Attachment and EMDR: What Happens When the Processing Gets Stuck?

How do attachment styles and relationships influence EMDR and trauma therapy? In this episode, Jo Oxley and attachment and relationship therapist Jo Bealey explore EMDR and attachment therapy through the lens of relational safety — particularly what may be happening when trauma processing becomes “stuck”. EMDR and attachment therapy can be understood as the integration of trauma processing with attention to the attachment strategies, internal working models and relational expectations that a client brings into the therapeutic relationship. Clients with preoccupied attachment may need to explain and stay connected while processing, while those with avoidant tendencies may prefer less disclosure — raising questions about relational safety, self-reliance and the urge to “just get it done”. Jo O and Jo B also consider the therapist. What happens when processing stops and the therapist begins to wonder: Have I done something wrong? Have I chosen the wrong target? Should I rescue the process? Rather than seeing stuckness simply as a problem to overcome, an attachment-informed approach invites curiosity about what it may be communicating. In this episode: How attachment styles can shape the experience of EMDR Core beliefs as possible expressions of internal working models Why relational safety may be important before trauma processing Anxious/preoccupied and avoidant strategies during EMDR What “stuck” processing might communicate Therapist attachment responses, shame and the impulse to rescue Grief, loss and developing a more coherent story Using supervision to explore what is being co-created Building a secure relational base when safety has rarely been experienced Chapters 00:16 Welcome to Attached Together 01:44 EMDR through an attachment lens 04:17 Core beliefs and internal working models 06:27 Avoidant attachment and “just processing it” 09:11 Creating relational safety 12:27 When processing opens other memories 14:48 Attachment wounds, grief and mourning 18:08 The therapist’s attachment style 19:25 What happens when EMDR gets stuck? 25:12 What stuckness may be communicating Questions practitioners may be asking How can attachment affect EMDR? Attachment strategies may influence how safe a client feels processing difficult material alongside another person, how much they need to talk, and how they experience closeness, dependence and vulnerability. Why might EMDR processing become stuck? Jo invites practitioners to consider stuckness as communication: might the client feel unsafe, overwhelmed or uncomfortable? What is happening relationally as well as within the processing? Why does the therapist’s attachment matter? A therapist’s own attachment strategies may influence how they respond to uncertainty — including impulses to rescue, withdraw, blame themselves or move the work forwards. CPD & Further Learning A CPD certificate is available for time spent listening to the episode. Visit the Optima Attachment website: UK Listeners ➡️ www.optimaattachment.co.uk AUS Listeners ➡️ www.optimaattachment.com.au For practitioners interested in developing their attachment-informed practice further, Optima delivers Level 5 and Level 7 Diplomas in Attachment-Based Psychotherapy.