August 12 Is Cosmic Chaos: Eclipse, Planets & Perseids

This week on Delusional Witch Juice, I discuss why August 12 is being called cosmic chaos—and whether somebody actually left the Lion’s Gate Portal open. From a six-planet parade and New Moon in Leo to a total solar eclipse and perfectly timed Perseid meteor shower, the celestial guest list is much messier than the internet claims. Plus ancient Mesopotamian substitute kings, the gardener who inherited a throne after the real king died from hot soup, the fiery Tears of Saint Lawrence, and what people in the Midwest can actually see in the sky. CHAPTERS 00:00 August 12th Has Entered the Group Chat 02:07 The Official Cosmic Guest List 04:37 The Planet Parade: Before Sunrise 07:30 The Main Event: Total Solar Eclipse 09:58 Someone Is Going to Die 13:15 Enter the Perseids 16:29 Why the 2026 Perseids Are Special 18:23 So What Is Actually Happening? 20:23 Thank Yous SOURCES & FURTHER READING The August 12 Cosmic Events NASA — August 2026 Skywatching Guide International Meteor Organization — 2026 Meteor Shower Calendar NASA — Notable Astronomical Events of 2026 The Planet Parade August 12 Planetary Alignment Guide Visible Planets in August 2026 The New Moon & Solar Eclipse NASA — August 12, 2026 Eclipse Data NASA — Interactive Eclipse Map New Moon and Solar Eclipse at 20° Leo Eclipses Visible from St. Louis Eclipse Omens & Substitute Kings The Metropolitan Museum of Art — The Solar Eclipse and the Substitute King The Perseids & Comet Swift–Tuttle NASA — The Perseid Meteor Shower NASA — Comet 109P/Swift–Tuttle National Geographic — The Grisly Origin Story Behind the Perseids FOLLOW THE SHOW INSTA YOUTUBE