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Couples Counseling For Parents

Dr. Stephen Mitchell and Erin Mitchell, MACP

A show about couple relationships: how they work, why they don’t, and what you can do to fix what’s broken.

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Episodes 20

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  • S5 · E119
    February 10 · 27 min

    When One Partner Craves Space And The Other Craves Closeness

    Got a question, comment, or just want to drop some encouragement? Send us a text. What if your path to calm runs opposite to your partner’s—and both are valid? Are you a Self-soother or a Connection Seeker? Which path helps you feel regulated and calm? (Don't know...take this short quiz to find out https://couplescounselingforparents.mykajabi.com/forms/2149422422) We dive into a familiar crossroads for parents: one of us needs quiet to settle, the other needs connection to breathe again. Instead of calling it incompatibility, we map the tension with the 30–70 principle, a simple way to see how emphasis—not character—keeps couples stuck. You’ll hear how a self-soother often points to the 30 percent of tangible efforts they make, while a connection seeker can’t look past the 70 percent of misses that still hurt. Once we name the patterns, the story changes from “you’re the problem” to “we have different calming codes.” We bring this to life through Connor and Samar, a loving pair juggling work, kids, and a world that won’t slow down. Connor reaches for talk, touch, and presence to feel secure. Samar restores by pausing, thinking, and moving solo—often while carrying a heavy mental load that makes her effort invisible. We dig into why those differences flare under stress and how small shifts make a big difference. For connection seekers, the work is to let the good moments be good, receive care without minimizing it, and still ask for more. For self-soothers, the move is to hold your partner in mind with brief, reliable signals—text check-ins, five-minute touchpoints, and clear return times after a pause—so space doesn’t read as rejection. If this resonates, follow the show, take the quiz linked in the notes, and share this episode with a friend who’s balancing love and life at full speed. Your review helps more couples find tools that work—what was your biggest takeaway today? Take the Couple Communication Quiz! Ever wonder why you and your partner keep having the same fight or just can't seem to understand each other? We've got answers. Take the quiz and find out: https://couplescounselingforparents.mykajabi.com/forms/2149422422 Do you want to learn about the one thing we think every individual and couple needs to know for healthy communication and connection? Check out our course Attachment Theory: Why It Matters To Your Relationship: https://couplescounselingforparents.mykajabi.com/attachment-course-ccfp Get 15% off our course--Attachment Theory: Why It Matters To Your Relationship: https://couplescounselingforparents.mykajabi.com/offers/MGiJwHLf?coupon_code=ATTACHMENT15 Want some personalized help (individual or couple). Schedule a free coaching consultation here: https://calendly.com/ccfp/meet-the-mitchells Get your copy or audiobook of Too Tired to Fight today!: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/059371427X Interested in one of Erin's postpartum groups? Let us...

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  • January 27 · 22 min

    Politics? No. Nervous Systems On Fire

    Got a question, comment, or just want to drop some encouragement? Send us a text. If you’ve wondered how to talk about violence, power, and dignity without overwhelming your home, this conversation offers tools rooted in our expertise in nervous system regulation, and everyday compassion. We open up about why we’re choosing to speak plainly about human dignity. From there, we get practical. We share a simple four-step framework to move from silence to steady action: clarify your values, align with your partner, tell a thoughtful story to your kids, and decide how you will say "no" to dehumanization. Alignment doesn’t demand identical opinions; it asks for shared values that guide how you speak, set limits, and model courage. We also talk about how kids feel the energy we think we’re hiding, and why offering coherent, calm language restores safety in the family system. Listen for practical examples—to refuse the dehumanizing climate taking place in our country —and see how small, repeated acts become a family culture. If this resonates, follow the show, share it with a friend who needs it, and leave a quick review to help more families find support. Take the Couple Communication Quiz! Ever wonder why you and your partner keep having the same fight or just can't seem to understand each other? We've got answers. Take the quiz and find out: https://couplescounselingforparents.mykajabi.com/forms/2149422422 Do you want to learn about the one thing we think every individual and couple needs to know for healthy communication and connection? Check out our course Attachment Theory: Why It Matters To Your Relationship: https://couplescounselingforparents.mykajabi.com/attachment-course-ccfp Get 15% off our course--Attachment Theory: Why It Matters To Your Relationship: https://couplescounselingforparents.mykajabi.com/offers/MGiJwHLf?coupon_code=ATTACHMENT15 Want some personalized help (individual or couple). Schedule a free coaching consultation here: https://calendly.com/ccfp/meet-the-mitchells Get your copy or audiobook of Too Tired to Fight today!: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/059371427X Interested in one of Erin's postpartum groups? Let us...

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  • S5 · E117
    January 22 · 26 min

    Why You Keep Having The Same Fight

    Got a question, comment, or just want to drop some encouragement? Send us a text. Most couples don’t get stuck because they argue too much—they get stuck because repair never fully happens. In this episode, we start with a familiar story: a couple caught in the same end-of-day conflict that looks like it’s about dinner, help, or logistics. But beneath that moment is something far more important—two partners reaching for connection in completely different ways, and missing each other every time. From there, we shift the focus to repair: what it actually is, why it matters more than resolving the content of a fight, and why so many well-intentioned couples struggle to do it. Repair isn’t about fixing the problem, multitasking better, or saying the “right” thing. It’s about slowing down enough to name the emotional bind underneath the conflict and tending to the story each partner is living inside of. In this episode, you’ll learn: Why unresolved repair—not conflict—is what erodes connection over time How attachment histories shape what repair needs to look like for each partner What real repair requires: attunement, vulnerability, humility, and grace How naming the bind can soften the cycle and open the door back to each other If you and your partner keep circling the same arguments and wondering why nothing ever truly feels resolved, this episode offers a different path forward—one where repair becomes the foundation for trust, safety, and lasting connection. Take the Couple Communication Quiz! Ever wonder why you and your partner keep having the same fight or just can't seem to understand each other? We've got answers. Take the quiz and find out: https://couplescounselingforparents.mykajabi.com/forms/2149422422 Do you want to learn about the one thing we think every individual and couple needs to know for healthy communication and connection? Check out our course Attachment Theory: Why It Matters To Your Relationship: https://couplescounselingforparents.mykajabi.com/attachment-course-ccfp Get 15% off our course--Attachment Theory: Why It Matters To Your Relationship: https://couplescounselingforparents.mykajabi.com/offers/MGiJwHLf?coupon_code=ATTACHMENT15 Want some personalized help (individual or couple). Schedule a free coaching consultation here: https://calendly.com/ccfp/meet-the-mitchells Get your copy or audiobook of Too Tired to Fight today!: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/059371427X Interested in one of Erin's postpartum groups? Let us...

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  • S5 · E116
    January 13 · 41 min

    Why Your Relationship Changed After Kids And How To Repair It

    Got a question, comment, or just want to drop some encouragement? Send us a text. Ever wonder why your relationship felt solid before kids but now seems frayed at the edges? We open the new year by telling the honest truth about postpartum disconnection: it’s common, it’s fixable, and it rarely comes down to a lack of love. Using the case example of Trey and Rashida—we describe how communication patterns and relational connection can begin to falter postpartum. We also announce new ways to go deeper: affordable coaching, a focused course on attachment and the nervous system, a postpartum group facilitated with care, and a book club starting with Too Tired to Fight. Ready for a good year—not necessarily easy, but deeply connected? Press play, follow the show, and leave a quick rating to help more parents find this conversation. Then tell us: what’s one small repair you’ll try this week? Take the Couple Communication Quiz! Ever wonder why you and your partner keep having the same fight or just can't seem to understand each other? We've got answers. Take the quiz and find out: https://couplescounselingforparents.mykajabi.com/forms/2149422422 Do you want to learn about the one thing we think every individual and couple needs to know for healthy communication and connection? Check out our course Attachment Theory: Why It Matters To Your Relationship: https://couplescounselingforparents.mykajabi.com/attachment-course-ccfp Get 15% off our course--Attachment Theory: Why It Matters To Your Relationship: https://couplescounselingforparents.mykajabi.com/offers/MGiJwHLf?coupon_code=ATTACHMENT15 Want some personalized help (individual or couple). Schedule a free coaching consultation here: https://calendly.com/ccfp/meet-the-mitchells Get your copy or audiobook of Too Tired to Fight today!: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/059371427X Interested in one of Erin's postpartum groups? Let us...

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  • S4 · E115
    Dec 16, 2025 · 28 min

    How To Talk About Drinking Before It Derails Your Holiday

    Got a question, comment, or just want to drop some encouragement? Send us a text. The holidays can fill a room with warmth, noise, and nostalgia—and still leave one partner quietly overwhelmed. We dig into the messy middle where alcohol meets family rituals, social anxiety, and the pressure to keep everything magical for kids. Through a candid case study of Heath and Bailey, we unpack why couples get stuck arguing over “how many drinks” while missing the deeper issue: presence and shared responsibility. We explore the common reasons people drink at festive gatherings—soothing awkwardness, enhancing joy, numbing grief—and show how a quick pour can shift from choice to reflex. Instead of counting glasses, we focus on what actually protects connection: clarity, planning, and agreed signals. You’ll hear a practical set of questions to map your approach before events: whether to drink at all, who drives, what limits feel respectful, how to read each other’s signals, and what you want your kids to observe about adult decision-making. We also talk openly about family addiction history, genetic risk, and how to avoid shame while still taking risk seriously. Our goal is simple: help you design holidays where you remain reachable to yourself and each other, even in crowded rooms. Expect straight talk about boundaries that don’t feel controlling, compassion for the partner who leans on a drink to get through, and concrete ways to replace reactivity with choice. If you’ve had the same argument on the drive home year after year, this conversation offers a path to alignment you can actually use at the next gathering. If this resonates, follow the show and leave a rating. Share this episode with someone who needs a calmer holiday plan, and tell us: what’s one agreement you’ll try at your next celebration? Take the Couple Communication Quiz! Ever wonder why you and your partner keep having the same fight or just can't seem to understand each other? We've got answers. Take the quiz and find out: https://couplescounselingforparents.mykajabi.com/forms/2149422422 Do you want to learn about the one thing we think every individual and couple needs to know for healthy communication and connection? Check out our course Attachment Theory: Why It Matters To Your Relationship: https://couplescounselingforparents.mykajabi.com/attachment-course-ccfp Get 15% off our course--Attachment Theory: Why It Matters To Your Relationship: https://couplescounselingforparents.mykajabi.com/offers/MGiJwHLf?coupon_code=ATTACHMENT15 Want some personalized help (individual or couple). Schedule a free coaching consultation here: https://calendly.com/ccfp/meet-the-mitchells Get your copy or audiobook of Too Tired to Fight today!: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/059371427X Interested in one of Erin's postpartum groups? Let us...

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  • S4 · E114
    Dec 9, 2025 · 25 min

    Four Practical Ways Couples Can Stay Connected During The Holidays

    Got a question, comment, or just want to drop some encouragement? Send us a text. December can be tender and overwhelming at the same time. Between school events, family expectations, travel, and the pressure to make it “special,” even strong couples can feel out of sync. We unpack four practical tools that help partners communicate clearly, share the load, and protect the moments that actually matter—without slipping into blame or burnout. We start with the walkthrough: a simple, proactive plan for the season or a single event. Together we define what “good” looks like, name what could go sideways, and get specific about logistics like arrival, departure, childcare, and roles during transitions. The key is believing your partner’s perspective and designing around it, not debating it. From there, we introduce team meetings—short, scheduled check-ins you can run hourly during long gatherings or weekly across the month. These intentional sidebars prevent resentment, keep you aligned, and remind you you’re on the same team. Next, we share how to create code words, a private language that communicates support in noisy reality of the holidays. Use them to ask for a break, trade duties, exit awkward chats, or celebrate small wins in real time. Finally, we normalize strategic split-ups. Not every moment needs both of you. Identify the few “musts,” then give each other permission to step out, reset, and return engaged. This protects energy, honors different social bandwidths, and builds trust. If you want less tension and more togetherness, these four moves—walkthroughs, team meetings, code words, and planned split-ups—turn holiday chaos into a shared plan. Listen now to learn the scripts, questions, and micro-habits that make connection easier when the volume goes up. If the conversation helps, tap Follow, share it with a friend who needs a calmer December, and leave a quick rating or review so more parents can find it. Take the Couple Communication Quiz! Ever wonder why you and your partner keep having the same fight or just can't seem to understand each other? We've got answers. Take the quiz and find out: https://couplescounselingforparents.mykajabi.com/forms/2149422422 Do you want to learn about the one thing we think every individual and couple needs to know for healthy communication and connection? Check out our course Attachment Theory: Why It Matters To Your Relationship: https://couplescounselingforparents.mykajabi.com/attachment-course-ccfp Get 15% off our course--Attachment Theory: Why It Matters To Your Relationship: https://couplescounselingforparents.mykajabi.com/offers/MGiJwHLf?coupon_code=ATTACHMENT15 Want some personalized help (individual or couple). Schedule a free coaching consultation here: https://calendly.com/ccfp/meet-the-mitchells Get your copy or audiobook of Too Tired to Fight today!: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/059371427X Interested in one of Erin's postpartum groups? Let us...

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  • S4 · E113
    Nov 4, 2025 · 30 min

    Holiday Stress, Family Rules, and What to Do About Them

    Got a question, comment, or just want to drop some encouragement? Send us a text. Holiday plans rarely fall apart over turkey—they crack at the fault lines of family rules, nervous system triggers, and the pressure to keep traditions intact while raising small kids. We take you inside a relatable case with Hunter and Manu, whose baby’s bedtime collides with Grandma’s set-in-stone dinner time, and show how a small scheduling issue becomes painfully personal. Along the way, we unpack why these conversations feel “cellular,” how generational roles like don’t challenge the matriarch get carried into adult partnerships, and why safety can mean opposite things to two people who love each other. We dig into the hidden drivers: the urge to protect beloved rituals, the fear of losing what felt like home, and the way partners polarize—one minimizing the hard, the other minimizing the good. You’ll hear a clear framework to calm the room before you fix the plan, plus a simple script to validate effort, name a concrete need, invite collaboration, and make a small ask without heat. We also talk about presenting as a team, giving elders the chance to surprise you, and building memories not just from events but from how you treat each other while planning them. If you’ve ever argued about a start time and ended up questioning each other’s character, this conversation is your reset. Expect practical language you can borrow today, a reframe for navigating extended family with less rigidity and more curiosity, and a path to align on shared hopes even when answers are no. If this helped, follow the show, leave a quick rating, and share it with a friend who’s bracing for holiday negotiations—we’d love to hear the tradition you’d tweak first. Take the Couple Communication Quiz! Ever wonder why you and your partner keep having the same fight or just can't seem to understand each other? We've got answers. Take the quiz and find out: https://couplescounselingforparents.mykajabi.com/forms/2149422422 Do you want to learn about the one thing we think every individual and couple needs to know for healthy communication and connection? Check out our course Attachment Theory: Why It Matters To Your Relationship: https://couplescounselingforparents.mykajabi.com/attachment-course-ccfp Get 15% off our course--Attachment Theory: Why It Matters To Your Relationship: https://couplescounselingforparents.mykajabi.com/offers/MGiJwHLf?coupon_code=ATTACHMENT15 Want some personalized help (individual or couple). Schedule a free coaching consultation here: https://calendly.com/ccfp/meet-the-mitchells Get your copy or audiobook of Too Tired to Fight today!: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/059371427X Interested in one of Erin's postpartum groups? Let us...

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  • S4 · E112
    Oct 21, 2025 · 29 min

    Congratulations, You’re Married—Now Cue The Panic

    Got a question, comment, or just want to drop some encouragement? Send us a text. Ever feel like you’re having the same fight on repeat—one of you craving more presence at home while the other longs to be seen for carrying the load at work? We dig beneath schedules and sarcasm to the two fears that quietly run many relationships: the fear of abandonment and the fear of rejection. Once those fears are named, the real hopes come into view: being wanted and being accepted by the person who matters most. We walk through a vivid couple story—Shannon and Jake—to show how stress flips partners into protection mode. Then we trace where these patterns often start: performance-heavy childhoods that make acceptance feel conditional, and unpredictable bonding that makes closeness feel fragile. We also call out unhelpful gender scripts that told some of us provision should be enough and told others that being emotional is only for women. Healthier partnerships allow both people to bring their full selves—work, feelings, needs, and all—without penalty. From there, we lay out a clear process to pivot from conflict to connection. You’ll learn how to speak your fear without attacking, validate the hope your partner is guarding, and design practical, bite-sized rituals that soothe the exact worry in the room. We share a ready-to-use repair script, plus concrete ideas like daily micro check-ins, appreciation habits that matter to the “rejection” partner, and scheduling anchors that reassure the “abandonment” partner. The goal isn’t perfection; it’s becoming messengers of hope for each other so fear doesn’t get the final say. If this conversation helps, follow the show, share it with a friend who might need it, and leave a quick rating or review so more couples can find their way from conflict to connection. Take the Couple Communication Quiz! Ever wonder why you and your partner keep having the same fight or just can't seem to understand each other? We've got answers. Take the quiz and find out: https://couplescounselingforparents.mykajabi.com/forms/2149422422 Do you want to learn about the one thing we think every individual and couple needs to know for healthy communication and connection? Check out our course Attachment Theory: Why It Matters To Your Relationship: https://couplescounselingforparents.mykajabi.com/attachment-course-ccfp Get 15% off our course--Attachment Theory: Why It Matters To Your Relationship: https://couplescounselingforparents.mykajabi.com/offers/MGiJwHLf?coupon_code=ATTACHMENT15 Want some personalized help (individual or couple). Schedule a free coaching consultation here: https://calendly.com/ccfp/meet-the-mitchells Get your copy or audiobook of Too Tired to Fight today!: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/059371427X Interested in one of Erin's postpartum groups? Let us...

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  • S4 · E111
    Oct 14, 2025 · 34 min

    Why Quid Pro Quo Love Fails and What Builds Trust Instead

    Got a question, comment, or just want to drop some encouragement? Send us a text. We use our boys’ everyday squabbles as a mirror for adult dynamics: both sides telling true events, but interpreting the events completely different. From there, we lay out three lessons that change the tone of a relationship. First, love isn’t a contract (quid pro quo); connection can’t be leveraged without corroding trust. Second, assume your partner’s best and verify the worst with clear questions instead of silent verdicts. Third, practice empathy with accountability—context matters, and so do boundaries. Get your copy or audiobook of Too Tired to Fight today!: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/059371427X Want some personalized help. Schedule a free coaching consultation here: https://calendly.com/ccfp/meet-the-mitchells Take the Couple Communication Quiz! Ever wonder why you and your partner keep having the same fight or just can't seem to understand each other? We've got answers. Take the quiz and find out: https://couplescounselingforparents.mykajabi.com/forms/2149422422 Do you want to learn about the one thing we think every individual and couple needs to know for healthy communication and connection? Check out our course Attachment Theory: Why It Matters To Your Relationship: https://couplescounselingforparents.mykajabi.com/attachment-course-ccfp Get 15% off our course--Attachment Theory: Why It Matters To Your Relationship: https://couplescounselingforparents.mykajabi.com/offers/MGiJwHLf?coupon_code=ATTACHMENT15 Want some personalized help (individual or couple). Schedule a free coaching consultation here: https://calendly.com/ccfp/meet-the-mitchells Get your copy or audiobook of Too Tired to Fight today!: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/059371427X Interested in one of Erin's postpartum groups? Let us...

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  • S4 · E110
    Oct 7, 2025 · 28 min

    When Stress Hijacks Love: Turning Conflict into Connection for Parents

    Got a question, comment, or just want to drop some encouragement? Send us a text. When stress shows up in a relationship, it rarely says its name. We dive into the real culprit—nervous system activation—and show how it secretly drives the shutdown–pursuit loop that so many parents know too well. Through the story of Leah and Justine, two working parents navigating new routines and old expectations, we break down the two common stress strategies: going internal to feel safe or going external to find safety. You’ll hear how those protective moves collide—why silence can feel like abandonment, why pressing for resolution can feel like attack—and how caregiving history informs these patterns. Most importantly, we share a usable plan: opposite action. If you tend to shut down, reach outward and name your inner state. If you tend to pursue, pause and turn inward before you speak. These small, honest moves lower threat, reduce uncertainty, and open the door to empathy and repair. The takeaway isn’t to eliminate stress; it’s to stop letting stress run the conversation. Change the pattern and you change the relationship—one moment of choice at a time. If this resonates, follow the show, share it with a friend who wants to turn conflict into connection, and leave a quick rating so more parents can find these tools. Want more support? Get your copy or audiobook of Too Tired to Fight today!: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/059371427X Want some personalized help. Schedule a free coaching consultation here: https://calendly.com/ccfp/meet-the-mitchells Take the Couple Communication Quiz! Ever wonder why you and your partner keep having the same fight or just can't seem to understand each other? We've got answers. Take the quiz and find out: https://couplescounselingforparents.mykajabi.com/forms/2149422422 Do you want to learn about the one thing we think every individual and couple needs to know for healthy communication and connection? Check out our course Attachment Theory: Why It Matters To Your Relationship: https://couplescounselingforparents.mykajabi.com/attachment-course-ccfp Get 15% off our course--Attachment Theory: Why It Matters To Your Relationship: https://couplescounselingforparents.mykajabi.com/offers/MGiJwHLf?coupon_code=ATTACHMENT15 Want some personalized help (individual or couple). Schedule a free coaching consultation here: https://calendly.com/ccfp/meet-the-mitchells Get your copy or audiobook of Too Tired to Fight today!: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/059371427X Interested in one of Erin's postpartum groups? Let us...

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  • S4 · E109
    Sep 30, 2025 · 23 min

    Are You a Couple That Never Fights? Why That’s A Problem

    Got a question, comment, or just want to drop some encouragement? Send us a text. “We never fight” sounds peaceful, but is it actually connection—or quiet disconnection in disguise? We open up about a small argument over wedding dishes that revealed a much bigger truth: real intimacy requires honest engagement, not appeasing or winning. When one of us began to withdraw and the other escalated, the moment turned on a single request—“engage me so I know I matter.” From there, we unpack how boundaries, attachment styles, and the window of tolerance shape what happens between two people under stress. Across this conversation, we explore why conflict is necessary for a healthy relationship, especially for parents managing constant fatigue and decision overload. We trace how childhood lessons teach us to either retreat or pursue and how those moves show up as “never fighting” or constant protest. You’ll learn the difference between withdrawal and appeasing (and why both feel like abandonment), how to replace defensiveness with curiosity, and the simple structure we use to turn friction into understanding. We also dig into avoidant and preoccupied attachment patterns and why resentment fades when both partners feel heard—even if the final choice doesn’t go their way. By the end, you’ll have a practical lens for navigating everyday disagreements—like picking dishes—that carry deeper meaning about value, respect, and belonging. If you’re ready to shift from the same old arguments into real connection, press play and practice the two-part commitment of engagement: share yourself clearly and listen like your partner matters. If this resonates, follow the show, leave a rating, and share this episode with someone who thinks “no fights” equals “we’re fine.” Your relationship deserves more than survival mode—subscribe and help us grow this community of connected couples. Get your copy or audiobook of Too Tired to Fight today!: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/059371427X Want some personalized help. Schedule a free coaching consultation here: https://calendly.com/ccfp/meet-the-mitchells Take the Couple Communication Quiz! Ever wonder why you and your partner keep having the same fight or just can't seem to understand each other? We've got answers. Take the quiz and find out: https://couplescounselingforparents.mykajabi.com/forms/2149422422 Do you want to learn about the one thing we think every individual and couple needs to know for healthy communication and connection? Check out our course Attachment Theory: Why It Matters To Your Relationship: https://couplescounselingforparents.mykajabi.com/attachment-course-ccfp Get 15% off our course--Attachment Theory: Why It Matters To Your Relationship: https://couplescounselingforparents.mykajabi.com/offers/MGiJwHLf?coupon_code=ATTACHMENT15 Want some personalized help (individual or couple). Schedule a free coaching consultation here: https://calendly.com/ccfp/meet-the-mitchells Get your copy or audiobook of Too Tired to Fight today!: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/059371427X Interested in one of Erin's postpartum groups? Let us...

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  • S4 · E108
    Sep 23, 2025 · 24 min

    Beyond Date Night: Why Physical Closeness and Emotional Responsiveness Matter

    Got a question, comment, or just want to drop some encouragement? Send us a text. Feeling disconnected from your partner despite regular date nights and check-ins? You're not alone. This raw, insightful episode dives into one of the most common relationship challenges parents face: that persistent feeling that something's missing in your connection. Through the relatable story of Joy and Grant, we unpack why simply spending time together doesn't automatically create meaningful connection. The problem isn't your busy schedule—it's understanding what connection truly means on a neurobiological level. Connection requires both physical closeness and emotional responsiveness, creating what attachment theory calls a "safe haven" and "secure base." These aren't just theoretical concepts but deeply human needs that follow us into adulthood and our romantic relationships. We reveal why conflict often emerges from disconnection—one partner pushes for change while the other feels criticized for not doing enough. This "upshifting" versus "downshifting" dynamic creates misunderstanding rather than closeness. The breakthrough comes in recognizing that small, consistent acts matter more than grand gestures or occasional date nights. When you discover what specific actions make your partner feel truly seen and responded to, you can transform everyday moments into powerful connection points. Ready to feel closer? Listen and we'll tell you how. Get your copy or audiobook of Too Tired to Fight today!: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/059371427X Want some personalized help. Schedule a free coaching consultation here: https://calendly.com/ccfp/meet-the-mitchells Take the Couple Communication Quiz! Ever wonder why you and your partner keep having the same fight or just can't seem to understand each other? We've got answers. Take the quiz and find out: https://couplescounselingforparents.mykajabi.com/forms/2149422422 Do you want to learn about the one thing we think every individual and couple needs to know for healthy communication and connection? Check out our course Attachment Theory: Why It Matters To Your Relationship: https://couplescounselingforparents.mykajabi.com/attachment-course-ccfp Get 15% off our course--Attachment Theory: Why It Matters To Your Relationship: https://couplescounselingforparents.mykajabi.com/offers/MGiJwHLf?coupon_code=ATTACHMENT15 Want some personalized help (individual or couple). Schedule a free coaching consultation here: https://calendly.com/ccfp/meet-the-mitchells Get your copy or audiobook of Too Tired to Fight today!: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/059371427X Interested in one of Erin's postpartum groups? Let us...

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  • S4 · E107
    Sep 16, 2025 · 23 min

    The Map to Relationship Renewal: Mindfulness Over Negativity

    Got a question, comment, or just want to drop some encouragement? Send us a text. Have you ever caught yourself thinking that all your relationship problems are your partner's fault? What if your perspective is actually contributing to the conflict cycle? When we repeatedly focus on negative thoughts about our relationships, those patterns become our default way of seeing our partners. This isn't about blame or shame – it's about understanding how our nervous systems work under stress. As parents juggling countless responsibilities, stress naturally narrows our perspective, putting us in survival mode where we see threats everywhere – even from the person we love most. The fascinating truth about negative mindsets is that once established, they're remarkably efficient at finding supporting evidence. If I believe my partner doesn't value family time, I'll notice every instance when they're distracted while completely overlooking moments of engagement. It's not manipulation; it's how our brains work when trying to protect us from perceived threats. But there's hope through mindfulness. By consciously shifting our attention to three key questions, we can break free from these cycles: Do I fundamentally trust my partner's love and intentions? What is genuinely true about them beyond our conflicts? What do I like about them as a person, partner, and parent? This isn't about ignoring problems – it's about seeing the complete picture instead of just the negative frame. The most transformative relationships are built on these small, daily choices to see each other fully. When we can joke about our negative patterns and repair quickly after conflicts, we create the depth and connection we've always wanted. Your mindset matters in your relationship – and mindfully choosing to shift from negativity to a balanced perspective might be the most powerful change you can make. Take a moment today to practice seeing your partner through a wider lens. What might change if you approached your next conversation with curiosity instead of negativity? Get your copy or audiobook of Too Tired to Fight today!: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/059371427X Want some personalized help. Schedule a free coaching consultation here: Take the Couple Communication Quiz! Ever wonder why you and your partner keep having the same fight or just can't seem to understand each other? We've got answers. Take the quiz and find out: https://couplescounselingforparents.mykajabi.com/forms/2149422422 Do you want to learn about the one thing we think every individual and couple needs to know for healthy communication and connection? Check out our course Attachment Theory: Why It Matters To Your Relationship: https://couplescounselingforparents.mykajabi.com/attachment-course-ccfp Get 15% off our course--Attachment Theory: Why It Matters To Your Relationship: https://couplescounselingforparents.mykajabi.com/offers/MGiJwHLf?coupon_code=ATTACHMENT15 Want some personalized help (individual or couple). Schedule a free coaching consultation here: https://calendly.com/ccfp/meet-the-mitchells Get your copy or audiobook of Too Tired to Fight today!: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/059371427X Interested in one of Erin's postpartum groups? Let us...

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  • S4 · E106
    Sep 9, 2025 · 27 min

    "I'm Not Enough" vs "I'm Not Important": The Root of Couple Conflicts

    Got a question, comment, or just want to drop some encouragement? Send us a text. Shame might be the most misunderstood force in your relationship. Not the obvious kind—but the subtle variety that hijacks conversations without you even realizing it's there. In this revelatory episode, we uncover how shame operates as the hidden engine behind the most common relationship complaints: "My partner is so defensive" or "All they do is criticize me." Through a realistic case study of Brian and Justine's kitchen conversation, we demonstrate how quickly a simple interaction can spiral into criticism and defensiveness—not because either partner is trying to be difficult, but because both are caught in shame's grip. We reveal the two fundamental shame categories: "I'm not enough" (manifesting as defensiveness) and "I'm not important enough" (emerging as criticism). What makes this particularly challenging is that most of us don't recognize shame when we're experiencing it. Instead of thinking "I feel shame," we believe "Nothing I do is ever enough" or "I'll never get what I need from my partner." By learning to identify these patterns and understanding the shame trigger beneath them, couples can develop a shorthand for catching these cycles before they escalate. The episode offers practical strategies for breaking free from shame-based communication, including recognizing when you've entered a shame pattern, receiving influence from your partner, clarifying conversation goals, and creating simple repair moments. These tools transform what could be prolonged arguments into opportunities for deeper connection. Ready to understand what's really happening beneath the surface of your most frustrating communication patterns? Listen now and discover how addressing shame could be the breakthrough your relationship needs. And if you're finding these insights valuable, remember to subscribe and leave a review to help others discover the show. Get Too Tired To Fight: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/059371427X Schedule Your Free Coaching Consult: https://calendly.com/ccfp/meet-the-mitchells Take the Couple Communication Quiz! Ever wonder why you and your partner keep having the same fight or just can't seem to understand each other? We've got answers. Take the quiz and find out: https://couplescounselingforparents.mykajabi.com/forms/2149422422 Do you want to learn about the one thing we think every individual and couple needs to know for healthy communication and connection? Check out our course Attachment Theory: Why It Matters To Your Relationship: https://couplescounselingforparents.mykajabi.com/attachment-course-ccfp Get 15% off our course--Attachment Theory: Why It Matters To Your Relationship: https://couplescounselingforparents.mykajabi.com/offers/MGiJwHLf?coupon_code=ATTACHMENT15 Want some personalized help (individual or couple). Schedule a free coaching consultation here: https://calendly.com/ccfp/meet-the-mitchells Get your copy or audiobook of Too Tired to Fight today!: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/059371427X Interested in one of Erin's postpartum groups? Let us...

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  • Sep 2, 2025 · 22 min

    The Ick Factor: When Your Partner Suddenly Feels Gross

    Got a question, comment, or just want to drop some encouragement? Send us a text. That moment when your partner's chewing suddenly sounds like nails on a chalkboard. When their touch makes you cringe instead of melt. When even their kindest gestures somehow feel... gross. Welcome to "the ick" – that mysterious feeling of sudden repulsion that can leave you questioning your entire relationship. On this revealing episode, we dive deep into this common but rarely discussed phenomenon, exploring how it frequently surfaces in parent relationships and what it's really telling us. Through our fictional case study of Mel and Vivian, we unpack how "the ick" often emerges when one partner feels overwhelmed by responsibilities while the other seems oblivious to their burden. Many parents silently suffer with thoughts like "I'm the one holding everything together" or "They want my attention but don't see how overwhelmed I am." These feelings stack up over time, creating a growing sense of resentment that manifests as physical and emotional aversion. What's particularly challenging is finding a way to express these feelings without hurting your partner or damaging your connection further. We offer a practical three-step approach to addressing this relationship challenge: First, acknowledging and expressing your feelings honestly; second, listening for the truth in your partner's experience without defensiveness; and third, actively shifting the dynamics that led to the disconnection. This might mean redistributing household responsibilities, but more importantly, it requires a deeper form of engagement – becoming truly curious about your partner's experience and connecting in ways that feel meaningful to them. Through personal examples and thoughtful dialogue, we demonstrate that "the ick" isn't a relationship death sentence – it's a signal that something needs attention. By approaching this uncomfortable feeling with curiosity rather than judgment, couples can use it as a catalyst for positive change and deeper connection. Ready to transform those icky feelings into opportunities for growth? Listen now and discover how honest communication can help you navigate one of the most challenging but common experiences in long-term relationships. Your partnership doesn't have to end because of "the ick" – in fact, Take the Couple Communication Quiz! Ever wonder why you and your partner keep having the same fight or just can't seem to understand each other? We've got answers. Take the quiz and find out: https://couplescounselingforparents.mykajabi.com/forms/2149422422 Do you want to learn about the one thing we think every individual and couple needs to know for healthy communication and connection? Check out our course Attachment Theory: Why It Matters To Your Relationship: https://couplescounselingforparents.mykajabi.com/attachment-course-ccfp Get 15% off our course--Attachment Theory: Why It Matters To Your Relationship: https://couplescounselingforparents.mykajabi.com/offers/MGiJwHLf?coupon_code=ATTACHMENT15 Want some personalized help (individual or couple). Schedule a free coaching consultation here: https://calendly.com/ccfp/meet-the-mitchells Get your copy or audiobook of Too Tired to Fight today!: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/059371427X Interested in one of Erin's postpartum groups? Let us...

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  • S4 · E104
    Aug 26, 2025 · 26 min

    When Your Partner Isn't Pulling Their Weight

    Got a question, comment, or just want to drop some encouragement? Send us a text. Feeling like you're carrying the weight of parenting while your partner merely "helps out" when asked? This tension over unbalanced parenting responsibilities ranks among the most relationship-threatening conflicts couples face—often leading to questions about whether you've chosen the right partner. Through the story of Sam and Leah, we explore a scenario that resonates with countless parents: Leah handles 80% of child-related tasks and 90% of the emotional labor while working full-time, while Sam consistently drops the ball on important events despite reminders. When Trevor's school performance becomes the latest casualty of this dynamic, the resulting argument reveals much deeper issues about parenting partnership. We introduce a framework of three distinct parenting partner types that can transform how you understand your relationship struggles. Are you dealing with a "do nothing partner" who leaves everything to you, a "well-intentioned helper" who needs constant direction, or a "mutually overwhelmed partner partner" who genuinely tries to balance responsibilities but occasionally falters? Recognizing these patterns helps couples move beyond mischaracterization and defensiveness toward constructive solutions. For overburdened partners, we provide actionable strategies to express frustration effectively, set clear boundaries, and make invisible labor visible. For non-default parents, we offer guidance on acknowledging your partner's valid concerns, setting aside defensiveness, and adopting the mindset that "there is no someone else"—if you see something needing attention, you are the resource to handle it. The episode culminates with a model repair conversation and introduces our System Check for Parenting Partners tool—a practical resource for regularly evaluating and redistributing family responsibilities. Remember, successful co-parenting isn't about maintaining a perfect 50-50 split; it's about both partners taking responsibility, communicating openly, and ensuring neither feels consistently overburdened. Ready to transform your parenting partnership? Download our System Check worksheet and start creating the balanced, supportive family dynamic you both deserve: Take the Couple Communication Quiz! Ever wonder why you and your partner keep having the same fight or just can't seem to understand each other? We've got answers. Take the quiz and find out: https://couplescounselingforparents.mykajabi.com/forms/2149422422 Do you want to learn about the one thing we think every individual and couple needs to know for healthy communication and connection? Check out our course Attachment Theory: Why It Matters To Your Relationship: https://couplescounselingforparents.mykajabi.com/attachment-course-ccfp Get 15% off our course--Attachment Theory: Why It Matters To Your Relationship: https://couplescounselingforparents.mykajabi.com/offers/MGiJwHLf?coupon_code=ATTACHMENT15 Want some personalized help (individual or couple). Schedule a free coaching consultation here: https://calendly.com/ccfp/meet-the-mitchells Get your copy or audiobook of Too Tired to Fight today!: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/059371427X Interested in one of Erin's postpartum groups? Let us...

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  • S4 · E103
    Aug 19, 2025 · 22 min

    Your No and My Yes: How Small Parenting Differences Create Big Tensions

    Got a question, comment, or just want to drop some encouragement? Send us a text. Ever find yourself locked in a heated argument with your partner over something that seems trivial—like whether your child can ride their bike in the street instead of on the sidewalk? These everyday parenting disagreements can quickly escalate, leaving you both frustrated and disconnected, despite agreeing on your broader parenting philosophy. Today we tackle these seemingly minor differences that create major tension. While many couples align on core values, discipline approaches, and long-term goals, it's often the day-to-day decisions where conflicts emerge. One parent feels strongly about saying "no" while the other sees no problem with "yes"—and suddenly you're in a standoff that feels much bigger than the issue at hand. Through our case example of Hunter and Ren disagreeing about bike riding boundaries, we demonstrate how these conflicts aren't really about rules, but about what feels safe, what feels risky, and what makes each parent anxious. We share our personal experiences too, from water safety concerns at a lake house to differing perspectives on outdoor risks while camping or hiking. The good news? We offer a practical three-step process to transform these moments from conflict to connection. First, understand how this issue became important to each of you—what past experiences or fears shape your perspective? Second, recognize what your partner is seeing from your communication style—are they feeling dismissed or controlled? Finally, identify where you can find common ground that addresses both of your underlying concerns. Remember, strong reactions signal importance, not irrationality. When your partner keeps pushing a point that seems minor to you, try responding with curiosity rather than dismissal. By approaching differences with genuine respect and working to find solutions that honor both perspectives, you'll strengthen your partnership and create more harmony in your parenting journey. Ready to transform how you handle parenting differences? Schedule a free consultation with us through the link in our show description, and discover how to navigate these challenges together. Schedule your free consult here: https://calendly.com/ccfp/m Take the Couple Communication Quiz! Ever wonder why you and your partner keep having the same fight or just can't seem to understand each other? We've got answers. Take the quiz and find out: https://couplescounselingforparents.mykajabi.com/forms/2149422422 Do you want to learn about the one thing we think every individual and couple needs to know for healthy communication and connection? Check out our course Attachment Theory: Why It Matters To Your Relationship: https://couplescounselingforparents.mykajabi.com/attachment-course-ccfp Get 15% off our course--Attachment Theory: Why It Matters To Your Relationship: https://couplescounselingforparents.mykajabi.com/offers/MGiJwHLf?coupon_code=ATTACHMENT15 Want some personalized help (individual or couple). Schedule a free coaching consultation here: https://calendly.com/ccfp/meet-the-mitchells Get your copy or audiobook of Too Tired to Fight today!: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/059371427X Interested in one of Erin's postpartum groups? Let us...

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  • S4 · E102
    Aug 14, 2025 · 26 min

    Since Kids, We Never Have Time for Our Relationship!

    Got a question, comment, or just want to drop some encouragement? Send us a text. The back-to-school season brings a whirlwind of activity that can leave even the strongest relationships feeling disconnected. Soccer schedules, school supplies, and new routines create a perfect storm where couples find themselves working efficiently as logistics partners but missing each other as romantic partners. This episode tackles the reality that many parents face during transitional seasons: feeling like you've "gone away" from yourself and your relationship. Dr. Stephen Mitchell and Erin Mitchell, MACP explore how even couples who excel at coordinating family life can struggle to maintain meaningful connection when schedules explode. We introduce three practical strategies for staying connected without requiring what most parents simply don't have – abundant free time. Through self-reflection, curiosity about your partner, and reimagining how connection happens, couples can maintain intimacy during chaotic seasons. The key insight? Micro-moments matter. Just as small disconnections accumulate to create distance, intentional moments of connection – even just a minute or two – build a foundation of closeness that sustains relationships through busy parenting years. Using the story of Gabby and Latrice, we demonstrate how real couples can incorporate these practices into everyday moments like brushing teeth together or sending a thoughtful text. You'll learn how to ask questions that truly invite your partner to share, how to use the time you already have for meaningful reflection, and how to appreciate connection attempts even when they don't land perfectly. Whether you're in the thick of back-to-school madness or navigating any busy season of family life, this episode offers hope that your relationship doesn't have to disappear when time feels impossible. Try our three-step approach and discover how small moments can create lasting connection during life's busiest chapters. Want to talk with Stephen or Erin individually or as a couple for coaching? Schedule a free consult today: https://calendly.com/ccfp/meet-the-mitchells Take the Couple Communication Quiz! Ever wonder why you and your partner keep having the same fight or just can't seem to understand each other? We've got answers. Take the quiz and find out: https://couplescounselingforparents.mykajabi.com/forms/2149422422 Do you want to learn about the one thing we think every individual and couple needs to know for healthy communication and connection? Check out our course Attachment Theory: Why It Matters To Your Relationship: https://couplescounselingforparents.mykajabi.com/attachment-course-ccfp Get 15% off our course--Attachment Theory: Why It Matters To Your Relationship: https://couplescounselingforparents.mykajabi.com/offers/MGiJwHLf?coupon_code=ATTACHMENT15 Want some personalized help (individual or couple). Schedule a free coaching consultation here: https://calendly.com/ccfp/meet-the-mitchells Get your copy or audiobook of Too Tired to Fight today!: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/059371427X Interested in one of Erin's postpartum groups? Let us...

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  • Aug 7, 2025 · 24 min

    When Your Partner Makes Life Harder

    Got a question, comment, or just want to drop some encouragement? Send us a text. Remember when you first fell in love? That magical feeling of finding someone who didn't trigger your deepest wounds but seemed to heal them instead? Fast forward through careers, kids, and countless responsibilities, and suddenly those same wounds are wide open again – activated by the very person who once soothed them. This episode tackles the universal feeling many couples experience but rarely discuss openly: the sense that your partner is actually making your life harder rather than easier. Through the relatable story of Greg and Lucia's conflict over forgotten sports equipment, we unpack how seemingly small disagreements transform into major emotional disconnections. For Greg, whose childhood featured constant criticism, his partner's frustration triggers deep feelings of inadequacy. For Lucia, whose father's absence left lasting abandonment wounds, her partner's oversight reinforces her fear of handling everything alone. The breakthrough comes in understanding that our relational pain doesn't disappear – but we can change how we respond to it. When both partners recognize what's really happening beneath surface-level conflicts, conversation shifts from blame to understanding. We provide a practical framework for effective repair: validating each other's experiences, acknowledging impact, taking responsibility, and committing to future changes. As we demonstrate through Greg and Lucia's repair conversation, this approach allows couples to honor both their individual wounds and their shared commitment to connection. Most powerfully, we explore the crucial distinction that explanations are not excuses. Understanding why you react strongly to certain triggers doesn't absolve you from taking responsibility – it empowers you to respond differently. When couples embrace this principle, they transform from adversaries into allies, using their stories not as weapons but as bridges for deeper understanding. Ready to break free from recurring conflicts and build a stronger connection with your partner? Schedule a free consultation through our website to learn how our unique couples coaching approach can help you move from conflict to true partnership or paste this link your URL to view our consultation calendar: https://calendl Take the Couple Communication Quiz! Ever wonder why you and your partner keep having the same fight or just can't seem to understand each other? We've got answers. Take the quiz and find out: https://couplescounselingforparents.mykajabi.com/forms/2149422422 Do you want to learn about the one thing we think every individual and couple needs to know for healthy communication and connection? Check out our course Attachment Theory: Why It Matters To Your Relationship: https://couplescounselingforparents.mykajabi.com/attachment-course-ccfp Get 15% off our course--Attachment Theory: Why It Matters To Your Relationship: https://couplescounselingforparents.mykajabi.com/offers/MGiJwHLf?coupon_code=ATTACHMENT15 Want some personalized help (individual or couple). Schedule a free coaching consultation here: https://calendly.com/ccfp/meet-the-mitchells Get your copy or audiobook of Too Tired to Fight today!: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/059371427X Interested in one of Erin's postpartum groups? Let us...

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  • Apr 19, 2025 · 35 min

    What We've Learned From Couples: The 100th Episode!

    Got a question, comment, or just want to drop some encouragement? Send us a text. In this milestone 100th episode of Couples Counseling for Parents, Stephen Mitchell, PhD and Erin Mitchell, MACP reflect on the transformative relationship wisdom they've gathered over the years of working with couples facing the unique challenges of parenthood. The insights they share are both profound and practical. They discuss how true bravery emerges when couples face their deepest fears and vulnerabilities; how humility creates openings for healing; and how our universal desire to be truly seen and accepted drives relationship dynamics. The Mitchells explain why genuine curiosity defuses tension, why understanding your partner's childhood story transforms how you perceive conflicts, and why celebrating joy deserves as much attention as addressing problems. Perhaps most powerfully, they reveal how parenting often becomes the catalyst that inspires couples to break dysfunctional patterns. "Having kids amplifies what you want in life and makes you fight for it," they observe. "Your life didn't diminish when you had children—it gave you permission to ask for more." Throughout their conversation, Stephen and Erin weave in practical examples from their own relationship, demonstrating how these principles play out in real life. They emphasize that the goal isn't to eliminate conflict (an impossible and boring aim) but to transform how we approach it, gradually reducing its intensity, duration, and frequency. Whether you're just starting your parenting journey or navigating its challenges years in, these insights offer a roadmap to more connected, resilient relationships. Ready to transform how you communicate with your partner? This episode shows you the way forward. Take the Couple Communication Quiz! Ever wonder why you and your partner keep having the same fight or just can't seem to understand each other? We've got answers. Take the quiz and find out: https://couplescounselingforparents.mykajabi.com/forms/2149422422 Do you want to learn about the one thing we think every individual and couple needs to know for healthy communication and connection? Check out our course Attachment Theory: Why It Matters To Your Relationship: https://couplescounselingforparents.mykajabi.com/attachment-course-ccfp Get 15% off our course--Attachment Theory: Why It Matters To Your Relationship: https://couplescounselingforparents.mykajabi.com/offers/MGiJwHLf?coupon_code=ATTACHMENT15 Want some personalized help (individual or couple). Schedule a free coaching consultation here: https://calendly.com/ccfp/meet-the-mitchells Get your copy or audiobook of Too Tired to Fight today!: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/059371427X Interested in one of Erin's postpartum groups? Let us...

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