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Combative Calm · Monday · 20 min

My depression tried to kïll me

I’ve Been Gone. Here’s the Real Story. **Content note: this episode talks about depression and suicidal thoughts. I disappeared for a couple of months. This is where I was. My depression got bad enough that I was having intrusive thoughts fifty times a day or more, and they got so normal that I started saying them out loud to my husband like I was commenting on the weather. I tell you what that sounded like, what it did to my motivation, and why I was holed up in my house as much as I could be. I also tell you about printing off my own Nervous System Regulation Toolkit and using it like a beginner. Yes, the nervous system coach needed her own toolkit. I walk through the tools I reached for, plus the imposter feeling and shame spiral that came with it. Then there’s the morning I woke up, decided I’d had enough, and started ketamine therapy after medications and TMS didn’t work. I’m in month 3 of daily low-dose troches through Joyous. I break down the science of what ketamine does in the brain, and I share what my husband said three weeks in that made me cry. You also get a life update, and apparently I’m a plant lady now. Links Joyous (the ketamine therapy company I use): https://www.joyous.team/ Nervous System Regulation Toolkit: Toolkit here I’m not a doctor and this isn’t medical advice. Talk to yours. If you’re struggling right now, call or text 988.

0:00-20:43
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show notes

I’ve Been Gone. Here’s the Real Story.

**Content note: this episode talks about depression and suicidal thoughts.

I disappeared for a couple of months. This is where I was.

My depression got bad enough that I was having intrusive thoughts fifty times a day or more, and they got so normal that I started saying them out loud to my husband like I was commenting on the weather. I tell you what that sounded like, what it did to my motivation, and why I was holed up in my house as much as I could be.

I also tell you about printing off my own Nervous System Regulation Toolkit and using it like a beginner. Yes, the nervous system coach needed her own toolkit. I walk through the tools I reached for, plus the imposter feeling and shame spiral that came with it.

Then there’s the morning I woke up, decided I’d had enough, and started ketamine therapy after medications and TMS didn’t work. I’m in month 3 of daily low-dose troches through Joyous. I break down the science of what ketamine does in the brain, and I share what my husband said three weeks in that made me cry.

You also get a life update, and apparently I’m a plant lady now.

Links
Joyous (the ketamine therapy company I use): https://www.joyous.team/
Nervous System Regulation Toolkit: Toolkit here

I’m not a doctor and this isn’t medical advice. Talk to yours.

If you’re struggling right now, call or text 988.

links2

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