Conflict Is Like Death (It’s Inevitable)

Hello and welcome back to our book club read-along of Are You Mad at Me? If you’re new here, I release a new podcast episode every two weeks where we deep-dive into this book together. You can also listen on Spotify & Apple Music. These episodes are meant to help translate theory into everyday language and to connect the science to real life, real patterns, and real change. We also gather twice during each book for live meetings where you can connect with others, share reflections, and ask questions in real time! This book takes us deep into fawning, one of the survival strategies so many of us developed in childhood to stay connected and safe. It helps explain why we learned to manage other people’s emotions instead of feeling our own, and how patterns like people-pleasing, overfunctioning, and perfectionism make so much sense when we understand where they came from, and how they can change. This episode is free to listen to to welcome all new subscribers, but for $5/month you can join our community and get access to all past book club episodes. That includes our live sessions, ongoing discussions, and the complete archive of past reads, such as Unlocking the Emotional Brain, No Bad Parts, Healing Developmental Trauma, and Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents. Your support makes this space possible, and I’m grateful you’re here and reading along with me. This week, we’re reading a chapter on conflict and the anxiety that many of us feel around it, as well as how stuck we can feel when we want to connect but need to maintain distance to avoid any potential conflict. If you’re curious to take a deep dive into creating transformational change in your life, check out my new offering: The Transformation Lab. If you’re someone who reads all the books, tries every type of therapy, can analyze themselves better than Freud, but still can’t seem to change, then come join me for an experiment in transformation. As you read or listen, you can be curious about these reflection questions: What’s your current relationship to conflict? When there is a perceived conflict, what do you fear will happen if you face it? What do you need during conflict, whether it’s from yourself or the other person, that would feel soothing to you? This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit trishawolfe.substack.com/subscribe