Before it Breaks with Gabriella Pomare

Gabriella Pomare

Before It Breaks with Gabriella Pomare is a raw and honest relationship podcast about what really happens before love becomes distance, before resentment replaces repair, and before the emotional cracks in a relationship become visible to the outside world.

Hosted by Gabriella Pomare, author of The Collaborative Co-Parent, speaker, mother, co-parent and family lawyer, this podcast explores the private relationship patterns people often recognise too late: emotional disconnection, quiet withdrawal, relationship burnout, the mental load, invisible labour, communication breakdown, marriage resentment, intimacy issues, conflict, repair, motherhood, parenting, co-parenting, separation, divorce and the complicated process of rebuilding.

Most relationships do not break in one dramatic moment. They begin to fracture much earlier, in the silence after conflict, the repeated “I’m fine,” the missed bids for connection, the conversations that keep getting postponed, the text message that shifts the entire day, the loneliness of lying beside someone and feeling completely alone, and the quiet moment one person slowly stops reaching.

Each episode of Before It Breaks looks at the emotional reality of modern relationships and family life. Through conversations with experts, authors, thought leaders, creatives and real voices, Gabriella explores what people wish they had understood earlier — before the distance became normal, before the resentment felt too heavy, before the mental load became unbearable, before the relationship, family or sense of self began to break.

This is a podcast for anyone searching for honest conversations about relationships, marriage, emotional disconnection, relationship repair, communication, intimacy, conflict, mental load, motherhood, parenting, co-parenting, blended families, separation, divorce, modern love and what it means to rebuild with more clarity and self-awareness.

For the person lying awake next to someone and feeling completely alone.

For the mother carrying the whole family in her head.

For the partner wondering whether this is just a hard season or the beginning of the end.

For the person who feels the relationship has changed, even if nothing obvious has happened.

For the parent trying to protect their children from the emotional weight of adult conflict.

For the co-parent trying to stay calm in a conversation that still hurts.

For anyone navigating love, resentment, repair, grief, parenting, separation, rebuilding or the quiet question: “How did we get here?”

Before It Breaks is about the moments people often dismiss, minimise or explain away. The loss of warmth. The absence of repair. The emotional labour no one sees. The small ruptures that build over time. The silence that becomes the relationship. The ways modern life, ambition, motherhood, stress, family expectations, social media, mental load and unresolved hurt can slowly change how people love, communicate and stay connected.

It is not just a podcast about endings. It is a podcast about noticing earlier.

Before the resentment hardens.

Before the silence becomes normal.

Before the emotional load becomes too heavy.

Before love turns into distance.

Before it breaks.

This podcast is for general information, education and discussion only and is not legal advice, psychological advice, counselling or therapy.

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S2 · E9
Tuesday · 33 min
S2 E9: Before the Table Empties: Food, Family and the Quiet Labour of Care with Diana Manalang
What if food is one of the oldest ways we say, “I love you”? In this episode of Before It Breaks, Gabriella Pomare speaks with Diana Manalang, chef and owner behind Little Chef Little Kitchen and Little Chef Little Cafe in Long Island City, for a beautiful conversation about food, family, culture, relationships, community, hospitality and the quiet labour of care. This episode is about food, but really, it is about nourishment. The meal someone makes when they do not know how to say sorry. The coffee handed over without being asked. The lunch packed. The family recipe. The favourite dinner made after a hard day. The comfort food that tells someone they are home. Gabriella and Diana explore how food becomes memory, identity, apology, culture and connection, especially in families where care is not always spoken directly, but shown through what is made, offered and placed on the table. Diana shares the story of building Little Chef Little Kitchen and Little Chef Little Cafe, how her Filipino-American background shaped the way she thinks about feeding people, why food has always been central to her understanding of family, intimacy and community. They also discuss what families lose when they stop gathering, why everyday meals matter more than perfect holiday celebrations, and how the small rituals around food can hold relationships together long before anyone realises how important they were. In this episode, Gabriella and Diana discuss: food as a love language; Filipino family culture and the question “Have you eaten?”; comfort food, memory and childhood; why gathering around food creates intimacy and connection; the story behind Little Chef Little Kitchen and Little Chef Little Cafe; building a hospitality business through uncertainty; how food can create community and care; why small gestures matter in relationships; cooking as apology, repair and reconnection; the difference between feeding someone and nourishing someone; everyday rituals couples and families should protect; why care is not always grand or dramatic; what separated and blended families can learn from shared food rituals; how food can create a sense of home across two households; and what we need to notice before people stop caring for each other in the small ways. This episode is for anyone who has ever understood that food is never just food. It is for the person who remembers love through a meal. For the parent trying to create rituals in a busy home. For the partner who wants to care, but does not always have the words. For the person who feels like they are feeding everyone but not being nourished themselves. For anyone thinking about family, culture, food, relationships, repair, community and what it means to keep making space at the table. Because sometimes relationships do not only break through conflict. Sometimes they break through neglect. Through exhaustion. Through everyone being fed except the person doing the feeding. Through losing the rituals that once brought people back to each other. And before it breaks, there is often still time to gather. Still time to notice. Still time to care. Still time to make something that says, “You are loved.” Listen to S2 E9: Before the Table Empties: Food, Family and the Quiet Labour of Care with Diana Manalang on Before It Breaks with Gabriella Pomare. This podcast is for general information, education and discussion only and is not legal advice, psychological advice, counselling or therapy.
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S2 · E8
August 25 · 33 min
S2 E8: Before Silence Becomes the Relationship: Sabrina Romanoff on Conflict, Guilt & Trust
What happens when a relationship does not break from one dramatic moment, but from all the conversations that never happen? In this episode of Before It Breaks, Gabriella Pomare speaks with Dr Sabrina Romanoff, a Harvard-trained clinical psychologist based in New York City, about emotional affairs, silence, guilt, avoidance, resentment, attachment, rebuilding trust and the psychology of what couples do not say. This is a conversation about the quiet places relationships begin to fracture. The truth that gets swallowed to keep the peace. The need that is minimised for too long. The guilt that turns into distance. The emotional energy that starts going somewhere else. The resentment that hardens into contempt. Gabriella and Dr Romanoff explore why couples often wait until they are at the end of the rope before they finally tell the truth, and why withdrawal can be more dangerous than conflict. They discuss the difference between a peaceful relationship and one that has simply gone quiet, why avoidance can feel like a protective strategy, and how silence can become a band-aid holding the relationship together. This episode also looks closely at emotional affairs and modern betrayal. Dr Romanoff explains that emotional affairs are not always about one dramatic decision, but often a slow redirection of emotional energy away from the primary relationship. In a world of social media, DMs, micro-cheating and constant access, the line between connection and betrayal can become harder to define — but secrecy is often the clearest warning sign. Together, Gabriella and Dr Romanoff discuss what couples can notice earlier, including emotional distance, unmet needs, guilt, shame, withdrawal, defensive conflict patterns, contempt, attachment dynamics and the moment one person starts feeling more emotionally alive outside the relationship than inside it. They also explore whether trust can be rebuilt after betrayal, why real repair requires honesty and transparency, and why some relationships can become stronger when couples are willing to face what they usually hide. In this episode, Gabriella and Dr Sabrina Romanoff discuss: the psychology of what couples do not say; the difference between peace and silence in a relationship; why avoidance can feel like protection; how guilt can turn into shame, withdrawal and distance; why people often hide the truth from partners they are afraid of losing; emotional affairs and where the line is crossed; secrecy, micro-cheating, DMs and modern relationship betrayal; why emotional affairs often grow from unmet needs; the signs resentment is hardening into contempt; pursuer-withdrawer dynamics in relationships; attachment patterns, anxiety, avoidance and emotional shutdown; what real repair requires after trust has been broken; why the old relationship may not come back after betrayal; how couples can build something more honest. This episode is for anyone who has ever wondered whether their relationship is peaceful — or simply quiet. For anyone who has felt their partner pulling away. For anyone who has started seeking emotional connection somewhere else. For anyone trying to understand emotional affairs, guilt, secrecy, resentment, avoidance, attachment, trust and repair. Because before a relationship breaks, there is often a long period where people are not necessarily fighting. Sometimes they are simply not saying the truth. This podcast is for general information, education and discussion only and is not legal advice, psychological advice, counselling or therapy.
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S2 · E7
August 17 · 50 min
S2 E7: Before You Call It Failure: Lola Berry on Reinvention, Self-Trust and Starting Again
What if the thing you have been calling failure is actually the first honest moment? In this episode of Before It Breaks, Gabriella Pomare sits down with Lola Berry — Australian author, podcaster, actor, nutritionist and host of Fearlessly Failing — for a warm, honest and deeply human conversation about failure, reinvention, relationships, self-trust, ambition, wellness, therapy, creativity and the courage to start again. This episode is about the moments when the old story stops working. The relationship that no longer fits. The career that once made sense. The timeline you thought you had to follow. The identity you outgrew. The dream that changed shape. The version of yourself you kept performing because leaving it behind felt too much like failure. Gabriella and Lola explore why so many people stay too long in relationships, careers, friendships, cities and life chapters because they are afraid of being judged, misunderstood or seen as inconsistent. They talk about adult friendship breakups, value alignment, long-distance love, moving to LA, starting over, creative rejection, therapy, comparison, self-care, emotional honesty and why the body often knows the truth before the mind is ready to admit it. Lola shares what failure has taught her, why she now sees it as a gift, and how letting go can sometimes create the space for something more aligned to arrive. From selling a business with her name on it, to pursuing acting in Los Angeles, to learning how to stop living up to other people’s expectations, this conversation is a reminder that changing direction is not the same as giving up. It may be the moment you finally stop abandoning yourself to keep the old story alive. In this episode, Gabriella and Lola discuss: why failure can be information, not identity; how to know when something no longer feels aligned; why we stay too long in relationships, careers and friendships; adult friendship breakups and one-way relationships; the importance of value alignment in love, work and friendship; long-distance relationships, therapy and honest communication; moving countries and starting again in a new city; creative rejection, self-worth and resilience; comparison, social media and the myth that everyone else is ahead; the difference between real self-care and constant self-optimisation; why your body may know the truth before your mind is ready; releasing timelines, expectations and old versions of success; and what it means to follow what makes you feel alive. This episode is for anyone who feels behind, stuck, uncertain or afraid to change direction. For anyone who has outgrown a version of themselves. For anyone who is scared that starting again means they have failed. For anyone watching other people’s lives unfold online and wondering why theirs looks different. For anyone trying to decide whether to keep forcing the plan — or finally listen to the part of themselves that knows something has shifted. Because sometimes the break is not the end. Sometimes it is the beginning of a more honest life. Listen to Before You Call It Failure: Lola Berry on Reinvention, Self-Trust and Starting Again on Before It Breaks with Gabriella Pomare. This podcast is for general information, education and discussion only and is not legal advice, psychological advice, counselling or therapy.
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S2 · E6
August 11 · 51 min
S2 E6: Before the Children Feel It: Marriage & the Emotional Weather of the Home with Erica Komisar
In this episode of Before It Breaks, Gabriella Pomare speaks with Erica Komisar about children, parenting, marriage, emotional safety and the invisible ways children absorb the relationship between their parents. This conversation explores a powerful idea: children do not live outside the relationship between their parents. They live inside it. They feel the tone. They feel the distance. They feel the silence. They feel the resentment, even when no one says the words out loud. So often, parents tell themselves that children are fine as long as there is no open arguing, or as long as everything is functioning on the surface. But children are deeply sensitive to the emotional weather of the home. They know when warmth has disappeared. They know when one parent is carrying too much. They know when repair is not happening. They know when the home has stopped feeling safe, even if no one has explained why. This episode is not about blaming parents. Parenting, marriage, work, stress, resentment and modern family life are hard. Most parents are doing the best they can with the tools, histories and pressures they have. But it is a reminder that protecting children is not only about what we say to them. It is also about what we model around them. How we repair. How we speak. How we handle conflict. How we apologise. How we make room for their feelings. How we show them what love, safety and emotional responsibility look like. Because children learn relationships long before they have one of their own. They learn what closeness feels like. They learn what silence means. They learn whether conflict can be repaired. They learn whether love is steady, conditional, frightening, distant or safe. In this episode, Gabriella and Erica explore why the emotional life of the home becomes part of the emotional life of the child, and why one of the most important things parents can do is notice the shift earlier, repair sooner and soften where they have become defended. Because before a family breaks, children often feel the shift. And sometimes the greatest gift we can give them is to notice it before it breaks. In this episode Gabriella and Erica discuss: why children are affected by the relationship between their parents; how children absorb tension, silence, distance and resentment; why “not fighting in front of the children” is not always enough; the emotional weather of the home; how parents can model repair, apology and emotional responsibility; why children need emotional safety, not perfection; how modern family life, work, stress and resentment impact children; why the adult relationship cannot be separated from the wellbeing of the child; what children learn about love, closeness, conflict and repair; and what parents can notice earlier before it breaks. Key themes Children and relationships Marriage and parenting Emotional safety in the home Children and parental conflict Silent resentment in marriage Repair after conflict Parenting and emotional responsibility Modern family life How children experience tension at home Disclaimer This podcast is for general information, education and discussion only. It is not legal advice, psychological advice, counselling or therapy. If you need support with your relationship, parenting, family conflict, separation or your child’s wellbeing, please seek advice from an appropriate qualified professional.
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S2 · E5
August 4 · 36 min
S2 E5: Before Stories Disappear: Food, Family and Rituals That Hold Us Together with Rossella Rago
S2 E5: Before the Stories Disappear: Food, Family, Memory and the Rituals That Hold Us Together with Rossella Rago What do families lose when they stop gathering? In this episode of Before It Breaks, Gabriella Pomare sits down with Rossella Rago, the creator and host of Cooking with Nonna, author, entrepreneur and culinary storyteller, for a beautiful conversation about food, family, memory, culture, divorce, grief, grandmothers and the rituals that hold generations together. Rossella shares how Cooking with Nonna began in 2008 after her father bought the website and built her first set, and how what started as filming Italian grandmothers sharing recipes grew into cookbooks, products and a platform dedicated to preserving culture, memory and the wisdom of older generations. She speaks movingly about her grandmother, Nonna Romana, who passed away at 92, and the way she became a symbol of love, strength, family and belonging. This conversation is about food — but really, it is about so much more than food. It is about Sunday dinners. The smell of sauce. The recipe you never wrote down. The grandmother who showed love by feeding you. The stories we assume we will always have time to ask. The family rituals that quietly disappear when people become busy, distant or estranged. Gabriella and Rossella explore how families begin to drift before anyone realises what is being lost, and why sitting around a table can be one of the most powerful ways to preserve connection, identity and belonging. They also talk honestly about divorce, cultural expectations, Italian family traditions, bella figura, grief, resilience, and why love is often found in the smallest daily gestures — the coffee made, the favourite cereal bought, the meal prepared, the effort made. As Rossella says in the episode, falling in love can happen quickly, but falling out of love often happens through “a hundred thousand micro disconnections.” In this episode: how Cooking with Nonna began; what grandmothers teach us about love, family and resilience; why food carries memory, identity and grief; the importance of Sunday dinners and family rituals; how families become disconnected through busyness, distance and silence; why recipes are never just recipes; what older generations wish younger people understood earlier; food as repair, comfort and connection; divorce, cultural expectations and bella figura; preserving children’s culture after separation; why “readiness is bullshit” and you should start before you feel ready; and what we need to notice before family stories, rituals and traditions disappear. This episode is for anyone who grew up around a family table, anyone who misses a grandparent, anyone who has watched family rituals fade, anyone navigating divorce or changing family traditions, and anyone who knows that food is sometimes how love says: you belong here. Because before families break, they often stop gathering. And before the stories disappear, there is often still time to ask. Listen to this episode of Before It Breaks with Gabriella Pomare for an honest, emotional and deeply relatable conversation about food, family, culture, memory, relationships, divorce, grief and the rituals that hold us together before it breaks.
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S2 · E4
July 28 · 41 min
S2 E4: Before You Shrink to Be Chosen: Validation, Confidence and Connection with Valerie Greenberg
In this episode of Before It Breaks, Gabriella Pomare sits down with lifestyle expert, television host, media personality and author Valerie Greenberg for an honest conversation about validation, confidence, self-worth and meaningful connection. We all want to feel seen, loved, desired and understood. But when the need for external validation becomes stronger than our trust in ourselves, relationships can quickly become places where we perform, over-explain, settle, shrink or wait for someone else to confirm that we are enough. Gabriella and Valerie explore how low confidence can influence the people we date, the relationships we stay in and the behaviours we accept. They discuss the difference between attention and intimacy, why some people move quickly from one relationship to another, and how social media has made it harder to separate genuine connection from performance and comparison. Valerie introduces the idea of creating a “confidence community”: a group of friends, mentors and trusted people who remind you of your strengths, support you during difficult seasons and encourage you to keep moving when rejection, disappointment or self-doubt begin to take over. The conversation also moves beyond romantic relationships and into ambition, career rejection and the pressure to constantly achieve. Valerie shares how it took years of persistence to build her media career, why she refuses to allow rejection to define her and how she learned to turn “a no into a nod.” This episode is a reminder that confidence does not mean feeling fearless every day. It means continuing to trust yourself even when someone else does not recognise your value. It means knowing when to listen, when to speak up, when to ask for support and when to walk away from a relationship that requires you to become smaller. Because healthy love does not ask you to disappear in order to be chosen. It allows you to become more fully yourself. In this episode, Gabriella and Valerie discuss: Why people seek external validation in romantic relationships How confidence affects dating, attraction and connection The difference between attention, approval and genuine intimacy Why some people settle for unhealthy or unfulfilling relationships Recognising when a partner or friend is dimming your light How gaslighting and criticism can slowly erode confidence How to communicate emotional needs and expectations Why one person cannot meet every need in a relationship The importance of maintaining friendships and individuality How couples can create regular emotional check-ins Why conflict is often about more than the immediate argument The power of listening rather than preparing your next response Building your own “confidence community” Developing self-respect through boundaries, rest and self-care How to rebuild confidence after rejection, failure or a breakup Valerie’s advice for turning a “no” into a “nod” What we should notice before we begin shrinking ourselves for love About Valerie Greenberg Valerie Greenberg is a lifestyle expert, entertainment host, television personality and the author of You’ve Been Validated: A Playbook for Confidence and Connection. Connect with Valerie Greenberg Instagram: @valgreenberg TikTok: @therealvalgreenberg Website: youvebeenvalidated.com You’ve Been Validated is available through Amazon, Barnes & Noble and other major book retailers.
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S2 · E3
July 21 · 45 min
S2 E3: Before The Group Chat Says Leave Him: Dating, Friendship & Situationships with Emma Klipstein
Are you really “too much”—or have you simply been asking the wrong people to meet you where you are? In Season 2, Episode 3 of Before It Breaks, Gabriella Pomare sits down with Emma Klipstein, creator and host of the Too Much podcast, for an honest, funny and unfiltered conversation about modern dating, situationships, relationship red flags, breakups, self-trust and why so many women are exhausted from pretending to be “chill.” Emma opens up about rebuilding her career and identity, launching her own podcast, dating in her thirties and learning to trust herself when something in a relationship does not feel right. Together, Gabriella and Emma explore: • Why situationships can become so addictive • The dating red flags women commonly explain away • Love bombing, inconsistency and hot-and-cold behaviour • Why confusion can be an answer in itself • Chemistry versus genuine compatibility • The difference between choosing someone and needing them • Why women take dating problems to the group chat • How to stop abandoning yourself inside a relationship • Emma’s Five Box Theory for building a life that can survive a breakup • Why the best post-breakup “glow-up” begins before the relationship ends • Creating relationship non-negotiables • Rebuilding confidence after heartbreak • Balancing love, independence, ambition and career growth • Choosing yourself without closing yourself off to love Emma also explains why consistency is one of the greatest green flags in a relationship, why dating can act as a mirror and why the qualities somebody once called “too much” may be the very qualities you need to stop apologising for. This episode is for anyone who has ever stared at a message wondering what it meant, made excuses for someone’s inconsistency, stayed in a situationship that was affecting their confidence or asked the group chat to confirm something they already knew. Because before it breaks, your intuition is often already whispering. The work is learning to listen. FOLLOW EMMA PAIGE KLIPSTEIN Personal Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lifeofemmapaige/ Too Much Podcast Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/emmastoomuch/ Listen to Too Much with Emma Paige Klipstein on your preferred podcast platform and follow @emmastoomuch on Instagram, TikTok and YouTube for more conversations about dating, breakups, self-trust, reinvention and becoming unapologetically yourself. FOLLOW GABRIELLA POMARE Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thegabriellapomare/ Learn more about Gabriella, her work, books, podcast and speaking: https://gabriellapomare.com.au/ Subscribe to Before It Breaks with Gabriella Pomare for conversations about modern relationships, dating, marriage, divorce, friendship, parenting, identity and the quiet moments that happen before everything changes. Available on YouTube, Apple Podcasts and Spotify. ABOUT BEFORE IT BREAKS Before It Breaks is hosted by family lawyer, author, relationship commentator and co-parenting expert Gabriella Pomare. Each episode explores what happens before relationships, friendships, careers and identities begin to fracture—and what we can learn before reaching breaking point.
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S2 · E2
July 14 · 39 min
S2 E2: Teresa Giudice on Divorce, Motherhood, Forgiveness and Finding Love Again Before It Breaks
What happens when the life you thought you were living suddenly breaks open? In this deeply personal episode of Before It Breaks, Gabriella Pomare sits down with The Real Housewives of New Jersey star, New York Times bestselling author and mother of four, Teresa Giudice, for an honest conversation about the woman behind the headlines. Teresa opens up about divorce, motherhood, grief, public judgment, rebuilding her life and learning to trust and love again. She shares how she protected her daughters through enormous change, why providing for her family kept her moving forward, what her parents taught her about loyalty and strength, and how her relationship with Luis Ruelas showed her a different kind of love. They also explore forgiveness, blended families, friendship breakdowns, communication in marriage, protecting your peace and why the hardest chapter of your life does not have to become your whole story. Teresa also shares what is ahead, including the new season of The Real Housewives of New Jersey, her upcoming memoir, her skincare line, Sampere, and her daughter’s new family restaurant. This is not a conversation about the headline. It is a conversation about everything that came before it, and the strength it takes to rebuild afterward. In this episode: • Teresa’s life away from reality television • Divorce, deportation and rebuilding as a single mother • Protecting children during separation and public scrutiny • Motherhood, independence and raising four daughters • Finding love again after divorce • Becoming a stepmother and creating a blended family • Forgiveness, loyalty and protecting your peace • Communication as the foundation of lasting relationships • What Teresa wishes people understood about her • Her next memoir, businesses and RHONJ Season 15 Listen to Before It Breaks with Gabriella Pomare wherever you get your podcasts. Follow Gabriella Pomare: Instagram: @thegabriellapomare Website: gabriellapomare.com Follow Teresa Giudice and listen to Turning the Tables for more.
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S2 · E1
July 7 · 41 min
S2 E1: Stress, Self-Doubt and the Moment You Realise You’ve Lost Yourself with Dr Rachel Goldman
What if your relationship does not actually have a communication problem? What if the real problem is that both of you are exhausted, overloaded, defensive, disconnected and living in survival mode? In the first episode of Season 2 of Before It Breaks, Gabriella Pomare sits down with New York City clinical psychologist, speaker, consultant and author of When Life Happens, Dr Rachel Goldman, for a powerful conversation about what happens when stress becomes the third person in the relationship. This episode explores the quiet space before a relationship breaks. The space where people are still functioning, still parenting, still working, still organising, still showing up on the outside, but inside they are depleted. Their nervous system is overloaded. Their patience is gone. Their confidence is low. Their body is tense. Their thoughts are harsh. Their self-trust is shaky. And eventually, the relationship starts absorbing all of it. Gabriella and Dr Rachel talk about why many couples say they “cannot communicate” when the deeper issue may be that they are too emotionally charged, too stressed or too burnt out to access the communication skills they actually have. They discuss why timing matters when it comes to difficult conversations, and why the best time to talk is rarely when one or both people are already angry, flooded or overwhelmed. Dr Rachel shares practical communication tools, including the importance of pausing, listening, reflecting and responding rather than reacting. They also explore the role of the nervous system in relationships, and why people in fight-or-flight mode are often not able to have calm, constructive or compassionate conversations. When the brain is wired for survival, it can jump to worst-case scenarios, misread a partner’s intentions and turn ordinary moments into emotional threats. This conversation looks at the question so many couples miss: Would we be communicating this way if we were not so stressed? Would this feel like such a big problem if we were not exhausted? Would I be interpreting my partner this way if I felt calmer, safer or more supported? Gabriella and Dr Rachel also talk about burnout inside long-term relationships and marriages. Not just individual burnout, but couple burnout. The kind of emotional depletion where one or both people begin to feel like there is nothing left in the tank. The kind of burnout that can sound like “I’m done,” when what someone may really mean is “I am overwhelmed, unsupported and I do not know how to keep going like this.” They explore the signs of emotional disconnection, silent divorce and quiet quitting inside a relationship, including withdrawal, silence, lack of communication, emotional distance, reduced affection, changes in behaviour and the feeling that someone is physically present but no longer truly connected. This episode also looks at self-doubt and how it shows up in relationships. Dr Rachel explains how low confidence and self-doubt can change the lens through which someone sees themselves, their partner and the relationship. When a person is already questioning themselves, they may be more likely to stay silent, avoid hard conversations, assume they are the problem or wait until the issue finally explodes. Guest: Dr Rachel Goldman Dr Rachel Goldman is a New York City-based clinical psychologist, speaker, consultant and author of When Life Happens. Her work focuses on psychology, health, behaviour change, mindset, stress, confidence and the mind-body connection. Find Dr Rachel Goldman: @drrachelnyc Book: When Life Happens Listen now and subscribe for more conversations about relationships, marriage, communication, family, co-parenting, emotional disconnection, repair and what happens before it breaks.
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S1 · E10
June 30 · 22 min
S1 E10: The Green Flags We Miss Before It Breaks
In Episode 10 of Before It Breaks with Gabriella Pomare, Gabriella shifts the conversation away from the red flags we are constantly told to look for, and asks a different question: what about the green flags we miss before a relationship breaks? In a culture obsessed with relationship red flags, warning signs, toxic patterns and reasons to leave, it can become easy to focus only on what is wrong. We become relationship detectives, scanning for evidence, replaying arguments, analysing messages, comparing our partner to online advice, and wondering whether every difficult moment is a sign the relationship is already over. But sometimes, before a relationship breaks, there are also signs that something is still alive. Not the dramatic signs. Not the grand gestures. Not the perfect Instagram relationship, the public anniversary caption, the flowers, the holiday reel or the curated couple content that makes love look effortless. The real green flags are often much quieter. They look like someone trying again after getting it wrong. They look like a partner who can apologise without turning the whole conversation around. They look like emotional safety after conflict, a willingness to listen, small acts of care, effort that is consistent rather than performative, and the ability to repair instead of simply moving on. They look like a relationship where both people may be tired, imperfect, overwhelmed or disconnected, but there is still enough respect, accountability, honesty and willingness to make repair possible. In this episode, Gabriella explores the relationship green flags that are often overlooked in modern relationships, marriage, family life, parenting, separation and co-parenting dynamics. She unpacks why healthy relationships are not about perfection, why emotional safety matters more than appearances, and why the absence of constant conflict is not the same as connection. This episode asks what it means to notice the quiet signs of repair, respect, effort and emotional maturity before resentment becomes the whole relationship. It is for anyone who has been so focused on the red flags that they may have forgotten to ask whether there are still signs of care, willingness, accountability and love. Gabriella also explores the difference between genuine green flags and bare minimum behaviour. A green flag is not simply someone doing one nice thing after weeks of disconnection. It is not a grand gesture that avoids accountability. It is not flowers after harm without change. It is not public affection while private emotional neglect continues. Real green flags are found in patterns, not performances. They are found in how someone responds when you are hurt. How they behave when they are defensive. Whether they can hear you without punishing you for having needs. Whether they take responsibility without needing to be chased. Whether repair actually follows the apology. Whether they are willing to grow, not just promise that things will be different. This episode is not about telling people to stay in relationships that are unsafe, harmful or emotionally damaging. It is not about ignoring red flags or romanticising effort that never turns into change. It is about creating a more balanced conversation about modern relationships, one that recognises that healthy love is not always loud, obvious or cinematic.
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S1 · E9
June 23 · 27 min
S1 E9: TikTok, Facebook Groups, AI and the Modern Relationship Crisis
The advice, comparison and commentary we are letting into our private lives. In this episode of Before It Breaks with Gabriella Pomare, Gabriella explores how social media, TikTok relationship advice, Facebook groups, the group chat, AI-generated messages and curated online lives are quietly changing the way we see our relationships. We live in a time where our most private relationships are constantly being compared, interpreted, diagnosed and judged through online spaces. We scroll through relationship reels, watch TikTok clips about red flags and emotional neglect, post anonymously in Facebook groups, send screenshots to the group chat, and sometimes even ask AI to help us write the message we are too overwhelmed to say ourselves. Some of this can be helpful. Online content can give people language for emotional neglect, coercive control, mental load, gaslighting, weaponised incompetence and unhealthy relationship patterns. It can help people feel less alone and recognise when something is not okay. But online advice can also flatten complex relationships into quick labels and simple answers. A thirty-second clip cannot understand the full context of a marriage, long-term partnership, family system, separation, co-parenting dynamic or private emotional history. A comment section does not have to live with the consequences of telling someone to leave. The group chat may love you deeply, but it often only sees the relationship through the moments when you are hurt. In this honest and nuanced episode, Gabriella asks whether the internet is helping us see more clearly, or whether it is making ordinary relationships feel inadequate, feeding resentment, encouraging comparison, and replacing real support with quick validation. This episode explores curated relationship content, TikTok therapy language, Facebook group advice, AI in relationships, online comparison, boundaries, red flags, relationship tests, emotional safety, repair, separation, co-parenting and the difference between validation and guidance. At the heart of the episode is a simple but powerful question: Are we using online content to understand our relationships, or are we letting the algorithm become the authority on our most intimate lives? This episode asks: Is online relationship advice helping or hurting us? What happens when we compare real relationships to curated lives? Can TikTok therapy language become too blunt? What is the difference between validation and guidance? Are Facebook groups and group chats giving support, or only one-sided certainty? How is AI changing the way we communicate in relationships? What do children learn when adults outsource conflict to screens? T his episode is for anyone navigating modern love, marriage, separation, co-parenting, conflict, repair, online comparison, relationship advice, or the quiet question of whether the relationship they are living inside still feels honest, safe and alive. Listen to Before It Breaks with Gabriella Pomare on Apple Podcasts, Spotify and all major podcast platforms.
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S1 · E8
June 16 · 31 min
S1 E8: Are We Staying for the Kids, or Hiding Behind Them?
Staying for the Kids: Is It Really Best for Children? In this raw and honest episode of Before It Breaks, Gabriella Pomare explores one of the most difficult and controversial questions in family life: should parents stay together for the kids? Many parents tell themselves they are protecting their children by staying in an unhappy relationship. But what if the children are already living inside the tension, silence, resentment or emotional distance? What if the family looks intact from the outside, but does not feel emotionally safe on the inside? Gabriella unpacks the difference between staying and repairing, versus staying and avoiding. She explores why children do not need perfect parents, but they do need emotional safety, repair, honesty and adults who are willing to take responsibility for the atmosphere of the home. This episode is not about telling people to stay or leave. It is about asking a better question: what are the children actually living inside? For parents navigating relationship breakdown, separation, co-parenting, family conflict, guilt, fear, or uncertainty, this conversation offers compassion, clarity and a deeply human look at what it really means to centre children. Key Themes Staying for the kids Relationship breakdown Unhappy marriage with children Emotional safety in families Children and separation Co-parenting after separation Family conflict Repair after conflict Parent guilt Healthy family dynamics Conscious parenting Marriage, separation and children High-conflict homes Quiet unhappy marriages Emotional inheritance Child-centred decision-making Should you stay together for the kids? It is one of the hardest questions in family life — and one many parents carry silently for years. In this episode of Before It Breaks, Gabriella Pomare explores the reality behind “staying for the kids”: when it can be loving and reparative, and when it becomes fear, guilt or avoidance dressed up as sacrifice. This is not an episode telling people to leave. It is not an episode telling people to stay. It is a conversation about emotional safety, repair, family conflict, separation, co-parenting and what children are actually absorbing inside the home. Because children do not need perfect parents. Before It Breaks with Gabriella Pomare is a relationship, separation and co-parenting podcast hosted by Gabriella Pomare — Sydney family lawyer, author of The Collaborative Co-Parent, media commentator and founder of The Collaborative Co-Parent platform. Through honest, emotionally intelligent conversations, Gabriella explores what happens before relationships, communication, families and identities break down, covering modern marriage, parenting after separation, co-parenting, conflict, family law, emotional safety, repair and rebuilding. Follow Gabriella on Instagram at @thegabriellapomare, learn more about The Collaborative Co-Parent, and listen to Before It Breaks on Apple Podcasts, Spotify and all major podcast platforms.
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S1 · E7
June 9 · 29 min
S1 E7: The Ex Who Never Really Left - Relationship Boundaries, Old Flames & Emotional Attachment
What happens when the third person in your relationship is not an affair partner, but an ex who never really left? In Episode 7 of Before It Breaks with Gabriella Pomare, Gabriella explores the complicated emotional space between past relationships and present love. This episode is not just about co-parenting. It is about old flames, exes, former partners, workplace relationships, family friends, friendship circles, divorced partners without children, and the people from our past who sometimes continue to take up space in our current relationships. Sometimes the issue is not contact. It is access. A partner may still speak to an ex because they share children, work together, move in the same friendship group, or have long family history. But when ordinary contact turns into emotional dependence, guilt, secrecy, late-night messages, private support, or a sense that the past has more power than the present, the current relationship can start to feel crowded. Gabriella unpacks the difference between being mature and becoming invisible, between healthy friendship and unfinished business, and between jealousy as control and jealousy as information. She also explores why some people stay emotionally available to an ex out of guilt, habit, conflict avoidance or the need to feel needed — and how that can quietly undermine a new relationship. This episode is for anyone who has ever wondered: Am I being insecure, or is something actually off? Can you really be friends with an ex? Why does this person from my partner’s past still feel so present? What is the difference between contact and emotional access? How do you set boundaries without being controlling? What happens when your partner keeps dismissing your discomfort as jealousy? With warmth, honesty and Gabriella’s signature conversational style, this episode looks at the old attachments, emotional third parties and blurred boundaries that can quietly build resentment before a relationship breaks. Because sometimes the question is not whether someone from your past is still in your life. The question is whether they are still in your relationship. Show Notes In this episode, Gabriella talks about: The ex who never really left emotionally Why this episode is not only about co-parenting Old flames, workplace exes, family friends and friendship circle dynamics Why contact is not the same as emotional access How past relationships can quietly affect current relationships The difference between healthy friendship and unfinished business Why “we’re just friends” is sometimes more complicated than it sounds When jealousy is not immaturity, but information How emotional dependence can threaten a relationship even when nobody is cheating Why guilt keeps people emotionally attached to former partners How partners can feel displaced by someone from the past Why dismissing someone as “insecure” can create resentment The emotional impact of being repeatedly made to feel secondary What healthy boundaries with an ex or old flame can sound like Why kindness after a relationship ends sometimes means clarity The question every person with a complicated past should ask themselves How to name the issue without rage, control or accusation Why the goal is not always to make the person disappear, but to make the boundaries clear
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S1 · E6
June 2 · 35 min
S1 E6: The DMs That Ended the Relationship
What if the relationship did not end because of the affair, but because of everything that happened before anyone admitted it? In this raw and provocative episode of Before It Breaks with Gabriella Pomare, Gabriella opens the modern relationship inbox and explores the private messages, blurred boundaries, deleted chats, work friendships, gym connections, after-work drinks, travel moments and emotional almost-affairs that often happen long before a relationship publicly breaks. This episode is for anyone who has ever wondered: are DMs cheating? Is liking someone’s Instagram story disrespectful? When does a work friendship become an emotional affair? Is going to drinks with the same colleague every week a red flag? What does it mean when your partner shares exciting news with someone else before you? Is it insecurity, intuition, or are you noticing the beginning of the break? Gabriella unpacks the grey zones of modern love: Instagram DMs, deleted messages, flirty story replies, gym friends, work wives and work husbands, emotional affairs, work travel, “just friends” dynamics, private drinks, secret conversations, and the painful moment when someone outside the relationship starts getting the best version of your partner. Because sometimes the phone is not the whole crime. Sometimes the phone is just the receipt. With stories inspired by listener DMs from Australia, the United States and beyond, this episode looks at the relationship behaviours people are afraid to talk about out loud — the situations that make you ask the group chat, “Am I being crazy, or is this weird?” From the husband who follows local women from the gym, to the colleague who knows the exciting news first, to the work friend who becomes a little too emotionally available, to the ex who reappears every time there is a fight, Gabriella explores the uncomfortable truth that not everything has to be cheating to be humiliating, secretive or damaging to trust. This episode asks the questions everyone has an opinion on: Are DMs cheating? Is deleting messages always a red flag? Can you have privacy in a relationship without secrecy? When does a friendship become an emotional affair? Is your partner insecure, or are they picking up on a pattern? Can work drinks, gym routines and travel friendships become dangerous? What happens when someone outside the relationship gets the excitement, vulnerability and attention first? And why do so many modern relationships break in the grey zone before anyone is willing to name what is happening? Episode 6 is a must-listen for anyone navigating modern relationships, marriage, dating, separation, emotional affairs, online betrayal, Instagram boundaries, workplace friendships, trust issues, infidelity, relationship conflict, communication breakdowns and the quiet moments before a relationship breaks. Before It Breaks with Gabriella Pomare is the podcast for the conversations people usually have too late — about love, marriage, co-parenting, divorce, communication, conflict, repair and rebuilding. Listen now and join the conversation. For the before. For the break. For the becoming. #BeforeItBreaks #GabriellaPomare #ModernRelationships #RelationshipPodcast #MarriagePodcast #EmotionalAffair #DMs #InstagramCheating #RelationshipAdvice #DatingAndRelationships #MarriageProblems #Infidelity #TrustIssues #BeforeItBreaksPodcast #CoParenting #DivorcePodcast #ModernLove #RelationshipBoundaries #PodcastEpisode
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S1 · E5
May 26 · 30 min
S1 E5: What Parenthood Really Does to Marriage, Identity and Intimacy
Everyone tells you that having a baby will change your life. Very few people tell you it may change your marriage. In Episode 5 of Before It Breaks with Gabriella Pomare, Gabriella explores what really happens to modern relationships after children, when love can quietly become logistics and the couple who once had time, spontaneity and intimacy becomes two exhausted people managing nappies, daycare apps, school emails, appointments, work pressure, invisible labour and resentment. This episode looks honestly at parenthood, marriage, motherhood, identity, emotional load, the default parent, sex after children, relationship burnout, invisible labour, ambition, resentment and the quiet ways a couple can start to lose each other after becoming parents. Gabriella explores why a baby does not automatically bring a couple closer, why parenthood can reveal what was already fragile, and why the daily work of raising children can change the emotional structure of a relationship long before anyone says, “I’m not happy anymore.” Drawing on relatable cultural examples as well as public conversations around motherhood, ambition and identity this episode asks why parenthood can be both deeply meaningful and incredibly destabilising. This is not an episode about blaming parents. It is about telling the truth about what children can change: the body, the relationship, the sex life, the mental load, the division of labour, the ambition, the nervous system, the childhood wounds, and the version of yourself you thought you would be. Episode notes In this episode, Gabriella explores: How a baby changes the relationship before anyone says it out loud. Why parenthood can bring deep meaning while also increasing stress, resentment and emotional load. The shift from romance to logistics after children. Invisible labour, the mental load and the role of the default parent. Why “just tell me what to do” can still leave one person carrying the household. How motherhood can change identity, ambition, body image and emotional capacity. Why sex and intimacy often change after children. The grief of missing your old life while still loving your children deeply. How parenthood can awaken childhood wounds and family patterns. Why couples can become adversarial after children, even when both people are exhausted and trying. How to protect the couple from becoming only the parents. “Everyone tells you a baby will change your life. Very few people tell you it may change your marriage.” Alternative pull quotes “Love becomes logistics when the relationship starts running on calendars, lunchboxes, daycare apps and exhaustion.” “The baby does not always break the relationship. Sometimes the baby reveals what was already fragile.” “Being needed all day is not the same as being seen.” “Parenthood can bring the deepest meaning of your life, but meaning is not the same as ease.” “The question is not how do we get back to who we were before kids, but who are we becoming now, and are we becoming those people together?”
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S1 · E4
May 19 · 32 min
S1 E4: When Work Becomes the Third Person in the Relationship
Ambition, absence, emotional disconnection and the modern marriage trying to survive work. Not every relationship breaks because of another person. In Episode 4 of Before It Breaks with Gabriella Pomare, Gabriella explores what happens when work becomes more than work, when it starts sitting at the dinner table, sleeping in the bed, coming on the holiday, interrupting the conversation and quietly taking the emotional space that once belonged to the relationship. This episode looks at modern relationship burnout, emotional absence, overwork, workaholism, career pressure, ambition, resentment, intimacy, emotional availability and the loneliness that can exist when someone is physically present but emotionally still at work. Gabriella explores why work is not always the villain. Work can be purpose, survival, identity, provision, independence and love in action. But when work receives the best version of someone and the relationship only receives what is left over, something starts to change. Drawing on relatable cultural examples from The Devil Wears Prada, Marriage Story, The Intern and La La Land, this episode asks why ambition can be so seductive, why home can become the place of criticism and exhaustion, and why so many couples are living around work rather than with each other. You will hear about phone distraction, laptops in bed, emails at dinner, the “just one more thing” cycle, the busy season that becomes the whole relationship, and the quiet grief of feeling like love is always scheduled for later. This episode is for anyone who has ever felt like they are competing with a partner’s career, business, inbox, ambition or constant availability to everyone else. Because sometimes the relationship does not need a grand romantic gesture. Sometimes it needs to stop receiving the leftovers. For the before. For the break. For the becoming. In this episode, Gabriella explores: How work can become the third person in a relationship. Why ambition can be meaningful, seductive and emotionally consuming. The difference between being physically present and emotionally available. How phones, emails, laptops and constant work interruptions affect intimacy. Why the “busy season” can quietly become the whole relationship. The loneliness of feeling like your partner’s work gets the best of them and you get what is left. Why work can feel safer than home when home has become a place of criticism, pressure or disappointment. How resentment builds when love is repeatedly postponed. Why the relationship needs to be allowed to feel urgent too. Whether couples can protect ambition without sacrificing connection.
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S1 · E3
May 12 · 27 min
S1 E3: Before the Affair - Emotional Affairs, DMs, Work Wives and Betrayal
In Episode 3 of Before It Breaks with Gabriella Pomare, Gabriella explores emotional affairs, work wife and work husband dynamics, DMs, phone secrecy, deleted messages and the quiet relationship shift that can happen before a physical affair. This episode looks at why emotional betrayal can feel so devastating, how secrecy and denial break trust, and why “nothing happened” can still hurt when emotional energy has already moved elsewhere. Not every affair begins in a hotel room. Sometimes it begins with the private message, the deleted thread, the work wife, the work husband, the phone turned face down, the late-night reply, the sudden new pattern, or the person who seems to get the best version of your partner while you are left with the tired, distant one at home. This episode asks why emotional affairs can feel almost worse than physical affairs, because the harm is not only about attraction or another person. It is about the lying, the minimising, the secrecy, the denial, the “we’re just friends,” the “nothing happened,” and the way someone can be made to doubt what they can clearly feel. Gabriella also explores the modern relationship grey areas that so many couples are facing now: work wife and work husband dynamics, private messages, changed phone behaviour, going out more, emotional distance at home, increased defensiveness, and the quiet sense that emotional energy has moved somewhere else. This episode is for anyone who has ever wondered whether they are being insecure or intuitive, whether a “friendship” has crossed a line, whether DMs count as betrayal, or whether emotional intimacy outside the relationship can damage trust even before a physical affair begins. For the before. For the break. For the becoming.
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S1 · E2
May 5 · 29 min
S1 E2: Is Space Saving Your Relationship, or Softly Ending It?
Is space saving your relationship, or is it softly ending it? In Episode 2 of Before It Breaks with Gabriella Pomare, Gabriella explores one of the most modern relationship questions facing couples today: what does it mean when people are still together, still committed, still sharing a life, but quietly creating more space inside the relationship? This episode looks at the couples who live apart for part of the week, sleep in separate bedrooms, take separate holidays, have weekly nights out alone or with friends, keep a city apartment, retreat to a country house, or create private routines that sit outside the shared life. Is this healthy independence, relationship repair and modern love evolving, or can it become emotional avoidance, silent divorce, quiet quitting marriage and the soft launch of separation? Gabriella explores the positives and negatives of space in relationships, including how time apart can restore desire, reduce resentment, protect identity, support emotional regulation, improve sleep, and help couples return to each other with more warmth and generosity. She also looks at when space becomes harmful, including when it is unequal, unspoken, secretive, avoidant, or when one person’s freedom depends on the other person carrying the emotional load, mental load, parenting load and domestic labour. Drawing on examples from modern relationships, pop culture and the idea of couples keeping separate apartments, holidays, rooms and routines, this episode asks whether space is giving love oxygen or simply making distance easier to tolerate. You will hear about the return test, the fairness test, rituals of return, separate holidays, separate bedrooms, city apartments, emotional disconnection, relationship burnout, marriage resentment, invisible labour, modern marriage, intimacy, autonomy, desire, closeness, independence and what it really means to still choose each other. This episode is for anyone in a relationship wondering whether they need more space, more honesty, more repair, more intimacy, or whether the space they have created is telling them something they have not yet wanted to hear. For the before. For the break. For the becoming. This podcast is for general information and education only and is not legal advice.
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S1 · E1
April 29 · 1 hr 1 min
S1 E1: Before it Breaks
Episode 1: Before It Breaks Most relationships do not break the day someone leaves. They break much earlier, in what people now call the quiet quitting marriage, the silent divorce, the slow emotional disconnection that happens while the house still runs, the children are still cared for, the calendar is still full, and everyone on the outside still thinks the family is fine. In the first full episode of Before It Breaks with Gabriella Pomare, Gabriella explores the private fracture that often happens long before separation, divorce, co-parenting or family breakdown becomes visible to the outside world. This is the space where love starts turning into logistics, where the emotional load and mental load become invisible labour, where “I’m fine” becomes a locked door, and where one person can be lying beside someone every night while feeling completely alone. This episode is for anyone who has ever looked around at the life they built, the house, the children, the school bags by the door, the dinner half-made on the bench, the washing still waiting to be folded, and quietly wondered, “How did we get here?” Drawing on more than a decade as a family lawyer, as well as her work as the author of The Collaborative Co-Parent, mother and co-parent, Gabriella speaks about the reality behind marriage resentment, relationship burnout, emotional disconnection, the invisible work of motherhood, and the repeated missed bids for connection that can leave someone feeling unseen inside their own family. This is not just a divorce podcast episode about what happens when people separate. It is a raw conversation about what happens before that: before anyone packs a bag, before anyone calls a lawyer, before the relationship breakdown becomes public, and before the person who has been carrying everything finally says, “I cannot keep pretending this is fine.” Gabriella also offers hope for couples who recognise themselves in this place, exploring what it can look like to name the truth earlier, seek couples counselling or relationship support, rebuild emotional intimacy, redistribute the mental load, repair after conflict, and understand whether this is a difficult season, a deeper relationship pattern, or the beginning of the end. This episode is for the person in a silent marriage, the mother carrying the invisible load, the partner feeling lonely in a relationship, the couple wondering if they can repair, and anyone trying to understand the quiet moments that shape what happens before, during and after a family changes. For the before. For the break. For the becoming. This podcast is for general information and education only and is not legal advice.
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April 25 · 20 min
Intro: A Note Before We Begin
Episode 0: A Note Before We Begin Before the first full season begins, Gabriella Pomare opens the door to Before It Breaks, a raw and honest podcast about marriage, motherhood, divorce, separation, co-parenting, emotional load, mental load and what really happens before a family changes shape. In this introductory episode, Gabriella shares why she created the podcast, what listeners can expect, and why so many relationships begin breaking long before anyone says the word separation. This is the space before the legal letters, before the parenting arrangements, before the property settlement, before the co-parenting texts, and before the outside world finally sees that something has shifted. This episode is for anyone who has ever wondered, “How did we get here?” It is for the person in a quiet quitting marriage, the mother carrying the invisible load, the parent trying to separate without making the children carry the conflict, the co-parent still healing while answering difficult messages, and the person quietly grieving a relationship that still looks intact from the outside. Hosted by Gabriella Pomare, family lawyer, author of The Collaborative Co-Parent, speaker, mother and co-parent, Before It Breaks explores the emotional reality behind silent divorce, marriage resentment, relationship burnout, emotional disconnection, motherhood mental load, family breakdown, child-centred separation and rebuilding after divorce. This is not a podcast about perfect families or perfect divorce. It is about the conversations families usually have too late, the quiet patterns that break relationships, the children who feel more than adults realise, and the conscious choices that can help people rebuild with more honesty, dignity, structure and care. For the before. For the break. For the becoming. This podcast is for general information and education only and is not legal advice.
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