How Do I Prove Coercive Control? The Evidence That Actually Counts

You know it was abuse. But written down, each moment sounds small. This is the episode about proving it.

Part 5 of our six-part coercive control series with clinical psychologist Krasi Kirova. Mum and I work through your questions on affidavits, evidence, police reports and what the family court is actually looking for.

LISTEN IF YOU...

- Have kept notes for a year and worry they sound petty

- Have been told by a lawyer that coercive control does not matter

- Reported to police and were dismissed because there was no stalking or tracking

- Are writing an affidavit and do not know what to include

- Are still being controlled through emails, handovers and admin after final orders

- Are terrified of going back to court

This is general information, not legal or psychological advice. It reflects Australian family law and may not apply to your situation. Always get independent advice.

This episode discusses coercive control, family violence, financial abuse and sexual betrayal. If you are in danger call 000. Support: 1800 RESPECT 1800 737 732.

00:00 - Explaining Coercive Control When No One Believes You

01:00 - Series Recap and Meet Clinical Psychologist Krasi Kirova

02:30 - Legal Disclaimer and Family Violence Trigger Warning

03:50 - Stacy: How Do I Make My Notes Matter in Court?

06:00 - Why Each Incident Sounds Petty: The Puzzle Piece Problem

07:00 - Death by a Thousand Cuts: Proving Cumulative Harm

09:30 - When the Judge Spots the Pattern Themselves

10:30 - What Courts Look For: Coercive Control and the Property Pool

14:00 - Your Affidavit Is the Proof, So You Have to Say It

14:20 - Anonymous: Should Infidelity Go in My Affidavit?

18:00 - DARVO Explained: Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender

19:00 - Win: Can I Use Voice Memos and Home Security Footage?

21:40 - Legal Gatekeeping: When Your Lawyer Says It Does Not Matter

26:00 - How to Change Lawyers Mid-Case Without the Confrontation

28:00 - Katina: The Police Dismissed My Coercive Control Report

30:00 - The Empower You App and Finding a Station That Listens

33:20 - Roberta: Protection Orders When He Explains Everything Away

35:00 - Why Criminal, DV and Family Courts Do Not Talk to Each Other

37:00 - Samantha: Post-Separation Control After Final Orders

41:40 - Grey Rock, Escalation and When to Get a Risk Assessment

43:30 - Coercive Control Versus Ordinary Co-Parenting Conflict

46:30 - Admin Burden as Control: Fix It in Your Parenting Orders

50:00 - Jenna: When His Lawyer Becomes the Mouthpiece

54:00 - Lee: Fear of Court and a Teenager Who Will Not Visit

58:00 - Court Fear Is the Last Hook They Have Left

01:00:00 - Gina: What Evidence Is Actually Enough?

01:02:00 - Thresholds: Therapist Versus Police Versus Family Court

01:04:00 - The Marathon Analogy: Kicked, Then Blamed for Slowing Down

01:06:00 - Never Stop Documenting Until the Behaviour Stops

01:12:00 - The Magistrate Who Knew What Coercive Control Was

01:14:30 - Krasi's Conference Talk and Next Week: Healing

EPISODES MENTIONED

DARVO in the Family Court - https://youtu.be/pRMOfozwBKs?si=-YgsXkz8ybMB_lkr

Documenting Coercive Control - https://youtu.be/SIyXCGXH5nw?si=SY_8UNT5puZ7Uj_F

Reporting to Police, Step by Step - https://youtu.be/s7vH5a9y7cA?si=sm1ReJaVxsvqKlNS

1800 RESPECT - 1800 737 732 (24/7 DV support)

Lifeline - 13 11 14

Police - 000 (immediate danger)

The Divorce Course - www.thedivorcecourse.com.au

The Divorce Course Podcast - www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/blog

Empower You app - free documentation app run by NSW Police

Krasi Kirova - clinical psychologist and board-approved supervisor

Share your experience anonymously for Krasi's conference talk: [LINK]

If this episode helped you understand how to prove coercive control, please follow, rate, review and share The Divorce Course Podcast so others going through the same thing can find this information too.