Complicated Kids

Gabriele Nicolet

Complicated Kids is a podcast about why raising kids can feel like an extreme sport sometimes. Join me to unpack all of it, figure out who needs what, and help your family thrive.

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#170
Tuesday · 28 min
Trust Yourself with Allyn Miller
You cannot teach your child to trust you while constantly second-guessing yourself. There is no shortage of parenting information out there. Books, podcasts, influencers, experts, schools, research, and your neighbor's cousin all have thoughts about what you should be doing with your child. And sometimes all that information makes parenting harder. In this episode, I talk with fellow parent coach Allyn Miller about something underneath all those strategies: self-trust. Allyn's premise is simple and also slightly inconvenient. We cannot ask our children to trust us if we do not trust ourselves. That does not mean ignoring good information, deciding experts know nothing, or confidently making every parenting decision while birds sing around you. It means getting clearer about what actually matters to you, your child, and your family. Allyn suggests paying particular attention to the word "should." When you hear yourself thinking, "My child should be doing this," or, "I should be parenting this way," ask: Who says? Sometimes there is a perfectly good answer. School has requirements. Families live inside communities and systems. There may be real consequences to stepping outside a particular norm. But sometimes we discover that the mysterious "they" telling us what we should do does not actually exist. We also talk about what this looks like when you have to advocate for your child. It is one thing to know what your kid needs at home. It is another thing entirely to walk into a school meeting, talk to someone you perceive as an authority, and say, "This is not working." Allyn encourages parents to get curious about what they are bringing into those conversations. Your own experiences with school, authority, failure, approval, and conflict are coming into the room with you, whether you invited them or not. Which brings us to the voices in our heads. Allyn makes a distinction I love: there is a difference between an internal voice and an external action. You can see five granola bar wrappers sitting next to your kid and have a very judgmental thought. The thought happened. Fine. Your brain is allowed to be dramatic. But there is still a space between that thought and what comes out of your mouth. That tiny bit of space is where we get to choose. And if "just pause" feels completely impossible when your brain is moving like a freight train, Allyn has a wonderfully concrete suggestion: move your body. Literally walk in a circle. Change your physical position, come back to your adult self, and see whether you can return to the interaction differently. We also talk about how our own younger parts show up in parenting. Sometimes there are not just two people in the interaction. There is you, your child, and the seven-year-old version of you who just got activated and would also like someone to meet her needs immediately, thank you very much. None of this is about becoming a perfectly regulated parent who never has an ugly thought. It is about noticing what is happening, reconnecting with what matters, and giving yourself a little more choice about what happens next. Because trusting yourself does not mean always knowing the answer. It means knowing you can come back to yourself and figure out your next move. Key Takeaways Parenting advice can be useful, but too much outside information can make it harder to hear your own judgment about what your particular child and family need. Self-trust starts with getting clear about what actually matters to you rather than automatically following every parenting rule, trend, or expectation you encounter. When you notice yourself thinking that you or your child "should" be doing something, ask who is setting that expectation and whether it actually fits your family. Not every conventional expectation should be thrown out. Parents can consider the real risks, resources, and consequences involved before deciding whether to follow a norm or choose a different path. Advocating for your child is easier when you understand what you are bringing into the conversation, including your own past experiences with school, authority, conflict, or being judged. Vulnerability can create room for collaboration. A parent does not need to walk into a school conversation with every answer in order to clearly say what they are seeing and ask what might be possible. The thoughts running through your head are not the same as the actions you take. An angry, judgmental, or fearful internal voice does not have to determine what comes out of your mouth. Old family patterns and younger parts of ourselves can get activated during difficult parenting moments, which is why the reaction can sometimes feel much bigger than what is happening right now. When mentally "pausing" feels impossible, changing your physical position or moving your body can create enough interruption to help you step out of an automatic reaction. Building self-trust is not about becoming a parent who always knows exactly what to do. It is about noticing what is happening, remembering what matters, and choosing how you want to respond. About Allyn Miller Allyn Miller is a former teacher, parent coach, and founder of Child Connection. She helps parents build healthier, more connected relationships with their children by focusing on the everyday interactions that shape trust, communication, and family dynamics. Her work helps parents move away from rigid parenting "shoulds" and toward a more intentional approach grounded in self-trust, connection, and clarity about what matters most to their family. Allyn is especially passionate about protecting children's dignity, helping parents break unhelpful patterns, and creating relationships that support both the child and the parent. About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home. Complicated Kids Resources and Links: 🌎 www.gabrielenicolet.com 📅 Schedule a free intro call: https://calendly.com/gabrielenicolet/free-15-minute-1-1-session 📺 Subscribe on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@complicatedkids/featured 👾 Grab Tell the Story (anti-anxiety tool for kids): https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/tell-the-story 📝 Read my latest blog posts: https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/blog 🎤 Explore my upcoming live workshops: https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/live-workshops 🎥 Explore my on-demand workshops: https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/workshop-replays ➡️ Instagram: http://instagram.com/gabriele_nicolet ➡️ Facebook: http://facebook.com/gabriele.nicolet ➡️ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/gabrielenicolet/ 🌺 Free "Orchid Kid" Checklist: https://www.raisingorchidkids.com/orchid-kid-check-list-sign-up/ Enjoying the show? If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show—and it means a lot. If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, you can always reach out at podcast@complicatedkids.com. I love hearing what's on your mind and what would support your family. Thank you for being here. 💛
#169
September 1 · 37 min
When Talk Therapy Isn't Enough with Dr. Julie Lopez
Understanding the problem is not always the same as changing the pattern. In this episode, I'm joined by Dr. Julie Lopez, founder of Viva, for a conversation about trauma, implicit memory, brain-based therapies, and why talk is not always the language the nervous system understands. Julie starts with a story from early memory research that shows something fascinating and, honestly, a little unsettling. A person may not consciously remember an event, but their system can still remember enough to respond. The body may hold information that never becomes a neat story with a beginning, middle, and end. Which matters a lot when we are talking about complicated kids. So many of the kids we talk about on this podcast have sensory systems, nervous systems, stress responses, and bodies that are taking in the world in ways they may not be able to explain. They may not have language for what feels unsafe, overwhelming, painful, intense, or confusing. And when they do not have words, their bodies may speak instead. Crying. Kicking. Screaming. Biting. Shutting down. Melting down. Refusing. Running away. Looking like they are "being difficult" when something much deeper may be happening. That does not mean those behaviors are fine. It does mean we need to be curious about where they come from. Julie and I talk about the limits of relying only on talk, especially when the struggle is not stored only in the thinking, explaining, logical part of the brain. Talk can be connecting. It can help people feel seen. It can help us organize a story and make sense of what happened. But if the body is still reacting as if the danger is happening now, understanding may not be enough. And that is where this conversation gets really interesting. Julie explains implicit memory, the role of the nervous system, and why experiences from very early life, high-stress moments, trauma, or overwhelming sensory experiences may be stored outside of conscious language. We talk about babies, NICU experiences, sensory triggers, and the way a child may respond to an environment that their body recognizes as dangerous, even if their conscious mind cannot explain why. We also talk about therapies that work beyond talk, including EMDR, brainspotting, somatic experiencing, sensory motor psychotherapy, and other approaches that help the system process what got stuck. One of my favorite moments in this episode is when Julie describes the goal of this work, and I realize that what we are talking about is not erasing memory. It is uncoupling the event from the full-body alarm that still comes with it. You may still remember what happened, but you are not still living inside it. That feels important. This episode is not anti-therapy. It is not anti-talking. We are relational creatures, and being with another human who can listen and help us make sense of ourselves absolutely matters. But some things cannot be talked into changing. Sometimes the body needs a different language. And when we understand that, we may have a better chance of helping complicated kids, complicated adults, and, frankly, all of our complicated human systems. Key Takeaways Talk can be helpful, but it is not always enough to create deep nervous system change. Some patterns are stored in implicit memory, outside of conscious language. The body can remember and respond to experiences the mind does not consciously recall. Complicated kids may not have words for what their nervous systems are experiencing. Behaviors like crying, kicking, screaming, shutting down, or running may be communication from a system that feels overwhelmed or unsafe. Understanding why something happens does not always make the body stop reacting. Trauma-informed care asks what the nervous system is trying to tell us, not just what behavior needs to stop. Brain-based therapies like EMDR, brainspotting, somatic experiencing, and sensory motor psychotherapy work beyond storytelling alone. Effective therapy can help uncouple a memory from the physiological alarm that still comes with it. There is nothing wrong with you. Sometimes there is a knot in the system that needs a different kind of support. About Dr. Julie Lopez Dr. Julie Lopez is the founder of Viva, a mental health organization serving clients in DC, Maryland, and Virginia, as well as through telehealth. Julie is passionate about helping people understand how their complicated human systems work so they can move beyond outdated models of change and access therapies that work with the brain, body, nervous system, and implicit memory. Her work focuses on trauma-informed, brain-based, and body-based approaches that help people create lasting change without relying only on talk or storytelling. Through Viva and her educational work, Julie helps adults, parents, clinicians, and families better understand why some patterns do not shift through insight alone and what becomes possible when we use tools that speak the nervous system's language. About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home. Complicated Kids Resources and Links 🌎 www.gabrielenicolet.com 📅 Schedule a free intro call: https://calendly.com/gabrielenicolet/free-15-minute-1-1-session 📺 Subscribe on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@complicatedkids/featured 👾 Grab Tell the Story (anti-anxiety tool for kids): https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/tell-the-story 📝 Read my latest blog posts: https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/blog 🎤 Explore my upcoming live workshops: https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/live-workshops 🎥 Explore my on-demand workshops: https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/workshop-replays ➡ Instagram: http://instagram.com/gabriele_nicolet ➡ Facebook: http://facebook.com/gabriele.nicolet ➡ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/gabrielenicolet/ 🌸 Free "Orchid Kid" Checklist: https://www.raisingorchidkids.com/orchid-kid-check-list-sign-up/ Enjoying the Show? If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show—and it means a lot. If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, you can always reach out at podcast@complicatedkids.com. I love hearing what's on your mind and what would support your family. Thank you for being here. 💛
#168
August 25 · 35 min
The Neurodivergent Learner with Dr. Emily King
Your child should not have to become a different kind of learner just to prove that they can learn. Dr. Emily King is back on the podcast, this time to celebrate the release of her first book, The Neurodivergent Learner. Emily is a child psychologist, former school psychologist, and parent of two neurodivergent kids, so she has spent a lot of time on pretty much every side of the school-family-provider table. At the heart of the book is an idea I love: your child's path is the right path. Neurodivergent kids do not always develop or learn according to the timelines and expectations built into traditional school systems. And instead of spending all of our energy trying to squeeze the square peg into the round hole, Emily asks a much more useful question: Why does the hole have to be round? We talk about the difference between something that is truly disabling and something that is simply different. A movement, sound, learning style, or way of regulating may only become a problem because of the expectations of the room. That distinction matters because it changes what we try to fix and what we might need to accept, accommodate, or understand differently. Emily also gives us one of my favorite images from this conversation: strategies are the sprinkles on top. Before we start throwing visual schedules, sticker charts, scripts, and other strategies at a kid, we need a foundation. Does the child feel safe? Does the pace work for their brain? Are they interested and engaged? Is their nervous system actually available for learning? And safety is not determined by whether the adult looks around the classroom and thinks, "This seems perfectly lovely to me." The child's nervous system gets the deciding vote. We talk about the kids whose dysregulation is impossible to miss, but also the compliant, perfectionistic, people-pleasing kids who look great at school and completely unravel at home. That difference between environments does not mean the problem is not real. The difference itself may be the clue. This is where parents, teachers, and providers have to get curious together. What is working? Where is it working? When does the child run out of steam? What changes between doing math at 1:30 at school and trying to do more math at 4:30 at home? Sometimes the strategy really is deciding that this kid has done enough math today. Most importantly, Emily wants us to protect our kids' relationship with learning. School is one place to learn, but it is not the only place. Kids learn through their interests, activities, relationships, travel, cooking, stories, and all the other experiences that make them curious about the world. As I tell Emily in this episode, The Neurodivergent Learner feels like a giant permission slip to follow your child's signals, be the detective, and advocate collaboratively for what they need. Because learning does not have to look the same for every child. Neither does success. Key Takeaways Neurodivergent children do not always develop or learn according to traditional timelines, and success may mean following the child's developmental path rather than forcing the expected one. Some things about neurodivergence are differences, not problems. The challenge may come from the expectations of the environment rather than from the child themselves. Strategies are the "sprinkles on top." Before adding tools or interventions, adults need to look at foundational needs like sensory safety, relational safety, pacing, and engagement. Safety is determined by the child's nervous system, not by whether the adults in the room believe the environment should feel safe. Dysregulation is not always loud or disruptive. Perfectionism, people-pleasing, compliance, and holding everything together at school can also be signs that a child is struggling. A child who looks fine at school and falls apart at home is giving us important information. The difference between settings may help explain where their energy and coping capacity are being used up. When something is not working, parents, teachers, and providers need to stay curious together instead of dismissing the concern because it does not appear everywhere. Pacing matters. A child who is bored because learning is moving too slowly and a child who is overwhelmed because it is moving too quickly may both disengage for very different reasons. Protecting a child's lifelong relationship with learning matters more than forcing them through one particular academic path, especially when school has already become a source of stress or burnout. School is only one place where learning happens. Interests, relationships, extracurriculars, travel, cooking, and everyday experiences can all be meaningful ways neurodivergent kids build knowledge and skills. About Dr. Emily King Dr. Emily King is a Child Psychologist and former School Psychologist who has worked with neurodivergent children and teens for more than 20 years. She received her Ph.D. in School Psychology from the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, where she worked at the Frank Porter Graham Child Development Institute and the Carolina Institute for Developmental Disabilities. She began her career supporting K-12 students in Houston public schools and has worked in private practice in North Carolina since 2010, supporting neurodivergent youth, their families, and teachers. Dr. Emily hosts the Learn with Dr. Emily Substack, where she shares blogs and parent workshops, and is the creator of The Neurodiverse Classroom®, a professional development curriculum for educators. She has been featured on MSNBC's Morning Joe and quoted in The New York Times. Her first book, The Neurodivergent Learner, is available August 25, 2026. About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home. Complicated Kids Resources and Links 🌎 www.gabrielenicolet.com 📅 Schedule a free intro call: Schedule a free 15-minute session 📺 Subscribe on YouTube: Complicated Kids on YouTube 👾 Grab Tell the Story (anti-anxiety tool for kids): Tell the Story 📝 Read my latest blog posts: Gabriele Nicolet Blog 🎤 Explore my upcoming live workshops: Live Workshops 🎥 Explore my on-demand workshops: Workshop Replays ➡️ Instagram: Instagram ➡️ Facebook: Facebook ➡️ LinkedIn: LinkedIn 🌺 Free "Orchid Kid" Checklist: Get the Orchid Kid Checklist Enjoying the show? If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show—and it means a lot. If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, you can always reach out at podcast@complicatedkids.com. I love hearing what's on your mind and what would support your family. Thank you for being here. 💛
#167
August 18 · 32 min
How to IEP with Vicki Christensen
You are not just invited to the IEP meeting. You are part of the team. In this episode, I'm joined by Vicki Christensen, founder of Blue Glasses Advocacy, special education advocate, and parent of two children with IEP experience, for a conversation about helping parents understand their role in the IEP process. Vicki shares that her own advocacy work began after sitting in an IEP meeting for her son Luke, surrounded by professionals, services, goals, assessments, and more information than any parent could reasonably absorb in the moment. Everyone was kind. Everyone seemed well-intentioned. But she left thinking, "I sure hope they do what is right for my son." And as she says in this conversation, that is not how a parent should have to leave an IEP meeting. We talk about why special education can feel like a foreign language, especially for parents who are new to the process. There are acronyms, present levels, services, accommodations, goals, eligibility categories, assessments, and progress reports. The people inside the system may use these words every day, but that does not mean parents should be expected to understand all of it without support. So we talk about asking questions. We talk about cutting yourself some slack. We talk about asking for draft documents or assessments ahead of time, making a simple bullet point list of questions and concerns, and sending that list to the team before the meeting. Nothing fancy. Just enough to help you walk in with a little more clarity. One of the biggest reminders in this episode is that parents are part of the IEP team. Not observers. Not visitors. Part of the team. The student is in the middle, and the adults are around that student, bringing different kinds of expertise. Teachers, therapists, specialists, and administrators may know the classroom, the testing, the services, or the law, but nobody knows your child the way you do. That does not mean the meeting has to become parents versus school. Vicki talks about the importance of keeping the conversation student-centered, collaborative, and focused on what the child needs. Parents can be assertive without being aggressive. They can ask hard questions without burning bridges. They can respect the professionals in the room while also bringing their own knowledge of their child into the conversation. We also get into the IEP document itself, including present levels, goals, accommodations, services, and progress. Vicki explains why more goals are not always better, why goals need to be specific and measurable, and why parents can ask for the work samples or data behind progress reports. If a goal says a child reached 80% accuracy, it is reasonable to ask 80% of what, measured how, and under what conditions. And yes, we talk about emotion too. Parents often apologize for crying or tearing up in IEP meetings, and Vicki is very clear that there is no need to apologize. This is your child. Of course it can feel emotional. The goal is not to become a robot in the meeting. The goal is to stay regulated enough to understand what is being said, ask questions, and participate meaningfully. This episode is practical and reassuring. It is a reminder that parents do not need to know everything before they walk into the room, but they do deserve to understand what is being said. They deserve to ask questions. They deserve support. And they belong at the table. Key Takeaways Special education can feel like a foreign language, especially when parents are new to the IEP process. Parents do not need to know every acronym before they walk into an IEP meeting. Asking questions is not a problem. It is part of meaningful participation. Parents and guardians are part of the IEP team, not outside observers. The student should stay at the center of the conversation. Parents bring essential knowledge because nobody knows the child the way they do. Before an IEP meeting, parents can ask for draft documents, assessments, and progress information ahead of time. A simple bullet point list of questions and concerns can make the meeting more productive. IEP goals should be connected to present levels, areas of need, accommodations, services, and measurable progress. Work samples and data matter because goal progress should be supported by actual evidence. About Vicki Christensen Vicki Christensen is the founder of Blue Glasses Advocacy and the mother of a 21-year-old with global developmental delays who proudly wears blue glasses. Drawing on both professional training and firsthand experience, Vicki helps parents and guardians navigate the special education system with greater confidence, clarity, and understanding. She holds a Special Education Advocacy Certificate from the University of San Diego and is a member of the Council of Parent Attorneys and Advocates. Vicki also co-founded the Special Education Advisory Committee in her local school district, organizes inclusive community events, and was honored with the North County Consortium for Special Education 2023 Collaborative Parent Award. Through Blue Glasses Advocacy, Vicki equips families with practical tools and strategies for navigating the Individualized Education Program, or IEP, process and building positive, collaborative relationships with school teams. Her approach combines advocacy expertise, empathy, and a deep understanding of the challenges and triumphs that come with raising and supporting a neurodivergent child. About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home. Complicated Kids Resources and Links 🌎 www.gabrielenicolet.com 📅 Schedule a free intro call: https://calendly.com/gabrielenicolet/free-15-minute-1-1-session 📺 Subscribe on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@complicatedkids/featured 👾 Grab Tell the Story (anti-anxiety tool for kids): https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/tell-the-story 📝 Read my latest blog posts: https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/blog 🎤 Explore my upcoming live workshops: https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/live-workshops 🎥 Explore my on-demand workshops: https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/workshop-replays ➡️ Instagram: http://instagram.com/gabriele_nicolet ➡️ Facebook: http://facebook.com/gabriele.nicolet ➡️ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/gabrielenicolet/ 🌺 Free "Orchid Kid" Checklist: https://www.raisingorchidkids.com/orchid-kid-check-list-sign-up/ Enjoying the show? If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show—and it means a lot. If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, you can always reach out at podcast@complicatedkids.com. I love hearing what's on your mind and what would support your family. Thank you for being here. 💛
#166
August 11 · 27 min
Birth is Complicated Too with Emily Roper
Birth is part of the story. It is not the whole story. In this episode, Emily Roper is back to talk about birth, early development, and what those first experiences may have to do with the complicated kids we are parenting later. And before we go anywhere else, we say this clearly: this is not an episode about looking back and deciding you should have done everything differently. No thank you. We have enough parent guilt already. This is about awareness. It is about connecting dots. It is about understanding how pregnancy, birth, and the newborn period can give us clues about a child's brain, body, stress response, movement, feeding, sensory processing, and regulation. Emily is a neuro-developmental delay therapist, certified midwife's assistant, and owner of Early Roots. She works with children who have developmental delays, sensory challenges, ADHD, autism, anxiety, dyslexia, retained reflexes, vestibular differences, visual development issues, and regulation challenges. She also works in the birth world, supporting families during labor and postpartum. Which means she lives in the overlap between early experience and later development. That overlap is where this episode lives too. Emily explains that birth is not just the way we get the baby out. During labor and delivery, the baby's body is doing a tremendous amount of work. Stress hormones shift. Reflexes activate. Movement patterns are used. The baby is preparing to breathe, digest, regulate, move, and live outside the womb. Which is a lot, really. We also talk about what can happen when that process is disrupted or modified. C-sections, inductions, forceps, vacuum delivery, oxygen concerns, birth trauma, feeding challenges, torticollis, latch issues, and unsettled newborn patterns can all become pieces of a larger developmental picture. Not because any one of those things determines a child's future, but because they may help us ask better questions. One of the biggest themes in this episode is that babies do not develop in separate buckets. A feeding issue is not always just a feeding issue. A neck issue is not always just a neck issue. A fussy baby does not have a personality problem. The body, brain, movement system, sensory system, stress response, and regulation system are all connected, especially early on. Emily and I talk about what parents can do with this information at different points. If you are pregnant, it may mean asking more questions about your provider, setting, and support. If you have a newborn, it may mean looking at feeding, body tension, floor time, movement, postpartum mental health, and your own regulation. If your child is older, it may mean finding someone who understands primitive reflexes, sensory-motor development, and the way early patterns can still be supported later. Because this is not a "you missed your window" conversation. Neuroplasticity is real. Development keeps going. Bodies can be supported. Nervous systems can become more organized. Kids can make meaningful changes long after the newborn stage. That is why I like talking with Emily so much. She helps us widen the lens without turning the whole thing into blame. Early history may not explain everything. But it may give us one more way in. Key Takeaways This episode is about awareness, not guilt. Birth can be part of a child's developmental story, but it is not the whole story. Pregnancy, birth, and the newborn period can affect how the brain and body learn to function. Birth is an active process for the baby, involving movement, reflexes, stress hormone shifts, and major physiological transitions. C-sections, inductions, forceps, vacuum delivery, oxygen concerns, and birth trauma can matter developmentally without becoming moral judgments. Feeding, latch, torticollis, fussiness, sensory processing, and regulation are often connected through the developing brain and body. A fussy baby does not have a personality problem. Fussiness can be communication that something is uncomfortable, stressful, or hard. Body issues are brain issues, especially in babies, because early development is deeply physical. Parents can support development through feeding support, body work, movement, floor time, nervous system support, and attention to postpartum mental health. About Emily Roper Emily Roper is a Neuro-Developmental Delay Therapist and a certified Midwives Assistant. She owns Early Roots, a specialized therapy practice for children with developmental delays. Her work helps providers and families better understand and support children and parents. Emily has an educational background in psychology, midwifery, and neuro-developmental delay. She has spent over a decade helping children with ADHD, autism, anxiety, dyslexia, sensory challenges, and other developmental delays. She has attended more than 600 births and supported hundreds of families through their postpartum period. In addition to her hands-on work, Emily is passionate about education and bridging the gap between the birth world and psychology. She teaches and speaks to both parents and professionals about how early experiences, specifically pregnancy, birth, and the newborn period, shape long-term neurological development. She has trained midwives, taught post-graduate students, spoken at conferences, and hosts The Early Roots Podcast, where she makes complex developmental topics feel practical and accessible. About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home. Complicated Kids Resources and Links 🌎 www.gabrielenicolet.com 📅 Schedule a free intro call: https://calendly.com/gabrielenicolet/free-15-minute-1-1-session 📺 Subscribe on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@complicatedkids/featured 👾 Grab Tell the Story (anti-anxiety tool for kids): https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/tell-the-story 📝 Read my latest blog posts: https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/blog 🎤 Explore my upcoming live workshops: https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/live-workshops 🎥 Explore my on-demand workshops: https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/workshop-replays ➡️ Instagram: https://instagram.com/gabriele_nicolet ➡️ Facebook: https://facebook.com/gabriele.nicolet ➡️ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/gabrielenicolet/ 🌺 Free "Orchid Kid" Checklist: https://www.raisingorchidkids.com/orchid-kid-check-list-sign-up/ Enjoying the Show? If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show, and it means a lot. If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, you can always reach out at podcast@complicatedkids.com. I love hearing what's on your mind and what would support your family. Thank you for being here. 💛
#165
August 4 · 26 min
College Prep without the Pressure with Marcia Miller
The best college preparation may not look like college preparation at all. By the time a student gets to college, we expect them to manage syllabi, deadlines, different professors, long-term assignments, and a schedule with far less adult oversight. But the executive function skills needed to do all of that do not suddenly appear when the dorm-room key lands in their hand. In this episode, I talk with Marcia Miller, an executive function coach who spent 14 years working with high school students, about how families can help kids build those skills long before college. Marcia describes executive function as the old-fashioned secretary in the brain. It helps us initiate tasks, organize information, plan ahead, remember what is expected, and follow through. For some kids, that secretary is organized, color-coded, and running a tight ship. For others, she is very quiet, somewhat overwhelmed, or apparently away from her desk. When those internal systems are still developing, students need external strategies. Calendars, reminders, routines, written directions, and repeated practice are not shortcuts. They are tools that help a student manage the work until more of the process becomes familiar and automatic. We also talk about reliability, which Marcia calls one of the least exciting and most essential skills. College professors, employers, friends, and family members all need people to communicate, meet deadlines, follow through, and say something when they are confused or stuck. The first step is often figuring out where the hiccup is. A student may understand the material but forget the deadline. They may know how to solve the problem but become completely derailed when asked to slow down and show each step. They may want to begin the project but have no idea how to turn one enormous assignment into several manageable actions. This is why conversations about how brains work matter. Kids need language for what comes easily, what requires more effort, and what happens inside their brains when a task falls apart. That kind of self-understanding helps make invisible processes visible. Marcia and I also talk about the shame that can build when a smart student repeatedly struggles to do what school asks. When kids hear only about the missing work, forgotten folder, or disappointing grade, they may begin to believe they are simply bad at school. The alternative is not ignoring the struggle. It is helping the child identify their strengths, understand their challenges, and develop strategies without treating every difficulty as a character flaw. Parents can begin by rewarding communication and collaboration. When your child remembers to tell you about the poster project before 3:00 in the morning, that is progress. They have brought the information to the team, and now the team can work on planning, organization, and follow-through. Preparing a child for college is not only about grades or whether they can complete an application. It is about helping them understand how they learn, ask for support, recover from mistakes, work with other people, and build systems that allow them to be more reliable and independent. 🎯 Key Takeaways College readiness begins long before college, but it does not need to be framed that way for kids. Executive function includes skills like initiation, planning, organization, working memory, follow-through, and managing deadlines. For many kids with ADHD or executive function challenges, directions can disappear quickly even when the child wants to do the task correctly. External strategies are important while executive function skills are still developing. Reliability may not sound exciting, but it is a major life skill for school, work, relationships, and independence. When something goes sideways, adults can help by asking where the hiccup is instead of assuming the child does not care. Smart kids can still struggle deeply with showing work, breaking down steps, remembering directions, or managing deadlines. Repeated conversations about how a child's brain works help build metacognition and self-understanding. Shame can grow when kids are repeatedly reminded of what they are not doing well. Parents can support future independence by noticing strengths, rewarding collaboration, practicing strategies, and helping kids understand that their brains may work differently and still be good brains. About Marcia Miller Marcia Miller is an executive function coach based in Washington, DC, who works with teens, young adults, and families throughout the DMV area. After a 14-year career at a private high school, Marcia developed extensive experience supporting both neurotypical and neurodiverse teens, especially students with ADHD. Before working in education, she built a diverse career across corporate settings, law firms, volunteer work, and parenting her own daughter with ADHD. Marcia brings humor, warmth, and a shame-reducing approach to her work. She helps young people embrace who they are, identify their strengths, understand their challenges, and build practical strategies for success. She also enjoys partnering with parents and believes that perspective is essential to effectively coaching teens and young adults. About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home. Complicated Kids Resources and Links 🌎 Website: https://www.gabrielenicolet.com 📅 Schedule a free intro call: https://calendly.com/gabrielenicolet/free-15-minute-1-1-session 📺 Subscribe on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@complicatedkids/featured 👾 Grab Tell the Story (Anti-Anxiety Tool for Kids): https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/tell-the-story 📝 Read the latest blog posts: https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/blog 🎤 Explore upcoming live workshops: https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/live-workshops 🎥 Explore on-demand workshops: https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/workshop-replays ➡️ Instagram: https://instagram.com/gabriele_nicolet ➡️ Facebook: https://facebook.com/gabriele.nicolet ➡️ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/gabrielenicolet/ 🌺 Free "Orchid Kid" Checklist: https://www.raisingorchidkids.com/orchid-kid-check-list-sign-up/ Enjoying the Show? If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show, and it means a lot. If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, you can always reach out at podcast@complicatedkids.com. I love hearing what's on your mind and what would support your family. Thank you for being here. 💛
#164
July 28 · 31 min
S2C with Spelling to Communicate Founder Elizabeth Vosseler
Not speaking is not the same thing as not having something to say. In this episode, I'm joined by Elizabeth Vosseller, founder of Spelling to Communicate and Executive Director of I-ASC, the International Association for Spelling as Communication. And we are talking about communication. Not the easy kind. Not the "say what you mean with your mouth and everyone understands what is happening" kind. We are talking about what happens when a person has thoughts, language, ideas, preferences, humor, opinions, and vocabulary, but cannot reliably use speech to share them. Elizabeth explains that Spelling to Communicate (S2C) is a method of teaching communication to nonspeaking people. And nonspeaking is the word we want here, not nonverbal. Because nonverbal means without words. And the people Elizabeth works with are not without words. They may have no speech, very few spoken words, or lots of speech that is not reliable or communicative. They may script, loop, say the opposite of what they mean, or struggle to get their bodies to do what their brains are asking them to do. Which brings us to one of the biggest themes in this conversation: communication is motor. Speech is motor. Typing is motor. Pointing is motor. Signing is motor. Getting an idea out of your brain and into the world requires the body to participate. And for some kids and adults, that is where things get complicated. Elizabeth walks us through praxis, which is the process of having an idea, making a plan, executing the plan, and adapting when something does not go the way it was supposed to go. For people with apraxia or dyspraxia, the idea may be there. The plan may be there. But the message between the brain and the body may not move smoothly. And if we do not understand that, we can make some very big mistakes. We can look at a child who is not following a direction and assume they are being noncompliant. We can look at a child who is hitting, grabbing, bolting, or making sounds and assume the behavior is intentional in a way it may not be. We can look at a nonspeaking child and assume there are no words inside. That is a dangerous assumption. Elizabeth and I also talk about rich language environments, spelling, reading, communication regulation partners, and why support does not automatically mean influence when the support is trained, careful, and ethical. This conversation is especially close to my speech therapist heart because it asks us to slow down and separate language from speech, communication from behavior, and intention from motor access. Which is not always easy. But it matters. Because when we assume a child has nothing to say, we may stop offering them enough to think about. When we assume a behavior tells the whole story, we may miss what the body is struggling to do. And when we assume speech is the only real path to communication, we may miss the person who has been there the whole time. Key Takeaways Nonspeaking is different from nonverbal. Nonspeaking means a person cannot use speech reliably and effectively. Nonverbal means without words, which can wrongly suggest a person does not have language, thoughts, or vocabulary. Spelling to Communicate (S2C) teaches nonspeaking people to use pointing to letters as a motor-based way to communicate. Communication depends on the body. Speech, typing, pointing, signing, and texting all require motor planning and motor execution. Praxis involves having an idea, making a plan, executing the plan, and adapting when something does not work. Apraxia and dyspraxia can create a breakdown between what a person intends to do and what their body is able to do on demand. A purely behavioral lens can lead adults to misunderstand kids whose bodies are not reliably following their intentions. Rich language and literacy exposure matter, even when a child is not speaking. Communication regulation partners provide motor coaching, sensory feedback, and regulation support when they are properly trained. Assuming competence means being careful about what we say, what we offer, and what we believe may be possible. About Elizabeth Vosseller Elizabeth Vosseller is the founder of Spelling to Communicate and Executive Director of I-ASC. Since 1995, she has worked clinically with individuals with complex communication and sensory-motor differences across hospital, university, and private settings. Her work focuses on motor-based access to communication, advancing education, training, and research for nonspeaking individuals. About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home. Complicated Kids Resources and Links Website: https://www.gabrielenicolet.com Schedule a free intro call: https://calendly.com/gabrielenicolet/free-15-minute-1-1-session YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@complicatedkids/featured Tell the Story (Anti-Anxiety Tool for Kids): https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/tell-the-story Blog: https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/blog Live Workshops: https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/live-workshops On-Demand Workshops: https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/workshop-replays Instagram: https://instagram.com/gabriele_nicolet Facebook: https://facebook.com/gabriele.nicolet LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/gabrielenicolet/ Free "Orchid Kid" Checklist: https://www.raisingorchidkids.com/orchid-kid-check-list-sign-up/ Enjoying the Show? If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show, and it means a lot. If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, you can always reach out at podcast@complicatedkids.com. I love hearing what's on your mind and what would support your family. Thank you for being here. 💛
#163
July 21 · 30 min
Early Development and Why Reflex Integration Matters with Emily Roper
The behavior may be where the struggle shows up, but it may not be where the struggle begins. When a child is melting down, struggling to focus, or having difficulty learning to read, we tend to focus on the problem directly in front of us. But there may be foundational pieces underneath that struggle that we have not considered. In this episode, I talk with Emily Roper, a Neuro-Developmental Delay Therapist and certified Midwives Assistant, about the connections between early brain and body development and later skills like emotional regulation, attention, executive functioning, and learning. Emily's work looks at attachment, the stress response, primitive reflexes, sensory processing, vision, balance, coordination, and movement. These early systems help create the foundation for the more advanced skills children are expected to use as they grow. We spend time talking about the Moro reflex, the sensitive startle response babies are born with. As the brain develops, that reflex should mature into a more flexible stress response. When it remains active, Emily explains that a child may startle easily, react strongly, take longer to settle, or struggle to filter sensory information. That can also affect attention. A child whose nervous system is reacting to everything in the environment may have difficulty focusing on the one voice, worksheet, or instruction we want them to notice. This does not mean every child with attention, sensory, or regulation challenges has a retained Moro reflex. It does mean that reflexes and the stress response may be worth considering as part of the larger picture. Emily and I also talk about behavior as communication. She describes behavior as the tip of the iceberg because it is the part everyone can see, while so much may be happening underneath. Most kids are not melting down because they enjoy it. They are struggling, and focusing only on stopping the behavior may miss what their brain and body need. Movement is another important part of the conversation. When babies reach, roll, look around, and crawl, their brains and bodies are learning how to work together. Crawling involves coordinating both sides of the body, crossing the midline, using the eyes at different distances, and moving intentionally through the environment. These early experiences may later support visual tracking, spatial awareness, coordination, reading, and writing. Emily explains that a child who appears to have a reading problem may also be struggling with visual motor skills, vestibular function, tracking, or spatial orientation. For parents wondering whether these foundations can still be strengthened in an older child, Emily's answer is yes. The brain remains adaptable, and she sees children and teenagers make meaningful changes. This is not about finding one explanation for every child or blaming parents for circumstances outside their control. It is about looking beneath behavior, attention, and learning challenges to better understand what support a child may need. Key Takeaways Behavior is often the visible evidence of something happening underneath. The brain develops from basic, foundational skills toward more advanced skills. Primitive reflexes support survival and early development, but they are expected to mature as the brain develops. A retained Moro reflex may contribute to heightened reactivity, hypervigilance, and difficulty filtering sensory information. Attention is harder to access when a child's nervous system is operating in a heightened state of stress. Early movement helps the brain and body learn how to work together. Crawling supports bilateral coordination, visual development, midline crossing, and movement through space. Reading challenges may involve visual motor skills, vestibular function, tracking, or spatial orientation. Parent-child connection can be an important part of safety, regulation, and developmental work. Older children and teenagers can still strengthen foundational developmental skills. About Emily Roper Emily Roper is a Neuro-Developmental Delay Therapist, certified Midwives Assistant, and the owner of Early Roots, a specialized therapy practice for children with developmental delays. With a background in psychology, midwifery, and neuro-developmental delay, she has spent more than a decade supporting children with ADHD, autism, anxiety, dyslexia, sensory challenges, and other developmental differences. She has also attended more than 600 births and supported hundreds of families during the postpartum period. Emily is passionate about bridging the gap between the birth world and psychology. She teaches parents and professionals about how pregnancy, birth, and the newborn period can shape long-term neurological development. She has trained midwives, taught post-graduate students, spoken at conferences, and hosts The Early Roots Podcast, where she makes complex developmental topics practical and accessible. About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home. Complicated Kids Resources and Links 🌎 Website: www.gabrielenicolet.com 📅 Schedule a free intro call: https://calendly.com/gabrielenicolet/free-15-minute-1-1-session 📺 Subscribe on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@complicatedkids/featured 👾 Grab Tell the Story (anti-anxiety tool for kids): https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/tell-the-story ➡️ Instagram: http://instagram.com/gabriele_nicolet ➡️ Facebook: http://facebook.com/gabriele.nicolet ➡️ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/gabrielenicolet/ 🌺 Free "Orchid Kid" Checklist: https://www.raisingorchidkids.com/orchid-kid-check-list-sign-up/ Enjoying the Show? If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show—and it means a lot. If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, you can always reach out at podcast@complicatedkids.com. I love hearing what's on your mind and what would support your family. Thank you for being here. 💛
#162
July 14 · 26 min
From C Minuses to the White House with Scott Proposki
Some kids are not unfocused. They just have not found the thing that gives their focus somewhere to go. In this episode, I'm joined by Scott Proposki, a photographer, author, business coach, and founder of the Camera Focus Method™. Scott is a former National Geographic and White House photographer, which is the kind of sentence that makes you immediately want to know more. But what I was most interested in for this conversation was not just what Scott has done. It was how his brain got him there. Scott talks about growing up as the kid who did not do homework, who needed the deadline, who was thrilled with a C minus, and who later received an ADHD diagnosis that helped a lot of his life make more sense. And then he found the camera. For Scott, the camera became the thing that helped his attention organize itself. It gave him a focus, a direction, a way to see the world and make that seeing useful. Which is where I think this conversation becomes really relevant for parents of complicated kids. Because so many of our kids have uneven profiles. They may struggle deeply in one environment and come alive in another. They may look distracted, disorganized, or unmotivated until the right project, tool, topic, person, deadline, or vision snaps something into place. And then suddenly, there they are. Scott and I talk about creativity, ADHD, hyperfocus, business, reinvention, and what happens when the thing that made you different as a kid becomes part of the way you build a life. We also talk about the adults around kids. The ones who notice the spark. The ones who help kids imagine what could be possible. The ones who do not only say, "Do your homework," but also help paint a picture of where a child's gifts might take them. This is not a conversation about ignoring the hard parts. Kids still need support. They need skills. They need structure. They need adults who can help them function in a world that will not always organize itself around their preferred interests. But they also need adults who remember that school performance is not the whole child. Sometimes the thing that does not look impressive on a report card is the thing that later becomes a career, a calling, a business, or a life. And sometimes our job is to widen the lens long enough to help them find it. Key Takeaways A child who struggles in school may still have strong focus, creativity, drive, and vision in another setting. ADHD-style attention is not always a lack of attention. Sometimes it is attention that organizes around interest, urgency, purpose, or possibility. Hyperfocus can be a strength when it is paired with the right tool, project, or direction. For Scott, the camera became the thing that helped his focus, creativity, and sense of purpose come together. Some kids need help finding the medium, environment, or "magic wand" that allows their strengths to show up. A later-in-life ADHD diagnosis can help adults make sense of patterns they have lived with for years. School performance matters, but it is not the whole story of who a child is or what they may become. Creative and neurodivergent kids may need structure, deadlines, and support that match how their brains actually work. Parents can help by noticing sparks, naming strengths, and painting a picture of what could be possible. A complicated path can still become a meaningful, successful, and deeply creative life. About Scott Proposki Scott Proposki is a photographer, author, business coach, and founder of the Camera Focus Method™. A former National Geographic and White House photographer, he has spent 27 years documenting stories for global brands and high-profile clients. He is the author of four books, including Camera Focus. Scott is dedicated to helping creative entrepreneurs build resilient, sustainable businesses rooted in clarity and purpose. About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home. Complicated Kids Resources and Links 🌎 www.gabrielenicolet.com 📅 Schedule a free intro call: https://calendly.com/gabrielenicolet/free-15-minute-1-1-session 📺 Subscribe on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@complicatedkids/featured 👾 Grab Tell the Story (anti-anxiety tool for kids): https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/tell-the-story ➡️ Instagram: https://instagram.com/gabriele_nicolet ➡️ Facebook: https://facebook.com/gabriele.nicolet ➡️ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/gabrielenicolet/ 🌺 Free "Orchid Kid" Checklist: https://www.raisingorchidkids.com/orchid-kid-check-list-sign-up/ Enjoying the Show? If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show, and it means a lot. If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, reach out at podcast@complicatedkids.com. I'd love to hear what would support your family. Thank you for being here.
#161
July 7 · 34 min
Internal Family Systems with Jacqi Trombley
You can understand why your child is struggling and still be completely triggered by it. In this episode, I'm joined by Jacqi Trombley, a licensed clinical social worker, trauma specialist, and Level 2 trained IFS therapist, for a conversation about Internal Family Systems. Internal Family Systems, or IFS, is a therapy model that helps us understand the different parts inside us. Not in a "there is something wrong with you" way. More in a "of course you have more than one reaction happening at the same time" way. There may be a part of you that understands why your child is struggling. There may also be a part of you that is scared, embarrassed, angry, overwhelmed, or thinking, "Absolutely not. This cannot be what we are doing right now." That is where this conversation gets so useful for parents. Jacqi walks us through some of the parts language in IFS, including managers, exiles, and firefighters. We talk about why the goal is not to get rid of the anxious part, the angry part, the critical part, or the part that wants everyone to stop making noise immediately. The goal is to understand what those parts are trying to protect. Because so many parents can understand, intellectually, why their child is having a hard time and still feel completely activated by what is happening. We can know our child is neurodivergent, anxious, sensory overloaded, exhausted, or developmentally not where other kids are, and still have something inside us light up. That does not mean we are failing. It means something in us may need attention too. Jacqui and I talk about what happens when a child's dysregulation activates a parent's dysregulation. A child comes home tired, hungry, overwhelmed, or upset, and instead of saying, "I had a hard day and I need help," they poke their sibling, throw something, get loud, refuse the thing, or push every available button. And then, of course, something in us responds. IFS gives us another way to understand that moment. It helps us notice what might be happening inside the child and inside ourselves before everything becomes one big reaction. It gives us language for the part that wants to yell, the part that wants to disappear, the part that wants to fix everything, and the part that is quietly scared underneath it all. We also talk about trauma, inner child work, neurodivergence, and the power of witnessing the parts of ourselves that did not get what they needed at the time. And yes, IFS can sound a little hokey from the outside. Also, it can be deeply moving. This conversation is not about becoming a perfectly calm parent who never gets triggered. Please. We live here on Earth. It is about having another way to understand what is happening when your child's struggle touches something tender, scared, angry, or overwhelmed inside you. And sometimes that little bit of space is where things can begin to change. Key Takeaways Internal Family Systems, or IFS, is a therapy model that helps us understand the different parts inside us. Parts are not treated as bad in IFS. They are usually trying to protect something. A parent can understand why their child is struggling and still feel completely triggered by what is happening. Managers are the parts that try to keep things under control, prevent pain, and help us avoid rejection, shame, or failure. Exiles are often younger parts carrying pain, fear, shame, grief, or unmet needs. Firefighters are reactive parts that jump in quickly when something feels too overwhelming to tolerate. Trying to banish a part usually does not work because that part believes it has an important job. A child's dysregulation can quickly activate a parent's protective parts too. Neurodivergent kids may have repeated experiences of being misunderstood, misread, corrected, or left without help processing what happened. Parts work can help parents create enough space to notice what is happening inside themselves before responding from the most activated place. About Jacqi Trombley Jacqi Trombley is a licensed clinical social worker with more than 15 years of experience. She was trained as a trauma specialist by the Ferentz Institute in Baltimore and is a Level 2 trained IFS therapist. Her clinical background includes trauma, grief, depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, neurodiversity-affirming psychotherapy, and work across multiple settings including treatment foster care, homeless shelters, outpatient mental health clinics, and private practice. Jacqi has also administered psychosocial assessments for the Office of the Public Defender, led wellness groups for human service providers, hosted mental health seminars for private companies, and taught at the University of Maryland School of Social Work on oppression, privilege, cultural humility, and anti-oppression practice. About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home. Complicated Kids Resources and Links: 🌎 www.gabrielenicolet.com 📅 Schedule a free intro call: https://calendly.com/gabrielenicolet/free-15-minute-1-1-session 📺 Subscribe on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@complicatedkids/featured 👾 Grab Tell the Story (anti-anxiety tool for kids): https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/tell-the-story ➡️ Instagram: https://instagram.com/gabriele_nicolet ➡️ Facebook: https://facebook.com/gabriele.nicolet ➡️ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/gabrielenicolet/ 🌺 Free "Orchid Kid" Checklist: https://www.raisingorchidkids.com/orchid-kid-check-list-sign-up/ Enjoying the show? If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show and it means a lot. If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, you can always reach out at podcast@complicatedkids.com. I love hearing what's on your mind and what would support your family. Thank you for being here.
#160
June 30 · 30 min
Screens Are Not the Enemy with Leslie Tyler
Screens are not going anywhere, which means our kids need more than rules. They need guidance. I'll be honest. This is one of those topics where people tend to have feelings. Big ones. And fair enough. Screens can be a mess. They can also be useful, regulating, connecting, necessary, and sometimes genuinely helpful, especially for neurodivergent kids. So I was glad to have this conversation with Leslie Tyler from Pinwheel because we got to stay in the nuance. Leslie is Head of Parent Education at Pinwheel, a company that makes devices designed for kids and managed by parents. We name that right away in the episode because yes, Pinwheel sells devices. And also, this conversation is not really about one product. It is about the questions parents need to ask before a device shows up in the house. What is this device for? Is it about safety? Transportation? After-school coordination? Social connection? Learning support? Independence? Because those are not all the same thing, and they do not require the same plan. We also talk about why there is no magic age when a child is suddenly "ready" for a phone. That answer is probably less satisfying than any of us would like. It would be very convenient if someone could just tell us the exact right age and then we could all feel like excellent parents. But that is not how this works. Instead, Leslie encourages parents to think about the child in front of them, the purpose of the device, and the kind of support that child will need to use technology well. We talk about phones, watches, apps, games, image texting, parental controls, bedtime charging stations, school phone rules, notifications, and why starting small is usually easier than trying to walk things back later. One of the biggest themes in this episode is that parental controls are useful, but they are not the whole strategy. Kids need guardrails, yes. They also need conversation, modeling, practice, and adults who are willing to stay involved without pretending they can control everything. Because technology is here. Our kids are going to use it. So the work is not just keeping screens away forever. The work is helping kids build judgment, awareness, and a healthier relationship with the devices that are already part of the world they live in. Key Takeaways Screens are not automatically good or bad. The question is how, when, why, and for whom they are being used. There is no one right age when every child is suddenly ready for a phone. The better starting question is what your child actually needs the device to do. Wanting a phone because friends have one is different from needing a device for safety, transportation, communication, or independence. Starting with limited access is usually easier than trying to take access away later. Watches, phones, and tablets all come with different benefits, limitations, and risks. The device should fit the child's needs, not just the family's convenience or the social pressure around them. Apps, games, image texting, notifications, and bedroom access all deserve real thought before the device arrives. Parental controls are helpful tools, but they are not a complete parenting strategy. The long-term goal is to help kids build judgment, awareness, and the ability to stay in the driver's seat of their technology. About Leslie Tyler Leslie Tyler is Head of Parent Education at Pinwheel, a company that creates devices designed for kids and managed by parents. Through her work, Leslie helps families think more intentionally about children, technology, independence, and digital safety. She supports parents in introducing devices gradually, having ongoing conversations, and helping kids use technology in ways that are constructive, age-appropriate, and connected to real-life responsibility. About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home. Complicated Kids Resources and Links 🌎 www.gabrielenicolet.com 📅 Schedule a free intro call: Book Here 📺 Subscribe on YouTube: Complicated Kids YouTube 👾 Grab Tell the Story: Tell the Story ➡️ Instagram: Instagram ➡️ Facebook: Facebook ➡️ LinkedIn: LinkedIn 🌺 Free Orchid Kid Checklist: Download Here Enjoying the Show? If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show and it means a lot. If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, you can always reach out at podcast@complicatedkids.com. I love hearing what's on your mind and what would support your family. Thank you for being here.
#158
June 23 · 32 min
Brain Mapping with Andrew Hill
Brain mapping is not about making a complicated brain average. It is about understanding what the brain is doing. In this episode, I'm joined by Dr. Andrew Hill, a cognitive neuroscientist, brain mapping expert, founder of Peak Brain Institute, and author of Gifted & Tortured. And yes, we go right into the brain. Andrew talks about brain mapping, quantitative EEG, neurofeedback, and how certain patterns of brain activity can help us think differently about what we see on the outside: attention, anxiety, sleep, sensory processing, executive function, threat sensitivity, intensity, hyperfocus, and dysregulation. You know. The usual light parenting topics. One of the things I wanted to say out loud in this conversation is that behavior has an internal neurological reality. When a child is distracted, avoidant, anxious, explosive, intense, stuck, shut down, or unable to shift gears, there may be something happening underneath that behavior that deserves our attention. Not because behavior does not matter. Because behavior is not the whole explanation. Andrew explains that brain mapping is not the same thing as a diagnosis. It does not hand you a perfect label or a neat little answer wrapped in a bow. Instead, it can show patterns of activity and help people understand how certain brain resources may be working. That can be powerful. Because when a child or adult can see, "Oh, this is how my brain works," the conversation can shift. It is no longer only, "What is wrong with me?" It becomes, "What does my brain need?" We also talk about the title of Andrew's book, Gifted & Tortured, and why that phrase makes so much sense for complicated kids. The same brain resources that create struggle in one setting can be connected to real strengths somewhere else. The kid who cannot sit still in history class may be the kid who can hyperfocus, move fast, think creatively, notice patterns, or perform beautifully in a high-intensity context. That does not make the hard parts less hard. It does mean we should be careful about treating the brain like it is only a problem. Andrew also walks us into neurofeedback, which he describes as a way of helping the brain practice regulation. Not magic. Not a personality transplant. Not a plan to erase everything interesting about a person. More like giving the brain feedback so it can build more flexibility and range. And yes, there is a cat-on-a-windowsill metaphor that somehow explains sensory motor rhythm and ADHD. I loved this conversation because it gives us another way to think about complicated kids. Not as diagnoses to flatten. Not as behaviors to manage from the outside only. Not as children who need to be made average. But as people with brains that are doing something. And if we can understand even a little more about what that something is, we have a better chance of helping. Key Takeaways Brain mapping can show patterns of brain activity, but it is not the same thing as a diagnosis. Behavior may be the visible part of a deeper regulation pattern. ADHD, anxiety, sleep struggles, sensory processing, and executive function can all be understood through a brain-based lens. What looks like avoidance, distraction, intensity, or dysregulation is not always a choice or a character issue. A child's challenges and strengths may come from the same brain resources. The goal is not to make a complicated brain average. Understanding how the brain works can reduce shame and give kids and adults more agency. Some regulatory systems, including sleep, stress response, attention, and sensory processing, may be more flexible than we assume. Neurofeedback is about helping the brain practice regulation, not changing who a person is. When we understand more about what is happening underneath behavior, we can respond with more curiosity, more precision, and less panic. About Andrew Hill Dr. Andrew Hill is a UCLA-trained neuroscientist and author of Gifted & Tortured, a book exploring the strengths and struggles of high-performing, neurodivergent minds. With more than 25 years of experience in neurofeedback and brain mapping, he helps people understand and regulate their unique cognitive wiring. He is the founder of Peak Brain Institute and works with people to better understand their brains through quantitative EEG, neurofeedback, and biofeedback. About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home. Complicated Kids Resources and Links 🌎 www.gabrielenicolet.com 📅 Schedule a free intro call: Book Here 📺 Subscribe on YouTube: Complicated Kids YouTube 👾 Grab Tell the Story: Tell the Story ➡️ Instagram: Instagram ➡️ Facebook: Facebook ➡️ LinkedIn: LinkedIn 🌺 Free "Orchid Kid" Checklist: Download Here Enjoying the show? If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show, and it means a lot. If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, you can always reach out at podcast@complicatedkids.com. I love hearing what's on your mind and what would support your family. Thank you for being here. 💛
#157
June 16 · 26 min
The ABCs of Big Emotions with Elizabeth Sautter
You do not have to be afraid of big emotions, but you do need a way to meet them. In this episode, I talk with Elizabeth Sautter about what actually helps in those moments when a child's feelings get big. Elizabeth walks us through her ABCs of big emotions framework: first assess and get curious, then balance the brain, and then move toward connection and collaboration. We talk about why behavior is data, why the first move is not fixing or teaching, and why the adult's ability to pause matters so much. She also reminds us that self-care is not selfish, it is essential, because we cannot lend regulation to a child when our own system is already flooded. We also get into what this looks like in real life. Elizabeth explains why telling a dysregulated child to take a deep breath often backfires, why "listen and validate" has to come before problem-solving, and why connection in the moment is different from collaboration later. There is such a helpful reframe here around emotions taking the time they take. The goal is not to rush them out of the body. The goal is to help a child feel safe enough to move through them and then build more skills outside the crisis moment. Key Takeaways Big emotions are data. They are not something to fear or immediately shut down. They are a stress response and a form of communication. The first step is assessment, not control. Elizabeth's "A" is about assessing the moment, pausing, and getting curious about what is really happening underneath the behavior. Self-care is part of co-regulation. If the adult nervous system is already overwhelmed, it is much harder to respond with steadiness. Balance the brain before you try to teach. The "B" is about helping the adult and child nervous systems settle enough that thinking becomes possible again. One breath for me, one breath for you. Elizabeth offers this as a simple way for adults to ground themselves and orient toward supporting the child without demanding the child self-regulate first. Do not ask a dysregulated child to perform calm. If a child is already flooded, telling them to breathe or answer questions may just add more pressure. Connection comes before collaboration. In the moment, the work is to listen and validate. The learning, problem-solving, and collaboration happen later, when the child is back in a learning state. Validation does not require fixing. Sometimes what helps most is being present, using a slow and low voice, and letting the child know their feelings are not too much for the relationship. Emotions are not supposed to move on our timetable. Kids are born with all the feelings and not all the skills, so part of the work is tolerating that emotions take time. Skill building mostly happens outside the crisis. The longer-term work is proactive sensory support, movement, regulation tools, and practicing what to do before the next hard moment arrives. About Elizabeth Sautter Elizabeth Sautter, MA, CCC-SLP, is a speech-language pathologist, author, trainer, and social-emotional learning coach with more than 25 years of experience supporting neurodivergent individuals and their families. She is the author of Make Social and Emotional Learning Stick, co-founder of The Connected Family Community, and a collaborator with The Zones of Regulation® and Everyday Regulation. As a neurodivergent adult and parent of two neurodivergent boys, Elizabeth combines professional expertise with lived experience to offer practical, neurodiversity-affirming strategies that support emotional regulation, executive functioning, and communication through everyday routines. About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home. Complicated Kids Resources and Links 🌎 www.gabrielenicolet.com 📅 Schedule a free intro call: Book Here 📺 Subscribe on YouTube: Complicated Kids YouTube 👾 Grab Tell the Story: Tell the Story ➡️ Instagram: @gabriele_nicolet ➡️ Facebook: Facebook ➡️ LinkedIn: LinkedIn 🌺 Free "Orchid Kid" Checklist: Download Here Enjoying the Show? If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show and it means a lot. If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, you can always reach out at podcast@complicatedkids.com. I love hearing what's on your mind and what would support your family. Thank you for being here 💛
#156
June 9 · 25 min
You Can Teach Your Kid to Read at Home with Faye Bankler Casell
If a child is struggling to learn to read, waiting rarely makes that easier. In this episode, I talk with Faye Bankler Casell about what parents need to know when early reading is not coming together the way it should. Faye explains why reading instruction in schools can feel like a lottery system, why so many children are still being missed until third or fourth grade, and why first grade is such an important window for intervention. We talk about the science of reading, early identification, and the very real difference between a child who is guessing well and a child who is actually decoding. We also get into what parents can actually do. Faye walks through the foundational sound-level skills that matter most, what to watch for in preschool and kindergarten, and why waiting for a child to fail before acting can come at such a high cost academically and emotionally. One of the things I really love about this conversation is how practical and hopeful it is. Parents do not need to become reading specialists overnight, but they can learn what to look for, what questions to ask, and how to start supporting a child sooner rather than later. Key Takeaways Early intervention matters enormously. If a child is not learning to read easily, first grade is a powerful time to intervene. Waiting until fourth grade makes intervention longer and much harder. A child can show risk signs before they are formally reading. Faye explains that dyslexia risk can often be identified by around age five and a half because the issue is rooted in language processing, not just school reading performance. Reading struggles often start at the sound level. Parents want to look closely at phonological awareness, letter-sound connections, rhyming, sound deletion, and sound substitution. Some bright kids compensate for a long time. A child may memorize words, guess from pictures, or use the first letter as a clue, which can make it look like reading is fine until the demands get heavier. Third grade is often when the mask slips. That is when memorization stops being enough and multisyllabic academic language starts to expose the underlying gaps. Structured literacy helps all kids and is essential for some. Faye frames this approach as beneficial for everyone and absolutely necessary for children whose brains are not going to intuit reading patterns on their own. Speech and language history matters. If a child has had speech delays or ongoing language-processing concerns, that is a reason to stay especially alert around reading development. Parents do not have to wait passively. Even while seeking testing, services, or better school support, there are meaningful ways families can start helping at home. Correct answers do not always mean mastery. A child can get a word or pattern right through guessing or partial knowledge, which is why adult observation still matters so much. This is not about a broken child. It is about teaching in a way that matches how the child learns. The burden belongs with the adults and the system, not with the child. About Faye Bankler Casell Faye Bankler Casell received her MA in Early Childhood Education and Special Education from Teachers College Columbia. After teaching in public and private programs across the US, she redesigned an early childhood inclusion program that received recognition from the US Department of Education, NPR, and a national organization. Inspired by the need to launch the reading of her twice exceptional child, Faye became a Certified Academic Language Therapist and Dyslexia Therapist. She now supports parents in the early reading development of their dyslexic children through Home Reading Coach, her social platforms, and her YouTube channel, "Teach My Child to Read." She also works privately with clients and is launching a parent-led, therapist-coached dyslexia program for families supporting reading at home. About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home. Complicated Kids Resources and Links 🌎 www.gabrielenicolet.com 📅 Schedule a free intro call: Book Here 📺 Subscribe on YouTube: Complicated Kids YouTube 👾 Grab Tell the Story: Tell the Story ➡️ Instagram: @gabriele_nicolet ➡️ Facebook: facebook.com/gabriele.nicolet ➡️ LinkedIn: LinkedIn Profile 🌺 Free "Orchid Kid" Checklist: Download Here Enjoying the Show? If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show and it means a lot. If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, you can always reach out at podcast@complicatedkids.com. I love hearing what's on your mind and what would support your family. Thank you for being here 💛
#156
June 2 · 22 min
Parenting ND Teens In Crisis with Katie K May
When a teen is in crisis, the behavior is not the whole message. In this conversation, I talk with Katie May about what she calls "fire feelers," kids and teens who are biologically sensitive, highly reactive, and slow to return to baseline once emotions get big. Katie explains how these kids often grow up hearing some version of "you're fine" when they are very much not fine, and how that repeated mismatch can teach them to distrust their own internal experience. We talk about why self-destructive behavior is often an attempt to make overwhelming emotion stop, and why behavior has to be understood as communication before it can really change. We also get into one of the most important parts of the episode for me: what happens to parents when things escalate. Katie talks about the shame and blame cycle, the grief that sits underneath so much of that, and why parents need their own support if they are going to stay steady in the middle of a crisis. We unpack the revolving door of hospitalization, what keeps families stuck there, and why healing is not about making all the stress disappear. It is about learning how to live inside a life that is hard and still build something meaningful, connected, and hopeful. Key Takeaways Some kids are biologically more sensitive. They feel emotions intensely, react quickly, and take longer to calm back down. Katie calls these kids "fire feelers." Repeated dismissal teaches kids to doubt themselves. When a child keeps hearing "you're fine" while feeling overwhelmed, they may start to believe their own internal signals are wrong. Self-destructive behavior is often a solution, not just a problem. It may be an impulsive attempt to make unbearable emotion go away fast. Behavior is communication. If the outside looks chaotic, there is usually something painful and dysregulated happening on the inside. Validation is not approval. It is a way of saying, "I see how hard this is for you," without reinforcing harmful behavior. Parents do not need a perfect script. Sometimes the right response is words, and sometimes it is simply staying present without minimizing what the teen is feeling. Beneath blame and shame, there is often grief. Parents are grieving the gap between the life they imagined and the life they are actually living. You cannot just remove a coping strategy without building something else. If a behavior is serving a survival function, there has to be a different way for that person to get through the day. The hospitalization cycle can become its own trap. Parents and clinicians feel temporary relief, but the teen often comes back to the same triggers without enough targeted support. Parents need real support too. This is heavy, isolating work, and families need spaces where they can talk honestly without being judged or panicked at. About Katie May Katie K. May is a licensed therapist, author, speaker, and group practice owner. She founded Creative Healing, a multi-location teen support center in the Philadelphia area, and wrote the #1 Amazon best-seller You're On Fire, It's Fine. With lived experience as a teen who turned to self-harm, Katie is one of only 11 Linehan Board Certified DBT Clinicians in Pennsylvania, the gold standard treatment for self-harm and suicidal behaviors. She equips parents and clinicians with practical, trauma-informed tools to decode behavior as survival and create lasting change. About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home. Complicated Kids Resources and Links 🌎 Website: www.gabrielenicolet.com 📅 Schedule a free intro call: Book Here 📺 Subscribe on YouTube: Complicated Kids YouTube Channel 👾 Grab Tell the Story (anti-anxiety tool for kids): Tell the Story ➡️ Instagram: @gabriele_nicolet ➡️ Facebook: facebook.com/gabriele.nicolet ➡️ LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/gabrielenicolet 🌺 Free Orchid Kid Checklist: Download Here Enjoying the Show? If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show, and it means a lot. If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, you can always reach out at podcast@complicatedkids.com. I love hearing what's on your mind and what would support your family. Thank you for being here. 💛
#155
May 26 · 15 min
155 Episodes In: What Still Matters Most
The shoes, backpacks, grades, and meltdowns are not the whole story. They never were. This one gave me a reason to pause and reflect. I originally thought I would do something special for episode 150, and then life happened. So here we are at episode 155, and honestly, the double fives feel like a good enough reason to pause and look back. There is no guest today. It's just me reflecting on what I hope has been underneath this podcast all along. One of the biggest threads is this: children are whole humans. They are not projects. They are not here to perform perfectly so we can feel like good parents. They are their own people, growing and developing in the way they are meant to grow and develop. That is true for children who will eventually move into adulthood with more independence, and it is also true for children who may need support throughout their lives. If that is part of your family's story, I mention my conversation with Maedi Tanham Carney from Episode 106 about future planning and support for children who may need lifelong care: https://youtu.be/UjN7mLZKjuc I also talk about how easy it is to lose the long view of parenting when we are deep in the everyday stuff: shoes, backpacks, homework, grades, getting to school on time, getting through the day. Those things can feel huge in the moment, and I get that. But they are not the whole point. The point is raising a human. That long view also shows up in my conversation with Martha Adler from Episode 3 about death, grief, and helping children navigate loss: https://youtu.be/ycjCg9KB_zE Another thread I come back to again and again is the difference between influence and control. We have influence over our children. We can guide, support, teach, model, and repair. But we do not control who they become or exactly how their lives unfold. I know. Rude. But also true. If that idea feels like something you need more of, I mention my conversation with Ben Pugh from Episode 33 on influence versus control: https://youtu.be/LM0KJS-NKNs I also talk about the thoughts we have about our children and how much those thoughts shape our experience of parenting. When we believe our kids "should" be different, easier, faster, more motivated, more regulated, or more like the child we imagined, we usually end up suffering right alongside them. That is where the idea that circumstances are neutral comes in. I reference my conversation with Penny Williams from Episode 85 on that exact topic: https://youtu.be/y2ecqVV08lg And of course, we get to behavior. Because we always get to behavior. Behavior is a signal. It is not the root. When something looks disorderly on the outside, something often feels disorderly on the inside too. That does not mean anything goes. It means we need to stay curious about what the behavior is communicating before we decide we understand the whole story. For more on that, I mention my conversation with Debra Brause from Episode 129: https://youtu.be/--rKzaCQZ5M Mostly, this episode is a thank you and a reminder. Thank you for listening, for sharing episodes, for telling me what lands, and for being part of this community. And here is the reminder: The child in front of you is not a problem to solve. The hard day you are having today will not happen again exactly this way. And the work is not getting every backpack hung up correctly. The work is raising a human. Key Takeaways Children are whole humans, not projects. Parenting is bigger than the daily checklist. The long view matters. Influence is not the same as control. Thoughts shape the parenting experience. Behavior is communication. Curiosity creates compassion. Hard days are temporary. Parents need support too. The child in front of us matters more than the child we imagined. About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home. Complicated Kids Resources & Links 🌎 Website: www.gabrielenicolet.com 📅 Schedule a free intro call: https://calendly.com/gabrielenicolet/free-15-minute-1-1-session 📺 Subscribe on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@complicatedkids/featured 👾 Grab Tell the Story (anti-anxiety tool for kids): https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/tell-the-story ➡️ Instagram: http://instagram.com/gabriele_nicolet ➡️ Facebook: http://facebook.com/gabriele.nicolet ➡️ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/gabrielenicolet/ 🌺 Free "Orchid Kid" Checklist: https://www.raisingorchidkids.com/orchid-kid-check-list-sign-up/ Enjoying the Show? If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show — and it means a lot. If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, you can always reach out at podcast@complicatedkids.com. I love hearing what's on your mind and what would support your family. Thank you for being here. 💛
#154
May 19 · 37 min
Your Nervous System Matters with Eva Crawford
If your child is escalating and you are escalating too, that is not a discipline problem. It is a nervous system moment. In this conversation, I talk with Eva Crawford, LCSW-C, about what somatic work actually means and why it matters so much for parents of neurodivergent kids. Eva explains how many of us are not noticing what is happening in our own bodies until we are already fully triggered, and how that makes it much harder to respond the way we want to. We talk about interoception, trauma responses, shame, and the ways parents can start building awareness before they hit the point of yelling, shutting down, or spiraling. We also get into one of my favorite parts of the conversation: Eva's smoke alarm analogy. She explains that some kids have incredibly sensitive nervous systems, so what looks like a huge overreaction may actually be a smoke alarm going off over crispy toast. The problem is that when the child's alarm sets off the parent's alarm too, nobody is helping the house feel safer. We talk about what repair really looks like, why your child cannot borrow calm from a dysregulated parent, and why you do not have to be perfectly healed to be a good parent. You just have to stay curious enough to keep learning. Key Takeaways Somatic work starts with noticing the body sooner. Instead of waiting until you are in full panic, rage, or shutdown, somatic work helps you notice the earlier signs like tight shoulders, jaw tension, jitteriness, heat, or shallow breathing. Many parents are not reacting the way they want to because they are already escalated. That does not automatically mean they lack parenting knowledge. Often it means their nervous system is taking over before they can access the response they would prefer. Your child's distress can trigger your own unfinished material. If your reaction feels bigger than the moment calls for, that is often a clue that something older or deeper is being activated in you. Kids cannot borrow calm from a dysregulated parent. If you want to help a child regulate, you usually have to bring your own system down first, even if only by one notch. The goal is not to lecture the smoke alarm. When a child is in a full nervous system response, logic is not going to land. Safety, co-regulation, and lowered threat come first. Repair matters more than perfection. The rupture itself is not always what causes the most damage. What matters most is whether you come back, take responsibility, and reconnect. A real apology is about your behavior, not the child's feelings. You are not apologizing for their upset. You are apologizing for how you showed up when you were overwhelmed. Shame shuts down growth. Curiosity opens it back up. If you feel ashamed after a parenting moment, that can be a signal that there is something important to understand, not proof that you are failing. Parents need in-the-moment tools and long-term healing. A 30-second reset can help during a meltdown, but lasting change also comes from capacity building, self-compassion, therapy, coaching, and addressing old patterns. You do not have to be fully healed to be a good parent. You do need humility, awareness, and a willingness to keep making adjustments. About Eva Crawford Eva Crawford, LCSW-C, is a licensed clinical social worker and board-certified supervisor with more than a decade of experience providing holistic, trauma-informed care. Her work integrates somatic, narrative, DBT, and ACT approaches with a neurodiversity-affirming lens to support individuals and families navigating complex trauma, burnout, and major life transitions. Eva is known for creating a grounded, compassionate therapeutic space that emphasizes safety, sense of self, and meaningful change. About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home. Complicated Kids Resources and Links 🌎 Website: https://www.gabrielenicolet.com 📅 Schedule a free intro call: https://calendly.com/gabrielenicolet/free-15-minute-1-1-session 📺 Subscribe on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@complicatedkids/featured 👾 Grab Tell the Story (anti-anxiety tool for kids): https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/tell-the-story ➡️ Instagram: https://instagram.com/gabriele_nicolet ➡️ Facebook: https://facebook.com/gabriele.nicolet ➡️ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/gabrielenicolet/ 🌺 Free "Orchid Kid" Checklist: https://www.raisingorchidkids.com/orchid-kid-check-list-sign-up/ Enjoying the Show? If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show—and it means a lot. If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, you can always reach out at podcast@complicatedkids.com. I love hearing what's on your mind and what would support your family. Thank you for being here. 💛
#153
May 12 · 29 min
What Actually Works for Executive Function with Sean McCormick
You cannot teach executive function by controlling a child harder. Executive function is not just about planners, homework, and getting organized. It is about self-awareness, self-regulation, and being able to take the next step toward a goal, even when something feels hard. In this episode, I talk with Sean McCormick, founder of Executive Function Specialists, about what actually helps kids build executive function skills. We unpack why avoidance is often a sign that something feels too hard, why motivation works better when it connects to a child's own goals, and why adults need to stop trying to control kids and start getting more curious about what is getting in the way. Sean shares practical ways to break big goals into doable steps, explains why support should be done with kids instead of for them, and makes a strong case for modeling executive function in our own lives too. Key Takeaways Executive function is bigger than school skills. It includes planning, organization, self-awareness, time awareness, inhibition, emotional regulation, and the ability to evaluate priorities and move toward a future goal. Emotional regulation is part of executive function. Kids cannot plan, prioritize, or get started well when they are overwhelmed and not aware of what they are feeling. Avoidance usually tells us something important. When a child keeps avoiding homework or a task, it often means the task feels too hard, too big, too unclear, or too emotionally loaded. Real growth happens at the point of performance. Executive function skills are built in the moment a child is facing the actual challenge, not only through lessons about skills in the abstract. Kids need the next right step, not the whole staircase. A big goal becomes more manageable when adults help break it down into a challenge that feels just doable enough. Motivation works better when it belongs to the child. Kids are more likely to engage when they can connect daily tasks to something they want for themselves, not just something adults want from them. Adults have to notice the nonverbal signs. Body language, shutdown, avoidance, and tone often tell us more than a child's words about when something feels too hard. Support works best when it is done with a child, not for them. Co-regulating, helping them get started, and gradually releasing responsibility builds skill without taking away agency. Failure is not the end of the process. Failure gives feedback. Natural consequences can help kids learn, especially when an adult helps them reflect and recover instead of shaming them. Adults need to model executive function too. Kids learn from how we manage our own energy, limits, priorities, and stress. Burned-out adults cannot effectively teach sustainable regulation. About Sean McCormick Sean McCormick is a former public school special education teacher and the founder of Executive Function Specialists, an online coaching company that supports students with ADHD and autism in building executive function skills. He also founded the Executive Function Coaching Academy to train educators and professionals in executive function coaching, and co-founded UpSkill Specialists to support neurodivergent adults. Sean is passionate about helping students and families understand the practical skills that make everyday life more manageable and meaningful. About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home. Complicated Kids Resources & Links 🌎 Website: www.gabrielenicolet.com 📅 Schedule a free intro call: Book here 📺 Subscribe on YouTube: Complicated Kids YouTube Channel 👾 Grab Tell the Story (anti-anxiety tool for kids): Tell the Story ➡️ Instagram: @gabriele_nicolet ➡️ Facebook: facebook.com/gabriele.nicolet ➡️ LinkedIn: Gabriele Nicolet on LinkedIn 🌺 Free "Orchid Kid" Checklist: Download the Checklist Enjoying the Show? If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show — and it means a lot. If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, you can always reach out at podcast@complicatedkids.com. I love hearing what's on your mind and what would support your family. Thank you for being here. 💛
#152
May 5 · 30 min
Why Good Kids Get Bad Grades with Dr. Linda Silbert
Sometimes a grade becomes the whole story. A child gets a low score, forgets an assignment, melts down over homework, or seems unmotivated, and suddenly everyone is focused on performance. But in this conversation, Dr. Linda Silbert brings us back to something much more important: a struggling child is still a whole child. Grades may show that something is wrong, but they do not explain why. Gabriele and Dr. Silbert talk about the many reasons good kids can struggle in school, from weak reading skills and poor study habits to family stress, overscheduling, lack of sleep, and the emotional weight kids carry every day. They talk about how often children are expected to know how to study, organize themselves, and manage demands they were never actually taught to handle. They also explore how parents can shift from reacting to grades to getting curious about the cause. This episode is also a strong reminder that learning has to fit the child. Dr. Silbert shares how play, connection, and simple strategies can unlock progress in ways pressure never will. It is a hopeful conversation about seeing children clearly, supporting them practically, and letting go of the idea that a report card tells you everything you need to know. Key Takeaways Bad grades are often a symptom, not the real problem. Looking only at the grade can keep parents from seeing the stress, skill gaps, overload, or unmet needs underneath it. Many kids are told to study harder without ever being taught how to study. Study skills, organization, and planning are learned skills. Parents help most when they act like an ally, not an adversary. Sitting beside a child and staying calm can change the emotional tone of learning. Overload matters. Too much activity, too little sleep, too much screen time, and too much pressure all affect learning and regulation. Children cannot do well when basic needs are not being met. Hunger, exhaustion, stress, and lack of connection all get in the way. Disorganization and avoidance are often signs of missing skills or too much stress, not laziness. Learning has to match how the child's brain works. Play and engagement can unlock progress more effectively than pressure. Self-esteem is shaped by how children experience school and home, including tone, reactions, and expectations. Families need priorities, not perfection. It helps to step back and decide what matters most right now. The goal is to see the whole child. Grades and performance only tell part of the story. About Dr. Linda Silbert Dr. Linda Silbert is an educational counselor, dyslexia therapist, and longtime educator with decades of experience helping children and families understand the reasons behind school struggles. Her work focuses on the whole child, with an emphasis on self-esteem, learning differences, study skills, and practical support that fits real family life. She is the author of Why Good Kids Get Bad Grades: What Parents Need to Know and Do and the founder of Strong Learning. About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home. Complicated Kids Resources and Links 🌎 www.gabrielenicolet.com 📅 Schedule a free intro call 📺 Subscribe on YouTube 👾 Tell the Story (anti-anxiety tool) ➡️ Instagram ➡️ Facebook ➡️ LinkedIn 🌺 Free "Orchid Kid" Checklist Enjoying the show? If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show and it means a lot. If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, reach out at podcast@complicatedkids.com. I love hearing what would support your family. Thank you for being here. 💛
#151
April 28 · 23 min
More Therapy is Not Better with Casey the Speducator
A child can need support and still have too much support. In this conversation, I talk with Casey Joseph, special educator and founder of Casey's Special Education Services, about what happens when families get handed a long list of recommendations and start trying to do all of it at once. Casey shares why "more" is not always the best answer for neurodivergent kids, especially when services start to crowd out rest, connection, regulation, and ordinary family life. We talk about the hidden cost of too many appointments, too many providers, and too many moving pieces, and why parents need permission to step back and ask what is truly necessary right now. We also get into the practical side of this: how to think about a child's most urgent needs first, why fit matters more than quantity, when it may make sense to pause or reduce services, and how seasons of life affect progress too. Casey offers a thoughtful framework for choosing support with more intention and less panic, so families can build something sustainable instead of piling on one more thing just because it sounds helpful. Key Takeaways More services do not automatically mean better outcomes. A child can benefit from support and still become overwhelmed by too many appointments, transitions, and expectations. Parents need permission to be intentional. It is okay to ask what is most important right now instead of trying to address every need at the same time. Burnout matters for kids too. If a child is spending all day holding it together at school, adding too many after-school supports can push them past capacity. Burnout in parents affects the whole system. When a parent is juggling too many providers, updates, schedules, and logistics, that stress often gets felt by the child. Fit matters as much as access. A therapist, tutor, or clinician may be wonderful and still not be the right person for a particular child or diagnosis. Support should match the real priority. Sometimes the first need is regulation, anxiety support, sensory support, or basic physical needs, not academics. Services can change over time. A child may need something intensely for one season, then need less, a break, or something different later. Progress is not linear. Some parts of the year are naturally harder, and families do not need to panic if growth looks slower during stressful or draining seasons. Multidisciplinary support can help when it reduces stress. Sometimes one clinic or one coordinated team makes more sense than managing many separate providers. A good question for families is not only "What could help?" but also "What is giving us a real return on the investment of time, money, and energy?" About Casey Joseph Casey Joseph is the Executive Director and Founder of Casey's Special Education Services, LLC. She is a special educator who has built a team of special education teachers providing one-on-one support, tutoring, and consultation for families across the DMV. Casey's work focuses on children who learn differently and benefit from individualized support grounded in special education expertise. Her approach is collaborative, strengths-based, and centered on helping families find support that is both meaningful and sustainable. About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home. Complicated Kids Resources and Links 🌎 www.gabrielenicolet.com 📅 Schedule a free intro call: Book here 📺 Subscribe on YouTube: Watch here 👾 Grab Tell the Story (anti-anxiety tool for kids): Learn more ➡️ Instagram: Follow here ➡️ Facebook: Connect here ➡️ LinkedIn: View profile 🌺 Free "Orchid Kid" Checklist: Download here Enjoying the show? If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show and it means a lot. If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, you can always reach out at podcast@complicatedkids.com. I love hearing what's on your mind and what would support your family. Thank you for being here. 💛

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