you 7- What to do when you are at the bottom and even the thought of doing 13 things sounds like too much 8- How to teach your children emotional regulation without hiding your hard moments from them If you have ever sat on the worst day of your life and wondered how you are going to get through it, this is the conversation you need to hear. 👉 Join the next masterclass in the FREE Secure Circle community and learn how to build secure relationships. https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/masterclass-signup?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social&utm_content=7/16 👉 Surviving your worst days takes more than pushing through. Real strength grows from secure attachment. Start building secure attachment in the FREE Secure Circle. Get access to the community, foundational resources, support from others on the same journey, and weekly insights. Join today: Join today: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/secure-circle-free?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_content=7/16 👉 Strength is not a feeling, it is a skill you practice. Upgrade to Secure Circle Plus for weekly masterclasses, skill demonstrations, and guided exercises that move you from learning into doing, plus my best courses, coach Q&As, and a private community. Join Secure Circle Plus today: Join Secure Circle Plus today: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/secure-circle-plus?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_content=7/16 💬 Ready to transform your attachment? Work directly with me & my team: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/private-coaching/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_content=7/16 📋 FREE ATTACHMENT QUIZ - Find out your attachment style in under 5 minutes: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/attachment-quiz-organic/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_content=7/16 📬 NEWSLETTER Get weekly insights on attachment patterns: https://adamlanesmith.com/newsletter-signup/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_content=7/16
#139
July 9 · 1 hr 6 min
What Divorce Does to a Man’s Psychology | Adam Lane Smith & Ralph Brewer
He did everything right. Stayed loyal. Showed up for his family. And one day in Florida he found out his wife had been having an affair. That was the moment everything he thought he knew about himself collapsed. Adam Lane Smith sits down with Ralph Brewer, author of The Dead Bedroom Fix and founder of Dad Starting Over, to break down what actually happens to a man after infidelity and divorce, why so many men get stuck trying to recover alone, and what the woman who loves a divorced man needs to understand about the fear he is still carrying. What you will learn in this video: 1- Why discovering infidelity destroys a man's existential safety at the deepest level 2- Why so many men attach themselves to the wrong woman and ignore red flags for years without knowing why 3- Why a man who hates his wife still tries to pursue her and what he is actually looking for 4- Why the divorced man is hesitant to commit again and what his hesitation is really about 5- What the woman dating a divorced man needs to know about the wounds he is still carrying 6- Why men try to recover alone and why that almost always makes things worse 7- What the single most important thing is a man in a dark place after divorce can do right now 8- Why the lone wolf mentality is one of the most dangerous lies men tell themselves If you love a man who has been through divorce and cannot figure out why he keeps holding back, this conversation will show you exactly what he is carrying and what he actually needs from you. Connect with me on your second preferred platform: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentadam/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentbro X: https://twitter.com/adamlanesmith Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AdamLaneSmith 👉 A divorced man's guardedness is rarely about you. Understand attachment, access foundational resources, and join a supportive community in the FREE Secure Circle. Join today: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/secure-circle-free?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_content=7/9 👉 Understanding his past is the start. Loving him well through it takes skills you can practice. Upgrade to Secure Circle Plus for weekly masterclasses, skill demonstrations, and guided exercises that move you from learning into doing, plus my best courses, coach Q&As, and a private community. Join Secure Circle Plus today: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/secure-circle-plus?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_content=7/8 💬 Ready to transform your attachment? Work directly with me & my team: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/private-coaching/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_content=7/8 📋 FREE ATTACHMENT QUIZ - Find out your attachment style in under 5 minutes: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/attachment-quiz-organic/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_content=7/8 📬 NEWSLETTER Get weekly insights on attachment patterns: https://adamlanesmith.com/newsletter-signup/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_content=7/8 Ralph Brewer is the author of REBUILD, The Dead Bedroom Fix, and other bestselling books for men. After rebuilding his own life following divorce, he now helps hundreds of thousands of men through his books, podcast, and the Help For Men community. My most popular book: deadbedroomfix.com The Brotherhood: helpformen.com/join
#138
July 3 · 52 min
Why 83% of Relationship Money Fights Are About Attachment | Rachel Cruze and Adam Lane Smith
Money is in the top three reasons for divorce in America. But most couples fighting about money are not actually fighting about money. They are fighting about safety, worth, and trust. Adam Lane Smith sits down with Rachel Cruze, financial expert and bestselling author, to break down why money fights are almost never about money, what your attachment style is doing to your finances, and how to finally get on the same page with your partner before the fight becomes a crisis. What you will learn in this video: 1- Why avoidant people hoard money and anxious people overspend and why both come from the same wound 2- Why joint accounts get more hate on social media than any other financial advice and what that reaction actually reveals 3- Why the prenup conversation is not about divorce but about whether you are building a team 4- Why four generations of women were told men cannot be trusted and how that is running marriages today 5- Why money fights are marriage problems in disguise 6- Why the man who earns more and still feels worthless is an attachment problem not a financial one 7- Why working together to pay off debt improves marriages even when nobody taught a marriage class 8- What to do when one partner is a saver and one is a spender and neither can understand the other 9- Why 49 percent of Gen Z women say having children is no longer important and what is underneath that number If money has been a source of fighting, hiding, or distance in your relationship, the problem probably started long before the bank account did. 👉 Avoidant people hoard money. Anxious people overspend. Both patterns come from the same wound, and neither one gets fixed by a budget. To learn more about your attachment style and how it affects how you handle money, join the free Secure Circle to get access to weekly deep-dive videos, monthly masterclasses, and monthly Q&As. Start here: http://links.adamlanesmith.com/free-secure-circle 👉 Earning more but still feeling empty? Hiding money from someone you love? That’s not a finance issue. That’s attachment. Secure Circle Plus helps you change the pattern for good with courses, live sessions, and direct Q&A with Adam’s team. Upgrade here: http://links.adamlanesmith.com/plus-secure-circle 💬 Work with Adam Lane Smith and his Certified Attachment Coaches to repair your attachment style and build healthier, lasting relationships http://links.adamlanesmith.com/priv-coaching 📋 FREE ATTACHMENT QUIZ - Find out your attachment style in under 5 minutes: http://links.adamlanesmith.com/free-quiz 📬 NEWSLETTER Get weekly insights on attachment patterns: http://links.adamlanesmith.com/newsletter-signup Connect with me on your second preferred platform: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentadam/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentbro X: https://twitter.com/adamlanesmith Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AdamLaneSmith Rachel Cruze: - Two-time #1 national bestselling author and financial expert. - Host of The Rachel Cruze Show and co-host of Smart Money Happy Hour. - Has served at Ramsey Solutions since 2010, teaching budgeting, debt-free living, and personal finance. - Public speaker since age 15, speaking to audiences of up to 10,000 alongside her father, Dave Ramsey. - Featured on major media outlets including Good Morning America, Today, CNN, Fox & Friends, and Live with Kelly and Ryan. - Believes anyone can take control of their finances, avoid debt, and build a life they love. - Follow Rachel on: YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@TheRachelCruzeShow Instagram https://www.instagram.com/rachelcruze TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@rachelcruze Facebook https://www.facebook.com/rachelramseycruze
#137
June 26 · 1 hr 13 min
Why Gen Z Women Are Lonelier Than Ever (& How To Fix It) | Freya India
👉 Feeling disconnected, anxious, or overwhelmed by modern dating and social media? Start building secure attachment for FREE. Get access to a supportive community, foundational attachment resources, weekly insights, and practical tools to build healthier relationships and a stronger sense of self. Join FREE today: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/secure-circle-free?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_content=6/25 👉 Ready to break free from the patterns modern culture has taught you? Upgrade to Secure Circle Plus to build secure attachment, form healthier relationships, and create genuine connection. Get access to Adam's complete courses, live masterclasses, coach-led practicums, workshops, Q&As, and private community. Join today: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/secure-circle-plus?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_content=6/25 Women today are not being liberated. They are being turned into commodities. Their insecurities are being weaponized, their dopamine systems are being hijacked, and the loudest voices telling them this is freedom are the ones profiting from their destruction. Adam Lane Smith, The Attachment Specialist, sits down with Freya India, author of Girls and one of the most important young voices writing about what is actually happening to women today, to break down exactly how modern culture is pulling women apart from themselves, from men, and from the possibility of real connection. This is not a culture war video. It is an attachment science and cultural psychology breakdown of why young women have never felt more anxious, more alone, or more convinced the problem is them. What you will learn in this video: 1- Why young women are not lonelier than ever but have so many simulations of connection they never get lonely enough to do something about it 2- Why social media did not create new insecurities in girls but amplified the existing ones at a scale no previous generation ever faced 3- Why one piece of pornography produces 21 times the dopamine of a real sexual experience and what that is doing to men and to the women who love them 4- Why most men have not had a hug since the age of ten and what that loneliness is producing in their relationships 5- Why avoidant attachment in women is rising and why it is almost always a defense mechanism not a personality 6- Why young women are having sex on the first date because they believe if they do not someone else will 7- Why women's moral instincts are being reframed as insecurity and what they lose when they stop trusting them 8- Why the therapy content telling women to have no emotions is describing the opposite of secure attachment 9- What it actually looks like to step off social media and see clearly for the first time 10- Why young women are not the problem and what actually is If you have a daughter, a niece, a sister, or a young woman in your life who has convinced herself the problem is her, this conversation will give you language for what you have both been watching happen. 📚 WORK WITH ME 💬 Work with me: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/private-coaching/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_content=6/25 📋 FREE ATTACHMENT QUIZ Find out your attachment style in under 5 minutes: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/attachment-quiz-organic/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_content=6/25 📬 NEWSLETTER Get weekly insights on attachment patterns: https://adamlanesmith.com/newsletter-signup/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_content=6/25 If you enjoyed this video and want more content like this, do me a favor: be sure to hit that like button, leave a comment, and don't forget to subscribe to the channel! Connect with me on your second preferred platform: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentadam/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentbro X: https://twitter.com/adamlanesmith Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AdamLaneSmith/ Freya India is a contributing writer at The Free Press. She is also author of the new book, GIRLS®: Generation Z and the Commodification of Everything. LINKS: Substack (freyaindia.co.uk) Book: GIRLS®: Generation Z and the Commodification of Everything X: https://x.com/freyaindiaa
#136
June 18 · 1 hr 9 min
Why Women Fear Men and How To Fix It | January Donovan and Adam Lane Smith
👉 Join Secure Circle PLUS: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/secure-circle-plus?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social&utm_content=6/18 Women have been given two options. Be silent and submissive or be independent and need nothing. Neither one produces a loving, safe, intimate family. Neither one is what most women actually want. And most women have never been shown a third way. Adam Lane Smith, The Attachment Specialist, sits down with January Donovan, founder of The Feminine Revival and one of the most important voices on authentic femininity today, to break down why women have lost the skills of womanhood, where that loss actually came from, and what reclaiming genuine feminine strength looks like without submission and without the boss babe mask. This is not a culture war video. It is an honest conversation about what women actually want, why five generations of trauma have made it almost impossible to trust men enough to get it, and what changes when women finally stop performing and start building something real. 👉 Ready to repair your relationships and build secure attachment? Get Secure Circle Plus and access live weekly masterclasses, coach-led workshops, skill demonstrations, a complete course library, and a private community, all in one place at your own pace https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/secure-circle-plus?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social&utm_content=6/18 What you will learn in this video: 1- Why fragile femininity and vicious feminism are both producing the same result and why neither is what women actually want 2- Why women today do not know how to be women and why that is not their fault 3- The generational wound that has been passed from great grandmother to grandmother to mother and how it is still running women's relationships today 4- Why the metric women are being measured by was built for men and what that has cost women at the deepest level 5- What feminine genius actually is and why the culture stripped it out of women without most of them noticing 6- Why spiritual motherhood is not about having biological children and who it is actually for 7- Why women fear wanting a man and what it actually takes to rewire that fear at the neurological level 8- Why men are not the ones who need to lead the cultural revival and what women have to do first 9- What it looks like when a woman steps fully into her feminine strength without losing herself If you have felt torn between independence and connection, between strength and softness, this conversation will show you that the two were never meant to be at war. 📚 WORK WITH ME 👉 Join Secure Circle PLUS: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/secure-circle-plus?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social&utm_content=6/18 👉 Join the Secure Circle: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/secure-circle-free?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social&utm_content=6/18 💬 1:1 COACHING Work directly with my team: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/private-coaching/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_content=6/18 📋 FREE ATTACHMENT QUIZ Find out your attachment style in under 5 minutes: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/attachment-quiz-organic/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_content=6/18 📬 NEWSLETTER Get weekly insights on attachment patterns: https://adamlanesmith.com/newsletter-signup/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_content=6/18 If you enjoyed this video and want more content like this, do me a favor: be sure to hit that like button, leave a comment, and don't forget to subscribe to the channel! Connect with me on your second preferred platform: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentadam/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentbro X: https://twitter.com/adamlanesmith Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AdamLaneSmith/
#135
June 12 · 1 hr 12 min
The Resentment Epidemic Your Wife Will Never Tell You About | Dr. Morgan Cutlip and Adam Lane Smith
She is exhausted, overwhelmed, and carrying a running list in her head that never stops. And he has no idea it exists. Not because he does not care. Because nobody ever showed him what it actually is or what it is costing her. Adam Lane Smith, The Attachment Specialist, sits down with Dr. Morgan Cutlip, the world's leading expert on the mental load, to break down exactly what the mental load is, why most men completely miss it, and what it actually takes to fix it without destroying the marriage in the process. This is not a lecture about fairness. It is an attachment science and relationship psychology breakdown of why the invisible labor of home and family life is quietly building resentment in millions of marriages and what both partners can do about it right now. What you will learn in this video: 1- What the mental load actually is and why most men only see one third of what their wife is actually carrying 2- The triple threat of physical mental and emotional labor and why one item on a to do list unpacks into something enormous 3- Why the mental load crowds out the mental real estate required for desire and what that means for your sex life 4- Why men change for pain and consequences not for love and what that means for this conversation 5- Why resentment builds silently for years before it explodes as divorce 6- The exact words a man can say to a wife who has felt dismissed for years that will not blow the whole thing up 7- Why the weekly check-in changes everything and what it actually looks like in practice 8- What women need to get clear on before they can ever communicate what they need 9- Why running your marriage like a business and treating your wife like talent you cannot afford to lose changes the dynamic overnight If she is carrying everything and he does not know where to start, this conversation will show both of you exactly what to do next. 📚 WORK WITH ME 👉 Join Secure Circle PLUS: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/secure-circle-community?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social Join the Secure Circle: FREE Community: https://circle.adamlanesmith.com/free-sign-up?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social 💬 1:1 COACHING Work directly with my team: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/private-coaching/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social 📋 FREE ATTACHMENT QUIZ Find out your attachment style in under 5 minutes: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/attachment-quiz-organic/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social 📬 NEWSLETTER Get weekly insights on attachment patterns: https://adamlanesmith.com/newsletter-signup/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=newsletter If you enjoyed this video and want more content like this, do me a favor: be sure to hit that like button, leave a comment, and don't forget to subscribe to the channel! Connect with me on your second preferred platform: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentadam/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentbro X: https://twitter.com/adamlanesmith Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AdamLaneSmith/ Better Share app, get started for free with the Care Load Assessment. Make the invisible visible in 5 minutes. https://quiz.bettershareapp.com/?utm_source=morgan Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drmorgancutlip Website: www.drmorgancutlip.com http://www.drmorgancutlip.com book: https://amzn.to/4dkxUu4
#134
June 4 · 1 hr 10 min
Why Men Stop Trying to Make You Happy | Alison Armstrong & Adam Lane Smith
Most women have been trying to understand men the same way they understand other women. And it has never worked. Not because men are broken, but because nobody ever showed her how they actually work. Adam Lane Smith, The Attachment Specialist, sits down with Alison Armstrong, one of the world's leading experts on understanding men and the author of The Queen's Code, for a conversation years in the making. Together they break down why men and women keep missing each other, what women get catastrophically wrong about men, and what changes everything when a woman finally learns to see a man for what he actually is. Join the Secure Circle: FREE Community: https://circle.adamlanesmith.com/free-sign-up?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_content=6/4 What you will learn in this video: 1- Why men are actually more naturally committal than women and what is getting in the way of that commitment 2- Why the testosterone soaked brain is built for focus and why interrupting that focus is not just annoying but genuinely disruptive to his peace 3- Why a man working 16 hour days and giving everything he has can still hear that he is not enough 4- Why men concealing things from their partners is not dishonesty and what it actually is 5- Why respect matters more to most men than love and why women resist saying it even when they feel it 6- Why a man cannot commit to something he believes he cannot win at and what that means for marriage 7- Why 95 percent of a woman's happiness depends on herself and not on him and why that is actually good news 8- Why men scan for complementary strengths in a partner and why women compete instead of complement If you have ever felt misunderstood by the man in your life, or if you are a woman who cannot figure out why nothing you try is working, this conversation will show you exactly what has been missing. 📚 WORK WITH ME Secure Circle: FREE Community: https://circle.adamlanesmith.com/free-sign-up?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_content=6/4 💬 1:1 COACHING Work directly with my team: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/private-coaching/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_content=6/4 📋 FREE ATTACHMENT QUIZ Find out your attachment style in under 5 minutes: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/attachment-quiz-organic/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_content=6/4 📬 NEWSLETTER Get weekly insights on attachment patterns: https://adamlanesmith.com/newsletter-signup/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_content=6/4 If you enjoyed this video and want more content like this, do me a favor: be sure to hit that like button, leave a comment, and don't forget to subscribe to the channel! Connect with me on your second preferred platform: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentadam/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentbro X: https://twitter.com/adamlanesmith Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AdamLaneSmith/

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