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Connected Parenting · Friday · 10 min

When Helping Stops Helping | CP270

As parents, we often act as a substitute frontal lobe for our children while their own executive functioning skills are still developing. We help them regulate emotions, remember what they need, organize themselves, solve problems, and make decisions. But sometimes, without realizing it, we can cross the line from guiding our children to doing too much of the thinking and problem-solving for them. In this episode of Connected Parenting, Jennifer explores the important difference between healthy co-regulation and over functioning, and why allowing children to experience manageable frustration is an essential part of helping their brains grow. Whether it's packing part of their backpack, remembering their lunch, setting an alarm, or working through a frustrating task, small opportunities to struggle and problem-solve help children develop independence, frustration tolerance, and confidence. The goal isn't to raise children who never need us, it's to help them increasingly discover that they can think, solve problems, recover from mistakes, and trust themselves. Jennifer's Takeaways: The Substitute Frontal Lobe (00:00) The Dangers of Over-Functioning (02:25) Using the CALM Technique (07:06) Practical Strategies for Independence (08:57) Meet Jennifer Kolari Jennifer Kolari is the host of the “Connected Parenting” weekly podcast and the co-host of “The Mental Health Comedy” podcast. Kolari is a frequent guest on Nationwide morning shows and podcasts in the US and Canada. Her advice can also be found in many Canadian and US magazines such as; Today’s Parent, Parents Magazine and Canadian Family. Kolari’s powerful parenting model is based on the neurobiology of love, teaching parents how to use compassion and empathy as powerful medicine to transform challenging behavior and build children’s emotional resilience and emotional shock absorbers. Jennifer’s wisdom, quick wit and down to earth style help parents navigate modern-day parenting problems, offering real-life examples as well as practical and effective tools and strategies. Her highly entertaining, inspiring workshops are shared with warmth and humour, making her a crowd-pleasing speaker with schools, medical professionals, corporations and agencies throughout North America, Europe and Asia. One of the nation’s leading parenting experts, Jennifer Kolari, is a highly sought- after international speaker and the founder of Connected Parenting. A child and family therapist with a busy practice based in San Diego and Toronto, Kolari is also the author of Connected Parenting: How to Raise A Great Kid (Penguin Group USA and Penguin Canada, 2009) and You’re Ruining My Life! (But Not Really): Surviving the Teenage Years with Connected Parenting (Penguin Canada, 2011).

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As parents, we often act as a substitute frontal lobe for our children while their own executive functioning skills are still developing. We help them regulate emotions, remember what they need, organize themselves, solve problems, and make decisions. But sometimes, without realizing it, we can cross the line from guiding our children to doing too much of the thinking and problem-solving for them.

In this episode of Connected Parenting, Jennifer explores the important difference between healthy co-regulation and over functioning, and why allowing children to experience manageable frustration is an essential part of helping their brains grow.

Whether it's packing part of their backpack, remembering their lunch, setting an alarm, or working through a frustrating task, small opportunities to struggle and problem-solve help children develop independence, frustration tolerance, and confidence. The goal isn't to raise children who never need us, it's to help them increasingly discover that they can think, solve problems, recover from mistakes, and trust themselves.

Jennifer's Takeaways:

  • The Substitute Frontal Lobe (00:00)
  • The Dangers of Over-Functioning (02:25)
  • Using the CALM Technique (07:06)
  • Practical Strategies for Independence (08:57)

Meet Jennifer Kolari

Jennifer Kolari is the host of the “Connected Parenting” weekly podcast and the co-host of “The Mental Health Comedy” podcast. Kolari is a frequent guest on Nationwide morning shows and podcasts in the US and Canada. Her advice can also be found in many Canadian and US magazines such as; Today’s Parent, Parents Magazine and Canadian Family.

Kolari’s powerful parenting model is based on the neurobiology of love, teaching parents how to use compassion and empathy as powerful medicine to transform challenging behavior and build children’s emotional resilience and emotional shock absorbers.

Jennifer’s wisdom, quick wit and down to earth style help parents navigate modern-day parenting problems, offering real-life examples as well as practical and effective tools and strategies.

Her highly entertaining, inspiring workshops are shared with warmth and humour, making her a crowd-pleasing speaker with schools, medical professionals, corporations and agencies throughout North America, Europe and Asia.

One of the nation’s leading parenting experts, Jennifer Kolari, is a highly sought- after international speaker and the founder of Connected Parenting. A child and family therapist with a busy practice based in San Diego and Toronto, Kolari is also the author of Connected Parenting: How to Raise A Great Kid (Penguin Group USA and Penguin Canada, 2009) and You’re Ruining My Life! (But Not Really): Surviving the Teenage Years with Connected Parenting (Penguin Canada, 2011).

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