Behind the Curtain: Honest Conversations about Foster Care and Adoption

Rebecca Harvin

Each episode will feature a conversation between host Rebecca Harvin and foster/adoptive caregivers or members of the community who support foster care and adoption.

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20 episodes
Updated June 30

Episodes20

Newest first

June 30 · 21 min
What Happens When We Stop Asking How To Survive And Start Asking How To Thrive in Foster Care and Adoption
What if survival isn’t the goal—or even the best question? Rebecca opens the door to a different pursuit: building a sustainable home life in foster care and adoption by asking how to thrive when nothing else changes. Through a raw, unedited monologue, she traces the arc from a stacked season of yeses, a hospital-heavy year, and the first real brush with caregiver burnout to a set of clear, livable practices that steady the family’s pace. We unpack sustainability where it actually counts: in day-to-day choices that shape peace and connection. Rebecca walks through the signals she watches—when the laughter fades, when clutter crowds her attention, when schedules spin past reason—and how she responds with three anchors: simplify what you can, add beauty you can see, and plan intentional fun. Nature becomes a quiet ally, from flowers on the counter to time on the water, and microdoses of control help the nervous system stand down so the heart can show up. When life gets heavier, the strategy gets simpler. Sleep, sunlight, movement, hydration, and small boundaries become non-negotiables that turn chaos into a plan. For anyone who struggles to define thriving, Rebecca offers a practical tool: reverse-engineer the feeling of drowning and do the precise opposite, one consistent action at a time. The result isn’t a perfect home; it’s a durable culture where caregivers stay regulated, connection has room to grow, and love is not only present but livable. If you’re navigating foster care, adoption, or simply a season that feels too loud, this conversation offers grounded hope and actionable steps. Listen, share with a friend who needs steady ground today, and subscribe to get the next chapter as we return with edited interviews. Your review helps more caregivers find this space—will you leave one and tell us your first small step toward thriving? We know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy! Follow us on Instagram: Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=en Behind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/
June 23 · 1 hr 11 min
A Conversation about Attachment for Adoptive Parents with Stacey Cales, LCSW
A lot of adoptive and foster parents are handed an impossible goal: your family should look seamless, your child should feel “forever” the moment adoption is finalized, and your bond should eventually feel just like biology. When that does not happen, it can leave you spiraling between overcontrol and despair. Rebecca Harvin sits down with Stacy Cales, LCSW, a former foster parent, adoptive mom, and licensed clinical social worker known in Jacksonville for helping families untangle attachment challenges, and we name the pressure out loud. We talk about Stacye’s “beloved aunt or uncle” benchmark and why it can be the missing permission slip for exhausted parents. Lowering the bar is not lowering the love. It is removing the intensity that keeps everyone braced for failure. From there, we dig into why adoption day can feel like a letdown or even a threat, how our own attachment histories shape what feels urgent, and why we often parent our kids to survive the childhood we had. If you have ever thought, “Why is this still hard after all these years?” you are going to feel seen. You will also get practical tools you can use today: the calm storytelling voice, small consequences you can actually enforce, the power of repair, and why boundaries are a core ingredient of healthy attachment. We even touch on prenatal and early childhood brain wiring so you can stop blaming yourself for what is really nervous system math. If you are raising a child through foster care or adoption and you want more peace at home, listen through and then share this with a parent who needs it. Subscribe, leave a review, and tell us what belief about attachment you are ready to release. If you'd like to know more about the work that Stacey does, or if you're a Florida resident looking for an attachment therapist, you can find more at her website here: https://floridaattachment.org/ We know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy! Registration is now open for our annual Bio Kid Retreat weekend June 26-28 at North Florida Christian Camp. Go to www.havenretreatsinc.org for more information. Follow us on Instagram: Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=en Behind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/
June 16 · 1 hr 7 min
The Foster Dad Perspective with Corey McKinney
Fostering can sound like a noble idea until it’s your front door, your kids, your routines, and your fear of what you can’t control. That’s why this conversation matters. We’re joined by Corey McKinney, a foster dad, author, and longtime mentor, to talk honestly about the “silent” part of the foster care community: dads who want to protect their families but also feel the pull to help kids who have nowhere safe to land. Corey shares what it looked like to resist foster parenting for nearly two years, what finally shifted his mindset, and why foster care has to be a full yes from both partners. We walk through the reality of a first placement that ends in disruption, the guilt that can follow, and how talking to a trusted friend or spouse can keep you from carrying it alone. We also dig into trauma-informed parenting in the most practical way: structure, food insecurity, school fights that don’t show up at home, and the small daily habits that help kids feel safe. Then we go deeper into the part most people misunderstand: attachment. Corey explains his “temporary assignment” approach, where the goal is to send a child out of your home better than when they came in, while still loving them fully in the here and now. If you’re considering foster care, adoption, respite care, or you’re already living it and need language for what you feel, you’ll walk away with clarity, courage, and concrete tools. Subscribe, share this with a foster dad you know, and leave a review so more families can find these stories. Find Corey here: Instagram: @TheCoreyMcKinney Facebook: Corey McKinney LinkedIn: Corey McKinney Website: www.coreymckinney.net We know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy! Registration is now open for our annual Bio Kid Retreat weekend June 26-28 at North Florida Christian Camp. Go to www.havenretreatsinc.org for more information. Follow us on Instagram: Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=en Behind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/
June 9 · 1 hr 12 min
Supporting Biological Children in Foster and Adoptive Families with Talia-Rae Farrow
Foster care can be beautiful and it can be brutal, and the people who often get overlooked are the biological kids already living in the home. We wanted to change that, so we sat down with Talia Ray Farrow, a bio, foster, and adoptive sister to more than 65 kids, to talk honestly about what it is like to grow up in a foster and adoptive family that is always expanding, shifting, and saying goodbye. We get into the realities behind the highlight reel: sibling sets and separation, the grief that shows up as anger or jealousy, and the moment a child finally says, “My heart needs a break.” Talia Ray shares what helped her most as a bio kid, including parents who keep communication open every day, listen without rushing to fix, and build trust through small, steady quality time. We also talk about how grief can return years later, how to support kids through those anniversaries, and why attachment does not look the same with every foster sibling. If you are fostering, adopting, considering a foster care license, or trying to support your own children while caring for other kids, this conversation offers practical tools and a lot of hope. Subscribe, share this with a foster parent who needs it, and leave a review so more families can find these stories. What is one thing you wish someone had told your bio kids early on? Find Talia-Rae here: @sister.to.many (Instagram) @Sister To Many (Facebook) You can email here at: fosteradoptadvocate@gmail.com We know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy! Registration is now open for our annual Bio Kid Retreat weekend June 26-28 at North Florida Christian Camp. Go to www.havenretreatsinc.org for more information. Follow us on Instagram: Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=en Behind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/
June 4 · 1 hr 18 min
Trust-Based Parenting For Kids From Hard Places with Angela Coston
Your kid is melting down, you are touched out, and the last thing you feel is “connected” yet the relationship is still the path forward. Rebecca Harvin sits down with Angela Coston, founder of For the Sake of One and a TBRI practitioner, to talk about what connection looks like when parenting kids from hard places meets real-life stress, school breaks, IEP meetings, and the long grind of behavior that repeats for years. We break down Trust-Based Relational Intervention (TBRI) into its three practical pillars: connecting, empowering, and correcting. Angela shares simple connection moves that can change the tone of a day, from five minutes of child-led play to the surprisingly effective “order what they order” moment that signals belonging. Then we get concrete about regulation: hydration, sleep, sensory input, and why protein and complex carbs matter so much when “defiance” is actually a blood sugar crash, especially for kids affected by prenatal substance exposure. From there, we wrestle with the hard edge of trauma-informed parenting: can’t versus won’t, willful disobedience versus survival behavior, and how to hold high nurture with high structure. You’ll hear scripts for choices, “first then” language, shared power, and consequences that keep agency on the child. We close with the backbone skill that makes all of this sustainable: repair, plus the self-care practices that help parents stay regulated enough to lead. If this helped you, subscribe, share it with a foster or adoptive parent who needs hope today, and leave a review so more families can find trauma-informed tools. What is one behavior that triggers you most right now? Find For the Sake of One: Website: www.forthesakeofone.com We know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy! Registration is now open for our annual Bio Kid Retreat weekend June 26-28 at North Florida Christian Camp. Go to www.havenretreatsinc.org for more information. Follow us on Instagram: Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=en Behind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/
May 26 · 1 hr 24 min
The Long Game Of Foster Care with Jason Johnson
The hardest part of foster care is not what most people expect. It’s the moment you realize you can’t control the outcome, you can’t fix what’s broken, and you’re still called to stay. Rebecca Harvin sits down with Jason Johnson from the Christian Alliance for Orphans to talk about foster care and adoption as a long game, where “success” isn’t measured by perfect progress but by faithful presence and the simple, world-changing reality that a child is no longer alone. We dig into trauma-informed parenting and the daily work of cultivating a safe environment: staying steady when teens melt down, responding to mistakes without blowing up, and learning to parent more like a coach as kids grow. Jason shares the idea of “the thing beneath the thing” and why slowing down, listening, and getting curious builds trust and helps kids heal. Along the way, we name the surprise so many foster parents experience: the journey reveals us. Our impatience, our pride, our need to manage, and also our resilience and capacity to do hard things. We also talk about grief and reputation, the relationships that change when you protect a child’s story, and the dangerous mental loop of “Why can’t easy things just be easy?” The conversation lands on agency, neuroplasticity, and discipleship: what we repeatedly pay attention to shapes our beliefs, our brains, and the kind of home we create. If you’re fostering, adopting, or considering getting involved, this will give you language, perspective, and permission to keep going with honesty and hope. If this resonates, subscribe, share it with a foster parent or church leader, and leave a review so more families can find support and practical encouragement. Find out more about Jason Johnson here: www.jasonjohnsonblog.com Find out more about Christian Alliance for Orphans here: https://cafo.org/ Find out more about The Pure Religion Project here: https://cafo.org/purereligion/ We know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy! Registration is now open for our annual Bio Kid Retreat weekend June 26-28 at North Florida Christian Camp. Go to www.havenretreatsinc.org for more information. Follow us on Instagram: Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=en Behind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/
May 20 · 1 hr
Creating a Soft Place to Land for Foster Children in South Carolina with Jennifer Tice
A child shouldn’t have to fall asleep in a cubicle while adults debate where she’ll go next. That image stuck, and it’s the spark behind this conversation with Jennifer Tice, co-founder and executive director of Lily Pad, a South Carolina faith-based nonprofit creating trauma-informed spaces for children and vulnerable people in crisis. We get honest about what foster care and adoption actually feel like when the crisis doesn’t end after the paperwork, the home study, or the first placement. Jennifer and I dig into caregiver burnout, compassion fatigue, and the uncomfortable truth that foster parents carry most of the week with little built-in support. We also talk about caseworkers as first responders inside a system that starts in brokenness, and why turnover hurts children who are already overwhelmed. Along the way, we name the moments nobody wants to admit out loud: bonding that takes time, grief that hits at reunification, and even the relief that can show up when a hard placement ends. Two things can be true, and saying so can keep families from drowning in guilt. Then Jennifer tells the story that led to Lily Pad: how one teen’s experience in a DSS office revealed an avoidable layer of trauma, and how a “soft place to land” can change a child’s nervous system in real time. We walk through what goes into a Lily Pad room, how community partners maintain the spaces, and why this model is now expanding into law enforcement victim care. If you care about foster care sustainability, adoption support, trauma-informed care, and practical child welfare solutions, this one is for you. Subscribe for more honest conversations, share this with someone who serves kids in crisis, and leave a review so more foster and adoptive families can find the support they need. You can find out more about Lily Pad here: Lily Pad website Lily Pad room gallery (before-and-after transformations) Donation/support page Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lily.pad.inc/ We know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy! Registration is now open for our annual Bio Kid Retreat weekend June 26-28 at North Florida Christian Camp. Go to www.havenretreatsinc.org for more information. Follow us on Instagram: Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=en Behind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/
May 7 · 1 hr 3 min
Encourage One Another: Hope for Adoptive Families in Crisis
Some families look fine on Sunday and feel like they’re falling apart by Monday morning. That gap, the public calm and the private chaos, is where a lot of foster and adoptive parents live when trauma hits hard. We sit down with Ashley Mason, founder of Encourage One Another, to talk honestly about what “crisis” can really mean: unsafe behaviors, constant hypervigilance, the painful decision to pursue out-of-home treatment, and the shame that keeps so many parents quiet. Ashley shares how her own adoption story led from two moms meeting in a coffee shop to building a nonprofit that supports foster care and adoption on the back end, when the needs are intense and the bills are real. We dig into why “you asked for this” is not help, why free services often miss the root of trauma, and how families can pursue safety and healing without framing treatment as rejection. We also talk about the pressure to get an A in parenting, the misconception that perfect trauma-informed parenting guarantees connection, and the surprising freedom that comes from releasing control of the outcome. We end with practical, lived-in rhythms that make long-haul parenting sustainable: grounding yourself in the present, protecting your marriage, putting nonnegotiables on the calendar, and building small pockets of rest that keep you regulated when life is loud. If you’re parenting kids from hard places, share this with someone who needs permission to tell the truth, then subscribe and leave a review so more families can find these conversations. We know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy! Follow us on Instagram: Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=en Behind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/
April 28 · 1 hr 5 min
What Long-Term Research Reveals About Childhood Abuse and how it may affect children in Foster Care
Trauma leaves clues, and foster and adoptive parents are often the first people to see them clearly. When a child “forgets” what they knew yesterday, melts down at puberty, hoards food under the bed, or shuts down into a blank stare, it can feel personal, defiant, and impossible to untangle. We wanted a map that respects what caregivers live with and explains what’s happening inside the child, not just what’s happening in the room. Rebecca Harvin sits down with Dr. Frank Putnam, a leading clinical psychiatrist and trauma researcher, to translate decades of longitudinal research on childhood sexual abuse and maltreatment into real-world foster care and adoption support. We talk about accelerated puberty, accelerated biological aging, and how chronic stress compounds across development. We also dig into dissociation and “perplexing forgetfulness,” where a child’s memory and executive function can be state-dependent, making school performance and daily routines swing wildly from day to day. From there, we get practical. Dr. Putnam explains why kids test safety and how validation can matter more than forcing details. We cover trauma-informed parenting tools drawn from evidence-based approaches like PCIT and the simplified CARE model, with a clear theme: predictable, safe relationships are the strongest lever we have, especially when systems are messy and information is incomplete. We end with resilience, prevention, and emerging science like epigenetics, plus a crucial reminder: most abused children do not become abusive adults, even though the risk is higher and the stakes are real. If you care about foster parent sustainability, child trauma healing, and adoption-informed mental health, this conversation will give you language, context, and steadier next steps. If this helped you, subscribe, share it with a foster or adoptive parent, and leave a review so more caregivers can find support when it’s hardest. Follow us on Instagram: Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=en Behind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/
April 21 · 56 min
Fostering Connections: Youth Impacted By Foster Care Deserve Tools For Real Life
The foster care system asks teenagers to carry adult-sized problems, then expects them to be “ready” on a birthday. That disconnect is where today’s conversation lives, and it’s why I’m so grateful to share the mic with Aubrie Simpson-Gotham, founder and CEO of Fostering Connections in Jacksonville, Florida. She’s building practical support for youth impacted by foster care and adoption, and she’s doing it in a way that treats teens with dignity, honesty, and real-world respect. We talk about Florida Youth Shine and what happens when youth with lived experience lead the agenda. The issues they raise are not abstract: access to mental health services, the reality of group home placements for teens, and the deep wound of sibling separation in foster care. We also name what so many caregivers and caseworkers feel but rarely get space to say out loud: overwhelm is everywhere, and the gaps are bigger than any one family can patch alone. Aubrie walks me through how Fostering Connections fills those gaps with career readiness, life skills training, youth leadership, and family empowerment nights. We get specific about financial literacy and budgeting, why teens want these skills earlier than the system often provides, and how peer groups can reduce isolation for youth who feel like no one at school understands. If you care about foster care, adoption support, independent living preparation, or youth advocacy in child welfare, this one will give you both hope and a plan. Subscribe so you don’t miss the next conversation, share this with someone who supports foster and adoptive families, and leave a review to help more people find Behind the Curtain. Follow us on Instagram: Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=en Behind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/
March 24 · 1 hr 9 min
From Foster Care to Adoption: The Space between TPR and Finalization
TPR is supposed to bring clarity, but for a lot of foster and adoptive families it brings a new kind of fog. We’re talking about the space nobody captions on social media: mourning and celebrating at the same time, sitting in a courtroom while a parent loses rights, and walking out knowing a child’s story just changed forever. Stacy Lasonde joins me for an honest, tender conversation about what it feels like to live between the termination of parental rights and adoption finalization. We unpack the shock of the TPR day itself, the impossible “last visit,” and the strange reality of parenting kids who are legally wards of the state. We also get practical about the decisions that suddenly feel loaded, like whether you hang family photos, buy the bigger car, or make plans when an appeal could still change everything. Then we go deeper into the internal shift many foster parents don’t expect: foster care can carry an unspoken eject button, and adoption removes it. We talk about responsibility, control, regret, and shame, and why “write a different ending” can be a lifeline when your brain keeps running worst-case scenarios. If you’re navigating foster care adoption, trauma-informed parenting, attachment, or the long wait after TPR, you’ll feel seen here. If this conversation helped you name your own middle ground, subscribe, share it with a foster parent who needs it, and leave a review so more families can find these stories. What part of the wait is hardest for you right now? We know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy! Follow us on Instagram: Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=en Behind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/
March 17 · 1 hr
Cayela Moody: Embracing Special Needs Foster Parenting
What if the life you built at the “resort”—easy routines, familiar friends, and tidy plans—suddenly moved you to a private island? That’s how Cayela Moody describes the shift foster care and special needs adoption brought to her family of ten. Together we trace her path from an autism diagnosis that shattered assumptions to a calling that turned hard-won advocacy into a lifeline for kids others often overlook. Cayela opens up about losing herself in constant service, then choosing to re-center around home when two newly adopted children needed every inch of her attention. She and her husband forged a strategy they call “parenting small,” where each child still gets the presence, activities, and advocacy they’d receive in a smaller family. We talk about late-night teen talks, the quiet math of limited energy, and why visible needs can make your community step back—leaving families to cultivate their own thriving island. We also get uncomfortably honest about the system. With nearly half of new foster parents quitting within a year, we argue for a braver PRIDE class: one that names the real social costs, the impact on marriage, and the identity shifts before families hit the wall. Yet joy keeps showing up. Cayela shares how watching her husband scoop up a small son with Down Syndrome made her fall in love again, how her teens grew staggeringly compassionate, and how faith turned valleys into classrooms where redemption is only a matter of time. This conversation blends practical insight with lived grit: choosing kids with developmental diagnoses over unpredictable behaviors, building routines that actually work, and laughing at the small hacks—like reusing Starbucks cups—that keep mornings moving. If you’ve ever wondered how to love well when the world gets smaller, or how to hold both grief and delight without breaking, this story will meet you there. If this episode resonates, follow the show, share it with a friend, and leave a review so others can find it too. Your support helps more families on their own islands feel seen. We know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy! Follow us on Instagram: Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=en Behind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/
March 10 · 1 hr 19 min
Jordan Whitmarsh: Learning to Live with Grief as a Part of Life
Grief doesn’t wait for tidy timelines or perfect words. With our friend and adoptive mom Jordan Whitmarsh, we step straight into the deep end: living losses in foster care and adoption, the sudden shock of death, and the quieter goodbyes that linger with no clean ending. We get honest about the myth of “five stages,” why sorrow circles back, and what it takes to build a life that can hold both ache and joy without going numb. Jordan shares the two paths she’s walked—numbing that “works” until it breaks you, and naming that hurts but heals. We talk EMDR and grief therapy, how hospice taught her to welcome help, and why the body keeps the score with brain fog, sensory overload, and zero margin for scratchy clothes or wrong coffee orders. Along the way, we trade real practices that stabilize the nervous system: simple meals on the porch, soft fabrics on hard days, a friend who folds laundry, worship that tells the truth, and nature that lets your breath deepen again. Faith threads through this whole conversation, not as a shortcut around pain but as an anchor within it. We push back on spiritual bypassing and make space for lament, anger, and tears—because a God who weeps can meet us in hospital halls, long drives, and the after-hours where casseroles stop coming. For foster and adoptive families, we name grief at milestones and holidays and offer language for the both-and: celebrating firsts while honoring who’s missing. If you or someone you love is carrying loss, you’ll find tools, companionship, and a kind voice that refuses clichés. Listen, share it with a friend who needs steady company, and if it helps you breathe a little easier, subscribe and leave a review so others can find their way here too. We know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy! Follow us on Instagram: Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=en Behind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/
March 3 · 21 min
Tips for Sustainability in Foster Care and Adoption
We reflect on the move from drowning in caregiver burnout to building a sustainable life in foster care and adoption. We share three pillars—community, recognizing the load you're carrying, and setting the right pace for your family (prioritize rest!) —and a bonus practice for managing our emotional field. • naming unsustainable patterns at home and work • defining sustainability independent of perfect conditions • using awareness and meditation as a starting tool • my three anchors: intentional fun, beauty, and white space • finding an honest community to end isolation • laying down burdens that are not ours to carry • pacing like an ultra marathon, not a sprint • practical rest: micro-rests, structural rests, and sleep guardrails • managing our emotional field with personal reset routines • reviewing pillars and committing to small, repeatable steps We know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy! Follow us on Instagram: Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=en Behind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/
February 18 · 40 min
Rebecca Unedited: When Love Doesn’t Feel Like Love
What happens when one child feels like home at the door and another, from the same sibling set, feels impossible to love? We open our front door and our hearts to a brutally honest journey through foster care: the instant bond that made love feel effortless, the second placement that brought our family to a breaking point, and the teen whose silence turned a celebration dinner into a night of cold rage and hard truths. We explore what it means to expand love beyond a feeling. When warmth won’t come on command, action anchors us. That shift—love as a verb—keeps families steady while the nervous system catches up and connection rebuilds in small, faithful steps. Then we move into the deep end: how to keep showing up when loving hurts. We unpack perception—naming “the story I’m telling myself”—to stop letting untested narratives drive our reactions. We define boundaries that are clear, kind, and enforceable. And, we explore what we really have control of... the quick answer is, on a good day, ourselves! That mix of agency and empathy lets us offer full love while limiting access to the most tender parts of our hearts until safety returns. If you’re parenting through foster care, adoption, or any hard relationship, this conversation offers practical language, scripts, and a sustainable framework—perception, boundaries, and control—to reduce burnout and keep your care aligned with your values. Subscribe, share this episode with a friend who needs it, and leave a review with one boundary that helped you love well. We know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy! Follow us on Instagram: Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=en Behind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/
February 10 · 51 min
Simon Benn: We Are Not Our Trauma
A single keepsake cracked open a lifetime of hidden feeling. When Simon Ben learned that his childhood teddy bear came from his birth mother, a wave of grief and anger surfaced—and so did a clear path to freedom. We sit down with Simon to explore what thriving really means for adoptees and anyone healing from old narratives: being grateful in the highs, graceful in the lows, and far less bothered by being bothered. Simon shares how Internal Family Systems helped him see parts without becoming them, and why he trusts action over sacred thoughts. We dig into perfectionism, negativity bias, and the pull of the inner critic, plus the practical language that validates kids’ emotions without welding identity to pain. You’ll hear how a simple reframe—“fear came to visit”—can calm storms, and why “I feel” beats “I am” when it comes to healing. We also get honest about generational context. Many adoptees felt invalidated by parents who lacked today’s trauma literacy; holding harm and goodwill together takes nuance. Simon’s biggest claim may be his most liberating: insights, not time, are the greatest healer. Beneath every story is an unwoundable Self—awareness, presence, wholeness—that trauma can hide but not harm. From that ground, therapy deepens, habits stick, and humor returns. If you’re navigating adoption, wrestling with identity, or tired of the mental tornado that starts when thoughts judge thoughts, this one offers a map and a mirror. Listen, share with someone who needs a reframe, and tell us the insight you’re taking with you. Subscribe, leave a review, and help more listeners find their way to thriving. We know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy! Follow us on Instagram: Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=en Behind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/
February 3 · 1 hr 2 min
Melody Marshall: Faith, Community, And The Hard Work Of Family Preservation
Some crises should never cost a child their family. When a single mom in a new city was admitted for kidney stones with no one to call, the default answer was removal. Instead, a host family took her daughters for one night—and that brief stay opened the door to lasting friendships, school support, and a church community that refused to let isolation write the ending. That’s the power of upstream care: precise help at the right moment that prevents unnecessary trauma. We sit down with Melody Marshall, co-executive director of My Village Ministries and Upstream Collaborative, to unpack a model that’s reducing foster care entries and restoring dignity for parents in crisis. Melody traces her path from house parenting to hosting hundreds of nights to building a national network that equips churches to meet real needs—short-term child hosting, parent allies, care communities, and practical support that stabilizes families. We talk about the hard truths, too: most removals are tied to neglect driven by poverty and thin support systems, not malice. Poverty isn’t a crime; social isolation is the accelerant. When churches step in relationally, kids remain safe, parents regroup, and reunification becomes the norm. Melody shares data from Columbus—99.9% reunification and a 40% drop in foster care numbers over five years—as well as the systems work behind those outcomes: shared policies, training, legal and insurance frameworks, and a resource bank that helps new ministries launch without reinventing the wheel. We explore the spiritual core of this calling, from standing firm when the work gets costly to trading judgment for compassion through proximity and presence. If you’ve felt drawn to foster or adopt, this conversation offers a vital first step: start upstream, build the village, and keep families together whenever safely possible. If this resonates, share it with a friend, subscribe for more candid conversations on foster care and adoption, and leave a review to help others find the show. We know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy! Follow us on Instagram: Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=en Behind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/
January 27 · 39 min
Rebecca Unedited: From Tenacity to Trust, a Lesson in Letting Go
What happens when grit becomes a trap and control masquerades as love? I open the curtain on nine years of foster care and adoption, from my early "This is a sprint" mindset to the slower "marathon" pace of adoption. The story moves through the highs of first placements, the heartbreak of an international adoption falling apart, and the relentless push to “fix” what was never mine to heal. Along the way, you’ll hear about the Kintsugi moment that mirrored my need to make the pieces fit, the overlapping placements that stretched our home to the edge, and a pandemic pause that revealed what I really needed was rest. The turning point wasn’t pretty. A destroyed patio set and a red-alert text to my best friend cracked my certainty wide open. Therapy helped me name superhuman expectations and the codependency hiding beneath them. I started using a simple backpack metaphor to right-size my responsibilities: my time, choices, values, and behavior belong to me; my kids’ outcomes, healing timelines, and adult friendships do not. That shift allowed me to set down the heavy, invisible loads I’d been dragging—like making siblings become best friends or proving I was a “good” wife by appearances alone. Here’s the paradox that changed our home: connection thrives where control ends. When I stopped clawing my way toward attachment and started showing up with clear boundaries and humble repair, everything softened. School days got calmer, sibling tension eased, and my own nervous system finally exhaled. This episode offers grounded takeaways for foster and adoptive parents, educators, and anyone navigating trauma-informed care: honor limits, release the script, and trust that presence beats performance. If you’re carrying too much, consider this your invitation to lighten the load. If this resonates, follow the show, share it with a friend who needs relief, and leave a review—then tell me one expectation you’re laying down this week. You can message me on Instagram @behindthecurtainpod or email rebecca@havenretreatsinc.org. We know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy! Follow us on Instagram: Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=en Behind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/
January 13 · 51 min
Turning Shame Into Care: A Guide To Trauma, Incontinence, and Advocacy with Peter Mutabazi and Mica Phillips
We open the door on incontinence in foster and adoptive homes and talk plainly about shame, trauma, and the mental load. Peter Mutabazi, founder of Now I am Known, shares the daily realities of children with incontinence issues and advocacy wins. Mica Phillips, Vice President of Aeuroflow Urology, explains how to qualify for medical-grade supplies through Medicaid and why it restores dignity. • why stigma follows older kids who need diapers • trauma, autism, ADHD, and constipation as drivers • the true cost burden and poor retail fit for bigger sizes • using physicians as allies and documentation that works • navigating Medicaid, managed care, and approvals • school and camp accommodations, IEP hurdles, and dignity • refill timing, product quantities, and fewer last‑minute store runs • practical steps to apply via Aeroflow Urology and what to expect www.petermutabazi.com https://aeroflowurology.com/ We know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy! Follow us on Instagram: Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=en Behind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/
January 6 · 31 min
Rebecca Unedited: How A 1% Shift Can Rebuild Peace And Connection
If you're a foster parent or adoptive parent who wants to build a life that you recognize at 80. Or, if resolutions leave you burned out by February, you’re not broken—you’re using the wrong tool. Rebecca opens the door to a gentler, smarter approach to change: a clear year-end review, a vision board that serves as a compass, and one tiny 1% shift that you can actually do every day. No overhauls. No shame. Just practical steps that compound into a life you recognize and want to live. We walk through how to audit last year with honesty—what worked, what didn’t, and which relationships need new attention—and then translate those insights into a vision board placed where you’ll see it in real life. From there, we anchor the smallest possible action to an existing routine, a method known as habit stacking. Rebecca shares a vulnerable, hopeful story of rebuilding connection with an adopted child through micro-habits: reading a grounding line by the sink, recalling one good moment, and adding a brief hallway ritual. Over months, those tiny cues rewired attention, softened defense, and made connection feel natural again. This conversation also explores choosing peace as a north star for the year and making it visible in daily life—even through something as simple as one consistent nail color that quietly reminds you to ask, "What’s in my control right now?" Whether you’re navigating foster care, adoption, or just craving steadier rhythms at home, you’ll get practical, repeatable steps to move forward without the self-sabotage cycle of grand promises. Join us as we trade brittle resolutions for durable habits and build lives with intention, not accident. If this resonated, subscribe, share with a friend who needs a gentler path to change, and leave a quick review so others can find the show. Then tell us: what’s your 1% this week? We know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy! Follow us on Instagram: Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=en Behind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/