The Value of Commitment:

I have been thinking very much about value because we are about to enter yet another Venus retrograde in Scorpio. Venus retrogrades about every 1.6 years, and over eight years it returns to more or less the same area of the zodiac. Looking backward through 2018, 2010, 2002, 1994, and so on, I wanted to see where I was, what I was doing, what I was committing myself to, and especially what I thought had value at the time. Economic value is a practice. For me, this Venus retrograde moves through my 9th house, and Mercury will also retrograde through the same area. The New Moon next week in Libra is also going to be around the same neighborhood. My natal Moon is in Scorpio, and it falls in the 9th house. It is in a closing relationship to Neptune in the 10th, and the Moon in my chart rules my North Node in Cancer in the 5th house. Of course, I am interested in perspective, in seeking truth, and in going deeper into the underworld. This is my descent. I am interested in how perspective changes what I value, value being one of the signatures of Venus. How I listen to my needs and how I value those needs changes the choices I make. The 9th house in my chart is where I metabolize experience into meaning. That is probably why I keep going back through old cycles. I am looking at what I believed then, what I was seeking then, what I valued then, and what my behavior revealed about all of it at the time. The interesting part is the distance between those versions of me. That creates another pattern ready to be deciphered. Like a spiral it shows long term evolutionary processes. What becomes very salient every eight years; as of the last one in 2018, I have been working on economic value for a while. As for Scorpio, it deals with shared values, merging, commitment, confrontation, and the places where another person or partnership enters your field and suddenly value becomes something you have to negotiate with one another. It is also the place of the underworld where we meet our own deepest fears. Going back to Persephone and how she came out of the underworld and what she brought: what are the goodies here of my realization? The descent to the underworld will provide a sense of value uncovering truths. When you are learning what you need, you are also confronted with knowing what you are willing to give and how far you are willing to merge with somebody or something else while remaining inside your own life. Commitment takes a turn here. It sounds romantic until we look at what it actually requires: our time, our attention, our energy, and the fact that we follow through. Our choices and the repetition of them will sometimes feel like a sacrifice or an offering. Sometimes saying yes to one thing means saying no to something else. Economics is fundamentally concerned with choices. Resources, time, attention, and energy are finite, therefore every decision implies an allocation. This applies not just to money, it surely applies to relationships. ROI, opportunity cost. Where am I putting my time? ROI means return on investment, a simple financial metric used to measure the amount of profit or loss generated by an investment relative to its total cost. Where am I putting my attention? If I am spending hours trying to get somebody to do something they already told me they want to do, because they want me as their accountability mentor, what am I actually investing in? At what point does accountability become me carrying somebody else’s commitment? In the past, I would sign up for that because I felt it was important to be there for others. Now, coming into this retrograde, I have been re-evaluating how I want to relate to the other. I have the South Node, Jupiter, and now Mars transiting my 7th house in Leo, so if my relationship to the other is not solar, there is no point in connecting. Some people speak about what they want all the time. I do it too. Then there is what I actually do every day. What time I wake up. What I postpone, what I practice; where the hours go. At some point, behavior starts telling the story more clearly than intention. At this point in my life, what interests me more is what unfolds in the present moment between two people, two points of contact. It could be situations and things as well. The shadow can surface there too. I just don’t want to enter the relationship through responsibility for somebody else’s process, or by carrying something that belongs to them. A person can sincerely want something and continuously choose actions that move somewhere else. What is the commitment behind the intention? Sometimes I am seeing a version of myself from 25 years ago through another person. I know somebody can eventually cross it because I did. The problem begins when, because I can see the route, I start investing in whether the other person will take it. I can care about their potential. I can understand exactly where they are because I lived there myself. Needless to say, I just do not want to finance that potential with my time anymore. Venus in scorpio retrograde through the years: In the fall of 1994, I had just moved to New York. My perspective was completely different because I had moved to a new city and committed myself to becoming an artist without even knowing how to do that. That was my wish, and I made it happen. Skip school, get a studio, absorb everything in the city hands-on. Become an artist by practice not degree, and so I did. Eight years later, in 2002, I had put a lot of effort into getting exhibitions, selling my artwork, getting representation, and attending several residency programs. I also noticed that I had become much lazier with personal habits. I was taking a lot of substances, barely eating, working in the middle of the night, waking up at midday, and living inside a rhythm that had become normal to me. One day I looked at myself in the mirror and I looked tired. I had black bags under my eyes. I was 37, and I remember saying: “I look like s**t. I must make a change.” So I did. I quit smoking cigarettes using a hypnotist. That was fun. I stopped drinking alcohol. I can do that with no problem. And I started the practice of meditation. Once I became serious about the Taoist practice, the biggest crutch I had was weed. One day I woke up and asked myself: “Do I want to have a smoke, or do I want to meditate?” The answer was obvious to me at the moment. That was more than intention, it was an orientation, I was making sure that this was the road I wanted to take. There is something very simple in that moment, I already knew what I wanted. The question was whether my actions were going to agree with it. Then, in 2010, after the economic chaos of 2008 and 2009, I came to the realization that I had a vault of value in my studio and my storage unit, and I needed to do something very different from what I was doing, change of compass again. Thus far, I had been expecting people to come to me, to find me, to invite me to exhibit, to buy my work, and so on. In one phrase, I was very comfortable being discovered. That was a beautiful fantasy until you start realizing that the hustle was a big thing in NYC. I did something completely unusual for me. In 2009, we had moved to a loft in Chinatown in New York, and I had a lot of space. I decided to dress all the walls with my work, sort of like having a retrospective in my home and studio at all times. Just seeing my work on all the walls was very educational to me. It was jarring and very disturbing for my ex-husband BTW. I am laughing here just with the thought of it. lol. Then I started inviting people to do studio visits. Poets, curators, museum directors, gallerists, friends, non-friends, artists, musicians, people I met socially. In New York, you can be a social butterfly every day. You meet people all the time. It was easy for me to ask: “Do you want to do a studio visit?” They would usually agree. As I kept extending the same invitation over and over, something interesting happened. We were looking at the work, and we were talking about the work. As I was talking about the work, I was listening to myself. Every time I spoke about the work, every time I explained something, every time I answered something, I was hearing my own relationship to the work. I was hearing my own voice. I have to tell you guys, this was the best education. The years 2010 and 2011 became a very important moment for me. I regained the understanding that the work I had created thus far had so much value, and I was becoming a full steward of it. I started expanding my vision of where I wanted the work to reach. The value was already there. I had to recognize it. Recognition and validation have nothing to do with creativity in my sense. Eight years later, life had moved again. I had gone through a divorce in 2015. I made very bad decisions with money in 2016 because I was so desperate to untangle myself from that relationship that I gave priority to cutting off the relationship rather than staying with resources. That was my opportunity cost. In retrospect, that was the price of freedom, a toll in the journey I happily paid… By 2017, I had started studying evolutionary astrology and Human Design. During the Venus retrograde in Scorpio in 2018, I entered another very productive period. I started doing more commission-based work, I decided to leave the middlemen behind. I started reading a lot of astrology charts. I kept studying deeply and committed myself to one-to-one mentorships with astrological teachers for a period of four years. I also added other kinds of practices that shaped the way I do readings and tend to my needs these days. My commitment really paid off. I am already living inside the return on that investment now. Eight years later, I am returning to the same Venus retrograde family from a completely different place. In 2018, I was learning how to rebuild value after a period in which I had lost a lot financially, emotionally, and relationally. Now I am interested in where I place value. That changes the orientation. Let us talk about commitment. Commitment is where value becomes visible. You can say you value something forever. At some point, in your life the truth is not the same. Life gives us so many opportunities to orient ourselves toward our purpose, toward the intention and the desire that the soul has in this life to evolve. My father died on his second nodal return. I was not surprised that his cycle ended there rather than continuing into another orientation. In his natal chart, he had South Node conjunct Pluto. That does not mean death. Transformation and completion were deeply embedded in his evolutionary line, and other aspects were active when he died. His life was short. His absence became a presence in mine. Some things I have been able to understand in my later years: his absence actually gave me the authority I needed to become my own. During my own second nodal return in 2001, I was at the World Trade Center as part of a residency program. I have spoken about this video many times. I recorded there on September 10, 2001, and I left around midnight. The next morning, the towers were gone. I knew then that it was not my time. I got a new lease on life, and I did my best to use it accordingly. My third nodal return came the week after the lockdown in 2020, and I knew something had shifted again. My orientation, my purpose, was ready to find a home in my creative endeavors. I moved to Miami Beach. What I am watching now is another rhythm. Venus retrograde in Scorpio is followed, a 1.6 years later, by the Gemini Venus retrograde family. I have noticed that whatever perspective changes during the Scorpio retrograde, a few years later, when Venus returns through Gemini territory, I tend to make a very big shift in how I live it. In 2020, Venus stationed retrograde almost exactly on my natal Venus in Gemini. By the end of May, the idea of leaving New York had begun to grow. By the time Venus stationed direct in June, I had made the decision. On July 30, I moved to Miami Beach after 27 years in New York. the next venus retrograde will be between May 10- June 22, 2028. can’t wait to see what I cook.. Perspective had become behavior. Astrology has been one of the languages I use to understand my place in the universe. I have studied with extraordinary teachers. Over the last couple of years, I have been slowly untethering myself from the guru, the therapist, the other person who becomes the surface where I work out my own shadows. Those mirrors gave me something valuable. I learned how to create those chambers inside myself. That has changed what commitment means too. I can receive guidance and remain the author of my own experience. Venus has a lot to do with listening carefully to my needs. Once I know what I need, i can negotiate. I have leverage. I can enter a relationship and deal with the needs of another person while remaining connected to my own. That is also why Scorpio is bringing. Shared values require some form of merging, and merging requires a lot of clarity. What is my commitment right now? I am going through Pluto on the Ascendant, and that is going to take a few more years. I am observing that I need to see new pastures. That does not necessarily mean moving out of where I am physically. It has more to do with how I move around the city, who I meet, and how I meet them. All those years of being a mouse in a mouse hole since I moved to Miami Beach are gone. I regained a tremendous amount of freedom in those years, and I became very comfortable inside it. That freedom has a lot of value. The real fear is losing the freedom that I have regained. How would I know if I do not practice it? Trust. Trust has become less about waiting for confirmation and more about knowing that I can enter an encounter and remain inside my own value. The relationship is not the assignment. The encounter is the practice. So I am starting small. New activities. New empty rooms. Shooting ranges, Sailing, who knows…. Going somewhere because I am genuinely curious about what happens there. I want personal encounters. I want to see what happens when I enter a space and allow the encounter to have its own scale. I want to meet people where they are. This is how I felt a couple of weeks ago when I was in Framingham doing the research for my public art commission. I already wrote about that trip in another article. I was meeting interesting people with no connection to me whatsoever. In that meeting, in that lapse of time, what I enjoyed was meeting myself there too. What I have found out is that I do not have to agree with everyone. People do not have to vote for the same candidate or have the same ideology for me to encounter something meaningful. There is something else I am noticing through the work itself. Recognition and validation have nothing to do with creativity in my sense. This is the difference between being a creator and being a performer, and I finally released myself from the latter one. I care about the intention and whether the work carries it. Right now, while I am still designing the Framingham piece, I am thinking about how intention moves through color, shape, materiality, and the way somebody encounters the work. I am less interested in standing next to it explaining what I did. The work has to carry the commitment. The work stands. The intention is inside it. It is a silent validation of intention. For me, that is a shift. What I am finding right now is a synthesis of where I can find something meaningful in the encounter. 42 days as a practice of value I am going to use this Venus retrograde as an exercise. From October 3 until November 13, we have 42 days. For the first part, I want to write every day: What do I value the most today? Where is my commitment today? What am I willing to confront and let go of? This is the Scorpio part of the journey. Going into the underworld, looking at what I value, what I fear, where I am overinvested, where I have merged too far, and what I am ready to confront. On October 23, almost exactly halfway through the 42 days, we have the Venus cazimi. I want to use that moment as a point of reflection. Having gone deep into the Scorpio underworld, what have I found? What am I afraid of? What have I been willing to confront? What have I brought forth from that descent? In terms of perspective, what do I now see as a potential for becoming? From there, the exercise changes. Venus returns to Libra on October 25, and now I want to ask: What needs do I have to preserve? What gives me leverage in a relationship with people, situations or things? What am I willing to negotiate? What do I want to keep fully mine while I relate to another person, situation or thing? How do I remain inside my own value when another person, situation or thing enters the equation? Mercury also enters its retrograde process in Scorpio on October 24, reaches its cazimi on November 4, and turns direct on November 13, the same day Venus turns direct. So the whole process keeps asking similar questions through different functions. Venus is looking at value, needs, exchange, and relationship. Mercury is looking at how I understand it, how I name it, and what I have learned from going over the same territory again. Mercury finishes retracing its path on November 30, and Venus finishes hers on December 15. By then, Libra and Scorpio will have gone through the retrogrades, the direct stations, the shadow periods, and the New Moons. The exercise is simple: First, the descent, then the encounter, then I walk the same ground again and see what changed and where am I orienting myself. Look at where Libra and Scorpio fall in your chart. 1st house: re-valuing your commitment to your individuality and the way you inhabit yourself. 2nd house: re-valuing your commitment to your needs, your resources, and your sense of value. 3rd house: re-valuing your commitment to your expression, your voice, and the way you communicate. 4th house: re-valuing your commitment to your roots, family, ancestry, and inner foundation. 5th house: re-valuing your commitment to creativity, pleasure, authorship, and what you bring forth from yourself. 6th house: re-valuing your commitment to your daily practices, your work, and the way you tend to your life. 7th house: re-valuing your commitment to relationship, reciprocity, and the agreements you make with others. 8th house: re-valuing your commitment to intimacy, shared resources, trust, and the ways you merge. 9th house: re-valuing your commitment to meaning, truth, perspective, and the experiences that shape your philosophy. 10th house: re-valuing your commitment to your direction, your work in the world, and the authority you are willing to embody. 11th house: re-valuing your commitment to community, friendship, collaboration, and the future you want to participate in. 12th house: re-valuing your commitment to solitude, surrender, reflection, and the inner life that supports everything else. Journal it. See what you find. We're sailing on a strange boat heading for a strange shore We're sailing on a strange boat heading for a strange shore Carrying the strangest cargo that was ever hauled aboard We're sailing on a strange sea blown by a strange wind We're sailing on a strange sea blown by a strange wind Carrying the strangest crew that ever sinned We're riding in a strange car we're followin' a strange star We're climbing on the strangest ladder that was ever there to climb We're living in a strange time working for a strange goal We're living in a strange time working for a strange goal We're turning flesh and body into soul Michael Scott / Anthony Silvester Thistlethwaite Strange Boat (2006 Remaster) lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Ltd., Dizzy Heights Music Publishing, Ltd. The Waterboys !!! This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.monikabravo.blog/subscribe