Below The Circle with Dr. Phyllis

Stop Waiting for Permission: Chose Who You Want to Be Today | 163

Stop Waiting for Permission: Choose Who You Want to Be Today | Episode 163 What are you waiting for before you give yourself permission to experience your life differently? For many of us, it's the hope that things will finally settle down. That responsibilities will ease, disappointments will fade, or we'll have a clearer picture of what comes next. But what if you don't have to wait? In this episode of Below the Circle, Dr. Phyllis shares a deeply personal moment in her backyard when, after a season of painful and disruptive experiences, something as ordinary as feeling the wind against her face awakened a surprising sense of joy, freedom, and connection with God. That moment became an invitation to see her life differently—not because her circumstances had changed, but because she was beginning to recognize that she still had choices about how she wanted to live. Through personal reflection and the words of Joshua 24:15, Dr. Phyllis explores what it means to stop waiting for permission and begin choosing who you want to become, even when you don't have all the answers. A question to sit with: What if you don't have to wait until everything is okay to give yourself permission to experience what is still good in your life? 🛬 It's not too late to discover you. It's not too late to land. Continue the conversation: Join Dr. Phyllis on Substack for weekly reflections and deeper conversations at https://thedrphyllis.com.

• Transcript

When Pushing Through Becomes a Way of Life | 162

Living With Purpose vs. Living On Purpose: You Don’t Have to Push Through Everything In Episode 162 of Below the Circle, Dr. Phyllis reflects on how years of “pushing through” responsibilities can make it hard to know when it’s okay to stop and truly experience life. She explores the difference between living with purpose (goal-driven, committed, productive) and living on purpose (intentional, present, emotionally aware), sharing a 2019 season when she took on a major event despite knowing it wasn’t right for her, at significant emotional and financial cost. She reframes resilience as not just powering past feelings, but acknowledging joy, grief, disappointment, and hurt without immediately fixing or dismissing them. Her invitation: notice when you’re rushing past a moment and give yourself permission to experience it—because not every moment of your life is something you need to get through. Something resonate with you from today's episode? Dr. Phyllis invites you to continue the conversation with her on Substack: thedrphyllis.com. You can also watch today's episode on YouTube - Below the Circle with Dr. Phyllis Facebook: @thedrphyllis Instagram: @thedrphyllis Tik Tok: @thedrphyllis LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thedrphyllis/

• Transcript

How Did I Get So Far Into My Life and Lose Myself / 161

How Did I Get So Far Into My Life—and Lose Myself? | Below the Circle Ep. 161 Dr. Phyllis explores why so many women look up after years of doing everything “right” and wonder where they went. Drawing from her own journey through academics and medicine, she explains how external evaluations can quietly shift from measuring performance to defining personal worth—and how that same measuring system follows us home into roles like spouse, mother, caregiver, friend, and church member. Over time, life becomes organized around what needs to be done next, leaving little space for joy, desire, identity, or meaning. When a transition, loss, or quiet moment interrupts the rhythm, women may feel regret, grief, or emptiness—even while feeling grateful for what they’ve built. She invites listeners to consider new “measurements” of a life and reconnect with the woman beneath the roles. 00:00 How Did I Get Here 02:34 Welcome and Episode Setup 03:17 When Achievement Becomes Worth 06:41 Bringing the Scorecard Home 09:51 Managing Life vs Living It 13:37 When Life Interrupts the Rhythm 16:35 Full Life vs Fulfilled Life 20:07 A New Lens for Identity 23:26 Invitation to Continue Together 25:35 Closing Enjoyed this week's episode? Join Dr. Phyllis for more conversation and insights at thedrphyllis.com

• Transcript

Let Go and Let God / 160

What if the thing you are holding onto so tightly is not yours to carry anymore? When you are used to caring for others, solving problems, anticipating needs, and making sure everything stays on track, letting go can feel uncomfortable. It can even feel irresponsible. But releasing control does not mean you have stopped caring. In this episode, Dr. Phyllis reflects on teaching her son to drive during one of the most demanding seasons of her life. As he grew more confident behind the wheel, she realized that helping him grow would eventually require her to step back. Through this experience, she explores the difference between caring and carrying, responsibility and control, and worry and trust. With the reminder to “let go and let God,” and encouragement from Matthew 11:28-30, she shares how releasing what is no longer yours to hold can create more space to live, breathe, and trust God with what comes next. This week’s reflection: What am I carrying right now that may no longer be mine to hold so tightly? In this episode: (0:00) Teaching her son to drive during a demanding season of caregiving (1:46) Why love and safety can make us hold on tightly (2:03) Recognizing when you have taken someone as far as you can (3:21) Watching her son drive away and learning to trust (4:04) Understanding the meaning of “let go and let God” (5:37) Letting go without giving up or becoming irresponsible (6:39) Why women who are used to being needed can live in reaction mode (8:12) When helping in one season can become limiting in the next (10:01) Accepting the limits of what you can control (11:17) Doing what you can and releasing the outcome (12:03) Matthew 11:28-30 and carrying burdens God never asked you to carry (13:27) What trust looks like when life still feels uncertain (14:25) How worry can use energy that could be spent living (15:34) Caring deeply without carrying what belongs to someone else (18:23) Why letting go is a process, not a one-time decision (19:38) How releasing control creates space to breathe and live (20:17) This week’s question: “What are you carrying that may no longer be yours to hold?” (21:19) When love means holding on and when it means stepping back (22:09) Continuing the conversation with Below the Circle After Hours Join Dr. Phyllis for more conversation and insights at thedrphyllis.com

Stillness is Not Failure / 159

What if the quiet you’ve been craving is not a sign that you’re tired of your life, but a sign that you need space to finally hear yourself again? When you are used to answering questions, solving problems, caring for others, and keeping everything moving, stillness can feel unfamiliar or even selfish. But quiet does not mean you have stopped caring. In this episode, Dr. Phyllis reflects on the unexpected relief of walking into a quiet house and realizing that, for a few moments, nobody needed anything from her. She explores our connection between productivity and self-worth, challenges common ideas about resilience, and shares how stillness can create space to reconnect with yourself and God. Through Psalm 46:10, she offers a gentle reminder that you do not have to keep every plate spinning. Sometimes, simply being still is a blessing. This week’s reflection: What am I noticing now that it’s quiet? In this episode: (0:00) The unexpected relief of walking into a quiet house (2:01) When productivity and being needed become part of your identity (3:18) Why stillness is not failure or laziness (4:31) Stillness for the woman who is used to keeping everything going (5:52) Connecting busyness, importance, and self-worth (7:32) Why stillness and doing nothing are not the same (8:20) Stepping away from external demands and remembering who you are (9:28) Why loving others does not mean every moment must belong to them (10:48) Rethinking resilience and what it means to persevere (12:26) Why so many women feel they need permission to be still (13:50) Simple ways to find moments of stillness in everyday life (15:00) Psalm 46:10 and the role of faith in stillness (15:57) Remembering that you do not have to fix or control everything (17:38) How quiet gives you space to hear yourself again (18:44) This week’s question: “What am I noticing now that it’s quiet?” (20:02) Creating space to hear yourself, hear God, and experience your life (21:55) Continuing the conversation with Below the Circle After Hours Join Dr. Phyllis for more conversation and insights at thedrphyllis.com

158. How To Be Present in Your Life Again: The Story Behind Below The Circle

What if you have become so good at managing your life that you no longer feel fully present in it? There are seasons when caring for others, meeting responsibilities, and simply keeping everything moving can leave you feeling like you are circling above your own life. You are present for everyone and everything, but somewhere along the way, you may stop feeling present in your own days. In this episode, Dr. Phyllis shares the personal story behind Below the Circle and the phrase she kept repeating during a demanding season: I just want to land. She explores caregiving, grief, achievement, control, faith, and surrender, and offers a gentle reminder that becoming more present does not require abandoning the life or people you love. This week’s reflection: Where in my life am I present for it, but not really present in it? In this episode: (0:00) The words “I just want to land” and the season behind them (2:03) Being present for your life versus being present in it (2:55) The story and meaning behind Below the Circle (4:38) How achievement and responsibility can create a sense of control (5:32) When working harder can no longer fix what life brings (7:30) Asking, “Am I living my life or managing it?” (8:04) What it means to keep circling through life (10:15) Coming down into the life you are actually living (11:51) Why landing does not mean leaving your responsibilities behind (13:58) Creating a space for women who are tired of holding everything together (15:19) Believing it is not too late and that nothing has been wasted (16:26) The prodigal daughter, coming home, and finding yourself again (17:56) Releasing control and learning what belongs to you and what belongs to God (20:33) Why landing means entering your life, not escaping it (21:38) When surviving your life is no longer the same as living it (22:55) One question to help you notice where you may still be circling If you know you want to live your life differently—not just keep getting through it—join Dr. Phyllis on Substack for weekly reflections, deeper conversations, and encouragement. Visit: https://drphyllishayesreams.substack.com

157. What If It Isn't Broken

What if something you have believed about yourself for years is no longer true? Sometimes we carry old beliefs, assumptions, and stories into the present without stopping to ask whether they still fit. They may have come from a hard season, someone else’s words, or a decision that once helped us survive. Over time, those stories can begin to sound like facts. In this episode, Dr. Phyllis shares how removing an old piece of plywood from a garage window led to a powerful question: Is this still true? She invites you to gently examine the narratives shaping your choices, faith, dreams, and sense of self, without judging who you were or the choices you made in the past. This week’s reflection: What is one narrative you have been living around that you may need to look at again? In this episode: (0:00) The plywood-covered window that sparked a deeper question (4:30) How yesterday’s narratives can shape today’s life (6:09) Where the stories we believe about ourselves come from (8:28) Why change can begin by simply “lifting a corner” (9:14) Asking yourself, “Is this still true?” (11:07) Honoring who you were while giving yourself permission to look again (14:01) Why what has been covered for years may not be gone (15:47) Questioning beliefs about God, faithfulness, and putting yourself last (18:30) Choosing based on what is true today (20:10) One narrative to gently examine this week If you know you want to live your life differently—not just keep getting through it—join Dr. Phyllis on Substack for weekly reflections, deeper conversations, and encouragement. Visit: https://drphyllishayesreams.substack.com

156. It's Okay to Regroup

What if you do not need to start over, but simply need to regroup? Sometimes life moves so quickly that we keep doing what we have always done without stopping to ask whether it still fits. We keep working, caring, serving, and showing up. But somewhere along the way, habit can begin choosing the direction for us. In this episode, Dr. Phyllis shares why regrouping is not a sign of failure. It is a chance to notice where you are, reconnect with where you want to go, and make changes before life forces you to. She also shares her own season of regrouping with Below the Circle and why she is creating more space for connection, reflection, and community. This week’s reflection: Where in your life have you been moving out of habit instead of choosing your direction with purpose? In this episode: (1:46) Why regrouping can feel uncomfortable when you are the go-to woman (2:39) Questions to ask when something that once worked no longer fits (3:48) Why changing direction does not mean you made the wrong decision (4:49) Regrouping without starting your whole life over (5:30) Knowing when it is time to lift your head, look around, and recalibrate (6:14) The familiar driving route example and how habits take over (8:28) Why you may not be lost, but simply moving from habit (9:42) How autopilot can begin making decisions for you (10:06) Using regrouping to reconnect with where you actually want to go (10:28) Small ways regrouping can show up in your everyday life (11:38) Being honest when you no longer want to live out of habit (12:40) Why it is never too late to regroup or choose differently (13:18) Regrouping as a sign that you are paying attention (13:57) Recognizing where you are before deciding what comes next (14:56) Dr. Phyllis shares her own season of regrouping (16:17) Her desire to serve the Below the Circle community more deeply (17:06) A new way to continue the conversation through Substack I’m now on Substack! Join me there for for reflections, inspiration, and deeper connections.” Visit: https://drphyllishayesreams.substack.com ——— Get your guide → thebelowthecircle.com Below the Circle with Dr. Phyllis · Stop circling. Start landing. 🕊️

155. Letting Go of What No Longer Fits

What are you still holding on to from the past that no longer fits the life you are living now? Sometimes we keep things because they carry memories, love, grief, or a connection to someone we miss. Letting them go can feel like we are letting go of the person too. But there comes a time when holding on can begin to take up the very space we need for the life in front of us. In this deeply personal episode, Dr. Phyllis shares her decision to finally let go of a couch and table that belonged to her parents. These were more than pieces of furniture. They represented family, loss, and years of memories. But she has reached a point where releasing them no longer feels like betrayal. It feels like permission to make room for what comes next. This week’s reflection: What are you holding on to from the past that is keeping you from fully being present in your life today? In this episode: (1:10) How do you know when it is time to let go of what no longer fits? (2:20) Losing her mother and stepping into a new role within the family (3:17) Recognizing her mother was trying to pass the baton before she died (4:52) Grief, responsibility, and becoming task focused after loss (5:20) Why Dr. Phyllis struggled to let go of her parents’ belongings (7:31) Holding on when you have not yet had the space or time to grieve (8:03) The family table and couch that carried decades of memories (10:11) Realizing it is finally time to let them go (11:44) Why releasing possessions does not mean betraying the people you love (13:14) How caring, fear, and autopilot can keep us holding on (14:33) When the past starts getting in the way of experiencing your present life (15:03) Why you cannot live in the past and be fully present at the same time (16:35) Giving yourself permission to grieve, release, and make room (17:22) A “landing moment” to identify what you keep climbing over in your life (18:33) What do you need to let go of to make room for your new season? Your next step is already waiting: a guide called What’s Yours to Carry — and What Isn’t, made to walk you through your own plate and help you start sorting this is mine from this was never mine. Go get it at thebelowthecircle.com. Nothing has been wasted. It’s not too late to land — whole, aligned, free. ——— Get your guide → thebelowthecircle.com Below the Circle with Dr. Phyllis · Stop circling. Start landing. 🕊️

154. Why Am I So Tired - Why Rest Doesn't Fix It

If your life looks good from the outside, but underneath it all you feel worn through, this episode is for you. You can be deeply grateful for your life and still be tired inside it. Both can be true. The people you love matter to you. The work you do matters. You would choose much of this life again. But when you spend years noticing what everyone needs, picking up responsibilities, and carrying what others cannot see, even time off may not reach the tiredness underneath. This episode names that hidden weight and reminds you that exhaustion is not proof that you are ungrateful, weak, or doing life wrong. God sees the parts no one else sees, including what you carry quietly. This week’s reflection: What truth about how tired you are have you been spending energy trying to hide? In this episode: (1:23) Two truths that can exist together: gratitude and exhaustion (3:18) Why you are allowed to be tired inside a life you are grateful for (3:48) Proverbs 14:13 and the pain a heart can carry even during joy (4:36) Dr. Phyllis shares her own experience of success, responsibility, and deep depletion (8:47) Why your schedule may not be the real reason you feel worn out (10:07) The hidden work of noticing, absorbing, and responding to everyone around you (12:58) How responsibilities, burdens, and emotional weight quietly accumulate (14:43) Psalm 56:8 and the reminder that God sees every unseen tear (16:51) Why your tiredness is not evidence against you (19:34) Seeing your busy life for what it really is: a caring life (20:05) A guided “landing moment” to admit one true thing without fixing it (22:31) Deciding what is yours to carry and what is not Your next step is already waiting: a guide called What’s Yours to Carry — and What Isn’t, made to walk you through your own plate and help you start sorting this is mine from this was never mine. Go get it at thebelowthecircle.com. Nothing has been wasted. It’s not too late to land — whole, aligned, free. ——— Get your guide → thebelowthecircle.com Below the Circle with Dr. Phyllis · Stop circling. Start landing. 🕊️ Scripture: Proverbs 14:13 reminds us that even in laughter, the heart may still be carrying pain. Joy and heaviness can exist at the same time. Psalm 56:8 reminds us that God sees and remembers the tears, struggles, and burdens that others may never notice.

153. The One Everyone Calls

If you’re the one everyone calls — the one who picks up, who shows up, who holds it together when everyone else is falling apart — this episode is for you. We’re not going to diagnose why you do it. The people who call you love you, and every yes you have given was real. But love and need come down the same phone line, and after enough years it gets hard to tell which one is ringing. This episode names the difference between being needed and being known — and then, before it ends, it gives you ten quiet seconds to find out that the ground holds. This week’s reflection: Who are you when no one needs anything from you? In this episode: (1:28) The hidden weight of being “the one” everyone calls (4:10) “Does anybody really know me?” (6:11) Dr. Phyllis reflects on years of always having her pager or phone on (11:50) The difference between being needed and being known (13:41) Why being known is not something you have to earn (15:41) Mark 1:35-38 and Jesus stepping away from the crowd (19:06) Psalm 139 and the truth that God already knows you (21:02) You are not searching for something you have never had (22:51) A guided “landing moment” to pause and simply be (25:36) Deciding what is yours to carry and what is not Your next step is already waiting: a guide called What’s Yours to Carry — and What Isn’t, made to walk you through your own plate and help you start sorting this is mine from this was never mine. Go get it at thebelowthecircle.com. Nothing has been wasted. It’s not too late to land — whole, aligned, free. ——— Get your guide → thebelowthecircle.com Below the Circle with Dr. Phyllis · Stop circling. Start landing. 🕊️ Scripture: Mark 1:35–38 focuses on Jesus stepping away from the crowd to pray and spend time with God, even when people were looking for Him. Psalm 139:1–4 reminds us that God already knows us fully, including our thoughts, our actions, and even the words we are going to speak.

152. When Doing Replaces Living

You've got three things open on your screen, a half-written email, a conversation you've been meaning to have for three days, and a phone that keeps buzzing. You're not behind. You're not ahead. You're just in all of it — at the same time. You craved this life. You prayed for it. You got it. You just never learned how to live in it. In this episode, Dr. Phyllis doesn't just talk about landing — she guides you through a 60-second Landing Moment right in the middle of the episode. By the time you turn it off, you won't just think differently. You'll feel different. This week’s reflection: What if you stopped measuring your worth by how much you carry and gave yourself permission to be fully present in the life you prayed for? In this episode: (0:00) When juggling everything becomes normal (2:04) Why constant doing can take over your life (4:16) When being needed becomes proof of your worth (7:05) Matthew 11 and Jesus’ invitation to rest (10:22) Dr. Phyllis’ personal story of motherhood, school, and work (15:39) Being present for everything but feeling like you missed it (16:47) Remembering the moments you did fully experience (19:36) You don’t have to leave your life to find your life (21:24) A guided 60-second practice for becoming present (25:17) What a “landing moment” means (26:28) Psalm 46:10 and releasing the need to prove your worth (27:17) Your next step toward living full, aligned, and free Your next step is already waiting: a guide called What’s Yours to Carry — and What Isn’t, made to walk you through your own plate and help you start sorting this is mine from this was never mine. Go get it at thebelowthecircle.com. Nothing has been wasted. It’s not too late to land — whole, aligned, free. ——— Get your guide → thebelowthecircle.com Below the Circle with Dr. Phyllis · Stop circling. Start landing. 🕊️ Scripture: "Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light." — Matthew 11:28-30 (NASB) "Cease striving, and know that I am God." — Psalm 46:10 (NASB)

151. How to Be Present When You Are Present

She was at the dinner table. Fork in hand. Nodding at the right moments. But inside? She was three days ahead — running the list, managing the room, tracking everyone else's needs while her own life passed through her hands. She was in the room. But she wasn't IN the room. If you've ever felt that quiet ache — the sense that you're showing up to your own life and somehow missing it — this episode is for you. Dr. Phyllis teaches that presence is a skill, not a personality trait, and that the retraining back to your own life is already built into your body: your five senses. You'll learn the Five-Senses Landing Scan — a simple, daily practice of one sense, one pause, one second where you stop performing your life and actually feel it. No retreat required. No hour of meditation. Just one deliberate moment a day where you choose to be in the room you're already standing in. This week’s reflection: Am I truly present in the room I’m in, or is my mind already somewhere else? In this episode: (1:06) Being in the room but missing the moment (3:11) Why mental absence is not a character flaw (4:40) Presence is a skill you can relearn (6:04) Using the five senses to return to the present (7:20) What Dr. Phyllis calls a “landing moment” (10:15) Handling grief over missed moments (11:37) “Cease striving” and Psalm 46:10 (12:50) Lessons from Mary and Martha (15:01) The five-sense landing practice (18:20) Why it is never too late to land (19:40) Free guide: What’s Yours to Carry and What Isn’t? Your next step is already waiting: a guide called What’s Yours to Carry — and What Isn’t, made to walk you through your own plate and help you start sorting this is mine from this was never mine. Go get it at thebelowthecircle.com. Nothing has been wasted. It’s not too late to land — whole, aligned, free. ——— Get your guide → thebelowthecircle.com Below the Circle with Dr. Phyllis · Stop circling. Start landing. 🕊️ Scripture: Psalm 46:10 — "Cease striving, and know that I am God." (NASB) Luke 10:41-42 — "Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered by so many things; but only one thing is necessary, for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her." (NASB)

150. Why Doing Less Feels Like Letting People Down

You paused. You gave yourself a moment before you answered. And then — almost immediately — guilt showed up like you'd done something wrong. In this episode, Dr. Phyllis Hayes-Reams sits with the feeling that shows up after the pause — the guilt that comes the second you try to choose yourself. She names it plainly, teaches the difference between two kinds of guilt, and gives you one question you can use the next time you're in the middle of the spiral. This is not a conversation about doing less. It's a conversation about learning to read what the guilt is actually telling you — and choosing your way through it instead of obeying it. If you've ever paused, tried to choose differently, and immediately felt like you did something wrong — this episode was made for you. This week’s reflection: When guilt shows up after you choose yourself, pause and ask: “Did I do something wrong, or did I simply do something different?” In this episode: (0:00) Investing in everyone except yourself (2:43) Choosing versus reacting (4:44) Making a real inner investment (6:22) The two types of guilt (10:19) Wrongdoing versus growth (11:20) Dr. Phyllis shares her personal story (15:16) Why the “right season” may never come (17:06) Faith, responsibility, and releasing others’ burdens (19:08) The two-question guilt check-in (21:03) Becoming faithful to your own soul (23:26) “What’s Yours to Carry and What Isn’t” resource Your next step is already waiting: a guide called What’s Yours to Carry — and What Isn’t, made to walk you through your own plate and help you start sorting this is mine from this was never mine. Go get it at thebelowthecircle.com. Nothing has been wasted. It’s not too late to land — whole, aligned, free. ——— Get your guide → thebelowthecircle.com Below the Circle with Dr. Phyllis · Stop circling. Start landing. 🕊️ Scripture: Galatians 6:5 — "For each one shall carry his own load." Psalm 46:10 — "Cease striving, and know that I am God."

149. When Did Saying No Start to Feel Like Betrayal?

You said yes because you care. So why are you left feeling tired, frustrated, and far from yourself? In this episode, Dr. Phyllis names the “reactive yes,” the answer that leaves your mouth before you have made a real decision. For many big-hearted women, love has become linked to availability, and worth has become linked to usefulness. But every automatic yes can pull you further from your center, build resentment, and even keep the people you love from developing their own strength. Caring is not the problem. The goal is to pause long enough to choose whether your yes is truly yours to give. This week’s reflection: Before answering a request, take one breath and ask: “Am I choosing this, or am I reacting?” In this episode: (0:00) Saying yes before checking in with yourself (3:24) Why an automatic yes is not a character flaw (4:57) Understanding the reactive yes (7:15) How repeated yeses create resentment (8:30) When helping can limit another person’s growth (11:06) The difference between choosing and reacting (12:41) What makes a chosen yes meaningful (14:48) Fear, faith, and letting your yes mean yes (19:31) The one-breath practice for better decisions (23:36) Giving from wholeness instead of fear Your next step is already waiting: a guide called What’s Yours to Carry — and What Isn’t, made to walk you through your own plate and help you start sorting this is mine from this was never mine. Go get it at thebelowthecircle.com. Nothing has been wasted. It’s not too late to land — whole, aligned, free. ——— Get your guide → thebelowthecircle.com Below the Circle with Dr. Phyllis · Stop circling. Start landing. 🕊️ Scripture: Matthew 5:37

148. You Do Everything For Them - When Did You Last Just Be With Them?

You did a hundred things for the people you love today. So why does it feel like you barely saw them? In this episode, Dr. Phyllis names the quiet trade so many big-hearted women have made without meaning to: becoming the most useful person in the family instead of the most present one. She shares her own years of doing everything for the people she loved and hardly ever being with them — and the moment in Scripture (Mary and Martha) that finally showed her the difference. Her doing was never the problem. Letting it crowd out the being-with was. This week’s reflection: Sometimes the greatest gift we can give the people we love is not what we do for them, but our full presence with them. In this episode: (0:52) When was the last time you were truly with your loved ones? (3:10) Dr. Phyllis shares the personal cost of always doing (6:45) Why loved ones may receive your help but miss your presence (9:50) Doing for people is not the same as being with them (12:59) How productivity can become tied to love and self-worth (14:42) What Mary and Martha teach us about presence (17:52) The 10-minute “nothing in your hands” challenge (20:43) Freeing your hands by releasing what is not yours to carry Your next step is already waiting: a guide called What’s Yours to Carry — and What Isn’t, made to walk you through your own plate and help you start sorting this is mine from this was never mine. Go get it at thebelowthecircle.com. Nothing has been wasted. It’s not too late to land — whole, aligned, free. ——— Get your guide → thebelowthecircle.com Below the Circle with Dr. Phyllis · Stop circling. Start landing. 🕊️ Scripture: Luke 10:38–42

147. What’s Yours to Carry and What Isn’t

What if the weight wearing you out was never yours to carry? You can carry all of it. You’ve proven that. But in this episode, Dr. Phyllis invites you to pause and ask a deeper question: how much of what is on your plate was ever truly yours? She speaks to the big-hearted woman with a full schedule, a tired soul, and a quiet fear that she has been so busy carrying everyone else’s life that she is flying right over her own. Through personal story, scripture, and gentle truth, this episode helps you see why carrying everything is not the same as being faithful, and why you were never the glue holding it all together. God is. This week’s reflection: What is one thing I have been carrying that God may be asking me to set down? In this episode: (0:00) Asking what is actually yours to carry (2:43) Dr. Phyllis shares how she learned this lesson (7:20) Lesson 1: You stopped being able to tell what is yours (9:59) Lesson 2: Carrying everything started looking like virtue (13:00) Lesson 3: The “glue lie” and the truth that God holds it all (17:30) Free resource: What’s Yours to Carry? (19:05) Final encouragement to land whole, aligned, and free Your next step is already waiting: a guide called What’s Yours to Carry — and What Isn’t, made to walk you through your own plate and help you start sorting this is mine from this was never mine. Go get it at thebelowthecircle.com. Nothing has been wasted. It’s not too late to land — whole, aligned, free. ——— Get your guide → thebelowthecircle.com Below the Circle with Dr. Phyllis · Stop circling. Start landing. 🕊️ Scripture: Matthew 11:28–30 · Psalm 46:5 · Colossians 1:17

146. What Would Fall Apart If You Stopped Holding It

What are you afraid would fall apart if you stopped holding it all together? You have been the one who remembers, covers, fixes, plans, and carries what everyone else forgets. You call it responsibility, strength, love, and loyalty. But underneath all that holding may be a quiet fear that if you let go, everything will crash. In this episode, Dr. Phyllis gently speaks to the woman who feels like the glue in everyone’s life and reminds her of this truth: it was never all hers to hold. Through Colossians 1:17 and Psalm 46:5, this episode points you back to the God who has been holding you, and everything you fear dropping, all along. This week’s reflection: What is one small thing I can set down for one hour, and what might God show me when I do? In this episode: (0:00) The fear beneath holding it all together (1:37) The woman everyone calls when things need fixing (3:45) How you learned to carry so much (5:33) When being able became feeling obligated (6:53) The role of “glue” was learned, not given by God (8:28) The belief that everything depends on you (9:18) Colossians 1:17 and who truly holds all things (10:32) Psalm 46:5 and being steady because God is with you (11:46) The fear that everything falls if you stop (13:22) One small practice for setting something down (14:28) What happens when the world keeps turning (15:31) God is calling you to land (17:02) Nothing you carried has been wasted (18:19) Introducing the guide, “What’s Yours to Carry” (19:49) Stop circling and start landing Get Dr. Phyllis’s free guide, “What’s Yours to Carry, and What Isn’t,” for the woman who holds everyone together at thebelowthecircle.com.

145. When Was The Last Time You Felt The Ground?

Have you been holding everyone else together so long that you fear you’ve missed your own life? You’ve cared deeply, said yes from love, and kept going even when your own heart needed room to breathe. Maybe your full plate is not what is breaking your heart. Maybe it is the quiet fear that while you were taking care of everyone else, you lost touch with yourself. In this episode, Dr. Phyllis shares the night she stood in her backyard, felt the wind on her face, and realized the life she loved had been waiting for her all along. This is a gentle reminder that you have not missed your life. The ground is still there. The wind is still blowing. It is not too late to come down, get aligned, and take off whole and free. This week’s reflection: What part of my life have I stopped feeling, and what ordinary moment can help me come back to it? In this episode: (0:00) The fear beneath the full plate (1:50) When did you last feel present in your life? (3:38) You have not missed your life (4:27) Dr. Phyllis shares her role as an alignment coach (6:18) You did not check out, you cared too much (10:17) The night she felt the ground again (14:58) What did high-altitude living take from you? (17:47) Naming the grief under the busy life (19:49) It is not too late to realign (22:14) Introducing Align, the coaching community (25:47) One simple landing moment to try today (30:25) Share this with a woman who needs hope Get Dr. Phyllis's Free Answer Guide, “What’s Yours to Carry — and What Isn’t — ten honest answers for the woman who holds everyone together.” Ten questions. Ten honest answers at thebelowthecircle.com.

144. What Are You Still Holding That He Has Been Asking You to Release

What weight are you still holding that God has been asking you to release? You’ve been capable, responsible, prepared, and strong for so long that putting something down may feel like failure. Maybe it’s a role, a title, a seat at the table, or the quiet need to keep proving yourself. In this episode, Dr. Phyllis shares a personal story from 2020, when she was transitioning out of a leadership role and trying to hold on to another one. What felt like rejection became mercy. God’s “no” became the release she could not choose for herself. This is a gentle reminder that surrender is not losing your grip. It is placing the weight in the hands that have been open all along. You are allowed to set it down. This week’s reflection: What am I still holding that God has been asking me to release? In this episode: (0:29) The question God may be asking you (2:57) Dr. Phyllis shares her 2020 leadership story (5:04) Asking God for strength to carry what He was asking her to release (7:52) The cost of proving yourself (9:02) When God’s “no” becomes mercy (12:02) Surrender is placing the weight in God’s hands (13:16) The Landing Lounge waitlist: thebelowthecircle.com Get Dr. Phyllis's Free Answer Guide, “What’s Yours to Carry — and What Isn’t — ten honest answers for the woman who holds everyone together.” Ten questions. Ten honest answers at thebelowthecircle.com.