EducationSelf-ImprovementHealth & FitnessMental HealthSexuality

Conversations with Dr. Jennifer

Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife

Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife is a sex and relationship expert who has been interviewed for hundreds of podcasts–and now you can access all the amazing content covering issues of faith, sexuality, integrity, belonging, and more right here on the interview archive!

Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife is an LDS relationship and sexuality coach with a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology. Her teaching and coaching focus on helping LDS individuals and couples create greater connection and passion in their emotional and sexual relationships.

In addition to her private practice, Dr. Finlayson-Fife has created five empowering and highly-reviewed online courses. Each course was designed to give LDS individuals and couples the tools requisite to creating healthier lives and stronger intimate relationships. Dr. Finlayson-Fife also offers many workshops and retreats where she teaches these life-changing principles in person.

The advice offered through any and all podcasts in which she is featured is educational and informational in nature and is provided only as general information. It is not meant to establish a therapist-patient relationship or offer therapeutic advice, opinion, diagnosis treatment or to establish a standard of care. The information contained in these communications is not comprehensive and does not include all the potential information regarding the subject matter, but is merely intended to serve as one resource for general and educational purposes.

Play

Open in

20 episodes
weekly
Avg 48 min
English

Episodes 20

Newest Oldest Longest

All20 Unplayed20 In progress0 Played0

Tuesday · 57 min
Let's Talk About Pornography | Q&A with Dr. Jennifer
Pornography brings up a lot of feelings on both sides, and most of that charge comes from the meanings we attach to it, not the behavior itself. Much of this tension is the result of a culture that taught many of us to treat sexuality with fear rather than understanding. That fear tends to show up as shame, and shame doesn't make porn use go away, it just makes it harder to face honestly, ultimately fueling more anxiety, rigidity, and compulsivity. In this NEW episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife answers listener questions about pornography, touching on why trying to control a spouse's use tends to backfire, the difference between trust and forgiveness, and how couples who see porn in fundamentally different ways can stay in honest conversation instead of retreating into their own camps. ANNOUNCEMENTS: SAVE $200 on The Art of Loving Retreat (for men), the Strengthening Your Relationship Workshop (for couples), or the Sex Worth Wanting Workshop (for couples) USE CODE JFF200 Join us at RESTORE on Friday! (use code JFF to Save 10%)
September 16 · 46 min
Trauma & The Sexual Self
Past trauma doesn't just stay in the past. It can show up in our relationship in unexpected, inconvenient, and disheartening ways. Desire can disappear without warning. Old distress can resurface years after we thought we'd made peace with it. Our instinct is often to judge ourselves for the ways that our past trauma impacts us, but judgment only pushes desire further away. Understanding does the opposite. It gives us something to work with instead of something to fight. In this episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Kendra Nielson of the Fulfillment Therapy podcast to talk about how shame and dissociation show up in intimacy, why self-betrayal erodes desire, and what it actually takes to reclaim a sense of belonging to yourself when there has been trauma in your past. ANNOUNCEMENTS: Join us for the FREE Pornography Q&A on 9/17 at 7 PM MT! Click HERE to get the link for the call.
September 4 · 31 min
What About Sex for Older LDS Singles?
Sexual standards set by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints seem clear — no sex before marriage, total fidelity during marriage. Guidelines for sexual activity are set out for young Latter-day Saints in publications like “For the Strength of Youth.” But what about older singles who have never wed or those whose marriages end in divorce or death? How do they then navigate the possibility of intimacy? In this episode, Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife joins Peggy Fletcher Stack and David Noyce of the Mormon Land Podcast to address older singles and how they can navigate the complex realities and decisions they face with integrity. SHOW NOTES: LABOR DAY SALE DESIRE and DISCERNMENT (event for mid-Singles) NEW ZEALAND TOUR
September 2 · 42 min
Growing Beyond Duty Sex [Remix!]
LABOR DAY SALE - BOGO 50% OFF Full-Length Courses Strong marriages require two partners who are willing to tolerate discomfort in order to increase their capacity for real intimacy. Leaning into the discomfort that comes from being exposed and known sexually can be particularly dysregulating. It takes a lot of courage to take ownership of who you are and what you desire and then to share that most intimate part of yourself with your spouse. Today we are re-releasing this popular podcast from the archive. In it, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Dr. Corey Allan of the Sexy Marriage Radio Podcast to discuss duty sex and what couples can do to bring more desire, passion, and aliveness to their intimate relationship. Listen to the full episode to learn more about: Spontaneous Desire vs Responsive Desire Escaping exposure and responsibility through resentment Limiting narratives around sexuality that keep couples from growth Modesty as a form of self-respect
August 25 · 33 min
Motes and Beams | Self-Deception and Marital Growth
Most of us are far more aware of our spouse's flaws than our own. It’s easy for us outline exactly what they're doing wrong while staying strangely unaware of our own part in the very pattern we're complaining about. This kind of self-deception may feel protective, but when we stay focused on our spouse instead of ourselves, we keep our marriage from growing. In this NEW episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Dr. Corey Allan of Sexy Marriage Radio to talk about her book, That We Might Have Joy. They discuss why changing a marriage is about behavior, not ideas, the higher and lower desire dynamic, and the pull to hide behind marital roles instead of revealing who we actually are in our relationship. ANNOUNCEMENTS: SAVE 30% on Cozy Earth bedding with code JFF30 NEW EVENTS! Come meet Dr. Jennifer in person!
August 18 · 58 min
When Love Hurts | Painful Intercourse Q&A
Pain during sex is far more common than most people realize, and once the body learns to associate intimacy with pain, it can keep protecting itself long after the original cause is gone. That protection can look like flinching at a touch, bracing before closeness, or a body that pulls away before the mind even understands why. Understanding why the body holds onto pain, and what actually supports progress, can make a real difference for those who feel the pain and the partners who love them. In this NEW podcast Q&A, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Jess Seitz, a trauma-informed pelvic floor occupational therapist and founder of Pain Free Intimacy, to talk through what causes painful intercourse, why the body learns to guard against it, and how couples can navigate the often difficult conversations that come along with it. **SAVE 20% at Cozy Earth with the code JFF20**
August 11 · 52 min
The Silent Treatment | Withdrawal, Punishment, and Control
Sometimes a partner goes quiet because they're overwhelmed and trying to find their footing in the conversation. Other times, silence is a strategy, a way to make a spouse squirm and bend until the relationship settles back into its old, immature rhythm. There's a real difference between going quiet in conflict and the silent treatment, and knowing which one you're up against changes how you respond. In this episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife uses listener questions to unpack the difference between disengaging to self-regulate and using silence to punish, and what it looks like to stay grounded and invested when a spouse disengages. **SAVE $200 on the Strengthening Your Relationship Retreat in Lehi, UT!**
August 1 · 26 min
Tener Sexo vs. Hacer el amor [Having Sex vs Making Love]
We've received many requests over the years to offer Dr. Finlayson-Fife's resources in other languages. Miriam Parkin has generously offered her time and talent to translate episodes for us and we will add them to the feed as they come in (in addition to our regular podcast production schedule). You can listen to the original "Having Sex vs Making Love" podcast HERE. _________ En este episodio, Dan Purcell, del podcast *Get Your Marriage On*, le pide a la Dra. Finlayson-Fife su perspectiva sobre la diferencia entre tener sexo y hacer el amor, así como sobre lo que las parejas pueden hacer para aportar mayor profundidad espiritual a su relación sexual.
July 28 · 44 min
Desire & Devotion
Many of us grew up believing spirituality is the obedient, contained part of ourselves and sexuality is the unruly part that has to be reined in. But the two actually develop along the same path. We start in fear, trying to follow the rules we were given, and with maturity we move into something more integrated, more our own. That shift can feel like something is going wrong, but it's actually how we find our way to our own integrity, in both our sexuality and our spirituality. In this episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Dr. Heidi Hastings of the Marriage IQ podcast to explore how sexual and spiritual growth move through the same developmental stages, what it looks like to move from an external sense of self to an internal one, and why that shift changes both a marriage and a person's relationship with faith and God.
July 14 · 46 min
When Attraction Fades (or was never there...) | Q&A with Dr. Jennifer
Attraction isn't just about chemistry. It's tied to meaning, and meaning can change. In a long-term marriage, what we find desirable in a spouse is shaped less by biology and more by the meanings underlying the relationship. When those meanings shift, desire shifts with them — leaving you either pulling away from a spouse you once desired, or trying to make sense of one who's pulled away from you. In this episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife answers listener questions about attraction, touching on how to build desire in a marriage where it wasn't there to begin with, what it means when a spouse admits they don't feel attracted to you, and how old patterns of resentment and control can undercut desire without either partner realizing it. Want to learn more? Enroll in the Sex Worth Wanting course!
July 7 · 1 hr 4 min
High Achievers and Marriage
Join us in NEW ZEALAND! We like to think that proficiency at work carries over into our personal relationships, but excelling in a career and excelling in love draw on entirely different strengths. High-demand careers reward constant competence, and it feels good to have a system built around you, where people defer to you because it's their job, but a spouse sees the version of you that colleagues and patients almost never do, including your shortcomings and missteps. That exposure is uncomfortable, especially for someone used to having everything together, so many find it easier to hide in their competence at work than show up honestly at home. In this episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Dr. Richard Low of the Next Level Dentist podcast to talk about the impact high-demand careers have on relationships, including the gap between the self we bring to work and the self we bring home, the intimacy that forms naturally with people you're solving problems alongside, and what safeguards to put in place for work relationships. UPCOMING RETREATS (Save $200 on The Art of Desire or Art of Loving Retreat with code JFF200)
July 1 · 48 min
Learning From Resentment
Resentment shows up when we've given more than we can back up, when we've gone along with something we never actually wanted, or when we've given with strings attached — hoping that giving will lead to being loved or appreciated more. But resentment is more than just a feeling, it's a signal worth paying attention to. We can let our resentments smolder under the surface, or we can use them to better understand ourselves, our desires, and where we need to be more honest with ourselves and others. In this NEW podcast episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Susie Pettit of the Love Your Life Show to talk about resentment, the difference between selflessness and self-erasure, and what it actually takes for women to step fully into their own lives, their relationships, and their desire. LAST CHANCE for The Art of Desire Retreat (there won't be another until 2028!)
June 27 · 1 hr 6 min
La Soledad en el Matrimonio [Loneliness in Marriage Q&A]
We've received many requests over the years to offer Dr. Finlayson-Fife's resources in other languages. Miriam Parkin has generously offered her time and talent to translate episodes for us and we will add them to the feed as they come in (in addition to our regular podcast production schedule). You can listen to the original "Loneliness in Marriage Q&A" podcast HERE. _______ Cuando nos casamos, la mayoría de nosotros imaginamos una vida plena de conexión y compañía. Sin embargo, cuando uno se siente ignorado, no elegido o decepcionado por la manera en que su cónyuge se presenta —tanto emocional como sexualmente—, el matrimonio puede comenzar a sentirse solitario y aislante. En esta sesión de preguntas y respuestas de una hora de duración, la Dra. Finlayson-Fife responde a las inquietudes de aquellas personas que se sienten no elegidas, aisladas y desconectadas en su relación más importante.
June 23 · 36 min
What Parents Need to Know About Sexual Integrity
Parenting a teenager is hard enough before sexuality enters the picture. And when it does, most parents grapple with finding the balance between protection and permission, values and flexibility, structure and trust. The role you play in your child's sexual development doesn't stay fixed. It shifts as they grow, and knowing when to hold a limit and when to let go is rarely as clear as we'd like it to be. In this episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Marielle Melling of the Raising Healthy, Happy Teens Virtual Summit to discuss what sexual integrity is, why it matters for your teen's long-term wellbeing, and how parents can nurture it through every imperfect, evolving stage of the process. For a deeper dive on teaching kids about sexuality, enroll in Dr. Finlayson-Fife's How to Talk to Kids About Sex course! SAVE 20% on Cozy Earth products with code JFF20
June 18 · 56 min
Men and Intimacy [ONE DAY SALE!]
ALL COURSES 30% OFF TODAY ONLY! code DAD30 We tend to assume men are naturally sexual, comfortable with desire, and quick to want sex. But comfort and ease are not the same thing. Many men carry a private discomfort with their own sexual nature, especially men raised in traditions where sexuality is treated as suspect. And so they look to their wife's desire to make their own sexuality feel acceptable, a dependency that hides behind the appearance of confidence. In this episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Rhonda Farr to talk about men's difficulty with their own sexuality, why higher desire can mask a deeper insecurity, and how men can move from proving themselves through sex to actually blessing their marriage through it.
June 16 · 51 min
The Parent Trap | How Caretaking Kills Desire [Room for Two Preview]
Johnny is done being controlled. His faith shift made him realize just how much every decision he ever made was shaped by others — and he's not interested in that anymore. In his newfound freedom, he's been experimenting with substances in a way that's unsettling for June. When she says something about his choices, he responds like a rebellious adolescent. Staying quiet feels easier, of course, but Johnny's choices are having a real impact on her, and she's not sure where her responsibility ends and his begins. In this preview episode of Room for Two, Dr. Finlayson-Fife works with Johnny and June around the parent/child dynamic that is stifling the intimacy in their relationship. This preview episode will resonate with listeners who: Are in a mixed-faith or post-faith-shift marriage Are navigating a partner's substance use Feel like their spouse's parent Crave more intimacy and connection To unlock the FULL episode and over a hundred more that are just as powerful, SUBSCRIBE TO ROOM FOR TWO Save 20% at Cozy Earth with code JFF20
June 10 · 1 hr 12 min
Mid-Singles and Sexuality Q&A
Dating, sexuality, and romantic relationships are tricky enough when we're young — but life experience, past hurts, and complicated relationship histories add a whole new layer of complexity for those of us who are single in midlife. The simple answers and guidelines that once felt sufficient don't quite hold anymore. If it feels like the framework and guidance you were offered as a teen isn't working, it's because it was intended for someone at an entirely different stage in life. Midlife singlehood asks something more, because you've lived enough to know that life doesn't always go as planned, and the choices in front of you now carry a depth and consequence that call you toward the spirit of the law, not just the letter of it. During this Q&A discussion, Dr. Finlayson-Fife speaks directly to mid-singles — whether never married, divorced, or widowed — answering their real questions on topics including: What chastity actually means for adults with sexual history How to relate to desire and sexuality without fear running the show Dating wisely without repeating old patterns What to look for in a partner How to use this season as an opportunity for growth — regardless of what comes next ANNOUCEMENTS: Get your tickets for JFF's FIRST-EVER event for singles HERE Save 20% on Cozy Earth pajamas, sheets and more with code JFF20
June 2 · 51 min
Mixed-Faith Marriages | Q&A with Dr. Jennifer
When a spouse's faith shifts, the anxiety that follows is real. Most of us want to find a way around it, so we seek reinforcement from friends, try to pressure them back into their old position, or just avoid the conversation altogether. But avoiding a difficult reality doesn't make the anxiety go away. In fact, it increases it. In this Q&A episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife takes questions from those navigating mixed-faith marriages, including how to share where you are without demanding your spouse follow, how to stay collaborative when your worldviews have diverged, and how to raise children when you no longer share the same spiritual framework. Because it is in going toward the hard conversations, not around them, that we grow, and that our marriages can too. _________ Last call for our 2026 Sex Worth Wanting Retreat! SAVE 20% on Cozy Earth Products (including their buttery-soft sheets!) HERE with code JFF20
May 29 · 41 min
Desarrollo y Madurez Espiritual [Developing Spiritual Maturity]
We've received many requests over the years to offer Dr. Finlayson-Fife's resources in other languages. Miriam Parkin has generously offered her time and talent to translate episodes for us and we will add them to the feed as they come in (in addition to our regular podcast production schedule). You can listen to the original "Developing Spiritual Maturity" podcast HERE. _________ Jody Moore, del podcast *Better Than Happy*, entrevista a la Dra. Finlayson-Fife sobre el tema de la madurez espiritual. En la conversación abordan: - La importancia de la madurez espiritual y cómo alcanzarla. - Cómo vivir la vida con mayor honestidad y en consonancia con la propia integridad. - El proceso de abordar la obediencia con sabiduría. - El verdadero significado del pudor y cómo enseñarlo con sensatez. - Por qué el perfeccionismo es una virtud falsa y cuál es la verdadera naturaleza de la bondad genuina. - Cuáles son los frutos de la madurez espiritual.
May 26 · 48 min
Rethinking Obedience
All of us start out following the rules of our family or group because we want to stay safe, earn approval, or belong to something larger than ourselves. Safety and belonging are not small motivations, they're important and necessary steps on the pathway of our moral development. But obedience is the first law of heaven for a reason. It was never meant to be the final one. Obedience lays the foundation for us to grow towards something far greater: integrity. In this conversation with Larkin Swain of the Sanctuary Podcast, Dr. Finlayson-Fife walks through her three-stage framework for spiritual and psychological development and explains the role of obedience in each stage. We begin in fear. We grow into belonging. And in Stage 3, we use the moral compass we developed in Stages 1 and 2 to make our decisions not from fear or compliance, but from our own integrity. When we make that shift from living by the letter of the law to the spirit of it, it can feel like something has gone terribly wrong. But it hasn't. It's actually the whole point. SHOW NOTES: SAVE up to 30% at COZY EARTH through June 1st with code JFF30

Showing 1–20 of 20 episodes