S1 · E18April 12 · 55 min
Content Warning:
Discussion of emotional distress and dysregulation
Experiences of feeling unsafe (including in school and home environments)
Masking, people-pleasing, and chronic invalidation
Inner child work (including references to early childhood experiences)
Trauma (including developmental / “little t” trauma)
Systemic barriers impacting neurodivergent people
Summary:
In this episode, Bri is joined by Christina Schmidt to explore what it truly means to cultivate a felt sense of safety as an AuDHD person, both internally and within the environments we move through.
Together, they unpack how safety is not just a cognitive concept, but a deeply embodied, nervous system experience, one that is shaped over time through our relationships, environments, and the ways our needs are responded to (or dismissed).
Christina shares powerful reflections from her clinical work, particularly in school settings, highlighting how seemingly small changes, like a new teacher, classroom, or unmet sensory need, can significantly disrupt a child’s sense of safety and capacity to engage.
The conversation explores how many AuDHDers grow up experiencing chronic invalidation, being told to “push through,” ignore discomfort, or prioritise others’ needs, and how this can lead to disconnection from self, high masking, and difficulty accessing safety in adulthood.
Bri and Christina also introduce pathways back toward safety, including co-regulation, meeting sensory needs, reconnecting with the inner child, and gently shifting attention back toward self.
At its core, this episode is a compassionate invitation to move away from self-blame and toward understanding:that safety is not something we “should just have,” but something that is built, supported, and deeply relational.
Takeaways:
Safety is a felt, embodied experience, not just a thought. It lives in the nervous system, not just the mind.
Chronic invalidation disrupts safety. Being told to ignore sensory, emotional, or relational needs teaches AuDHDers that their experience doesn’t matter.
Masking often develops to maintain external safety. Many people learn to prioritise others’ comfort over their own, even at a significant internal cost.
Environmental changes can deeply impact regulation. Things like new teachers, different tones of voice, lighting, seating, or social dynamics can significantly affect felt safety.
You are not “overreacting”; your nervous system is responding. Sensory and emotional sensitivity play a key role in how safety is experienced.
Co-regulation is powerful. Safe people can help us access regulation when we can’t do it alone.
You don’t have to do it all yourself. Reaching safety can involve others, environments, and supports, not just internal effort.
Your needs deserve to come first, too. Shifting away from constant people-pleasing is part of building safety.
Inner child work can support healing. Many experiences of unsafety are rooted in early life, and can be gently met with compassion and validation now.
Safety is shaped by systems, not just individuals. Social structures, expectations, and environments can either support or block access to safety.
There is no one way to feel safe. For some, it might feel like warmth, stillness, softness, or “amber light”, for others, something entirely different.
Safety can start small. Meeting sensory needs, softening expectations, or connecting with one safe person can be a starting point.
You can find Christina on Instagram at @freetobeme.speech.
