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Divorce Happens

Fresh Starts Registry

Welcome to Divorce Happens, the podcast where we inspire, educate, and support you through divorce and beyond so that you can start fresh on the next phase of your journey. Produced by Fresh Starts Registry, the only divorce registry platform for everything you need to begin again, including home items, hype team, and everything in between. Remember, divorce happens...and then, we start fresh. We're here to support you before, during, and after divorce. Hosted by Olivia Dreizen Howell, the co-founder and CEO of Fresh Starts Registry.

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  • S1 · E284
    Wednesday · 14 min

    Sexual Coercion in Marriage: The Signs, the Power Dynamic, and the Way Out with Divorce Coach Lisa Happ

    She says yes so he'll stop. So he'll be kinder to the kids tonight. So the house will be quiet for a few days. And then she lies awake wondering if this is just what marriage is. In this episode of Divorce Happens, certified divorce coach and strategist Lisa Happ, who works exclusively in coercive control cases with clients around the world, joins Olivia Howell to name something many women have lived inside for years without the words for it: sexual coercion in marriage. Lisa explains how sexual coercion works as one more layer of coercive control. It isn't always force. More often it's the constant begging, the belittling, the threats to go elsewhere, the guilt about "wifely duty," and the irritability that spills onto the children until saying yes feels like the only way to keep the peace. She breaks down the power dynamic behind it, why an abusive partner keeps pushing for more control, and why it can feel so confusing when your body and your mind don't agree. Her simplest test is one listeners won't forget: if you are doing it to get a sense of relief, like a "thank God that is over" kind of relief, that is coercion. Olivia adds her own version: notice whether you're more afraid of the no than the yes. Most of all, this conversation offers a way forward. Lisa shares the first step she gives every client (telling yourself "this isn't okay, this isn't normal"), how to start talking to a doctor, therapist, coach, or trusted friend, and why she moves at the pace a client's nervous system can handle. She also explains why working with a coach and a therapist at the same time can help survivors of coercive control, emotional abuse, and sexual coercion heal and rebuild. If you've ever wondered whether what's happening in your bedroom is really okay, this episode will help you see it clearly and know you're not alone. 🔗 Check out Fresh Starts Registry: The first & only divorce registry + support platform ➡ https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/ 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freshstartsregistry/ 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FreshStartsRegistry 👥 Facebook Group: https://divorceaskanything.com/ 🎙 Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/divorcehappenspod/ 📬 Magazine: https://divorceguidemagazine.com/ 💛 The Divorce Happens Community: https://divorcehappens.substack.com/

  • S1 · E283
    Sunday · 5 min

    Hey Olivia, how do I let go of the shame and begin trusting myself again to rebuild from scratch after a long marriage?

    “From the outside, I had everything. On the inside, I was disappearing.” This week's Hey Olivia letter comes from someone who walked away from a long marriage and a life that looked perfect on paper, and who now hears a loud voice calling it failure. They haven't told many people the truth, they're terrified of starting over later in life, and they asked me the question so many of us carry after divorce: How do I let go of the shame and begin trusting myself again to rebuild from scratch? If you've left a marriage everyone thought was fine, this one is for you. I start with courage, because walking away from a life that looks perfect, after decades and with everyone watching, is one of the hardest things a person can do. Being terrified doesn't mean you chose wrong. It means you're standing at the edge of something new. Then we look at where divorce shame comes from: we're taught that a successful marriage is a long one that looks good from the outside, so when it ends, the shame arrives right on schedule. I know that voice from my own divorce, and here's what I've learned. Shame is a story, not a fact. You loved, you built something, you grew, and you made a decision for your well-being. You don't need a dramatic reason to justify wanting more air. And starting over isn't really starting from scratch. You carry decades of skills, wisdom, relationships, and resilience into this chapter. Walking away was already an act of self-trust, maybe the biggest one of your life, and I share how self-trust keeps growing through tiny promises kept, like a walk three mornings a week or one evening that's just yours. I also offer simple words for when people say “but you seem so happy,” and remind you that a therapist and a divorce coach can help you rebuild at your own pace. You are so much further along than you think. 🔗 Check out Fresh Starts Registry: The first & only divorce registry + support platform ➡ https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/ 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freshstartsregistry/ 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FreshStartsRegistry 👥 Facebook Group: https://divorceaskanything.com/ 🎙 Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/divorcehappenspod/ 📬 Magazine: https://divorceguidemagazine.com/ 💛 The Divorce Happens Community: https://divorcehappens.substack.com/

  • S1 · E282
    Sunday · 5 min

    Hey Olivia, my husband is leaving after an affair and I'm terrified of my future. What do I do?

    “I don't want to have to be here, but I don't know where else to turn.” That's how this week's Hey Olivia letter begins, and if you've been blindsided by divorce, you may know that feeling in your bones. This listener's husband asked for a divorce out of nowhere, confessed to an affair two days later, agreed to work on the marriage, and then, after months of therapy, said he was done. With two kids, part-time work, and years of depending on one income, they wrote: “I'm devastated and terrified of my future.” They have lawyer consults lined up and don't know anything about any of this. If that's where you are right now, this episode is for you. I start where the fear lives. Nobody wants to be here, and of course you're devastated and scared: you were building a future and it was pulled out from under you. That terror isn't only about money or logistics. It's your nervous system asking, Am I safe when the future you planned has just disappeared? That fear isn't a sign you can't do this. It's a sign you're human. Then I ask you to look at what you've already done: blindsided, you still showed up, asked for the affair to end, went to therapy, and tried for months. The person who tried this hard is going to be okay. And I talk about grieving two things at once, the marriage and the future you pictured, and why you can feel devastated, angry, heartbroken, and still love someone, all in the same minute. Grief doesn't move in a straight line, and you don't have to rush it. Then we get practical. Three lawyer consults is a smart start, and I share the questions to bring to your first divorce lawyer consultation, plus why your attorney is one player on your divorce team and someone who should make you feel respected. I talk about how a divorce coach or a certified divorce financial analyst can help when finances feel scary, why organized and steady is the goal (boring is good, and boring is safe), and a few gentle steps for this week, from signing out of iMessage on shared devices to keeping your kids' routines steady. You don't have to do this alone, and you are so much further along than you think. 🔗 Check out Fresh Starts Registry: The first & only divorce registry + support platform ➡ https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/ 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freshstartsregistry/ 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FreshStartsRegistry 👥 Facebook Group: https://divorceaskanything.com/ 🎙 Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/divorcehappenspod/ 📬 Magazine: https://divorceguidemagazine.com/ 💛 The Divorce Happens Community: https://divorcehappens.substack.com/

  • S1 · E281
    Sunday · 6 min

    Hey Olivia, how do I make a divorce registry when I've never asked for help?

    “I rarely asked anyone for help in my life, and I think that's what scares me the most.” That line from this week's Hey Olivia letter stopped me. The listener who wrote in hasn't made a divorce registry yet and doesn't know how. Where do I start? What do I actually need? Will strangers even help? Is it weird to put paper towels on the list? If you're starting over after divorce, looking at a new space and a blank page, and wondering whether you're even allowed to ask, this episode is for you. You're not behind. You're right on time. I start with the fear underneath the logistics. If you've spent your life being the self-sufficient one, your nervous system has learned that doing it all yourself is what keeps you safe, so asking feels risky. That jittery feeling doesn't mean you're doing something wrong. It means you're doing something new. When I was rebuilding after my own divorce, I didn't have anyone showing me how, or any way for the people who loved me to really help, and that's a big part of why we built Fresh Starts. A divorce registry isn't begging, it's an invitation. Then we get practical: how to build a divorce registry from curated bundles organized by room, decor style, and budget; why you should start with what you'd miss on night one (towels, sheets, plates, cups, a bathrobe, a bath mat); and why paper towels belong on the list, because people love an easy yes. We also talk about how much is too much (mix everyday essentials, a few bigger items, and a couple of things just for joy), what registry fairies are and why a stranger choosing your fresh start is so powerful, how to share your registry with the people you trust most, and why saying thank you is part of the gift of receiving. You'll leave with one tiny next step: tonight, add five things you use today. Asking for help is a skill you can practice, and you are so much further along than you think. 🔗 Check out Fresh Starts Registry: The first & only divorce registry + support platform ➡ https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/ 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freshstartsregistry/ 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FreshStartsRegistry 🎙 Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/divorcehappenspod/ 📬 Magazine: https://divorceguidemagazine.com/ 💛 The Divorce Happens Community: https://divorcehappens.substack.com/

  • S1 · E280
    October 23 · 5 min

    Hey Olivia, is it normal to feel like your whole social circle shifted overnight?

    “I looked around at a dinner with 'my people' recently, the friend group I'd had for over a decade, and realized none of them were actually there for me during my divorce.” It’s a quiet, disorienting moment: sitting at a familiar table with people who have known you for years and realizing they weren’t the ones who carried you through the hardest season of your life. In this Hey Olivia episode of Divorce Happens, Olivia takes on a question so many people ask after divorce: is it normal to feel like your whole social circle shifted overnight? Olivia’s answer starts with a distinction that changes everything. A decade of history and the actual capacity to show up during a crisis are two completely different things. Crisis reveals capacity, not just affection, and a friend who couldn’t show up may still genuinely care. She explains how fixed roles in long friendships can make it hard for old friends to show up differently, even when you need them to. And she reframes that feeling of being a stranger at your own dinner table: it isn’t something to push past. It’s real, useful data. From there, Olivia offers a gentler path than confrontation. You can quietly let your time follow what’s actually being reciprocated, no dramatic conversation required. If newer friends are the ones showing up, that doesn’t make those friendships any less real or meaningful. And this kind of social loss deserves real space of its own, separate from the grief of the divorce itself. As Olivia puts it, “Crisis reveals capacity, not just affection.” 🔗 Check out Fresh Starts Registry: The first & only divorce registry + support platform ➡ https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/ 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freshstartsregistry/ 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FreshStartsRegistry 🎙 Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/divorcehappenspod/ 📬 Magazine: https://divorceguidemagazine.com/ 💛 The Divorce Happens Community: https://divorcehappens.substack.com/

  • S1 · E283
    October 23 · 5 min

    Hey Olivia, how do I make peace with people not being who I thought they were?

    "I always assumed my college best friends, the four of us who swore we'd be there for each other no matter what, would be in my corner no matter what happened in my marriage. When it actually fell apart, I found out that wasn't true." In this Hey Olivia listener letter episode, Olivia helps a listener make sense of a twenty-year friendship belief tested for the first time — and coming back different than expected. Olivia covers: Why this is a heavier kind of disillusionment than an ordinary friendship fading over time Why "no matter what" is often a promise made in theory that's never actually tested until real crisis arrives Why having new information now doesn't mean you got someone wrong for twenty years The difference between someone's capacity in a specific moment and who they fundamentally are as a person A truer middle ground between "they were fake friends" and "I'm overreacting": real friends who didn't have what this specific moment required Why making peace doesn't mean rewriting twenty years of real memories, just updating expectations going forward Why the friend who did show up deserves to be the center of this story, not a footnote "Untested loyalty and proven loyalty are not the same thing, even when they're spoken with total sincerity at the time they're made." Need support navigating this? Fresh Starts offers free consults, a vetted professional network, and free guides. Learn more at freshstartsregistry.com. If this episode helped, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who needs to hear it today. 🔗 Check out Fresh Starts Registry: The first & only divorce registry + support platform ➡ https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/ 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freshstartsregistry/ 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FreshStartsRegistry 🎙 Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/divorcehappenspod/ 📬 Magazine: https://divorceguidemagazine.com/ 💛 The Divorce Happens Community: https://divorcehappens.substack.com/

  • S1 · E282
    October 23 · 5 min

    Hey Olivia, how do I stop keeping score of who picked his side?

    "Some of our mutual friends have clearly chosen his side since the divorce, still inviting him to game nights, tagging him in photos I wasn't asked to. I've caught myself scrolling old group texts, mentally tallying who reached out and who didn't." In this Hey Olivia listener letter episode, Olivia helps a listener let go of the compulsive habit of tallying who chose which side after a divorce. Olivia covers: Why the sting of mutual friends quietly sorting themselves after a divorce is a real, specific loss, not an overreaction Why tallying who reached out gives concrete shape to diffuse hurt, but doesn't actually resolve anything The real difference between grieving a social shift and endlessly tallying it Why not every friend who drifted made a moral judgment — some of it is structural, tied to old patterns and existing connections A simple tool for interrupting the loop: naming it plainly out loud, "I'm keeping score again" Why redirecting energy toward the people who did show up matters more than auditing who left Why letting go of the tally isn't the same as pretending the loss didn't hurt "Grieving genuinely moves you through the loss, toward something on the other side of it. Tallying substitutes for grieving." Need support navigating this? Fresh Starts offers free consults, a vetted professional network, and free guides. Learn more at freshstartsregistry.com. If this episode helped, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who needs to hear it today. 🔗 Check out Fresh Starts Registry: The first & only divorce registry + support platform ➡ https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/ 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freshstartsregistry/ 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FreshStartsRegistry 🎙 Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/divorcehappenspod/ 📬 Magazine: https://divorceguidemagazine.com/ 💛 The Divorce Happens Community: https://divorcehappens.substack.com/

  • S1 · E281
    October 23 · 5 min

    Hey Olivia, how do I ask for space without hurting the person who actually showed up for me?

    "My sister has been showing up for me nonstop since my divorce, texting every morning and every night, asking if I'm okay a hundred times a week until the question itself starts to feel like pressure." In this Hey Olivia listener letter episode, Olivia helps a listener navigate the flip side of support: how to ask for space from someone whose love is real, without hurting them or feeling ungrateful. Olivia covers: Why needing space from even the most loving support isn't a betrayal of that love or a sign of ingratitude Why the guilt of wanting an hour of quiet makes sense, but isn't accurate The difference between constant checking and actually calibrated support Why asking for space is giving someone honest information, not pushing them away A specific script structure: gratitude first, the specific need second, reassurance third Why unaddressed over-support can quietly build resentment, just like under-support can Why a pattern of managing everyone else's feelings before your own is worth bringing to a therapist "Asking for space isn't the same as pushing her away. It's giving her real, honest information that actually helps her love you more effectively, not less." Need support navigating this? Fresh Starts offers free consults, a vetted professional network, and free guides. Learn more at freshstartsregistry.com. If this episode helped, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who needs to hear it today. 🔗 Check out Fresh Starts Registry: The first & only divorce registry + support platform ➡ https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/ 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freshstartsregistry/ 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FreshStartsRegistry 🎙 Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/divorcehappenspod/ 📬 Magazine: https://divorceguidemagazine.com/ 💛 The Divorce Happens Community: https://divorcehappens.substack.com/

  • S1 · E279
    October 23 · 5 min

    Hey Olivia, how do I let people actually show up for me during my divorce?

    "Every time someone checks in on me since my divorce, I feel guilty for needing it. I keep saying 'I'm fine' even when I'm sitting on my kitchen floor crying five minutes earlier." In this Hey Olivia listener letter episode, Olivia helps a listener navigate the disorienting role reversal of going from the one who always shows up for others to the one who needs support herself. Olivia covers: Why the role reversal from "the steady one" to needing support yourself is genuinely disorienting, not a small adjustment Why saying "I'm fine" isn't dishonesty — it's protection, for yourself and for the people who love you The real cost of saying "I'm fine" every time: people take their cues from what you tell them, and eventually step back A middle ground between "I'm fine" and telling the whole story: honest, bounded responses that still leave the door open Why needing support during a life-altering season isn't a permanent identity, it's a chapter Why most people already suspect "fine" isn't the whole truth, and how the performance of fine creates distance instead of protecting the relationship A concrete step: giving one trusted person one honest answer this week instead of "I'm fine" "There's a genuine difference between someone chronically in crisis and someone honestly, bravely moving through one of the hardest chapters of her entire life. You are the second one, not the first." Need support navigating this? Fresh Starts offers free consults, a vetted professional network, and free guides. Learn more at freshstartsregistry.com. If this episode helped, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who needs to hear it today. 🔗 Check out Fresh Starts Registry: The first & only divorce registry + support platform ➡ https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/ 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freshstartsregistry/ 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FreshStartsRegistry 🎙 Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/divorcehappenspod/ 📬 Magazine: https://divorceguidemagazine.com/ 💛 The Divorce Happens Community: https://divorcehappens.substack.com/

  • S1 · E278
    October 23 · 5 min

    Hey Olivia, do I reach out one more time to my best friend who went quiet, or let it go?

    "My best friend of 15 years went quiet on me the second she found out I was getting divorced. No fight, no falling out, she just stopped texting back." In this Hey Olivia listener letter episode, Olivia addresses a kind of loss that doesn't get nearly enough attention: losing a close friend right when you need one most. Olivia covers: Why losing a friend during divorce is its own real, distinct grief, separate from the marriage itself Why a friend going silent often says more about her own fear or discomfort than anything you actually did The different reasons people withdraw — not knowing what to say, feeling pressure to pick a side, being quietly frightened by what a divorce might mean for their own marriage Why reaching out one more time and letting go aren't necessarily opposites A specific script for one final, honest, low-pressure message Why six months of silence, after reaching out twice, is itself a real answer worth accepting Why this kind of layered loss deserves its own grieving process, separate from the grief of the marriage ending "You are fully allowed to let the silence itself be the actual information you're working with." Need support navigating this? Fresh Starts offers free consults, a vetted professional network, and free guides. Learn more at freshstartsregistry.com. If this episode helped, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who needs to hear it today. 🔗 Check out Fresh Starts Registry: The first & only divorce registry + support platform ➡ https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/ 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freshstartsregistry/ 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FreshStartsRegistry 🎙 Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/divorcehappenspod/ 📬 Magazine: https://divorceguidemagazine.com/ 💛 The Divorce Happens Community: https://divorcehappens.substack.com/

  • S1 · E292
    October 16 · 5 min

    Hey Olivia, how do I explain to my divorce lawyer that I've been doing everything?

    "Does it matter that I've been doing everything? Or am I going to sound like I'm just complaining?" That's the question at the heart of this week's Hey Olivia letter, and I know so many of you are going to feel it in your chest. It comes from a listener who works full-time and is also the one who cooks every meal, manages the school schedule, handles the doctor's appointments, does the laundry, helps with homework, and gets up at 2am when someone's sick. Now they're getting divorced, about to sit across from their divorce lawyer, and they don't know how to explain any of it. It's a specific kind of exhausted that doesn't always get named out loud. So I named it. The first thing I ask in this episode is that you drop the word "complaining" entirely before you walk into that meeting. What you're describing is the actual, factual shape of your household: who does what, day to day, for your kids. Your lawyer isn't there to referee who worked harder over the years. They're there to understand your family's real structure so they can represent it accurately. I talk about why this matters practically and not just emotionally, since custody and parenting time decisions are often based heavily on who has actually been doing the parenting. Being the default parent isn't a feeling you're having. It's a pattern, and patterns are exactly what a divorce attorney needs to hear about. Then we get into the how. "I do everything" is true, but it's hard for anyone to act on something that vague, so I walk you through getting specific: who takes the kids to the pediatrician, who's the emergency contact at school, who handles bedtime on weeknights. I share a simple week-by-week breakdown you can write down before your first meeting with a family law attorney, what it tells you if your lawyer brushes past it, and how to hold the frustration of an imbalanced marriage alongside the practical question of what your lawyer needs to know right now. You get to describe your family exactly as it is, without shrinking it down first. And you don't have to figure out how to say it perfectly on your own. 🔗 Check out Fresh Starts Registry: The first & only divorce registry + support platform ➡ https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/ 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freshstartsregistry/ 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FreshStartsRegistry 🎙 Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/divorcehappenspod/ 📬 Magazine: https://divorceguidemagazine.com/ 💛 The Divorce Happens Community: https://divorcehappens.substack.com/

  • S1 · E291
    October 16 · 6 min

    Hey Olivia, our daughter was stillborn and we're separating. What do we do with her nursery, and who decides?

    "I can't lose any more of her. What do we do, and who decides?" This week's Hey Olivia letter is a really tender one, and I read it slowly. It comes from a parent whose daughter was stillborn at nine months. She was perfect, and they still don't know what happened. Now the marriage is ending, and her nursery is exactly how they left it: the tiny clothes folded in the drawers, the blanket from the hospital, a door that most days can't be opened. One parent wants to keep everything as it is. The other wants to start clearing it out. This episode is for Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, and for anyone grieving a baby while a family is changing shape. I started with the most important thing: nothing has to happen today. Not this week, not this month. There's no deadline on grief. I talk about why this is so much more than stuff, because those things are proof that your daughter was here and that you are her parents. And I say something gently about the two of you. It can feel like you're on opposite sides, but I don't think you are. You're two people who love the same little girl, each getting through that love in the way you know how. Keeping the room and moving through it are both love. So who decides? You do. Together. I share words you can say out loud so that nothing disappears when someone isn't looking, and the whole gentle middle between keeping everything and clearing it all out: photos of every corner first, then tiny steps, and a memory box for each of you. I talk about the grief of not having an answer, when a therapist, a divorce coach, a mediator, or your attorneys can help, and how to be gentle with the day one of you moves out. Whatever you keep, and whatever you let go of, your daughter is still your daughter. Always. 🔗 Check out Fresh Starts Registry: The first & only divorce registry + support platform ➡ https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/ 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freshstartsregistry/ 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FreshStartsRegistry 🎙 Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/divorcehappenspod/ 📬 Magazine: https://divorceguidemagazine.com/ 💛 The Divorce Happens Community: https://divorcehappens.substack.com/

  • S1 · E290
    October 16 · 10 min

    The Paperwork After the Paperwork: What No One Tells You About Divorce Finances

    Your divorce decree is signed, and you assume the money part is done. Then the loose threads start showing up: the beneficiary you never changed, the deed still in both names, the retirement account that was awarded to you on paper but never actually divided. In this episode of Divorce Happens, Kristina Heckel, CDFA®, CFEI®, a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst, Fresh Starts expert, and the principal and founder of Bloom Divorce Advisory Services in Arizona, shares five practical tips for getting your finances organized whether you're considering divorce, in the middle of it, or rebuilding on the other side. Kristina starts with a habit anyone can begin this week: take yourself on a money date. Pick a coffee shop, bring your statements or open a budgeting app, and spend undisturbed time learning what's coming in, what's going out, and which forgotten subscriptions are quietly draining your account. Next comes "grace with a plan," her answer to decision fatigue: take a breath, sort what truly needs your attention now from what can wait, and put deadlines somewhere you'll see them. Her third tip is to build your paper trail before anyone asks for it. Knowing what you own, what you owe, and where your money moves can save real money in attorney hours, and she walks through the kinds of documents and free reports worth gathering. Then Kristina gets into the details that cost people later. "Not every dollar is the same": depending on your income and goals, cash, after-tax dollars, and retirement dollars can carry very different value, and dividing a 401(k) requires its own domestic relations order that many people forget about. And finally, "the paperwork after the paperwork," the beneficiary changes, deed transfers, utilities, retitling, and refinancing deadlines that don't take care of themselves once the decree is final. "Personal finance is personal," she says, and the right plan is the one built around what you actually need. Connect with Kristina Heckel and Bloom Divorce Advisory Services: 🌐 Bloom Divorce Advisory Services (including the Vault Kit and the Bloom Forward community): https://www.bloomdas.com 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bloomdivorceadvisory/ 💼 LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kristina-heckel/ 💙 Fresh Starts expert profile: https://freshstartsregistry.com/resourceguide/bloom-divorce-advisory-services 🔗 Check out Fresh Starts Registry: The first & only divorce registry + support platform ➡ https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/ 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freshstartsregistry/ 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FreshStartsRegistry 🎙 Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/divorcehappenspod/ 📬 Magazine: https://divorceguidemagazine.com/ 💛 The Divorce Happens Community: https://divorcehappens.substack.com/

  • S1 · E289
    October 14 · 19 min

    You're Not Meant to Do Divorce Alone: How to Build Community When You Need It Most with Monique Alexander

    Monique Alexander has never believed we can exist in this world without community. Not the most famous people, not the most successful, and not anyone going through a divorce. "No one is meant to go through that or any type of life transition alone," she says. In this episode of Divorce Happens, Olivia Howell sits down with Monique, a longtime friend, Fresh Starts expert, mom, educator, and founder of Monique Speaks, to talk about the part of divorce that so many of us try to carry by ourselves: asking for help, and letting it in. Monique says the first step isn't reaching out to others. It's being honest with yourself about what divorce means for you, and recognizing that it is a state of grief. For some it's a heavy weight, for others there's relief, but everyone navigates some level of it. From there, she talks about the moment someone in her church small group asked why she wasn't letting them help carry the burden, and how needing support continually, not just once, "strips it in a whole different way." Having lived in four different states and rebuilt community each time, often far from family, she shares what it felt like when people she'd known only a few years showed up for her and her kids in ways she didn't know she needed, down to a homemade loaf of bread at a basketball game. Then the conversation gets practical. Monique's keyword is intentionality: "Things don't just happen, right? You have to be intentional if you want certain results." She shares the four places she starts every time she builds community, why a walk or a meal or an invitation into your home matters, and why paying for community, from a coach to a gym to your kids' activities, still counts. And she offers a framework you'll want to hold onto: you can just get through divorce, alone with a compass in the dark woods, or you can go through it, surrounded by people, on the way to healing. "The core of it," she says, "is allowing others to bear your burden with you." Connect with Monique Alexander of Monique Speaks: 🌐 Monique Speaks: https://www.moniquespeaks.org 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/moniquespeaks_org/ 💙 Fresh Starts expert profile: https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/resourceguide/monique-speaks 🔗 Check out Fresh Starts Registry: The first & only divorce registry + support platform ➡ https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/ 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freshstartsregistry/ 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FreshStartsRegistry 🎙 Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/divorcehappenspod/ 📬 Magazine: https://divorceguidemagazine.com/ 💛 The Divorce Happens Community: https://divorcehappens.substack.com/

  • S1 · E288
    October 12 · 13 min

    A Divorce Without Court? How Family Law Arbitration Works with SOLAGREE Founder Amanda Mason

    After more than 20 years as a divorce attorney, Amanda Mason calls herself a "recovering divorce attorney." She spent those years watching families get "absolutely tortured by the traditional processes," whether in a courtroom or in one attorney negotiating against another. Then she went through her own divorce trial over child custody. In this episode of Divorce Happens, Olivia Howell sits down with Amanda, a Fresh Starts expert and the founder of Solagree, to talk about what she built after asking a simple question: what can we do better? Amanda's answer starts with a promise. Every alternative to court has good ideas, she says, but none of them closed the loop. With Solagree, a couple agrees from the very beginning that if they can't resolve something, they won't go to court. They'll go to private family law arbitration instead. From there, the process has three phases. First comes intake, education, and empowerment, the part Amanda says couples lack more than anything: time to understand their circumstances, exchange information, and learn that there are paths forward and they're going to be okay. Then comes mediation with experienced attorney mediators. Finally, a neutral attorney arbitrator turns the couple's agreements into a binding document and serves as a safety net for anything still unresolved. "You've designed your own outcome," Amanda says. "That's the goal." Olivia and Amanda talk about why a virtual process matters, from being in your own safe space to not having to figure out where to park, what to wear, and who's watching the kids. Amanda explains how Solagree builds state-based panels of professionals, how you can start learning even before you've talked to your spouse, why you don't have to be fully amicable to use it, and why privacy and cost predictability can't be overstated. Her words for anyone considering divorce are simple: "the first step is the hardest. And then it gets better from there." You're going to be okay, and you're going to be supported. Connect with Amanda Mason and Solagree: 🌐 Solagree: https://www.solagree.com/ 📝 Take the Solagree quiz: https://www.solagree.com/quiz 📅 Book a Solagree consult: https://www.solagree.com/book-a-solagree-consult 📱 Solagree on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/solagree_divorce/ 📱 Amanda on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/amandamasonatty/ 💙 Fresh Starts expert profile: https://freshstartsregistry.com/resourceguide/solagree 🔗 Check out Fresh Starts Registry: The first & only divorce registry + support platform ➡ https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/ 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freshstartsregistry/ 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FreshStartsRegistry 🎙 Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/divorcehappenspod/ 📬 Magazine: https://divorceguidemagazine.com/ 💛 The Divorce Happens Community: https://divorcehappens.substack.com/

  • S1 · E287
    October 12 · 14 min

    What Is a High Conflict Divorce, and How Do You Avoid One? With Family Law Attorney Christina White

    One parent wants to keep the Social Security cards at their house. The other says no. And suddenly a question that will matter a handful of times in a child's life is a legal fight. That, says family law attorney Christina White, is what a high conflict divorce looks like from the inside: "they make mountains out of molehills for every problem." In this episode of Divorce Happens, Olivia Howell sits down with Christina, a Fresh Starts expert who owns and operates Christina White Legal in the western suburbs of Chicago, to talk about a term we're all using a lot more and what it really means. There's no legal definition of a high conflict divorce, Christina explains, but after more than 10 years in family law she knows it when she sees it. Both people need lawyers. Then a mediator. Then a guardian ad litem. Then trial dates. It can go on for months and months and cost tens of thousands of dollars. She shares where she thinks it comes from, a shift in the dynamic when one person finally pushes back against years of control, and she's clear that no one who was in a coercively controlling relationship should back down. They should know it's going to be an uphill battle. Then Christina tells her own story. When she went through her own divorce, with two little kids and a full-time law practice, she made a decision that surprises people: "You can lower your expectations." She wanted the kids most of the time and she wanted the house they had just built. She let go of both, and she was divorced in six weeks. What she kept was everything she could control: her attitude, the time she has with her kids, the school they attend, holiday travel, and a home without grown-ups screaming at each other. For anyone in a high conflict divorce right now, she leaves two practical pieces of advice, "organize your mind and organize your paperwork," and one piece of perspective: "Life is short. An unhappy marriage is long and a high conflict divorce is way too long." Connect with Christina White: 🌐 Christina White Legal: https://www.christinawhitelegal.com 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/christinawhitelegal 💙 Fresh Starts expert profile: https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/resourceguide/christina-white-legal-llc 🔗 Check out Fresh Starts Registry: The first & only divorce registry + support platform ➡ https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/ 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freshstartsregistry/ 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FreshStartsRegistry 🎙 Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/divorcehappenspod/

  • S1 · E286
    October 11 · 16 min

    The Divorce Is Final, So Why Don't You Feel Better? Divorce Recovery with Leah Marie Mazur

    The papers are signed. The ink is dry. And somehow you still don't feel better. Olivia Howell remembers that moment exactly: standing in her marital house, thinking she had made it through the hardest part, and then realizing she had to live the rest of her life as a divorced person and had no idea what that looked like. In this episode of Divorce Happens, she sits down with Leah Marie Mazur, a divorce recovery coach, founder of Mindfully Ready, and Fresh Starts expert who has been through three divorces herself and has spent the last six and a half years coaching hundreds of women through theirs. Leah explains what divorce recovery actually is and why it's different from the support you had during the legal process. Your attorney, your mediator, and your financial professionals get you through the divorce itself. Then, as Leah puts it, "the ink dries, and it's like, well, now what?" The guilt, the shame, the feelings of failure, and a nervous system that has been in survival mode for months don't end with a signature. The women who come to Leah say the same three things: I want peace, I want my confidence back, and I want to know who I am again. Her answer starts in a place most people don't expect. You can't wait for your ex to change before you feel calm, because "you always have the power to find peace within yourself." From there, the conversation gets practical. Leah shares how to regulate your nervous system in small pockets of the day, why "the power is in the pause" when a co-parenting message lands, and how one minute of doing nothing can bring you back to yourself. She and Olivia talk about people-pleasing, letting go of what you can't control, and how the tools you learn in divorce recovery become tools your kids carry for life. If you just signed your divorce papers and don't know who you are anymore, Leah's advice is the heart of this episode: you don't have to figure out your whole life right now. You just have to take that one next step. Connect with Leah Marie Mazur: 🌐 Website and free resources: https://www.mindfullyready.com/ 🎥 Free training: https://www.mindfullyready.com/mr-free-traning 👥 Free private Facebook support group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/divorcedandempowered 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mindfullyready/ 🎵 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@mindfullyready 💙 Fresh Starts expert profile: https://freshstartsregistry.com/resourceguide/mindfully-ready 🔗 Check out Fresh Starts Registry: The first & only divorce registry + support platform ➡ https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/ 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freshstartsregistry/ 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FreshStartsRegistry 🎙 Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/divorcehappenspod/ 📬 Magazine: https://divorceguidemagazine.com/ 💛 The Divorce Happens Community: https://divorcehappens.substack.com/

  • S1 · E285
    October 9 · 18 min

    Will Divorce Ruin My Kids? How to Rewrite the Stories You Tell Yourself with Divorce Coach Lyerly Spongberg

    "I'm not strong enough to be a single mom." That was the story Olivia Howell told herself when her marriage was ending, and it felt like a fact. Most people going through divorce carry a version of it: I can't handle the finances. I'm going to ruin my kids. I'm less of a parent if I only see them half the time. In this episode of Divorce Happens, Olivia asks what happens when we stop treating those thoughts as the truth and start treating them as what they are: stories. Her guest is Fresh Starts Expert Lyerly Spongberg, a certified ADR divorce coach, pre-mediation coach, and co-parenting specialist who has seen divorce from every side. Lyerly went through her own high-conflict divorce in her 30s and has since been remarried for nearly 20 years, with a blended family of six children. She remembers believing she was not strong enough to get through it, and believing that every battle and every angry message needed her full attention. What changed things was a pause, and a smaller question: "okay, what can I handle today?" Strength, she learned, was not fighting everything. It was knowing when to fight and when to drop the rope. From there, Lyerly shares the practical framework she uses with clients to challenge limiting beliefs during divorce. Listen for the absolute words (never, always, can't). Notice when you are mind reading or predicting the worst. Then ask: what do I actually know is true, what am I guessing, and whose voice is this? Her favorite test is a simple one: "is it a roadblock or is it a doorway?" As she says, this is not about forced positivity. "It's strategy." Listeners will come away with a new way to think about co-parenting and shared custody (you are still 100% of a parent), a reminder to put their energy into what they can control, and one line worth keeping close: this is a really difficult chapter, and it doesn't define the whole book. Learn more about Lyerly Spongberg: https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/resourceguide/step-up-with-lyerly 🔗 Check out Fresh Starts Registry: The first & only divorce registry + support platform ➡ https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/ 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freshstartsregistry/ 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FreshStartsRegistry 🎙 Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/divorcehappenspod/ 📬 Magazine: https://divorceguidemagazine.com/ 💛 The Divorce Happens Community: https://divorcehappens.substack.com/

  • S1 · E284
    October 7 · 20 min

    How to Find Joy During Divorce (Even When You're Angry, Scared, and Exhausted) with Divorce Coach Lisa Lisser

    There is a particular kind of grief that comes from sitting in a school auditorium, watching your child on stage, and realizing you are not really there. Your body is in the seat, but your mind is in the lawyer's office, in the bank account, in the question of what happens next. In this episode of Divorce Happens, host Olivia Howell opens up about the early days of her own divorce, when anger made her feel robbed of time with her kids, and asks the question so many people going through divorce are afraid to say out loud: is it okay to feel joy while everything is falling apart? To answer it, Olivia sits down with Fresh Starts Expert Lisa Lisser, a certified divorce coach and founder of LZL Coaching whose path runs from attorney to nonprofit leader to Jewish educator and spiritual counselor. Lisa brings all of it to this conversation, drawing on the holiday of Sukkot, when families build a temporary, fragile shelter with a roof open enough to see the stars, and are told to feel joy inside it. For Lisa, that is the emotional work of divorce in a single image: you are living in a temporary structure that feels like it will never end, and you are still allowed to eat, to learn, to invite people in, and to look up. As she puts it, "You can't command joy, but I could set myself up so that at least I have the opportunity to feel joy." What follows is a gentle, practical conversation about finding joy during divorce without pretending the hard parts are gone. Lisa walks through how to be present for your kids for one 45-minute recorder concert, why rumination disconnects you from yourself, and how releasing guilt opens the door to small moments of light, whether that is a granddaughter's smile or a rerun of a show you forgot you loved. Listeners will leave with two mindset shifts for divorce recovery and co-parenting: you do not have to wait until the divorce is over to feel good again, and you do not have to go through this fragile season alone. If you have been telling yourself you are not ready for joy, this episode offers both permission and a place to start. Learn more about Lisa Lisser: https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/resourceguide/lzl-coaching 🔗 Check out Fresh Starts Registry: The first & only divorce registry + support platform ➡ https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/ 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freshstartsregistry/ 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FreshStartsRegistry 🎙 Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/divorcehappenspod/ 📬 Magazine: https://divorceguidemagazine.com/ 💛 The Divorce Happens Community: https://divorcehappens.substack.com/

  • S1 · E283
    October 7 · 6 min

    Hey Olivia, how do I feel the joy for my rainbow baby at the same time I'm planning to end my marriage?

    This week's letter is a tender one. A listener wrote in after a pregnancy loss, holding the rainbow baby they prayed for and quietly planning to end their marriage. Everyone around them says how lucky they are. And they are grateful. They're also grieving the baby they lost and the marriage they're leaving, and feeling guilty about all of it. Their question was simple and enormous: "I don't know how to hold the joy and the grief at the same time. How do I hold both?" Since October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, it felt like the right time to answer it. In this Hey Olivia episode of Divorce Happens, I start with what I most want anyone in this spot to hear: you don't have to pick one feeling to be the real one right now. Grateful and heartbroken can live in the same body on the same day. A rainbow baby doesn't erase a pregnancy loss, and the loss doesn't take anything away from the joy. We talk about why everything feels so loud with a newborn (the exhaustion, a body that's still healing, and a huge decision sitting in the middle of it all), why the guilt of being sad during "the happiest chapter" is a script you're allowed to set down, and why it's okay to grieve the marriage itself. Loss can pull two people closer or quietly pull them apart, and sometimes it does both along the way. You'll leave with a few small, practical things to hold onto: a way to give the baby you lost a place that's just yours, one kind sentence for the "but you finally got your baby" comments, and a two-list exercise for the days when gratitude and grief show up together. I also talk about the support that can carry this with you, from a therapist who understands pregnancy loss and perinatal grief to a divorce coach who can take on the logistics. If you're navigating divorce after pregnancy loss, divorce with a newborn, or any season where joy and grief are sharing the same room, this one is for you. Nothing is wrong with you. Both belong. 🔗 Check out Fresh Starts Registry: The first & only divorce registry + support platform ➡ https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/ 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freshstartsregistry/ 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FreshStartsRegistry 🎙 Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/divorcehappenspod/ 📬 Magazine: https://divorceguidemagazine.com/ 💛 The Divorce Happens Community: https://divorcehappens.substack.com/

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