ADHD Avoidance: "A Lie for a Lie"

This week we're putting an ancient tenet on trial: the belief that if you don't look at something, it isn't real yet. Our skit sends Andi to see her fortune teller, the Wizard From Whenever, about a string of recurring nightmares, rent, failing a class, that turn out to be something Ruby's aura logs already have on file. Turns out they're not nightmares at all. They're just Tuesday. What we cover Why "avoidance" isn't laziness, it's a nervous system responding to a threat it doesn't have a plan for Fight, Flight, Freeze, or Fib: the fourth stress response researchers and ADHD coaches have identified beyond the classic three Why it's often easier to hear a softer version of the truth from someone else than to face it yourself Three protocols for breaking the pattern: Break the Spell, Peek at the Dragon, and Call a Real Messenger Prescription Protocols Protocol 1: Break the Spell: The moment you catch yourself reaching for a softer story instead of the real one, stop and say so, plainly, to yourself, before it takes hold. Protocol 2: Peek at the Dragon: Pick the single most avoided item and give it two minutes. Not a plan, not a solution, just look. Tell your brain it can do anything for two minutes. Protocol 3: Call a Real Messenger: Trade the horoscope, the reassurance-fishing text, or the app you never check, for one real person who deals in facts and is actually in your corner. Validation Station moment If a phone alert sends you into full text anxiety, or your inbox has thousands of unread emails staring back at you, there's nothing weak about that. Your threat system doesn't have a lower setting. It just throws everything, a biology exam and a literal house fire, into the same pile. Cringe rating 8/10 - high enough to sting, since the skit hits real, quiet, internal cringe (paying someone else to hear a softer lie) rather than loud, public cringe. Sources & research Hassall, M., R.N., & Hunter, B., M.Ed. - "Fight, Flight, Freeze... or Fib?" ADDitude Magazine, April 2019. additudemag.com/why-lie-adhd-fight-flight-freeze/ - also published as "Beyond Fight, Flight, or Freeze: The Fib," Attention Magazine (CHADD), June 2019. Introduces "Fib" as a fourth stress response; frames fibbing as a self-preservation strategy rooted in poor inhibition, emotional regulation, working memory, and attention, not a character flaw. Oltmanns, T., & Emery, R. - Abnormal Psychology, 8th ed. Pearson Education, 2015, p. 231. Foundational Fight/Flight framing cited within the Fib research. Jarvik, L. F., & Russell, D. - "Anxiety, Aging, and the Third Emergency Reaction." Journal of Gerontology, 34(2), March 1979. Origin of "Freeze" as a third recognized stress response, later extended to a fourth ("Fib") by Hassall and Hunter. Barkley, R. - Taking Charge of Adult ADHD. Guilford Press, 2010, pp. 7-12. Executive function and self-regulation framework underlying the Fib mechanism. Connect with us Email us your cringe: TheADHDSpaghettiBear@gmail.com Apple Podcasts | Spotify | YouTube Because if you can laugh at it, you can learn from it. 🐻🍝