3: Why I stopped treating my body like a machine
How (dis)embodied can you become and how does this influence your health, your wellbeing, your relationships, and your joy of life? In this episode, I reflect on my so far 39 years long journey of (dis)embodiment which feels as personal and intimate as collective and relatable. I talk about what it means to live in a body, especially when that body has carried illness, burnout, eating disorder recovery, and chronic pain. I trace my relationship with performance, control, sensitivity, and healing, and explain why this podcast exists as part reflection, part therapeutic process, and part invitation to others who feel similarly. I share my story moving from childhood and school pressure to anorexia, overwork, alcohol use, burnout, and finally toward somatic healing and a slower, more embodied life. The central thread is simple but powerful: healing is not just mindset work, but learning to listen to the body. How childhood pressure, performance, and perfectionism shaped a disconnection from rest, needs, and self-trust. The lasting impact of anorexia, chronic pain, burnout, and pushing through physical warning signs. Why exercise, achievement, and even spiritual practice can become another way to disconnect from the body. Moving from survival mode toward a more somatic, nervous-system-aware approach to healing. The role of sensitivity, neurodivergence, and overwhelm in my relationship with work, alcohol, and rest. Returning to nature, softness, nourishment, boundaries, and a slower pace of life. How somatic healing has supported my deeper relationship with the body, emotions, and personal needs. Rheumatoid arthritis and injuries as an invitation to listen more closely and care more fully for myself. A hopeful commitment to becoming stronger—not through performance, but through compassion, presence, and respect for the body. Thank you for listening to the show and for witnessing my process! My hope is that my words encourage and inspire you on your way of becoming stronger than before – always, at any time, and on every step in the process. I would love to hear from you and get to know you better. Please reach out via mail@verenaborell.com! It would mean the world to me if you share the episode with a friend, leave a comment, and subscribe to the show! Let’s connect: Website: https://www.verenaborell.com/en Email: mail@verenaborell.com Timestamps (00:00) Why this podcast exists as an audio journal (03:13) Early health struggles and the rheumatoid arthritis diagnosis (04:36) Society’s habit of treating bodies like machines (06:24) Childhood temperament, astrology, and being naturally embodied (08:55) Her father’s trauma and its impact on the family system (11:19) Feeling seen only for performance and school success (14:42) Creativity, care, and the love her mother gave her (15:10) Anorexia at 14 and the drive to live from the mind (16:35) Control, intellect, and the body as something to manage (19:25) The mysterious foot and knee pain that changed everything (23:16) College, Starbucks, partying, and using the body as a tool and a machine (26:06) Internships, journalism, and high-output work culture (28:03) Alcohol, relaxation, and being unable to truly switch off (29:30) Neurodivergence, ADHD, sensitivity, and overwhelm (32:16) The social conditioning that rewards overwork, especially for women (37:18) Burnout, losing meaning, and finally stopping (38:15) Returning to yoga, philosophy, and spirituality (41:13) Astrology as a tool for understanding and seeing my patterns, then and now (45:28) Moving to Austria and realizing stress followed me (47:29) Therapy helps, but the nervous system still needs attention (48:41) The turning point: listen to your body, listen to Earth (49:15) Somatic healing, rest, and rebuilding from the body up (52:15) Learning to care for myself more fully, especially with illness (54:06) My hope to get stronger, healthier, and more embodied than before