When Resentment Turns Your Partner Into the Enemy

Join The Press Club by AWF The Record for exclusive conversations, guided challenges, and a community of women building careers, businesses, and lives on their own terms: https://www.patreon.com/c/AWFTheRecord In this episode of Awf The Record, Jeannette Reyes and Mona Kosar Abdi sit down with therapist and instant New York Times bestselling author Kier Gaines for a raw, honest conversation about vulnerability, masculinity, relationships, and the ways social media is quietly reshaping how we love. Kier breaks down why men, especially Black men, often struggle to open up, why women are exhausted by the emotional load, and how online comparison, gender scripts, and fear of being played can make connection feel harder than it needs to be. From contempt and tone to emotional maturity, self-healing, and what it really means to do the work, this conversation is a needed reset for anyone trying to build healthier relationships without losing themselves in the noise. KEY POINTS 00:00 - Introduction: Social media is reshaping love, vulnerability, and conflict 01:35 - Kier reflects on becoming an instant New York Times bestselling author 03:19 - Kier explains why his work blends clinical expertise with real humanity 05:42 - The pressure on Black men to be impenetrable, useful, and unaffected 12:02 - Men are not women’s job to fix, but relationships need more emotional presence 16:09 - Therapy language and how it can also shrink emotional tolerance 17:58 - Social media comparison can quietly damage relationships 24:22 - Kier unpacks women’s emotional load, tone, contempt, and the work of repair 37:25 - What to look for in dating: accountability, listening, kindness, & emotional maturity 42:20 - Vulnerability requires mutual trust, safety, and time QUOTES “We can't run from the fact that men don't feel like we have intrinsic value.” – Kier Gaines “Shame, blame, and guilt-they steal all of your awareness.” – Kier Gaines “The thing about contempt is it's not just the feeling; it's the narrative attached to it.” – Kier Gaines GUEST RESOURCES: Kier Gaines IG | @kiergaines It All Starts When You Do: A Therapist's Guide to Overcoming Self-Sabotaging and Work Towards Healing RESOURCES: Keep in touch with Awf The Record: YouTube: @AwfTheRecord Instagram: @awftherecordpodcast TikTok: @AwfTheRecord Mona Kosar Abdi IG | @monakabdi Jeannette Reyes IG | @msnewslady Keep in touch with Awf The Record: Watch on Youtube: @AwfTheRecord Follow us on Instagram: @awftherecordpodcast Follow us on TikTok: @AwfTheRecord Visit our website: www.AwfTheRecord.com Follow Mona on TikTok and IG Follow Jeannette on TikTok and IG