Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic with Jon Seidl

Jon Seidl

Jon Seidl is the bestselling Christian author who became an alcoholic, not the other way around. It's usually the other way around. Or is it? "Confessions of a Christian alcoholic" (based on the book by the same title) is all about real stories, radical vulnerability, and remarkable comebacks of people who have struggled with alcoholism and addictions of all sorts. The show features interviews with fellow addicts and alcoholics as well as professionals in the fields of trauma, faith, and addiction recovery. Because let's be honest, we're all addicted to something. "Confessions" is a place for the desperate, the downtrodden, the destitute, and especially, the drunk. But it's also a place of hope and healing. Jon found sobriety after decades of struggling, but more importantly than finding sobriety, he found Jesus. In every episode, he gets radically vulnerable as he explores what it looks like to be on this journey of messy sanctification. Visit christianalcoholic.com for more resources.

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21 episodes
Updated Yesterday

Episodes21

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Yesterday · 1 hr 7 min
When God Seems Silent: Em Tyler on Hearing His Voice and Discerning the Holy Spirit
What do you do when God seems silent? How do you even hear God's voice? International speaker and author Em Tyler knows what it's like to struggle to hear God. She joins host Jon Seidl for an honest conversation about hearing God, abiding in Christ, prayer, and discerning the Holy Spirit. For those struggling with addiction or walking in recovery, these aren’t abstract questions. Sometimes we’re asking God for new direction while overlooking what He has already made clear. Em explains why Christian maturity actually means becoming more dependent on Jesus, not less, and how Scripture, humility, ordinary promptings, forgiveness, and simple obedience help us recognize His voice. Hearing God doesn’t have to be mysterious. Sometimes it looks like trusting Him enough to do the next right thing. Connect with Em: https://www.emtyler.com/ Listen to her "Grow +Go Podcast": https://emtyler.substack.com/podcast Read Em's writing: https://emtyler.substack.com/ Follow her on Instagram: @helloemtyler Get Gospel-centered addiction recovery resources and help: veritasrecovery.org Follow me: @jonseidl Order my new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic Watch this episode at The Vertias Daily We Explore: — What abiding in Christ actually looks like in everyday life — Why Christian maturity means becoming more dependent on Jesus, not less — How to discern God’s voice without pretending certainty — What God’s silence may reveal about obedience and surrender — How Scripture helps us test what we think we’re hearing — Why forgiveness, reconciliation, and restoration are not the same thing Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.
July 29 · 1 hr 5 min
When Harm Hides Behind "Healthy": Amber Ginter Johnson Unmasks Orthorexia, Exercise Addiction, and True Recovery
Amber Ginter Johnson spent seven years trapped in an eating disorder and exercise addiction rooted in trauma, fear, and a desperate need for control. What began as “healthy eating” became orthorexia, severe food restriction, obsessive calorie counting, and compulsive exercise—even jogging in place for three hours a day. Then Amber broke her foot, abruptly ending the routine that had controlled her. Yet stopping the behavior did not heal every wound beneath it. “I think a lot of people see healing as a linear process,” she says. “It’s really not.” Amber shares how God used therapy, medication, Scripture, community, Sabbath, and practical boundaries in her Gospel-centered recovery—and why receiving help is not a failure of faith. Connect with Amber: AmberGinter.com Follow her on Instagram: @AmberGinterAuthor Listen to Amber’s podcast: “Authentically Amber” Get her free faith and mental-health resources Get Gospel-centered addiction recovery resources and help: veritasrecovery.org Follow me: @jonseidl Order my new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic Watch this episode at The Vertias Daily We explore: —How family chaos and trauma fueled Amber’s need for control —How healthy eating became orthorexia, food restriction, and exercise addiction —The secrecy and extreme behaviors that kept Amber’s struggle hidden —How a broken foot interrupted her seven-year cycle —The difference between immediate deliverance and lifelong recovery —Why healing isn’t always linear —How therapy, medication, Scripture, Sabbath, and practical boundaries supported Amber’s recovery —Why receiving help isn’t a failure of faith Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.
July 22 · 1 hr 18 min
When Jesus Shows Up in the Darkest Place: Arman Kaymakcian on Why Trauma and Heroin Addiction Didn't Get the Final Word
Arman Kaymakcian’s (Ky-mock-chin) journey from childhood sexual abuse and heroin addiction to faith in Jesus Christ began in unimaginable darkness. After years of using food, marijuana, drug dealing, and eventually intravenous heroin to escape his pain, Arman reached a point of suicidal desperation. He planned to step in front of a train—but walked into a psychiatric ward instead. That night, Arman opened a Bible to Psalm 88, a lament that ends, “Darkness is my closest friend.” Then, just as he was preparing to leave the hospital, he received an extraordinary phone call inviting him back to Keswick Colony of Mercy, a Christian addiction recovery program. In this episode of Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic, Arman shares how Jesus met him in the darkest moment of his life. He talks about the agony of heroin withdrawal, nights spent reading Scripture and praying beside a fireplace, and the Christian community God used to help rebuild his life. “I think we’re all looking for the peace of Christ, but we don’t realize it,” Arman says. “People are getting little doses of counterfeit peace here and there.” He also explains why Gospel-centered recovery involves more than sobriety. After finding freedom from heroin, he continued battling pornography and had to learn the importance of repentance, obedience, accountability, and radical vulnerability. Today, Arman is a husband, father, and author. His story shows how Jesus exposes our counterfeit sources of peace, meets us in our darkness, and redeems what we never could. Arman's Books: He Calls Me Redeemed and He Meets Us in the Dark Treatment center: America's Keswick Arman's website: armankaymakcian.com Follow Arman on Instagram Get Gospel-centered addiction recovery resources and help: veritasrecovery.org Follow me: @jonseidl Order my new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic Watch this episode at The Vertias Daily We explore: —How Arman’s childhood sexual abuse shaped his search for escape —The progression from food and marijuana to drug dealing and intravenous heroin use —Why the things we use to numb ourselves offer only “counterfeit peace” —The suicidal plan that led Arman to a psychiatric ward —Why Psalm 88 spoke to him when darkness felt like his closest friend —The extraordinary phone call that arrived as he was preparing to leave the hospital —The agony of heroin withdrawal and the long nights Arman spent praying and reading Scripture —How Christian community helped Arman slowly become himself again —Why conversion and sobriety didn’t immediately remove every struggle —Arman’s ongoing battle with pornography after finding freedom from heroin —The roles of repentance, obedience, accountability, and radical vulnerability in recovery —Why following Jesus means giving him access to every room in our lives —What distinguishes Gospel-centered recovery from simply stopping a destructive behavior Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.
July 15 · 1 hr 34 min
The Addiction the Church Won’t Touch: Kristy McCammon Reveals Why Food and Sugar Can Be So Destructive and Addicting
We know how to talk about alcohol, pornography, drugs, and other destructive behaviors. But there is another substance Christians regularly use for comfort, escape, reward, and emotional relief. It’s present at nearly every church gathering, woven into our traditions, and rarely questioned. We’re going somewhere in this episode that we’ve never gone before. We’re confronting an addiction that is deeply embedded in the church, widely accepted among Christians, and often willfully ignored—not because it’s rare, but because so many of us are trapped in it. The substance is food—especially sugar. “Food is the good girl’s alcohol.” Kristy McCammon knows firsthand how something good and necessary can quietly take a place in the heart that belongs to Jesus. For years, food became her safety, comfort, and private escape. What looked like a problem with calories, weight, or willpower was actually rooted much deeper. Kristy is the founder of Life Unbinged and the author of Life Unbinged: Faith-Filled Freedom from Food Obsession and Sugar Addiction. She shares how food became connected to safety in childhood, why moderation and dieting never brought freedom, and how even healthy boundaries can become another idol. This conversation also became unexpectedly personal for me. I admitted things I’ve never discussed publicly and began confronting ways I may have transferred some of the same desires that once drove my drinking into my relationship with food. We also talk about boredom eating, processed sugar and flour, parenting, conviction versus shame, whether Christinas should use GLP-1 medications and weight-loss shots, and how to approach someone whose relationship with food concerns you. This isn’t about chasing a certain body type or treating every dessert as sinful. It’s about asking what we’re expecting food to do for us—and whether an addiction has been hiding in plain sight. Kristy's website: lifeunbinged.com The Living Life Unbinged podcast: Listen Get the book: Life Unbinged: Faith-Filled Freedom from Food Obsession Follow Kristy on Instagram: @lifeunbinged Read Kristy's blog post on GLP-1s: "Should Christians Use Weight-Loss Shots?" Get Gospel-centered addiction recovery resources and help: veritasrecovery.org Follow me: @jonseidl Order my new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic Watch this episode at The Vertias Daily We explore: — Why Kristy calls food “the good girl’s alcohol” — How food became connected to safety, comfort, and escape — Why the church often ignores food addiction — The difference between moderation, abstinence, and healthy boundaries — How recovery itself can become another idol — What it means to put Jesus back in the highest place — The emotional roots beneath boredom eating and food obsession — My own uncomfortable realizations about food and transferred addiction — How parents can model a healthier relationship with food — Should Christians use GLP-1 medications and weight-loss shots? — How to approach a loved one without shame — Why food and substance addictions often share the same roots Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.
July 1 · 1 hr 12 min
The Worship Leader with a Secret: Joel Warneking on His Double Life and Finding Freedom from Pornography
“I desperately wanted to be loved... and yet my entire life had feared that if I let people know me, I would be deemed unworthy of love.” Joel Warneking lived a double life. He was preaching, leading worship, traveling with a Christian band, and serving in ministry—all while secretly battling a pornography addiction that began when he was just eight years old. Even after confessing part of his struggle, shame kept him from bringing everything into the light. Eventually, that hidden addiction escalated into behavior that led to his arrest, the loss of his ministry, his career, and nearly everything he had built. But that wasn’t the end of Joel’s story. In one of the darkest moments of his life—sitting alone in a jail cell—Joel encountered the grace of God in a way that forever changed him. Rather than condemnation, he discovered a Father who had been pursuing him all along. That encounter launched a journey of radical vulnerability, deep healing, and true Gospel-centered recovery. Today, Joel serves as president of 423 Communities, helping churches and individuals find freedom from sexual addiction and betrayal trauma. In this episode of Confessions, we talk about why behavior modification alone isn’t enough, how trauma and shame fuel addiction, why secrecy keeps us stuck, and what it actually looks like to invite Jesus into the deepest wounds beneath our addictions. Joel also explains why healing requires more than sobriety, why confession is only the beginning, and how true freedom is found when we are fully known, fully loved, and fully surrendered to Christ. This is one of those conversations you’ll probably want to listen to more than once. It’s packed with wisdom, hope, and one unforgettable line after another. Keep something nearby to take notes—you’ll almost certainly want it. Get help for sexual addiction: 423communities.org Follow Joel on Instagram Get Gospel-centered addiction recovery resources and help: veritasrecovery.org Follow me: @jonseidl Order my new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic Watch this episode at The Vertias Daily We explore: — How pornography addiction often begins long before we understand what's happening. — Why shame thrives in secrecy and keeps us from experiencing God's grace. — The danger of living a double life while serving faithfully in ministry. — Why marriage cannot heal an addiction rooted in unresolved pain. — How white-knuckling sobriety differs from true healing. — Joel's arrest for indecent exposure and the devastating consequences of hidden sin. — The surprising encounter with God's grace that transformed everything. — Why trauma explains addiction without excusing sin. — The role of confession, community, and radical vulnerability in recovery. — What Gospel-centered recovery looks like beyond simply changing behaviors. Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.
June 24 · 1 hr 6 min
The 'Good Christian' with a Secret: Sherry Hoppen on How She Hid Her Alcoholism, and What Finally Brought Freedom
“I told my whole family, ‘I'm quitting.’ But in my head this voice was screaming, ‘I don't know what to do. I can't quit.’” For years, Sherry Hoppen lived between those two realities. To the people around her, she was trying. She was making promises. She was attending church, raising a family, and doing everything a good Christian woman was supposed to do. But behind the scenes, alcohol had become her refuge, her coping mechanism, and eventually her prison. Even after public commitments to quit, she found herself returning to the bottle and becoming increasingly skilled at hiding the truth from the people she loved most. In this episode, Sherry shares the painful road that led her from family trauma and grief into alcoholism, the deception that defined her drinking years, and the repeated attempts to fix herself through determination, discipline, and even cross-country bicycle rides. Yet none of those things could accomplish what only complete surrender eventually would. Today, Sherry is the founder of Sela House Recovery and the author of Sober Cycle. Her story is a powerful reminder that recovery is not ultimately about trying harder, hiding better, or managing appearances. It's about bringing the parts of ourselves we've kept from God into the light and discovering the freedom that comes from a genuine relationship with Jesus Christ. Get Sherry's book: Sober Cycle More info on Selah House Recovery: selahhouserecovery.org Follow Sherry on Instagram Get Gospel-centered addiction recovery resources and help: veritasrecovery.org Follow me: @jonseidl Order my new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic We explore: — The family wounds and grief that shaped Sherry's early life — How alcohol gradually became a solution to pain, stress, and disappointment — The moment she realized drinking seemed to make life easier — Secret drinking, deception, and living a double life — Why public promises to quit did not solve the problem — The temptation to become better at hiding addiction rather than confronting it — The bike rides that temporarily changed her behavior but not her heart — The devastation alcohol caused in her marriage and family — Alcohol poisoning and reaching the end of herself — The ultimatum that forced her to face reality — The difference between religion and a relationship with Jesus — What true surrender actually looks like — Rebuilding trust after years of broken promises — Why Gospel-centered recovery starts with Jesus, not behavior modification — The ministry and mission of Sela House Recovery Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.
June 17 · 1 hr 19 min
What You Didn't Know or Realize About Confession: Jamin Goggin on Exposing Our Secret Struggles
“The fear of our heart is built on sin’s great lie: that the place of healing is the place of harm. That the chalice of confession is filled with poison. That the medicine God has provided cannot be trusted. We have come to believe that confession is not a place of life but instead a place of death.” Those words from Jamin Goggin’s book, Pastoral Confessions, capture the heart of this entire conversation. Most of us know we’re supposed to confess. We know we’re supposed to be honest with God. We know we’re supposed to live in authentic community. And yet we hide. We hide because confession feels dangerous. It feels exposing. It feels costly. We fear what people will think. We fear rejection. We fear consequences. We fear that if we tell the truth about what is really going on inside of us, everything might fall apart. But what if the very thing we fear is the thing God intends to use for our healing? Jamin Goggin is a professor at Talbot School of Theology, former pastor, and author of Pastoral Confessions: The Healing Path to Faithful Ministry. After spending two decades in ministry, he became convinced that many pastors—and many Christians—are carrying hidden struggles, unconfessed sins, and carefully managed secrets that quietly shape their lives and relationships. In this conversation, we explore why confession is about far more than admitting wrongdoing. We discuss why James 5:16 connects confession to healing, why self-deception makes it difficult to see our own sin clearly, and why God designed us to need other people in the process of growth and transformation. We also explore why vulnerability feels so threatening, why confession must be both vertical and horizontal, and why the flourishing Christian life is ultimately a life of dependence on Christ rather than self-protection. Whether you’re struggling with addiction, shame, fear, or simply learning how to practice radical vulnerability, this conversation offers a powerful reminder that freedom is often found in the very place we least expect it. The place that feels like harm may actually be the place where God begins to heal. Get Jamin's book: Pastoral Confessions: The Healing Path to Faithful Ministry Website: jamingoggin.com Get Gospel-centered addiction recovery resources and help: veritasrecovery.org Follow me: @jonseidl Order my new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic We explore: — Why confession feels dangerous even when we know we need it — The lie that the place of healing is actually the place of harm — Why hidden sin and secret struggles never stay hidden — What James 5:16 really means when it connects confession and healing — Why confession must be both vertical and horizontal — The role of Christian community in exposing self-deception — How Adam and Eve's hiding in the garden still shapes us today — The difference between vulnerability and radical vulnerability — Why true vulnerability always involves risk — How to begin practicing confession when honesty feels terrifying — The relationship between weakness, dependence, and spiritual flourishing — Why grace does not eliminate consequences — What it means for a pastor to be "above reproach" — How churches should think about restoration after failure Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.
June 11 · 1 hr 20 min
How a Foster Mom Changed Her Mind on Addiction: Christina Dent's Life-Changing Realization
“The addiction is not who you are. This is not your identity. You are a person first and you are loved by God.” For years, Christina Dent viewed addiction the way many of us were taught to view it: as people being simply too lazy, too selfish, or too indifferent to stop. Then she became a foster mom—and what she saw changed everything. When Christina met the birth mother of one of her foster sons—a woman struggling with addiction—she expected to encounter someone aloof, detached, and uninterested in her child. Instead, she encountered a mother who deeply loved her son but was trapped in cycles she could not break on her own. That experience shattered Christina’s assumptions and launched her into years of research, advocacy, and conversations that radically changed the way she understood addiction, trauma, recovery, shame, and punishment. That has led to a nonprofit called End It For Good and the award-winning book Curious: A Foster Mom’s Discovery of an Unexpected Solution to Drugs and Addiction. And today, Christina and I explore exactly what she learned and how it can especially help family members who are struggling to love someone with an addiction. In fact, this conversation is deeply personal for me. That's because I get vulnerable about my own sister, my regrets over how I treated her addiction, and what it looks like to move from seeing addicts as adversaries to seeing them as image bearers in desperate need of true healing, truth, and grace. This is one of the most nuanced and important conversations we’ve had on the podcast, and I'm excited for you to hear it. Get Christina's book: Curious Website: End It for Good Get Gospel-centered addiction recovery resources and help: veritasrecovery.org Follow me: @jonseidl Order my new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic We explore: — Why punishment and shame alone cannot heal addiction — The difference between addiction as a “moral failure” and a “moral compass failure” — How trauma, shame, and self-hatred fuel destructive cycles — Christina’s foster care story and the birth mother who changed her perspective forever — Why many families become adversaries instead of partners in recovery — The role the church has played in misunderstanding addiction — Why practical tools, therapy, treatment, and community matter alongside spiritual healing — How churches can become places for Gospel-centered recovery instead of outsourcing it — The devastating impact fentanyl has had on relapse and overdose deaths — Why people in recovery are often some of the bravest and most compassionate people Christina has ever met — The importance of helping people “run toward the light” instead of merely focusing on darkness Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.
June 3 · 1 hr 31 min
From Pro Basketball Coach to Rock Bottom: Travis Blakeley's Story of Gospel-Centered Recovery and Restoration
“In success, I sought to self-medicate. In failure, I sought to self-medicate.” From the outside, Travis Blakeley had the kind of life many people would envy. He grew up in an affluent area of Dallas, attended a prestigious school, followed Jesus, worked in professional basketball as a coach, executive, and broadcaster, and built the picture-perfect life in the suburbs with his wife and children. But underneath the success was a growing alcohol addiction that had quietly attached itself to nearly every area of his life. But as Travis explains in this episode, alcohol was never really the root issue. What began with trauma and escapism eventually turned into doing things he said he'd never do, manipulation, secrecy, and desperation. He drank before basketball games. He got drunk while doing television broadcasts. He hid vodka in ponds behind his house. He walked miles on crutches to buy booze before 7 a.m. And eventually, after years of avoiding consequences and convincing himself he still had control, he found himself standing on a bridge overlooking a Texas highway contemplating how to end it all. What makes this conversation especially powerful to me is that Travis once wanted to keep all of this hidden. In fact, when I first reached out to him years ago after hearing about his story, he ignored me completely. He ran, just like he had ran from so much else in his life. Fear and shame kept him from opening up. But over time, he’s come to understand the power of our stories—not just for his own healing, but because other people are introduced to freedom when we share where we've been and how far we've come. Travis goes deep. He shares how repeated attempts at recovery never truly addressed the deeper issues underneath his addiction, and why everything changed when he found Men of Nehemiah, a Gospel-centered recovery ministry in South Dallas. There, over the course of nine months, through radical vulnerability, accountability, Christian community, and a renewed relationship with Jesus Christ, Travis began experiencing something he had never truly found before: freedom. This conversation is raw, emotional, funny at times, deeply honest, and full of hope. It’s also one of the clearest examples I’ve seen of why sobriety alone is not enough. True recovery requires repentance and aiming for Jesus. And perhaps most importantly, Travis’ story is a reminder that addiction does not discriminate. It can exist underneath success, influence, church involvement, and outward achievement. But so does grace. Follow Travis on Instagram: @chefblakeley Explore Men of Nehemiah Get Gospel-centered addiction recovery resources and help: veritasrecovery.org Follow me: @jonseidl Order my new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic We explore: — How childhood trauma and performance-based identity fueled Travis’ addiction — Why success and professional achievement actually helped hide his alcoholism — What it was like getting drunk while coaching basketball and appearing on live television — The slow progression from social drinking to complete dependency — How addiction impacts spouses, children, finances, and trust inside a family — The danger of believing “at least I’m not that bad” — Why repeated rehab experiences failed to produce lasting transformation — What made Gospel-centered recovery fundamentally different for Travis — How Travis now approaches the 12 steps through the lens of Scripture and the Gospel — Why sobriety is not the ultimate goal—Jesus is Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.
May 27 · 1 hr 12 min
Hiding Addiction While Helping Others Recover: Jed Payne on the Reality of Relapse and Being Honest
“It was such a relief to not have to lie anymore.” That’s how Jed Payne describes the moment he finally stopped hiding and came clean. Again. For years, Jed was a substance abuse counselor. He hosted a recovery podcast. He helped other people pursue sobriety and healing. Meanwhile, behind the scenes, he was spiraling back into addiction, secrecy, gambling, relapse, and despair. And the deeper the double life became, the harder it felt to tell the truth. At one point, he considered ending it all, convinced that was the only way to freedom. In this deeply vulnerable conversation, Jed shares the full story—from growing up in church and wrestling with purity culture and shame, to heroin addiction, repeated treatment stays, overdose, and eventually becoming a counselor helping others recover. But even after years of sobriety, hidden struggles slowly crept back in through “gray area” substances, gambling, dishonesty, and untreated pain. What makes this conversation so powerful is that Jed isn’t telling this story from the safe distance of having everything figured out. He’s in the middle of rebuilding. He’s back in sober living. He’s repairing trust. He’s trying to show up faithfully as a father, partner, and man of God one day at a time. And yet, in the middle of all that, he says something that I think so many people need to hear: telling the truth brought freedom. This episode is about relapse, shame, repentance, secrecy, fatherhood, recovery, and what happens when we finally stop trying to manage our image and start getting radically honest. It’s also a reminder that recovery is rarely linear—and that God’s mercy still meets us in the middle of messy sanctification. Even when we get in our own way. Listen to the Church and Other Drugs podcast Follow Jed on Instagram: @jed.i.am Get Gospel-centered addiction recovery resources and help: veritasrecovery.org Follow me: @jonseidl Order my new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic We explore: — Why so many Christians hide their addictions out of fear of hypocrisy — How purity culture and shame shaped Jed’s early understanding of himself — Jed’s rapid descent into heroin addiction and repeated overdoses — What it was like becoming a substance abuse counselor while still battling internal struggles — How gambling, Kratom, Adderall, and secrecy slowly reopened the door to addiction — Why hidden relapse became spiritually and emotionally exhausting — The freedom Jed experienced after finally telling the truth — What fatherhood changed about the way Jed views recovery — Why recovery journeys are rarely neat or linear — How churches can become safer places for people struggling with addiction Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.
May 20 · 1 hr 12 min
The Parts of You That Still Need Jesus: Trauma, Healing, and IFS with Kimberly Miller
"The younger we are when things happen to us and the more serious they are, the stronger the feelings are and the more often those feelings show up.” Those are the words of therapist and author Kimberly Miller, one of the kindest and most genuine people I have ever met. Kim’s work has profoundly shaped not only this podcast, but also my own sobriety journey and ministry. Her book Boundaries for Your Soul—which she co-authored with Dr. Alison Cook (who I've also interviewed)—is one of the most important books I’ve ever read. It shaped the way I think about addiction, healing, sanctification, and the hidden parts of ourselves we often spend years trying to avoid—and gave me words to describe it. There are concepts and phrases in this episode that have become foundational to the work I now do in recovery ministry and discipleship. In this deeply thoughtful and vulnerable conversation, Kim talks about Internal Family Systems (IFS), parts work, trauma, addiction, sanctification, and what it means to invite Jesus into the hidden places of our souls. We explore why so many Christians struggle to understand their own reactions, compulsions, anxieties, and addictions—and why healing requires more than behavior modification. Kim explains how wounded “parts” of ourselves can become stuck in time, carrying shame, fear, loneliness, and pain from earlier experiences. She also unpacks the difference between “manager” parts, “firefighter” parts, and “exiles,” and why curiosity—not shame—is often the first step toward real transformation. But one of the most unexpectedly powerful moments in the episode comes when Kim briefly shares about a season during COVID when she began noticing some uncomfortable patterns in her own life related to alcohol, stress, and coping. The honesty in that moment is striking—not because of scandal or sensationalism or because she is confessing a deep secret, but because it quietly reminds us that no one is immune from the ways alcohol can quietly start creeping into our lives. Even therapists. Even ministry leaders. Even deeply mature Christians. Finally, we wrestle with a profound theological question: If we truly heal, why can’t some of us return to drinking casually? Is that evidence we haven’t done enough work? Or is it simply part of living in a fallen world with particular weaknesses and predispositions? Kim’s answer is nuanced, compassionate, and deeply grounded in both psychology and Christian faith. This episode is about opening the locked rooms of our hearts and allowing Jesus into the places we’ve spent years trying to avoid. Get Boundaries for Your Soul Visit Kim's website Follow Kim on Instagram: @kimberlyjunemillerlmft Listen to my interview with her co-author, Dr. Alison Cook Get Gospel-centered addiction recovery resources and help: veritasrecovery.org Follow me: @jonseidl Order my new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic We explore: — Why "parts work" and Internal Family Systems is so important in recovery conversations — How wounded parts of ourselves can become “stuck in time” carrying shame, fear, loneliness, and pain from earlier experiences — The difference between “manager,” “firefighter,” and “exile” parts of the soul — Why curiosity and compassion are more transformative than shame and self-condemnation — What it means to invite Jesus into the hidden and wounded places within us — Why many Christians still have parts of themselves that have never fully encountered the healing presence of Christ — How addiction and compulsive behaviors are often connected to escapism and emotional avoidance — Kimberly’s surprisingly honest reflections about stress, coping, and recognizing unhealthy drinking patterns in her own life during COVID — The relationship between childhood wounds, emotional triggers, and adult behaviors — Why sobriety alone is not the same thing as healing or sanctification — How Christian community, prayer, and self-awareness can become tools for deeper healing — Whether some struggles and predispositions are simply part of living in a fallen world until final restoration Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.
May 13 · 1 hr 55 min
Has the Enneagram Duped Christians? Christina Wallace Reveals Some Shocking Details
“The Enneagram was demanding that I look to it first, and only through its lens could I look to God second.” That’s just one of the revelations made by author and Oxford theology student Christina Lynn Wallace. For years, Christina loved the Enneagram—a tool that has become popular in counseling and recovery circles. It helped her understand herself. It gave language to her struggles, her relationships, her emotions, and even her marriage. Like many Christians, she encountered it almost entirely through Christian sources and believed it was simply a helpful tool for self-awareness and spiritual growth. Then her mother asked her a question she couldn’t shake: Have you ever really looked into the origins of it? What followed was months of research that eventually led Christina to publicly walk away from the Enneagram altogether. And there are some shocking findings, including one of the founders admitting to having something or someone take over his body while writing aspects of the framework. In this episode, we have one of the most nuanced and difficult conversations we’ve ever had on the podcast. Christina walks through the documented origins of the Enneagram, including the occultic and spiritual practices tied to several of its foundational figures, and explains why she ultimately came to believe the issue runs deeper than personality theory. At the center of the discussion is a bigger question—one that directly connects to addiction, recovery, identity, and discipleship: What happens when something other than Jesus becomes the lens through which we understand ourselves? This conversation is not about panic, shame, or cheap outrage. In fact, both Christina and I openly acknowledge that many people—including us—have found aspects of the Enneagram helpful. But we also wrestle honestly with the danger of allowing any system, framework, program, or personality tool to become an identity rather than simply a descriptor. As well as believing that our relationship to God is determined by a tool or test. We also discuss the tension Christians often face when dealing with things that may have pagan or occultic roots. Can something be redeemed? What does discernment actually require? And how do we avoid both fear-driven legalism and spiritual naïveté? Whether you agree with every conclusion in this episode or not, this conversation will challenge you to think more deeply about worship, identity, sanctification, and the subtle ways idols can disguise themselves as tools for healing. We explore: — Why Christina originally loved the Enneagram and found it genuinely helpful — The research that caused her to completely reevaluate its origins — The occultic practices connected to several foundational figures behind the Enneagram — Why identity and idolatry became the central issue for her — The similarities between addiction, misplaced worship, and personality-based identity systems — Whether Christians can redeem tools or practices with pagan roots — The difference between using a tool and being shaped by it — How Christians should think about discernment without falling into fear or paranoia — Why so many people in recovery and church culture are drawn to the Enneagram — What repentance and “renouncing” the Enneagram practically looked like for Christina — The danger of filtering your relationship with God through any framework besides Christ — How confession, repentance, prayer, and sacramental practices gave Christina the freedom she had been looking for Read Christina's research: Part 1 and Part 2 Christina's Substack: The Battle Cry Visit her website and join her writing course Our podcast episode on The Screwtape Letters Get Gospel-centered addiction recovery resources and help: veritasrecovery.org Follow me: @jonseidl Order my new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.
May 6 · 1 hr 31 min
Saved from Sobriety: How Brett Smith Got Sober but Realized That Wasn't Enough
“The only thing that had changed was the object of my worship—I went from worshiping alcohol to worshiping sobriety.” Those are the words of Brett Smith. For years, Brett struggled with alcoholism, eventually finding sobriety through the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. He did everything right. He worked the program. He sponsored other guys. He carried the message. He went to meetings religiously. He even became the self-described “poster boy” for AA and a disciple of the Big Book. From the outside, his life looked great. But something didn’t sit right. As Brett began to pursue Jesus more seriously, he couldn’t shake a growing tension between what he was reading in Scripture and what he was preaching in AA: the language, the framework, the idea of a “higher power”—while it all claimed to be faith-filled, it wasn't really pointing to the true Gospel of Jesus Christ. Eventually, he realized that despite being sober, he hadn’t actually been set free. Instead, he had just swapped addictions and started worshipping sobriety. In this honest conversation, Brett brings a warning that many are hesitant to say out loud: “Sobriety is a good gift—but it’s a terrible savior.” And he unpacks how secular recovery programs—even though they may contain some faith elements and language—can lead people away from the true Gospel, giving them just enough to think they are fine while missing the mark where it matters most. This episode isn’t an attack. Instead, it’s an invitation to more. To go beyond a program. To shoot for Jesus and get sobriety thrown in. To not miss the main thing for a good thing. To get the most flourishing and fulfilled life both now and in eternity. And it comes from someone who nearly missed out on those things because he had settled for sobriety. Is there a place for AA? For 12 steps? For programs? What is Gospel-centered recovery? Should Christians avoid AA, or can it be helpful? What about Celebrate Recovery? Why is sobriety an insufficient goal? Brett answers those questions and more honestly and compassionately. If you’ve ever felt like something was missing in your sobriety, if AA or the 12 steps haven't resonated, or if you’re curious about Gospel-centered recovery—this conversation is for you. We explore: — Brett’s journey from early drinking to full-blown alcoholism — His experience with Alcoholics Anonymous and becoming the “poster boy” for the program — Why sobriety alone didn’t resolve the deeper issues in his life — The shift from worshiping alcohol to worshiping recovery itself — His growing tension with the idea of a “higher power” — A biblical look at the 12 steps and their theological framework — Should Christians avoid AA? — What about Celebrate Recovery? — What Gospel-centered recovery actually looks like — Why the ultimate goal is not sobriety but Jesus Reach out to Brett: @basmith444 Get Gospel-centered addiction recovery resources and help: veritasrecovery.org Follow me: @jonseidl Order my new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.
May 3 · 39 min
Bonus Episode: Why Sobriety Isn’t the Goal (A Special Interview with Christy Osborne of Love Life Sober)
Welcome to the first ever bonus episode of the Confessions podcast! I'm trying something new, and I'm excited to hear what you think. On this special episode, you’re going to hear me on the other side of the mic—instead of interviewing someone, I'm being interviewed. The interviewer? My good friend Christy Osborne, host of the Love Life Sober podcast. In fact, this is actually taken from an episode of her podcast that we did recently, but I loved it so much that I wanted to share it with you. (By the way, go subscribe to her podcast here. You won't regret it!) Christy and I met a couple years ago when we were both invited into a community of sobriety writers. Since then, we’ve met every month for encouragement, advice, accountability, and friendship. Over time, it became clear that Christy and I are very aligned in what we believe about recovery, sobriety, and ultimately, Jesus. In the end, we are both passionate that the goal of recovery can't just be sobriety. Instead, the goal has to be Jesus. When that happens, you get both sobriety and the most flourishing and fulfilled life—both now and in eternity. In this conversation, you’ll hear us wrestle through that idea together. You’ll also hear me tell my story, but in a slightly different way and context. Finally, you'll get a peek into Christy’s heart, her ministry, and the work she’s doing through her online community. So while this may feel a little different, I think it’s going to be incredibly valuable. Oh, and you'll hear us both talk about something called the Aligned Conference. We are really excited about it! This September, you can join both of us on the Eastern shores of Like Michigan as we do a deep dive into Gospel-centered recovery with some of our closest friends. It's going to be a great time! Just go to alignedconference.org and get your tickets before they sell out. See you there! Help keep this podcast going: Make a tax-deductible donation here Join Christy's Love Life Sober community Order Christy’s book, Love Life Sober Connect on Instagram: @lovelifesoberwithchristy Get addiction recovery resources and help: veritasrecovery.org Follow me: @jonseidl Order my new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.
April 29 · 1 hr 17 min
From Pro Soccer Player to four DUIs and Nearly Losing Everything: Ian Faulkner's Incredible Journey of Restoration
“I didn’t want to be sober. I wanted to be free. True freedom is only found in Jesus Christ.” Ian Faulkner looked like he had everything going for him. He grew up in the Church, became one of the top-ranked soccer players in his area, and even played professionally for the Los Angeles Lazers. From the outside, it was the kind of story many people chase: fame, recognition, success, and the promise of more. But underneath it all, something was off. See, soccer wasn’t just something Ian loved, it had become his identity. And when that identity was eventually taken from him through injury, everything underneath it started to surface. The drinking. The drugs. The isolation. The questions he couldn’t answer. “Why am I alone in a hotel room corner weeping? God, why?” In this conversation, Ian walks through the unraveling that followed—from chasing the highs of the world to spiraling into addiction, multiple DUIs, and moments where his life nearly ended. He even opens up about childhood trauma he worked so hard to suppress. But what makes his story so powerful isn’t just how far he fell, it’s what God did in the midst of it. What resulted wasn't sobriety. In fact, Ian came to realize that sobriety was actually quite empty by itself. He wanted more. He needed more. He needed Jesus. And that changed everything. Today, Ian is a pastor leading a growing, Gospel-centered recovery ministry in California called Restoration Recovery. He helps others find the same freedom he was once so desperate for, and lives by a powerful mantra: "When we recover loudly in Christ, we contribute to keeping others from dying quietly without him." His story is a reminder that addiction doesn't follow a neat path, and that recovery is about more than just quitting something. It’s about what—or who—you’re ultimately living for. Help keep this podcast going: Make a tax-deductible donation here We explore: — How success, discipline, and even good things like sports and church can become false identities — Ian’s journey from professional soccer and chasing recognition to addiction and isolation — The role injury played in exposing deeper heart issues and accelerating his downward spiral — Why addiction isn’t about the substance—but about what we’re trying to escape — The moment everything collapsed, including multiple DUIs and near-death experiences — How unresolved trauma, including childhood abuse, shaped his patterns of behavior — The difference between sobriety and true freedom—and why that distinction matters — What full surrender to Jesus actually looked like in Ian’s life — How God used recovery, jail, and brokenness to prepare him for ministry — The origin and meaning behind “recovering loudly” and why it challenges traditional recovery models — How Gospel-centered recovery leads to deeper transformation than behavior modification alone — Why finding your “why” is essential to lasting change and healing Follow Restoration Recovery: @restoratioinrecovery.mhc Watch Restoration Recovery messages here Get addiction recovery resources and help: veritasrecovery.org Follow me: @jonseidl Order my new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.
April 22 · 1 hr 19 min
Theologian Brenna Blain Gets Radically Vulnerable About Her Addictions and Faith: “I Knew I Wasn’t Supposed to Do It”
“I knew I wasn’t supposed to do it but I didn’t understand why, because it felt like it was helping and I wasn’t hurting anyone.” That’s how modern-day theologian, author, and speaker Brenna Blain describes her addiction. Addictions, really. Because she didn't just develop one. Even after addressing her disordered relationship with alcohol, she went on to develop a similar pattern with cough medicine and stimulants. How? Because like so many of us, she fell into the trap of justifying what she knew wasn't right. During all of that, Brenna wasn’t running from God. She loved Jesus, she was serving in ministry, she was doing the things Christians are supposed to do. And at the same time, she was building patterns and believing lies that didn’t line up with what she believed or who she was called to be. In this episode, Brenna shares her full story with thoughtful and radical vulnerability. From childhood trauma and an ongoing battle with depression and mental health, to a real encounter with God that changed the direction of her life, to the ways addiction and dependency still took root. She also talks openly about her experience with same-sex attraction, how she surrenders that to God, and how that has shaped her reliance on Christ. She also doesn't hold back about how evangelical culture too often encourages silence while struggling, leaving people to navigate their sin on their own, as well as how the Church can become a place where those struggles are brought into the light and met with both truth and grace. This is a conversation about honesty, about sanctification, and about what it really looks like to follow Jesus when things aren’t clean or simple. Looking for a one-stop recovery resource? Learn more about the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible here. We explore: — The subtle ways addiction can form even in the life of a committed Christian — How self-justification keeps people stuck longer than they realize — Why addressing one addiction doesn’t mean the root issue is gone — How Brenna’s struggle shifted from alcohol to other substances — The role childhood trauma and mental health play in shaping patterns — What it looked like for Brenna to encounter God personally — How depression and ongoing mental health struggles intersect with faith — Brenna’s experience with same-sex attraction and surrendering it to Christ — Why evangelical culture often leaves people to struggle in silence — What it looks like for the Church to hold both truth and grace — The difference between behavior change and real transformation — How sanctification actually plays out in everyday life Get Brenna's book: Can I Say That? How Unsafe Questions Lead Us to the Real God Follow Brenna: @bunonmyhead Invite Brenna to speak here Get addiction recovery resources and help: veritasrecovery.org Follow me: @jonseidl Order my new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic Get the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible: https://hubs.la/Q041HjWm0 Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.
April 15 · 1 hr 38 min
A Pastor's Confession: Andy Reveals His Secret Addiction, Affair, and How God Met Him in His Mess
“I knew all the right things to say about Jesus, but I was living a completely different life when no one was looking.” That’s how Andy describes the reality of leading in the Church while quietly unraveling behind the scenes. Andy wasn’t just a Christian struggling in private—he was a pastor. He was preaching, leading, and helping others follow Jesus, all while hiding a life that didn’t match what people saw. Alcohol had a grip on him, but it didn’t stop there. What began as hidden drinking eventually gave way to deeper compromise, including an affair that would force everything into the light. In this episode, Andy walks through what it’s like to carry that kind of double life—not just the behaviors, but the weight of knowing the truth, teaching the truth, and still living in contradiction to it. There’s the pressure to maintain an image, the isolation that comes with secrecy, and the slow erosion of self that builds until there’s nowhere left to hide. He also brings us through the moment everything came to the light. The moment he thought would destroy him that actually became his door to freedom: his confession. He details what it was like to sit down with his wife and tell her everything—not just the drinking, but the affair. And he’s honest about the fear, the exposure, and the sense that everything he had built was about to collapse. And yet, he's also open about what happened after. The consequences, yes, but also the reality of how God met him and the freedom he experienced as a result of radical vulnerability. Looking for a one-stop recovery resource? Learn more about the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible here. We explore: — How you can know the truth about Jesus and still live a completely different life in secret — Why hidden addiction thrives in environments where image matters most — The quiet tension of leading spiritually while falling apart privately — How secrecy and isolation don’t just hide addiction—they feed it — Why behavior change alone never touches what’s really driving it — The deeper desires underneath addiction that rarely get addressed — What actually happens when everything finally comes into the light — Why confession feels like the end—but becomes the turning point — The difference between managing sin and being transformed at the root — How the Gospel confronts both what you do and what you love Follow Andy's Podcast on YouTube, Spotify, or Apple Get addiction recovery resources and help: veritasrecovery.org Follow me: @jonseidl Order my new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic Get the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible: https://hubs.la/Q041HjWm0 Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.
April 8 · 1 hr 12 min
Drunk Poets Society: Poet Amy Leigh Wicks on How Alcohol Stole More Than It Ever Delivered
“Alcohol is not a kind or fair lover.” That’s how Amy Leigh Wicks describes the relationship that quietly shaped her life for years—one that didn’t always look chaotic from the outside, but was slowly taking more than it ever gave. Amy is a poet, professor, actor, and mom. But long before the PhD, the published poetry books, and the life she has now, there was a different story unfolding beneath the surface. One marked not by obvious addiction, but by a growing pattern she couldn’t fully explain—blackouts that “just happened,” nights that blurred together, and a relationship with alcohol that felt normal… until it wasn’t. In this conversation, Amy shares how alcohol crept into her life—not as rebellion, but as something that promised more. More life. More experience. More feeling. And for a while, it seemed to deliver. But over time, that “more” began to cost her clarity, presence, and ultimately, herself. That realization didn't come after a rock bottom. Instead, it came after a long period of sobriety. Years of it, in fact, where she gave up drinking to prove something—only to find that even while not imbibing alcohol still held a powerful place in her thoughts. That’s when the deeper question surfaced: not “how long can I go without drinking?” but “what kind of relationship is this, really?” What follows is a story not just about sobriety, but about identity. About learning to sit in discomfort instead of numbing it. About discovering that what feels like loss at first can actually be the doorway to a fuller, more integrated life. And ultimately, about a God who meets us not just in our sin, but in our pain, our confusion, and the places we don’t yet understand. If you’ve ever wondered whether your relationship with something—alcohol or otherwise—is quietly shaping more of your life than you realize, this episode will resonate with you. Looking for a one-stop recovery resource? Learn more about the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible here. We explore: — What it actually looks like when alcohol slowly becomes an “abusive relationship” — How blackouts and overdrinking can feel accidental—but reveal a deeper pattern — Why Amy never set out to numb pain, but simply wanted “more life” — The subtle ways alcohol can take more than it gives, even without a dramatic rock bottom — How a three-year “fast” exposed how much control alcohol still had on her mind — The difference between taking a break from drinking and actually changing your relationship with it — Why feeling pain again was uncomfortable—but ultimately necessary for healing — How early church experiences and disillusionment shaped her choices — The role of compassion in looking back on your story without excusing it — What it means to grow up emotionally and spiritually instead of escaping discomfort — Why true recovery is about integration, not just behavior change — How the Gospel speaks not only to sin, but to suffering, trauma, and healing Amy's books: Orange Juice and Rooftops and The Dangerous Country of Love and Marriage Amy's website Follow Amy: @amyleighwicks Get addiction recovery resources and help: veritasrecovery.org Follow me: @jonseidl Order my new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic Get the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible: https://hubs.la/Q041HjWm0 Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.
April 1 · 1 hr 36 min
The Identity Crisis We're All Facing: Jamie Winship on Fear, Finding our Identity, and His Own Alcohol Addiction
“Most people don’t actually know who they are. And when you don’t know who you are, you will always live in fear.” What if your struggles with alcohol, food, or whatever else is tripping you up wasn't about the substance as much as it was about something below the surface you never would have put your finger on? Today's guest, Jamie Winship, has a pulse on what that "thing" is better than anyone I know. It's your identity, and Jamie is going to unpack today why our identity is so important not just for uncovering why we struggle, but just as important for figuring out where we go from here. And it all starts with a question: What are you most afraid of? That question helps uncover your false identity, which is a sneaky lie that too many of us embrace. Jamie is a former police officer, conflict resolution expert, and the author of the book Living Fearless: Exchanging the Lies of the World for the Liberating Truth of God. And while that may not seem like a book about recovery, the truth is it was one of the most important books in my recovery. Because when I started unpacking the core of my issues, I found a lot of fear and identity issues. That makes sense because, as Jamie surprisingly shares today, he actually struggled with his own alcohol addiction—something I never heard or realized until we started talking, and something he doesn't talk about often. In this episode, we talk about why identity, how fear becomes the default motivator when identity is unclear, and why so many of us, even as Christians, end up living out of that fear without realizing it. He also walks through the difference between information and revelation, and why hearing truth about God isn’t the same thing as actually believing it at the level where change happens. I worked for almost a year to get Jamie on the podcast, and I can tell you this is one of the most important episodes we've ever recorded. If you’ve ever felt stuck in patterns you can’t explain, or frustrated that knowing the right things hasn’t led to lasting change, this episode will help you see why—and also give you a practical path to true and lasting freedom. Looking for a one-stop recovery resource? Learn more about the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible here. We explore: — What it actually means to not know who you are and how that leads to fear-driven living — How identity confusion sits beneath struggles with alcohol, food, and other addictive patterns — Why fear becomes the default motivator when identity is unclear — The connection between fear, shame, and the behaviors we can’t seem to stop — The one question that exposes what’s really driving you — Why behavior change alone doesn’t lead to lasting transformation — The critical difference between information and revelation in the Christian life — Why hearing truth about God isn’t the same as believing it at a level that changes you — How lies about your identity quietly shape your decisions, relationships, and habits — What it looks like to begin living from truth instead of fear — How Jamie’s framework applies directly to addiction recovery and spiritual growth — Jamie’s personal story of alcohol addiction and how he was confronted about it — Why uncovering your true identity in Christ changes not just what you do, but how you live Jamie's book: Living Fearless: Exchanging the Lies of the World for the Liberating Truth of God Jamie's resources and courses: Identity Exchange Follow Jamie: @thejamiewinship Get addiction recovery resources and help: veritasrecovery.org Follow me: @jonseidl Order my new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic Get the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible: https://hubs.la/Q041HjWm0 Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.
March 25 · 1 hr 22 min
He Loved Jesus but Couldn’t Stop Drinking: How JP Graves Went from Hidden Addiction to True Freedom
“You think you’re losing your best friend, but you’re gaining the ultimate friend in Jesus.” That’s how JP Graves describes what it felt like to walk away from alcohol. I felt that, too. Alcohol was always there for me no matter what. It told me I was right, it comforted me when I was wrong, and it always made it better—even if “better” was fleeting. When I gave it up, I had to grieve it. So did JP. On the outside, JP looked good. He loved Jesus. He was active in church. He had a career, a family, and a life that seemed normal and intact. But behind the scenes, alcohol had quietly become a constant. What started as freedom slowly turned into dependence. And then it got worse. By the end, JP wasn’t just drinking heavily—he was drinking all day. Vodka replaced beer. Ten drinks became twenty. His throat was so damaged he could barely swallow. He was hiding alcohol, living in deception, and drifting further from his wife and kids. And yet, he was still showing up to church. This episode doesn’t just explore addiction—it exposes the world that I and so many others have come to know: addiction that exists despite knowing and loving Jesus. We talk about the subtle ways church culture can blur the lines, how stress and isolation accelerated his drinking during COVID, and the moment everything finally broke—a heartbreaking story involving JP and his daughter’s baptism. That’s when the truth became unavoidable. What follows is not a story about behavior modification or quick fixes. It’s a story about surrender, confession, community, and what it actually looks like to find freedom—not just from alcohol, but from the deeper need to escape. If you’ve ever felt the tension of loving Jesus while still hiding something, this conversation will hit closer than you expect. Looking for a one-stop recovery resource? Learn more about the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible here. We explore: — How a Christian can love Jesus and still quietly fall into addiction — The impact of church drinking culture and the misuse of Christian freedom — Why some people can’t “just have one” and what that reveals about the heart — How stress, career pressure, and COVID accelerated hidden addiction — The progression from casual drinking to full dependence and physical breakdown — The role of secrecy, deception, and compartmentalization in addiction — What rock bottom actually looked like for JP and the moment everything shifted — Why confession and community are essential to real recovery — The difference between behavior change and true Gospel-centered transformation — What it means to replace alcohol with something better—not just remove it Get resources and help: veritasrecovery.org Follow me: @jonseidl Order my new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic Get the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible: https://hubs.la/Q041HjWm0 Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.