Fatherhood Killed My Ego, with SOHN

We all carry around an idea of success—the job promotion we crave, the car that’ll make strangers on the street crane their necks in jealousy, the beautiful house that turns visitors quiet as they walk through the front door. Fewer ask where these ideas come from. Mostly, they’re absorbed from our parents, from culture, and from the other dads we compare ourselves to without meaning to. We spend our lives chasing these ghosts. But nobody warns you what’s on the other side—what might happen if you get everything you wanted and end up feeling hollow. For this month’s podcast, I sat down with my good friend Toph—known to the rest of the world as SOHN, the British artist and producer behind the albums Tremors and Trust. SOHN signed a record deal with 4AD, played Coachella and the late-night US TV circuit, and has spent well over a decade living the “artist dream” while raising three boys. Six years ago, we met in the lift of a Barcelona hotel, and eventually bonded over something neither of us saw coming: an episode of depression after the birth of our second child. We pulled each other through that dark time, with long walks and honest conversations. Just before the launch of his fourth album Albadas (Dawn Songs), we sat down in his studio to talk about all of it. This is the most honest conversation about success, money and creative identity I’ve ever heard from a dad in the public eye. We talk about his five-year creative block, the album that only arrived when he stopped writing as SOHN and started writing as a dad, what it does to your head when your creative output is tied to the food you put on your kids’ plates—and why, when what he was chasing turned out to be a trap, he sold the dream house, killed the ego he’d spent so long protecting, and started again. Listen and Subscribe On … Spotify Apple Podcasts YouTube Pocket Casts Where to Find SOHN * SOHN’s website * His new ambient album Albadas (Dawn Songs)—stream it everywhere or grab the limited vinyl/CD on Bandcamp * Trust—the album we discuss throughout, drenched in themes of fatherhood * Follow him on Instagram Episode References * Trust (2022)—SOHN’s third album, written after a five-year block * Tremors (2014) and “The Wheel”—where the world first heard SOHN * The Streets—the Mike Skinner problem: what do you write about when the drama’s gone? * Oasis, Be Here Now—the Rolls-Royce in the swimming pool * Elliott Smith and Nick Drake—and the myth of great art made in depression * Kevin’s essay: “How to Raise Tiny Humans Without Losing Your Mind”—The Tunnel, and coming out of it at five years Timestamps 0:00 — a new definition of success 0:46 — a conversation between good friends 2:01 — the fantasy of the artistic dream 4:14 — neck pain and stress 7:09 — what shocked SOHN about fatherhood: patience, autonomy, silence 8:50 — from one kid to two kids 12:58 — paternal postnatal depression 14:51 — great artist vs. stable force: the identity collision 18:44 — the five-year creative block 20:42 — having nothing to say 22:26 — Tundra, the record nobody heard 24:20 — early struggling musician days 25:06 — the buffet of success 27:57 — signing with the guy whose music he hated 31:52 — losing the compass 33:42 — depression as a weather system 35:13 — the myth of making great art while depressed 36:51 — at peace with the kids, at war with yourself 39:28 — the head f**k of creative money: “we’re screwed” to “we’re rich” overnight 44:04 — selling the dream house 47:27 — imposter syndrome 49:25 — Trust: giving up as a creative strategy 53:39 — when the fears came true 55:39 — the ego death journey 58:33 — listen up, parents: it gets easier 1:00:34 — where are all my friends? 1:05:34 — alternative to climbing the social ladder 1:07:03 — three boys watch their dad on stage Credits Host: Kevin Maguire Managing Producer: Elizabeth Van Brocklin Sound Editor: Sam Williams Theme Music: SOHN Get full access to The New Fatherhood at www.thenewfatherhood.org/subscribe