How to Have Difficult Conversations with Sheila Heen

Stan interviews longtime friend and Harvard professor Sheila Heen about why difficult conversations derail and how to handle them more effectively. They discuss the “hero/villain/victim” stories people tell when frustrated, how smart people can listen poorly by focusing on what’s wrong, and why many conflicts are “switch-track” disagreements where each person thinks the conversation is about something different. The conversation also covers political polarization, complex identities, and Heen’s course on negotiating money, wealth, happiness, and meaning. 00:00 Intro 03:06 What Makes Talks Hard 04:30 Avoidance And Timing 06:53 Family Conversation Traps 08:54 Hero Villain Victim 10:06 Respond To Feelings 12:40 Switch Track Conversations 14:25 Empathy Versus Assertion 18:04 Loss 19:43 Intent Versus Impact 20:33 Comment Dilemma 23:15 Intent/Impact Lesson 27:34 Beyond Blame To Contribution 29:50 Identity Fuels Polarization 33:00 Antidotes To Political Divide 34:50 Marriage Conflicts That Persist 38:41 Negotiating Money And Self Worth 42:36 Money Talks For Couples 49:01 Lifestyle Creep And Meaning 51:57 Lightning Round Conversation Tools 54:58 Resources And Farewell Check out Sheila at: https://www.stoneandheen.com/training-consulting Buy Her Book: https://www.stoneandheen.com/ Host Stan Christensen has spent his career working as a professional negotiator in a variety of arenas. He has also taught a popular course on negotiation at Stanford University for over twenty years.