Choosing Yourself After Decades of Losing Yourself with Deborah Santana

I sat down with a woman who walked away from one of the most public marriages in music history — and I wanted to know what it actually takes to choose yourself when the whole world admires your partner. Deborah Santana spent over thirty years building a life, a business, and a family inside a marriage to one of the most famous musicians of our time, Carlos Santana. From the outside, it looked like the dream. But somewhere along the way, she started asking herself the question so many of us avoid: Am I actually living my purpose, or just managing everyone else's? Deborah is an author, activist, philanthropist, filmmaker, and longtime advocate for equity and empowerment. Her new memoir, Loving the Fire, traces a journey of choosing truth over appearances, freedom over fear, and her own voice over quiet acceptance of what no longer serves her. In this conversation, we get into what it really takes to rebuild your identity after fame, motherhood, and decades of putting yourself last — the moment that finally gave her permission to leave, what she's learned about love the second time around, and why she now believes the world has lost something essential by turning away from matriarchal wisdom. We also talk about raising kids who feel truly seen and the intuitive flashes she trusts more than almost anything else in her life. Deborah is 75 and more radiant than ever. She is living proof that reinvention can happen at any age. If you feel like you’ve abandoned yourself or your dreams to keep others happy, this one is for you. Key Moments You'll Love ✨ : 💍 [3:18] Married at 22 to One of the Most Famous Musicians in the World 💼 [3:46] She Was CEO of Carlos Santana's Business for 13 Years 💔 [6:27] Their Values Diverged — and What Happens on the Road Stayed on the Road 🌹 [8:39] Her Mother Died — and Said With Her Foot on Her Back: Go ✍️ [11:31] She Worked So Hard on Herself She Worked Her Way Out of the Marriage 🌍 [17:18] What Matriarchal Societies Knew That We've Forgotten 👩 [20:32] Her Mother Married Across Racial Lines When It Was Dangerous to Do So 💌 [24:26] When She Left She Wrote Each Child a Letter So They'd Always Have It 🌿 [28:07] The Four Seeds She Lives By — Community, Creativity, Care and Contemplation 🙏 [30:47] How to Hold Privilege and Trauma at the Same Time 👂 [32:28] Being an Ally Means Listening — Not Fixing ✨ [46:31] How Keeping Yourself Pure Lets the Intuitive Flashes Come In LINKS Deborah’s website: https://deborahsantana.com/ Deborah on Instagram @dssantana Loving the Fire: Choosing Me, Finding Freedom on Amazon: https://amzn.to/4bhuyYF SPONSORS: QUALIA: Go to qualialife.com/HEAL for 50% off. As a special bonus, use code HEAL for an additional 15% off your order. TIMELINE: Mitopure now starts at just $79. Go to ⁠timeline.com/healwithkelly to get 20% off Mitopure supplements and Skincare with code HEALwithKelly. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices