How to Be a Hot Guy

Aneliza Carmen Ruíz

Hi Hottie, this is How to Be a Hot Guy. A podcast that explores masculinity through the body, relationships, and what we have come to value about men. I’m your host, Aneliza Carmen Ruíz, and over the next few weeks, I’ll be your guide through conversations with men from all walks of life. You’ll be hearing from men of different racial and ethnic backgrounds, socioeconomic statuses, sexualities, education levels, regions, and interests – all answering the same set of questions, giving us a greater insight into masculinity.

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11 episodes
Avg 43 min
English

Episodes 11

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S1 · E10
August 3 · 57 min
"Stick Out" with Sebastian
So for this, the last episode of season one of How to Be a Hot Guy, I am so honored and grateful to share my interview with one of my close friends, Sebastian. Sebas is truly one of my girls. He is caring and thoughtful, and inspires me with the way he lives, so committed to living such a full and rich life. Sebas is brilliant and creative. They bring light and laughter into any space they enter. And they are without a doubt one of the hottest people I know. Our conversation spans their relationship to queerness and sexuality, race and family, all of which they have thought very deeply about. But the thing that always warms and delights me about any conversation I have with Sebas is how she is able to find humor and joy in everything life throws at him. He is proof that you can have depth without sacrificing levity and sweetness. I’m so grateful that they are part of this project, and I hope that by listening you understand why I think they are so special. Full transcripts of each episode are available on Substack: hotguypod.substack.com Want to be interviewed for the show? Fill out an interest form here! Or, you can also nominate someone to be on the show using this form!
S1 · E9
July 27 · 48 min
"Let's chill" with Ryan
So if you are someone who spends a good amount of time on TikTok, Ryan’s voice and story might sound familiar to you. A couple of years ago now, Ryan, who is on TikTok as @ matcha.mix, went very viral after posting a pretty vulnerable video. Looking straight into the camera, he explained that he had been dumped for the second time in a row by girls who said they weren’t attracted to him. Recognizing a pattern, he was bravely coming to the internet to get some advice. Scrolling through the comments, I saw a lot of specific guidance for haircuts, gym programs, and also general comments urging him to brush it off and move on. Producer Sofi also pointed out to me that there was a small conversation happening about this video that was examining the racial elements at play. Ryan is biracial, half white and half Japanese. And some folks on TikTok thought that perhaps his racial identity ight have something to do with the way women were receiving him. In my conversation with Ryan, we talk about those breakups and get into what a biracial identity means to him and his performance of self and sense of confidence. We also talk a lot about different points of insecurity that might drive other men into the red pill manosphere, but have led Ryan down a different path. Full transcripts of each episode are available on Substack: hotguypod.substack.com Want to be interviewed for the show? Fill out an interest form here! Or, you can also nominate someone to be on the show using this form!
S1 · E8
July 20 · 20 min
How Can Men Find Joy? with Aneliza
Slight change of plan this week! Instead of an interview, I’m sharing some thoughts and reflections as we near the end of the first season of How to Be a Hot Guy. Listen to hear my three main takeaways and the questions I’m still looking to get answered. Come back next week for our next full interview. Full transcripts of each episode are available on Substack: hotguypod.substack.com Want to be interviewed for the show? Fill out an interest form here! Or, you can also nominate someone to be on the show using this form!
S1 · E4
July 13 · 53 min
"Let's get coffee and find hotness in the journey" with Chris and Greg
When I first went to Oaklife Church, where Chris and Greg were co-pastors, there was a lot that was new to me. Oaklife is a queer-affirming church that makes time for folks to chat about and respond to the messages every week. But definitely what was most striking was the fact that Chris and Greg were unlike any other church leaders I had seen before. Chris and Greg wore their regular clothes to preach, which often included little nods to their respective interests in Oakland baseball and comic books. In their sermons, they made references to the culture that had shaped them, which for Chris was the punk music scene and for Greg, 80s action movies and hip hop. Something that was unique to me about their partnership, and what made me so interested in including them in this project, was that they never seemed to be fighting each other for power. When I’ve observed other men who have known and worked together for a long time, there is typically an unspoken competitive tension between them. But Chris and Greg were true teammates who leaned on each other for support, guidance, and affirmation. Their relationship has always felt special to me because it exemplifies a kind of nurturing love between men that I have never had the pleasure of witnessing before. As you’ll hear in our conversation, they are pretty different people who bond over a shared set of values and commitment to community and justice. Full transcripts of each episode are available on Substack: hotguypod.substack.com Want to be interviewed for the show? Fill out an interest form here! Or, you can also nominate someone to be on the show using this form!
S1 · E6
July 6 · 48 min
"Hone a Skill" with Kyle
Let me tell you how I met Kyle. I was tabling at SF zine fest, which is a huge event with maybe more than 200 vendors and surely close to 1000 patrons shuffling in and out of a conference hall in one of the more crowded neighborhoods of San Francisco. On my table, somewhat hidden by my zines on display, I put a small flyer with a call for participants for this podcast. Lots of people looked at it, showed it to the men they were with, or took a photo to send to a friend. But only one person actually followed up and sat for an interview. That was Kyle. Kyle explained he was interested in the project because he was on his own journey to becoming a Hot Guy. And I really think our conversation reflects the thinking, strategizing, and troubleshooting Kyle has put into trying to figure out what being a Hot Guy means. As you’ll hear in our conversation, we talk a lot about dating, the politics of desire, and what it means to feel like a hot guy absent of external validation. What I love about this interview is that Kyle is still working these things out. He debates and disagrees with himself, making for a lively and interesting discussion. Full transcripts of each episode are available on Substack: hotguypod.substack.com Want to be interviewed for the show? Fill out an interest form here! Or, you can also nominate someone to be on the show using this form!
S1 · E5
June 29 · 50 min
"Wake up at 6 AM" with Jude
I have to confess that Jude is my friend, so it’s impossible for me to have an unbiased opinion about him. But even before we were friends, I could tell that Jude was super smart, thoughtful, and caring. As I’ve gotten to know him, I’ve been so touched by his generosity and vulnerability, and so it gives me great pleasure to share some of that with you. As Jude explains in our conversation, beauty is so often tied to belonging. What I think is sometimes called vanity is actually just a deep concern around looking like we belong, so we feel loved and accepted. As Jude shares, he didn’t often feel like he belonged at home or at school, but came into a level of self-acceptance and freedom as a young adult, allowing him to find supportive and loving communities. His commitment to honoring his interests and desires, even if it means putting himself in new and vulnerable situations, is one of my favorite things about him and often inspires me to challenge myself. I hope you enjoy listening! Full transcripts of each episode are available on Substack: hotguypod.substack.com Want to be interviewed for the show? Fill out an interest form here! Or, you can also nominate someone to be on the show using this form!
S1 · E4
June 22 · 54 min
"Accept Who You Are" with Gene
Listener, can I be honest with you? I was nervous to meet Gene. Gene is 50, a lawyer, very smart and accomplished. The kind of person I am easily intimidated by and want to impress. But once Gene and I got talking, I was put at ease by his soothing voice and struck by how sensitive and earnest he was. He told me about his fluctuating confidence, how he wanted to be in a relationship, and how he’s trying to accept his imperfections, all of which endeared me to him. His ability to tell his story with tenderness and self-awareness made for some live moments of self-discovery, which was really sweet to witness. I think there’s a lot to draw from this conversation about self-compassion and acceptance. I hope you enjoy! Full transcripts of each episode are available on Substack: hotguypod.substack.com Want to be interviewed for the show? Fill out an interest form here! Or, you can also nominate someone to be on the show using this form!
S1 · E3
June 15 · 52 min
"Spend Time with Yourself" with Francisco
The most important thing you need to know about Francisco is that he is a professor and academic. That means he has a particular approach to looking at, experiencing, and thinking about life. It seems like, since he was little, Francisco has always been observant and curious. As you’ll hear him tell stories about his family, relationships, career, and even his style, you’ll notice how he is examining his motivations and limitations as he’s moved through different phases of life. And like any good academic, he’s great at answering that essential “So what?” – Throughout our conversation, Francisco made so many pointed and valuable observations about masculinity, power, and belonging that I think will truly resonate with you. You can find more information about his award-winning book, , here. Full transcripts of each episode are available on substack: hotguypod.substack.com Want to be interviewed for the show? Fill out an interest form here! Or, you can also nominate someone to be on the show using this form!
S1 · E2
June 8 · 49 min
"Come Back to Softness" with Alfredo
I was excited to talk with Alfredo for a lot of reasons. He’s Mexican like me, from a neighborhood that’s similar to mine, and most importantly, he seemed like someone who could add nuance to our perception of the Latinx experience. The emotional lives of Latinos are rarely ever represented as having depth and dimension, and so we’re rarely represented as whole, complex people. My conversation with Alfredo doesn’t follow that norm. When we talked, Alfredo was working with a therapist to nurture his inner child and recover an emotional tenderness that feels more authentic to who he is and wants to be. Our conversation is centered on the events that led Alfredo to build an emotional wall as a kid and teenager, and what led to him slowly taking that wall down as an adult. Full transcripts of each episode are available on substack: hotguypod.substack.com Want to be interviewed for the show? Fill out an interest form here! Or, you can also nominate someone to be on the show using this form!
S1 · E1
June 1 · 36 min
"Look in the Mirror" with Aiden
"Look in the Mirror" with Aiden Aiden fits what you might already imagine a hot guy to be. He’s handsome and well-dressed. He’s charismatic. He’s funny and confident. But Aiden hasn’t always felt this way. In our conversation, we talked about growing up in LA, navigating challenging family dynamics, and what ultimately led him to make a change and live his life authentically as a queer man. To learn more about Aiden, you can check out his website, https://aidensyang.com/ You can also purchase his book, The Spineless Porcupine, on his website. Want to be interviewed for the show? Fill out an interest form here! Full transcripts of each episode are available on Substack: hotguypod.substack.com
S1 · E1
May 27 · 1 min
Trailer
Welcome to How to Be a Hot Guy! New episodes drop every Monday :) See you next week, Hottie <3

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