Artwork for Backwater Bastards: An Actual Play Podcast
Fiction

Backwater Bastards: An Actual Play Podcast

Backwater Bastards | Realm

A team of artists telling THE GREATEST BEST FRIEND STORY that the galaxy has ever seen!

While everybody else is out saving the world, we’re just trying to find the next best place to eat.

Join us on our haphazard adventure.

  • 166 episodes
  • Updated July 17

Episodes166

  • July 17 · 2 hr 45 min

    HOMEGAME 01 | Seventeen Thirty-Eight

    Far east of Rhalloran, a caravan winds its meager way through the woods. We find ourselves on the trail, with a mercenary, an alchemist, an old witch, and a hundred score displaced by the wars of empire. Within the myriad worlds of the caravan, there is great coin to be made tonight. Unfortunately, the alchemist isn’t the only one who knows it. Support the show and gain access to extra content by joining our ⁠PATREON This is HOMEGAME, a Patron exclusive return to our fantastical Bastard roots- the high fantasy worlds of Rhalloran! We’re keeping in the derail, the rules chat, the meta of all metas, and dammit, we’re eating snacks at the table while we do it. Pull up a chair, and grab a brew- because we’re bringing you into our HOMEGAME! Starring: DM Dick Dynamite the Dungeon Master -- ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Richard Kimber-Bell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Pencerdd Cwenhild the Unhale -- ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Taylor van Biljon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Siege --⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠Daniel Matthews⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Episode art by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠- Bjorn Hurri Ambiance sound support by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Jamie Nord⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Michaël Ghelfi⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Episode Edit / Sound design by Daniel Matthews Distributed by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Realm⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Send inquiries and fanart to backwaterbastards@gmail.com Support the show and gain access to extra content by joining our PATREON If you love what you hear, share us with a friend! Find everything else on our website at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.backwaterbastards.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Join our Discord⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

  • July 17 · 2 hr 31 min

    HOMEGAME 00 | The set up chat

    For nearly six years, we have roamed the far reaches of outer space. But once upon a time, we were magic. We were pirates! We were sword and shield fighters in an arcane land.. ..we were also recording on headsets and eating crisps into the microphone. So it’s high time we return to the fantasy, and high tail it back to the grind of pre-plumbing! Tonight we’re building characters, and we’re spilling out all of our ideas. This is the episode zero of our HOMEGAME, so pull up a chair and meet Cwenhild, and Siege- the raw, rough edged dream-vessels of our first “casual” game in at least 600 years. Magic?? Crossbows? Table snacks? WE’RE BACK BABY. Support the show and gain access to extra content by joining our ⁠PATREON This is HOMEGAME, a Patron exclusive return to our fantastical Bastard roots- the high fantasy worlds of Rhalloran! We’re keeping in the derail, the rules chat, the meta of all metas, and dammit, we’re eating snacks at the table while we do it. Pull up a chair, and grab a brew- because we’re bringing you into our HOMEGAME! Starring: DM Dick Dynamite the Dungeon Master -- ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Richard Kimber-Bell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Pencerdd Cwenhild the Unhale -- ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Taylor van Biljon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Siege --⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠Daniel Matthews⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Episode art by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠- Bjorn Hurri Ambiance sound support by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Jamie Nord⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Michaël Ghelfi⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Episode Edit / Sound design by Daniel Matthews Distributed by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Realm⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Send inquiries and fanart to backwaterbastards@gmail.com Support the show and gain access to extra content by joining our PATREON If you love what you hear, share us with a friend! Find everything else on our website at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.backwaterbastards.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Join our Discord⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

  • June 19 · 1 hr 11 min

    S4E13 Boris is on a train

    Turns out, leaving a spaceship full of stolen bioweapons in a parking lot after live streaming the theft to the whole galaxy was not the best plan.

  • May 28 · 1 hr 12 min

    S4E12 It's heating up

    Things are heating up in the second stretch, and the Bastards aren’t the even the only ones that brought explosives!

  • April 26 · 1 hr 6 min

    S4E10: COME ON DOWN

    Just Jordan the engine, a sprinkle of Bastard ingenuity, and a weapon called The Doctor hanging off the back.

  • March 27 · 1 hr 11 min

    S4E09: Bad Seed

    The Bastards make it to the black hole, ready to dispose of their universe-ending problem. Unfortunately, Robin got there first.

  • February 26 · 1 hr

    S4E08: Black hole Son

    Fresh off their ill-advised shopping spree of apocalyptic powdered bioweapons, The Bastards are faced with the age-old question: now what?

  • January 15 · 1 hr 16 min

    S4E05: The Empress’s New Clothes

    The whole ship is uneasy. There are villains at large. The galaxy is in flux, and there are a thousand loose threads. But today, we shop.

  • Oct 23, 2025 · 1 hr 16 min

    S4E02: An eerie presence feat. Fiona K. T. Howat and Hamilton

    The plan is working, and our crew is aboard the BioLife ship, where wave after wave of guards welcome them. It's the fastest slow going you could hope for, while Boris, Trevor, Dr. Ze, The Nine Blades and Vache fight to clear the halls, and our Cleo fights to stay alive.

  • Sep 10, 2025 · 8 min

    Short Stories | Robin

    Cleo and Robin almost made it. Together they saw the light at the end of the proverbial BioLife hallway. But of course, that was the plan. The scientists bring Robin into Cleo’s cell for one last chat, hoping to wring out the last of their secrets before they eke out the last of her nanites. There can’t be much left, now. Just about a seed’s worth, if anything at all. Season 4 is finally here after a big break, and we are bringing you in smooth! This is the second of a collection of short stories, meant to recap the events up to the opening of Season 4. Starring: DM Dick Dynamite the Dungeon Master -- ⁠⁠⁠Richard Kimber-Bell⁠⁠⁠ Cleo deCap / M8 -- ⁠⁠⁠Taylor van Biljon⁠⁠⁠ Dr Ze/Doctor Zafrey Elektra -- ⁠⁠⁠Daniel Matthews⁠⁠⁠ Episode art by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Whiskey Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

  • Aug 27, 2025 · 10 min

    Short Stories | Sanctuary

    After the battle at Garcia Station, many Synths accepted M8’s offer of Sanctuary.

  • Aug 13, 2025 · 18 min

    Short Stories | Taxi

    Back on prospect town Parter has picked up three rather pompous officers