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Crafting Solutions to Conflict

Jane Beddall

Ready for practical and positive perspectives on conflict? Join host Jane Beddall, M.A., J.D., to explore ways to preserve and restore harmony by preventing or limiting conflicts that may damage valued relationships and to effectively resolve those that may occur. We will talk about elephants in the room, expanding pies, the problem with cookie cutters, and much more. If you don’t know what those things mean, you will enjoy learning about them. If you do know them, you will be able to expand your understanding with some new points of view to consider. Would you like to learn more about Jane and her 30-year fascination with conflict, her work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach? Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Please visit https://www.dovetailresolutions.com/ or https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/, or start a conversation at jb@dovetailresolutions.com!

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#401
August 27 · 3 min
Conflict and the attention economy: Part 1
The “attention economy” is a term coined over fifty years ago by Herbert Simon, a Nobel prize winner for economics. The idea is that human focus is a limited natural resource. Speedy, reactive thinking is prioritized by our brains when we are exposed to it again and again. And rewarded, in a number of ways, for diving into it. This type of thinking, reactive and not especially deliberate, patient, or careful, becomes more and more comfortable. And the slower, truly thoughtful and contemplative type of thinking is used less. A type of thinking that took more effort to begin with is now seeming even more difficult as we just don’t do it as much. From a conflict perspective, nothing good comes from moving farther away from patient and careful thought to quick reaction. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/. Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/
#400
August 20 · 4 min
Episode 400: Why I do this
Over time, I have come to see my podcast as a way to give back. Through my own content, I can share what I have learned so far. And I can continue to learn and to share even more. My guests are … no one word sums them up.Insightful is the closest. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/. Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/
#399
August 13 · 29 min
Rana Gujral on the AI Instinct
Rana Gujral joins me to talk about his book, The AI Instinct: The Future of AI and Human Decision-Making. We discuss whether we humans are paying attention to the right things when we consider our relationship with AI and whether our fear of what we don’t know gets in the way of that. We talk about challenge of cognitive drift, the problem of oracle worship, and what we forfeit with a loss of friction. You can learn more about the book here: https://www.theaiinstinct.com/. You can learn more about Rana’s work here: https://ranagujral.com/ and follow him on X here: @ranagujral.com. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/. Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/
#398
August 6 · 3 min
Looking back in order to move forward
When we are stuck. At an impasse in a conflict. Or feeling that valued relationships are at risk of falling apart. Or paralyzed because we don’t know how to broach the topic that is percolating under the surface. We can benefit from looking back, in order to move forward. We have all heard that hindsight is 20/20. We can actually embrace that idea and use the advantage of hindsight to help us figure out our next, positive steps. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/. Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/
#397
July 30 · 4 min
The journey and the destination – three perspectives
Sometimes, the idea of the journey and the destination can be taken too far. Better: when a group needs to make a decision, that decision-making process can be, if not as important as the ultimate decision, a profound influence on the interpersonal relationships. In a professional context, the best advisors are those who continue the journey to learn, grow, and evolve. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/. Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/
#396
July 23 · 4 min
Markers of progress
Progress that is -- not “success”. It can be essential to focus on progress, instead of success – however success might be defined. Think about markers of progress. If we focus on progress, and not success, it can be easier to see positive signs. And seeing them can motivate anyone involved to continue working on the problem. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/. Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/
#395
July 16 · 25 min
Polina Rabinovich Crotty on her journey from traditional wealth management to co-founding Generations Aligned
Polina Rabinovich Crottty joins me to talk about her journey from fairly traditional work in wealth management to her co-founding of Generations Aligned with Matthew Rezac, where they provide coaching, facilitation, retreats, and workshops for families where something is longing to shift. We touch on how her early life experience, moving to the U.S. from Russia as the Soviet Union collapsed, informed her initial views about money, her training in Compassionate Inquiry™ and in the Family Constellation framework. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/. Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/
#394
July 9 · 3 min
Sparks or flames
Flames suggest bad conflict, the destructive kind. Sparks suggest the good kind: the type that inspires creative thinking, effective collaboration, daring innovation. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/. Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/
#393
July 2 · 4 min
Same destination, same route, and yet…
Different opinions, approaches, priorities, and expectations are exactly that: different. None is necessarily wrong. If a group starts out in agreement on the destination and the route, many small decisions remain. When a group finds itself dealing with those many decisions along the way, their decision-making process will likely determine their success or failure. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/. Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/
#392
June 25 · 29 min
Kursten Faller on building behavior that drives success
Kursten Faller joins me to discuss the book he co-authored with Alan Weiss, The Hidden Project Drivers”: Building Behavior that Drives Success.” We talk about creativity, innovation, and “optimizing friction”.You can learn more about Kursten from his LinkedIn profile and on his website: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kf-midgard/ and https://kurstenfaller.com/ Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/. Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/
#391
June 18 · 3 min
Unconscious bias -- looking outward
Looking outward, it can be tempting to jump to conclusions about the unconscious bias we might assign to other people. We can make assumptions about what we know about their upbringing, how they look, who they spend time with, where they live, what we think we know about them. Better to resist that temptation. Unconscious bias can and does cause damage. A downward spiral where I assume the worst in you and encourage you to do the same about me has no winners. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/. Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/
#390
June 11 · 4 min
Unconscious bias -- looking inward
Mental shortcuts, such as bias, are essential to our survival. Understanding that unconscious bias is a mental shortcut makes it easier to examine it in ourselves, instead of simply rejecting the idea that we might harbor it. If it’s a moral failing, well, clearly, I don’t want to admit that possibility about myself. If we are willing to look at ourselves, we can dig into what unconscious biases we may have. We can consider where they started. Without punishing judgment of ourselves or our early influences. My most recent guest, David Hoffman, described the article he had written with Helen Winter, called “Follow the Science: Proven Strategies for Reducing Unconscious Bias.” You can find it here: https://blc.law/wp-content/uploads/2023/04/Follow-the-Science-Proven-Strategies-for-Reducing-Unconscious-Bias-Final-2023-04-15.pdf Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/. Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/
#389
June 4 · 3 min
Prioritizing prevention
Interpersonal conflict can erupt unexpectedly. If it does, a firm foundation for the relationship can frequently prevent lasting harm from occurring. People can find a way forward and not engage in earth-scorching behavior. And, often, interpersonal conflict is simmering for a while before it comes to a boil. It may be tempting to pretend it’s not happening. Or to know it’s happening and decide not to deal with it. But that lack of action can be a lack of prevention. Prevention of damage that might be minimized by effective conflict resolution but didn’t need to happen at all. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/. Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/
#388
May 28 · 28 min
David Hoffman on the art of impasse-breaking in mediation
David Hoffman joins me to talk about his most recent book, The Art of Impasse-Breaking in Mediation. David is well known in the conflict resolution field and the recipient of numerous well-deserved honors and awards. David takes us through the concept of impasse in mediation, an introduction to the Internal Family Systems (IFS) model, and insights on how we can recognize and more effectively deal with unconscious bias. You can learn more about David’s work at the Boston Law Collaborative website:https://blc.law/ If you click on his profile page, you will learn about David and find information on his books, articles, and other resources. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/. Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/
#387
May 21 · 3 min
Cost comparisons
It can feel easy to tote up the costs of having a difficult conversation about something important. It can seem overwhelming. It’s tempting to decide that we should just live with the status quo. We should add up the costs of doing nothing. And then compare the costs. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/. Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/
#386
May 14 · 5 min
Environmental stressors
The spaces we spend time in either stress or calm us. Or maybe they feel fully neutral. Our day-to-day setpoint in the environment where we live our lives sets us up for conflict prevention and resolution “readiness”. We can easily overlook the environment we are in precisely because we live in it. Taking a moment to step back and really think about the spaces we inhabit can help reduce stress and encourage a sense of calm. When we do that, we are helping ourselves to be better equipped to avoid unnecessary conflicts and to more easily handle those that appear. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/. Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/
#385
May 7 · 27 min
Sarah Walker on enhancing well-being through interior design
Sarah Walker joins me to talk about the role that our homes play in our day-to-day wellbeing. Sarah describes how interior design can support rest, focus, and recovery in our homes. And we talk about planning for the evolution that families go through over time and how to plan spaces that will be welcoming to all generations, whether short-term visitors, permanent residents, and in-between. You can learn more about Sarah’s work – and see some beautiful spaces – at https://nuanceinteriors.com/. You can follow her company on Instagram here: @nuanceinteriors. She can be found on LinkedIn here: https://www.linkedin.com/in/sarahplattwalker/ Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/. Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/
#384
April 30 · 4 min
The challenge of positive body language
We’ve been encouraged to embrace active listening. Sure. But we need to be genuine, not engaging in actions or behaviors that aren’t ours. It’s not helpful to adopt gestures that we have been told to use, yet feel foreign to us. Not only do you run the risk that I will see through your acting, but some of your focus will be devoted to the acting – not to the actual listening. What should we do? Of course, look at someone when they are speaking, but don’t stare them down. Of course, listen – with patience. With the right level of eagerness. Yes, nod your head when you are understanding the point someone is making. (Which is not necessarily the same as agreeing.) But don’t fake it. Faking positive body language is similar to faking an apology. Neither is a good idea.
#383
April 23 · 3 min
Quitting while you are behind
Why quit while you are behind? Because if you continue the fight, you may dig a deeper hole for yourself. Possibilities for a small loss can become a bigger one when those with the upper hand become angry or frustrated. Because you may say or do things that brand you a sore loser. Because the sting of the experience can become greater for the other person without lessening your own pain. And if you will be in a continuing relationship, consider what you can learn from this loss. There can be similar disagreements down the road. Can they be resolved more easily, more quickly, or less painfully down the road? If the relationship is important to you, preserve as much of it as you can. And avoid creating unnecessary lasting damage. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/. Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/
#382
April 16 · 4 min
Quitting while you’re ahead and …
It’s not always easy to quit while you are ahead. But, when ongoing relationships matter, it’s worth the effort. How to do it? First, keep a laser focus on the prize. Not the peripheral issues. Let them go. Next, think ahead of time how the “win” might roll out. Consider, individually and within a faction, how to respond – including by saying nothing. Adopt a long view. Try to accept a win graciously. Allow everyone to move on. When emotions are high, keep words and actions in check, and allow some healing to begin. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/. Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/

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