Why Avoiding Conflict Is Sometimes About Control

Have you ever avoided saying something because you didn’t want to upset your partner, say it wrong, or turn the moment into a fight? In this episode, Dr. Tracy and Greg talk about avoidance, conflict, control, and the hard conversations couples keep waiting to have. What can feel like “keeping the peace” is often a way of trying to manage discomfort, predict your partner’s reaction, and control the outcome before you take the risk of being honest. Together, they explore how avoidance shows up in everyday relationship moments, from asking for time away to navigating holiday plans, in-laws, hobbies, sex, and difficult needs. Greg shares what avoidance feels like from the inside, while Dr. Tracy explains why delaying hard conversations can break trust, lower relational power, and create the very reaction you were trying to prevent. They also talk about differentiation: learning to say what is true for you without trying to control how your partner feels. Because intimacy is not built by waiting for the perfect time. It is built by trusting the relationship enough to risk the real conversation. MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Looking for a therapist in Canada? Check out our practice at iwtherapy Learn the proven framework that helps couples after conflict in my After the Fight: How to Repair Workshop. One spot left for a couples intensive with Dr. Tracy — a 2-day deep dive designed for couples who are stuck and not seeing results from weekly therapy. In-person or she travels to you. Read the book: ⁠⁠⁠You, Your Husband, and His Mother⁠⁠⁠ Be Connected — 24/7 relationship support, including Dr. Tracy AI trained on Tracy's clinical work. Get real answers in the moment, even when your partner won't do the work with you WANT TO GO DEEPER? Understand what you need to repair in your relationship. 2 minutes. Your partner will know exactly what to say. Get your question answered here on the podcast. Submit them here. Grab my first book I Didn’t Sign Up for This Ready to deepen your connection?⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Download my 100 Questions⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Build better connection and feel close starting today. ⁠⁠Join the⁠ ⁠⁠30 Days to Us Challenge⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Get exclusive 1:1 support with Dr. Tracy. Find out more here.. Not sure where to start? Find your relationship's negative cycle — free quiz here. Is your partner defensive? Download my FREE scripts to respond to a defensive partner. Grab my free guide: Five Ways to Nurture Your Intimacy 📲 FOLLOW DR. TRACY Subscribe to You Tube Follow on Instagram ⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠Follow on Facebook ⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices