40 Plus: Gay Men. Gay Talk.

Rick Clemons

Welcome to the only podcast exploring the messiness, awesomeness, of masculinity of being a gay man over 40. Each episode is about sparking idea, addressing challenges, and diving deep into what it looks like to be a vulnerable gay guy. We talk about the stuff us gay guys have a hard time talking about, man-to-man: masculinity, sex, careers, our bodies, parenting, sexuality, failures, success, and aging, relationships, coming out - nothing is off limits.

40 Plus: Gay Men Gay Talk is the revamped version of 40 Plus: Real Men. Real Talk podcast and is a short format podcast that's easy to digest. We take deep dives - one topic at a time - digging up the truth of what it’s like to be a gay man, instead of some contrived expectation of masculinity. We’re reclaiming manhood and our masculinity by facing our fears, making bold moves, and living life without apologies. Join us, but you've got to drop your BS, forget posturing, and be ready to explore the comical dysfunctions of our lives as gay men 40+ years of age!

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20 episodes
Updated Friday
Explicit

Episodes20

Newest first

Friday · 53 min
Brad Ryan: 63 National Parks, One Grandmother, and the Healing Gay Men Stop Believing In
His father rejected him. His grandmother changed everything. Brad Ryan spent seven and a half years driving across America with his 85-year-old grandmother, visiting all 63 national parks, and quietly healing the wounds his coming out left behind. What started as an adventure became something neither of them expected: a reckoning with family, identity, and the stories gay men tell themselves about who will ever truly accept them. Brad joins Rick to talk about what happens when you stop waiting for the people who hurt you and start showing up for the ones who show up for you. Key Takeaways: Why Brad didn't come out until college and what his father's reaction cost him How a camping trip in the Smoky Mountains became the turning point with his grandmother Why gay men build elaborate stories about rejection that don't match reality What intergenerational connection offers gay men that their own community often can't How curiosity instead of judgment transforms even the most broken family relationships Why healing doesn't always look like confrontation — sometimes it looks like a road trip About Brad Brad Ryan is a veterinarian, wildlife conservationist, social media influencer, and writer from southeastern Ohio. He earned his BA from Miami University in Ohio, an MSc in mammalian biology from the University of Pretoria in South Africa, and a DVM/MPH combined degree from The Ohio State University, specializing in wildlife medicine and veterinary public health. For Brad, storytelling is a vehicle for healing—rooted in empathy, inspired by nature, and driven by a desire to help others feel seen and connected. As a keynote speaker, he champions LGBTQ+ inclusion in the outdoors, eliminating stigma around mental health, and the protection of wildlife Connect With Brad Website Instagram Facebook LinkedIn Hey Guys, Check This Out! Are you a guy who keeps struggling to do that thing? You know the thing you keep telling yourself and others you’re going to do, but never do? Then it’s time to get real and figure out why. Join the 40 Plus: Gay Men Gay Talk, monthly chats. They happen the third Monday of each month at 5:00 pm Pacific - Learn More! Also, join our Facebook Community - 40 Plus: Gay Men, Gay Talk Community
July 24 · 39 min
Stop Negotiating Which Version of You Shows Up – Skip Sams
Skip Sams spent years deciding which version of himself was allowed into which room. Corporate leader in one. Recovering addict in another. HIV positive kept quiet in most of them. Then the rollback of DEI protections and rising pressure on gay men to shrink again forced a reckoning: hiding pieces of yourself is not integrity, it is negotiation. Skip breaks down why integrating every part of his identity, instead of editing it room to room, is what actually built his leadership, and why he is gathering twenty men for the Gay Men of Integrity Leadership Summit to practice the same thing. Listeners walk away with a way to stop splitting themselves apart and start deciding who they are, everywhere, all at once. Key Takeaways: Why Skip stopped editing himself room to room and calls that his real definition of leadership The actual difference between keeping something private and keeping it secret How the DEI rollback is pushing gay men back toward old hiding habits What the Gay Men of Integrity Summit is built to address, and who it is for Why the words you use about yourself matter more than most men realize About Skip Skip Sams is a certified professional coach, speaker, and creator of the Gay Men of Integrity Leadership Summit. He helps gay men close the gap between who they truly are and how they show up in their relationships, careers, and communities—so they can live with greater clarity, confidence, and integrity. For more than a decade, Skip has coached individuals through life's transitions, helping people navigate identity, purpose, relationships, and personal growth. Today, he helps gay men build lives that are true to who they are—not who they think they're supposed to be. He is also the creator of the Gay Men of Integrity Leadership Summit, August 10 - 14, 20206. Connect With Skip Website Sign-up For The Gay Men of Integrity Leadership Summit Hey Guys, Check This Out! Are you a guy who keeps struggling to do that thing? You know the thing you keep telling yourself and others you’re going to do, but never do? Then it’s time to get real and figure out why. Join the 40 Plus: Gay Men Gay Talk, monthly chats. They happen the third Monday of each month at 5:00 pm Pacific - Learn More! Also, join our Facebook Community - 40 Plus: Gay Men, Gay Talk Community
July 17 · 48 min
Your Body Is Lying to You About Sex: Fran Frye Breaks Down What’s Really Happening For Gay Men
Something goes wrong in bed and gay men immediately blame desire, performance, or themselves. Sex educator and trauma specialist Fran Frye says they're diagnosing the wrong problem. The real issue is the nervous system — and most men have no idea it's running the show. Rick and Fran dig into the five nervous system responses that hijack sexual experiences, why porn is an idea not a manual, and how shame quietly replaces honest communication for gay men over 40. This is not a conversation about dysfunction. It's about finally understanding what your body has been trying to tell you. Key Takeaways: Why "erectile difficulties" are almost always psychological, not physical How fight, flight, freeze, fawn, and fuck responses show up during sex The difference between consent and compliance, and why it matters Why gay men struggle more than most with saying no What emotional literacy actually looks like in an intimate encounter How to pause high arousal states before they run the show About Fran Fran Frye works at the intersection of sexuality, trauma, and compassion, with a particular focus on supporting men as they unpack their sexuality within a patriarchal culture that often labels them as dangerous, defective, or emotionally closed off. She helps dismantle these narratives through curiosity, empathy and practical tools that foster healthier relationships with the body, partners and self. A certified Sex Educator, Counselor, and Clinician trained in compulsive sexual behaviors, Fran is also a somatic sex practitioner. Her work spans sexual shame, trauma, grief, relationship rupture and body disconnection, grounded in both professional training and lived experience as a sexual assault survivor, former military spouse, and athlete. Beyond her professional work, Fran is deeply committed to service. Over the years she has volunteered in several areas of crisis and community support, including suicide prevention, rape victim’s advocacy, human trafficking prevention, and serving as a rape crisis hotline operator. She has also contributed to efforts addressing food scarcity, sits with hospice patients in their final chapters, and supports Veterans and their families. These experiences have brought her into close contact with trauma, grief, courage, and resilience - insights she carries directly into the compassionate, grounded way she supports others. Connect With Fran Website Instagram YouTube Hey Guys, Check This Out! Are you a guy who keeps struggling to do that thing? You know the thing you keep telling yourself and others you’re going to do, but never do? Then it’s time to get real and figure out why. Join the 40 Plus: Gay Men Gay Talk, monthly chats. They happen the third Monday of each month at 5:00 pm Pacific - Learn More! Also, join our Facebook Community - 40 Plus: Gay Men, Gay Talk Community
July 10 · 57 min
The Quiet Parts Out Loud: Huck Smith on Gay Dating, Bar Culture, and Becoming Real
Gay bars are dying. Dating apps are killing real connection. And gay men over 40 are carrying stories they have never let themselves tell out loud. Huck Smith started posting honest essays online because he could not find anyone else saying the quiet parts. Then his first book hit number one on Amazon the day after it released. Boys, Bars, and Becoming is a collection of personal essays about identity, relationships, and the gap between who gay men are and who they perform being. Huck joins Rick to talk about what it took to write it and why so many gay men recognized themselves on the first page. Key Takeaways: Why dating apps create disqualifying lists that kill connection before it starts What gay men lost when bar culture changed and why it actually mattered How older gay men project their own suppressed selves onto younger, more open men Why gay men of a certain age were trained to perform masculinity instead of feel it The importance of standing with transgender community members when it is uncomfortable What writing toward the quiet contradictions of gay life actually requires About Huck Huck Smith is a writer whose work explores identity, relationships, and the quiet contradictions that shape everyday life, often landing somewhere between self-awareness and self-sabotage. He writes with equal parts humor and honesty. Boys, Bars, and Becoming is his first collection of essays. When he’s not writing, he’s probably at the gym, overthinking a text message, or convincing himself he doesn’t need another vintage action figure while actively bidding on one. Connect With Huck Website Instagram Hey Guys, Check This Out! Are you a guy who keeps struggling to do that thing? You know the thing you keep telling yourself and others you’re going to do, but never do? Then it’s time to get real and figure out why. Join the 40 Plus: Gay Men Gay Talk, monthly chats. They happen the third Monday of each month at 5:00 pm Pacific - Learn More! Also, join our Facebook Community - 40 Plus: Gay Men, Gay Talk Community
July 3 · 48 min
Stop Swiping, Start Connecting: Court Vox on Attraction, Intimacy, and What Gay Men Over 40 Get Wrong About Desire
Gay men over 40 know how to find sex. What most of them have never been taught is how to find connection. Court Vox is a certified sex and intimacy coach, founder of The Bodyvox, and one of the sharpest voices working with GBTQ men on what actually gets in the way of real intimacy. He joins Rick to talk about choice fatigue on dating apps, the ruptures that quietly kill relationships before they start, and why so much of what gay men call attraction is really just unexamined shame running the show. This is the conversation about desire that most men are not ready to have. Key Takeaways: How app culture creates choice fatigue that makes genuine connection harder Why rupture and repair skills are the most underrated tools in any relationship How to tell the difference between facts and feelings when conflict hits The role homophobia and internalized misogyny play in gay men's attraction patterns Why resistance to certain desires is almost always repression in disguise What somatic coaching does that talk therapy alone cannot About Court Court Vox is a Certified Sex & Intimacy Coach, based in Los Angeles CA . He is Founder of The Bodyvox. Through his courses, workshops, retreats, and private immersions, clients cultivate toys to unlock limitations and shame, to embrace a deeper sense of intimacy with their whole self. Traditional forms of therapy are done solely through talk, while the work of a somatic coach is to further this form of work via body-based exercises, experiential learning, and touch, in comfortable, judgment-free, and caring environments. Body acceptance, exploration of sensation and desires (and learning how to ask for what you want), boundary-setting and intimacy work are some of the many reasons clients seek this form of learning. Vox is a sex educator experienced working with clients of all sexualities and genders and has been featured in AskMen.com, Cosmopolitan, and Well & Good magazines. He offers workshops and retreats across the globe for GBTQ men, and is also part of an elite team of sex educators that create the celebrated program for women, Back to the Body. His online course and community, Invitations to Intimacy, offers foundations in embodiment suited for the eroticerotic, as well as a community of like-minded individuals to support one another on their journey. Attend Courts Events in 2026 Camp Connect Connect - Joshua Tree Connect With Court Website Instagram Hey Guys, Check This Out! Are you a guy who keeps struggling to do that thing? You know the thing you keep telling yourself and others you’re going to do, but never do? Then it’s time to get real and figure out why. Join the 40 Plus: Gay Men Gay Talk, monthly chats. They happen the third Monday of each month at 5:00 pm Pacific - Learn More! Also, join our Facebook Community - 40 Plus: Gay Men, Gay Talk Community
June 26 · 52 min
The Warning Signs Are Here: Dr. Nas Mohamed on LGBTQ Rights, Authoritarianism, and Gay Complacency
Dr. Nas Mohamed grew up in Qatar where homosexuality is criminalized, arranged marriages were expected, and silence was the only safe option. He chose medical school over a lie, built a life on his own terms, and became the first publicly out individual from Qatar. Now he is watching the United States move in a direction he recognizes. This episode is not a history lesson about somewhere else. It is a warning from someone who has seen how this goes. Dr. Nas joins Rick to talk about authoritarian control, the cost of complacency, and why gay men over 40 who think the fight is over are not paying attention. Key Takeaways: What it actually costs to come out in a country where it is criminalized Why Dr. Nas sees dangerous parallels between Qatar and current US political trends How dehumanization works and why the LGBTQ community is not immune to it Why wealthy gay men disengaging from the fight is a threat to everyone The role of authentic storytelling in building understanding across cultures What the Alwan Foundation is doing to increase visibility of LGBTQ life in the Gulf states About Dr. Nas Dr. Nas Mohamed is the first publicly out individual from Qatar, a physician, activist, and founder of both Osra Medical and the Alwan Foundation. Driven out of a country where being gay is criminalized, he built a practice and a movement rooted in one conviction: every person deserves to be seen, treated with respect, and given access to care without fear. He founded the Alwan Foundation to increase visibility of LGBTQ life across the Gulf states and has served as Grand Marshal of San Francisco Pride. He speaks globally on LGBTQ rights, healthcare equity, and what it actually costs to live authentically when your country criminalizes your existence. Connect With Dr. Nas Website Instagram Hey Guys, Don't Forget! Join the 40 Plus: Gay Men Gay Talk, monthly chats. - Learn More! Also, join our Facebook Community - 40 Plus: Gay Men, Gay Talk Community
June 19 · 45 min
Steven C. Law Spent 45 Years Loving the Same Man. Here Is What He Wants Gay Men Over 40 to Know.
Most gay men were never shown what lasting love actually looks like. Steven C. Law lived it for 45 years and then wrote a book to make sure nobody forgets what it cost to love freely before the world made room for it. "The Story of Bob" traces the life of gay rights activist Reverend Bob Wood, a man who spent decades hiding his relationship out of fear, denying himself the simplest moments of connection. Steven and Rick get honest about what it means to be celebrated rather than tolerated, why gay men over 40 carry grief they have never named, and what a 45-year relationship teaches you about love that has nothing left to prove. Key Takeaways: Why being tolerated is not enough and what being truly celebrated actually feels like What Bob Wood's hidden love story reveals about the price gay men paid to survive How long-term gay relationships evolve into something most people never get to experience Why gay men over 40 carry unprocessed grief from an era nobody wants to revisit What 45 years with the same man teaches you about intimacy, silence, and presence About Steven Steven C. Law is a writer whose work bridges faith and cultural engagement. His commitment to compassionate storytelling enriches The Story of Bob with insight and empathy. Steven Law holds degrees from Campbell University and Colgate Rochester Crozer Divinity School, where his focus was Christian ethics and social policy. As an ordained pastor, he served rural and urban churches, before studying creative writing with C. Michael Curtis. Chief among his accomplishments are 45 bliss-filled years with Dr. William "Donald” Stroud, with whom he created Découvert Fine Art, an art gallery specializing in European Master drawings. He is the founder and president of the Law Stroud Foundation - www.lawstroudfoundation.org. He lives in Rockport, MA. Connect With Steven Website Hey Guys, Don't Forget! Join the 40 Plus: Gay Men Gay Talk, monthly chats. - Learn More! Also, join our Facebook Community - 40 Plus: Gay Men, Gay Talk Community
June 12 · 42 min
Katherine Wela Bogen on What Gay Men Get Wrong About Bisexuality and Why It Costs All of Them
Gay men know what it cost to come out. Bisexual people paid that same price and then got rejected by the community that was supposed to finally understand. Katherine Wela Bogen is a doctoral candidate in clinical psychology, scholar-activist with 600K followers, and author of the debut novel Queering Him. She and Rick get into the real conversation gay and bisexual men keep not having: where the experiences genuinely overlap, where they do not, and why assuming you already understand bisexuality because you know gay identity causes real damage. This one asks gay men over 40 to look at a blind spot most of them did not know they had. Key Takeaways: Where gay and bisexual experience genuinely meet and where they part ways Why bisexual people have worse health outcomes than gay or lesbian individuals How double discrimination operates differently than what gay men experience What it actually costs to get rejected by the community that should get it most What Queering Him is and why Katie wrote it About Katherine In her own words, Katherine Wela Bogen is “first, a storyteller; second, a scholar-activist; and third, a joyful little freak.” Bisexual and Jewish, she grew up in rural New England. A doctoral candidate in clinical psychology, studying the intersections of bisexual identity, sexual trauma, sexual functioning, and kink, she has published more than forty peer-reviewed papers and is the host of the political podcast SuperHumanizer. Bogen’s 600k+ social media followers will recognize her as @k.w.bogen from her public-facing scholar activism. Queering Him, the first in the Avra and Kieran trilogy, is Bogen’s debut novel. Connect With Katherine Website Instagram Hey Guys, Don't Forget! Join the 40 Plus: Gay Men Gay Talk, monthly chats. - Learn More! Also, join our Facebook Community - 40 Plus: Gay Men, Gay Talk Community
June 5 · 48 min
He Was HIV Positive and Ran Toward Ground Zero Anyway: Neil Adams on Michael Dorian and the Story That Would Not Stay Untold
On September 11, 2001, a gay man living with HIV made a decision that had nothing to do with self-preservation. He ran toward the World Trade Center and spent 24 hours in the pile. Neil Adams met Michael Dorian in New York in the early 1990s and their friendship lasted nearly 30 years. Now he has written the book Michael asked him to write. From the Pile is a debut biography that covers Michael's childhood in poverty, his HIV diagnosis at 16, his life built on compassion, and the choice he made on the worst day in modern American history. This episode is about what it means to show up when it costs you everything. Key Takeaways: Who Michael Dorian was before 9/11 and what shaped his decision to respond What it meant for an immunocompromised man to spend 24 hours at Ground Zero How a decades-long friendship between two gay men became the foundation of a book What Neil learned about compassion, empathy, and showing up from a man younger than himself Why Michael's story was featured in a New York Emmy-winning profile and Spike Lee's 9/11 documentary What this story says about the older gay male community and the conversations we are not having About Neil He knew he was gay, but dated girls, trying to live up to his parents’ expectations. Against their wishes, he majored in Drama in college, where he continued to wrestle with his sexuality while staying committed to performing. After graduation, he moved to Los Angeles to pursue acting, knowing he needed to come out in order to be his authentic self. In Los Angeles, he performed in plays and nightclubs and began writing comedy. A job later took him to New York on tour, and he stayed, living the actor’s life until he met Michael, which changed everything. After returning to California broke and moving back home, he left acting and went into sales. He later worked in publishing, rising to National Sales Manager before the dot-com bust. From there, he built a career in the special events industry, became active in professional associations, and even won a national singing competition. When he and Michael reconnected later in life, the idea for the book returned. He has now spent 23 years in the events industry, currently working in business development in San Francisco and serving in leadership roles. This is his first book, but definitely not his last. Connect With Neil Website Instagram - Neil's Instagram - The Book Hey Guys, Don't Forget! Join the 40 Plus: Gay Men Gay Talk, monthly chats. - Learn More! Also, join our Facebook Community - 40 Plus: Gay Men, Gay Talk Community
May 29 · 47 min
HIV Is Not Over: Andrew Spieldenner and Alex Garner on Stigma, Survival, and What Gay Men Over 40 Need to Hear
You lived through it. You lost people. And somewhere along the way you decided HIV was somebody else's problem now. It is not. Andrew Spieldenner and Alex Garner from MPact Global Action join Rick for a conversation that does not let the queer community off the hook. MPact works across 60 countries supporting LGBTQ-led organizations fighting HIV stigma, funding cuts, and the political forces making all of it worse. This episode covers where the stigma still lives, why gay men over 50 are among the fastest growing groups of new diagnoses, and why staying sexual, visible, and engaged is still an act of resistance. Key Takeaways: Why HIV stigma has not gone away, it has just gotten quieter and more insidious How structural racism and poverty drive HIV transmission more than individual behavior Why gay men over 50 are seeing rising new diagnosis rates and what that means The dangerous gap between available prevention tools and who actually gets access to them About Andrew Andrew R. Spieldenner, Ph.D. is Executive Director of MPact Global Action, an international gay rights organization in the HIV response, and Professor in the Department of Communication at California State University-San Marcos. Openly living with HIV, Dr. Spieldenner’s writing is at the intersection of health and culture, particularly looking at HIV and the LGBTQ community. Dr. Spieldenner’s edited books include Intercultural Health Communication, Post-AIDS Discourse in Health Communication, and the award-winning A Pill for Promiscuity. About Alex Alex Garner is a writer, artist, and community advocate dedicated to advancing queer visibility and health equity. He currently serves as Senior Director of Strategic Initiatives & Communications at MPact Global Action and previously led sexual health innovation and global campaigns as Senior Health Innovation Strategist at Hornet. With over 25 years in community organizing and two decades as a writer, Alex uses storytelling, art, and advocacy to humanize queer experiences and destigmatize conversations around sex, HIV, and identity. Born and raised in Southern California, Alex is a proud Chicano, gay/queer, and male-presenting person who embraces fluidity and authenticity. Living openly with HIV for 30 years, he shares his personal journey including his time as a sex worker and performer to challenge stigma and inspire others. Connect With Andrew and Alex Website Facebook Instagram LinkedIn Hey Guys, Don't Forget! Join the 40 Plus: Gay Men Gay Talk, monthly chats. - Learn More! Also, join our Facebook Community - 40 Plus: Gay Men, Gay Talk Community
May 22 · 44 min
Morgan Rich Says the Version of Masculinity You Were Handed Was Never Going to Fit. Here Is What Does.
Most men were handed a version of masculinity that had no room for grief, sensitivity, or showing up as anything other than hard. Gay men got that version and then got told their masculinity did not count anyway. Morgan Rich, coach, author, and creator of Threshold Coaching, spent decades learning the hard way that the world rewarding toughness was never actually rewarding strength. He and Rick get into what it means to reclaim healthy masculinity when you are a gay man over 40 who has been navigating threshold moments your entire life, why little deaths are not the enemy but the teacher, and what it actually looks like to stop betraying yourself and start living like you mean it. Key Takeaways: Why the masculinity most men were handed was never built for authenticity or survival What threshold moments are and why gay men over 40 have been living inside them for decades How grief works as a teacher rather than an obstacle when you stop fighting it Why sensitivity is a form of strength that most men were conditioned to destroy in themselves What it actually means to stop betraying yourself when self-betrayal has been the default setting for years About Morgan Morgan Rich is a coach, author, and group facilitator who helps people navigate threshold moments—the school transitions, breakups, commitments, career shifts, midlife reckonings, and quiet inner stirrings that signal it’s time for something new. For more than a decade, he has guided men, couples, and young adults through these crucible spaces, offering presence, precision, and care when the old story no longer fits and the next step feels terrifying. His approach, called Threshold Coaching—Training for the unkNOWn, blends real-time support with nervous system awareness and integrity practices. Sometimes that means preparing a client before a hard conversation; other times it’s helping them integrate the aftermath of grief or conflict. It is not advice or quick fixes, but a way of learning to stay present and courageous when life feels most intense. Morgan is currently leading the pilot of his Find Your Path program, an immersive community for both young and older adults who feel caught between pressure and possibility. By living, learning, and practicing together, participants discover clarity, resilience, and a deeper sense of belonging and direction. His book, The Invitation Beyond: Reclaiming Healthy Masculinity, draws on his personal journey as a sensitive man in a world that rewarded toughness. Through grief, struggle, and deep practice, he came to see that connection is a strength and that freedom comes from showing up fully alive. The book guides readers to move past cultural noise into a grounded, connected way of living, and calls forth a new/old way of being a man. Today, Morgan speaks on stages, in groups, and on podcasts about male sovereignty and loneliness, the hidden strength of sensitivity, grief as a teacher, and the difference between the frantic intensity of the world and the rooted intensity of presence. Whether working one-on-one, facilitating men’s groups, guiding couples, or mentoring young adults, his message is the same: transformation begins when we stop betraying ourselves and start living with honesty, courage, and care. Connect With Morgan Website Facebook Instagram Hey Guys, Don't Forget! Join the 40 Plus: Gay Men Gay Talk, monthly chats. - Learn More! Also, join our Facebook Community - 40 Plus: Gay Men, Gay Talk Community
May 15 · 43 min
Randy Jones Has Been Gay for 30 Years and Still Asks Himself If He Is Gay Enough
Thirty years with the same man. Kids. A suburban life. A career built on celebrating the best in people. And a question that never fully goes away: am I gay enough? Randy Jones, speaker, author, podcaster, and self-described professional storyteller, has spent decades navigating the space between gay communities that questioned his credentials and straight communities that accepted him without conditions. He and Rick get honest about what it costs to feel like you never fully belong anywhere, why gay culture built its own velvet rope, and what it actually means to own your gay identity when it does not look like what anyone expected. Key Takeaways: Why gay men judge each other's gayness and what that says about the community we built How living a suburban family life as a gay man creates a specific kind of identity confusion What it means to be more accepted in straight spaces than gay ones and why that stings Why the question am I gay enough never fully goes away even after decades of being out How aging in the LGBTQ+ community forces a reckoning with who you actually are versus who the community wants you to be About Randall Randall Kenneth Jones is a high-energy speaker, author, and podcaster, known for emphasizing the best in people. As a journalist and as host of the podcast ON THE KNOWS with Randall Kenneth Jones, he has interviewed hundreds of celebrities and thought leaders, including LGBTQ allies and icons like Vanessa Williams, Kathy Griffin, Suze Orman, Brian Boitano, Sam Champion, Geri Jewell, Steven Petrow, Patricia Racette, Patrick Ryan, Tommy Tune, Del Shores, Michael Rupert, Joel Relampagos, Chip Conley, and Jerry Mitchell. His personal mentor list includes Pat Benatar, Erin Brockovich, The Emily Post Institute's Peggy Post, and Susan Bennett, the Original Voice of Siri. A self-descripted "professional storyteller," Jones's ability to weave humor into serious topics makes for engaging and approachable conversations. On stage, he has gained attention as a keynote speaker as well as for gender-bending roles in parodies, such as "Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?" and "Hush Up Sweet Charlotte." Jones has a special affinity for supporting the 55+ community, the arts and humanities, authors, and activists. He and his husband have been together for 30 years. That said, Jones consistently finds himself wondering: AM I GAY ENOUGH? Connect With Randall Website Facebook Instagram Hey Guys, Don't Forget! Join the 40 Plus: Gay Men Gay Talk, monthly chats. - Learn More! Also, join our Facebook Community - 40 Plus: Gay Men, Gay Talk Community
May 8 · 34 min
Jeff Nally Lost His Husband Without Warning. Here Is What Nobody Tells You About Being a Gay Widower.
Nobody hands you a roadmap when your husband dies. Jeff Nally knows that firsthand. Sixteen months after losing Bob unexpectedly to a brain hemorrhage, the executive coach, professional speaker, and former president of the International Gay Coaches Alliance is still navigating what it means to be a gay widower in a community that does not talk about this nearly enough. He and Rick get brutally honest about the difference between being alone and being on your own, why grief has no engineering, how friendships fracture after loss, and what it actually takes to rebuild an identity when the man you built your life with is suddenly gone. Key Takeaways: Why being alone and being on your own are two completely different experiences after loss How unexpected death strips a gay man of his identity in ways nobody prepares him for What happens to friendships and community after a partner dies and why some people disappear How Jeff used a solo trip to Paris to start practicing life without Bob while still carrying him Why grief cannot be engineered and what actually helps versus what just looks like progress About Jeff Jeff Nally is an executive coach, speaker, and author with 30 years of experience helping leaders navigate change, accountability, and transformation. He's coached over 400 senior leaders, founded Nally Group, and built his career around helping people move through what's hard. Then in 2024, his husband Bob died suddenly from a brain hemorrhage and Jeff found himself inside the very journey he'd spent his career studying. Today he's 16 months out, figuring out what it means to be a gay widower, and he's not pretending any of it comes with a roadmap. Connect With Jeff Website Hey Guys, Don't Forget! Join the 40 Plus: Gay Men Gay Talk, monthly chats. - Learn More! Also, join our Facebook Community - 40 Plus: Gay Men, Gay Talk Community
May 1 · 46 min
Corporate Rejected Joseph Federico. He Said Fine And Bet On Himself!
Most gay men know they are meant for something more than the corporate box they squeezed themselves into. Getting out is another story entirely. Joseph Federico, The Marketing Maven and founder of JFederico Marketing, walked away from a high-paying corporate career two years ago to build a business on his own terms and his own voice. In this episode, he and Rick get brutally honest about why gay men stall, self-sabotage, and underinvest in themselves when it matters most, what it actually costs to ignore the internal voice telling you to go, and why the queer business community is both the most powerful resource and the most underused one gay men over 40 have access to. Key Takeaways: Why gay men hesitate to invest in themselves and what that hesitation is actually costing them How internalized homophobia quietly kills business ambition before it ever gets started What coming out and leaving corporate have in common that nobody talks about How to handle the brutal days of self-employment without losing the plot Why the queer business community is the support system most gay entrepreneurs are not using About Joseph Joseph A. Federico, also known as The Marketing Maven, is a seasoned marketing professional with over 20 years of experience helping businesses—especially queer entrepreneurs—build authentic, impactful brands. Based in New Jersey, Joseph’s boutique agency, JFederico Marketing, serves a diverse clientele—from local shipping stores and hospitality venues to authors and creatives—by focusing on human connections, storytelling, and genuine engagement. As an advocate for the LGBTQIA+ community, Joseph blends marketing strategies with inclusivity, creating campaigns that are SEO-optimized, imaginative, and aligned with each client’s unique voice. Whether promoting spooky-season offers, crafting literary PR, or hosting community events, The Marketing Maven stands out by turning creativity into lasting results. Connect With Joseph Website Instagram Hey Guys, Don't Forget! Join the 40 Plus: Gay Men Gay Talk, monthly chats. - Learn More! Also, join our Facebook Community - 40 Plus: Gay Men, Gay Talk Community
April 24 · 48 min
Shaun Williams Knows Why Gay Men Are Exhausted and Nobody Is Talking About It
Gay men are burning out in silence and calling it fine. Shaun Williams, therapist, late bloomer, and co-founder of Gay Fathers Worldwide, has spent years inside that silence and knows exactly what it is costing us. After coming out in 2019 following decades of living someone else's story, Shaun built Bent Couch Counselling and a global community of over 1,300 gay fathers because the existing resources were not built for men like him. He and Rick get brutally honest about the mental load of coming out later in life, why gay men perform connection instead of feeling it, and what it actually takes to stop running and start healing. Key Takeaways: Why gay men over 40 carry a mental load that never gets named or treated How coming out later in life creates a specific kind of burnout nobody warns you about Why 61% of gay couples report feeling lonely even inside their relationships What performing connection instead of feeling it is doing to gay men's mental health How to create emotional safety at home when you never had a roadmap for it About Shaun Shaun Williams is the heart behind Bent Couch Counselling, a compassionate and inclusive mental health service launched in October 2022. Built on empathy and lived experience, Bent Couch offers a safe space for men and LGBTQ+ individuals to navigate life’s challenges with dignity and support. Shaun came out in 2019 after decades of living a different story. That personal journey—full of courage, grief, and growth— became the foundation for the work he does today. His mission is simple but powerful: to walk alongside others as they rediscover resilience, self-acceptance, and connection. At Bent Couch, Shaun supports clients facing burnout, anxiety, shame, life transitions, identity exploration, and relationship complexities. Every session is grounded in non-judgement, cultural sensitivity, and a deep respect for diverse gender identities and life experiences. Beyond the counselling room, Shaun facilitates Community Couch Conversations – heartfelt group discussions for gay and queer men to connect, reflect, and be seen. He’s also the co-founder of Gay Fathers Worldwide, a thriving online support network for men who’ve had children in heterosexual relationships and are now living openly as gay. Since 2020, this community has grown to over 1,300 members across the globe – a testament to Shaun’s belief in the healing power of peer connection. Shaun lives in Melbourne with his partner and their beautifully blended family of five children. As a cis-gay man who came out later in life, he brings a rare depth of insight into the tensions between two worlds— the life he once lived and the authentic life he now embraces. His work is guided by warmth, understanding, and the unwavering belief that everyone deserves to feel at home in themselves. Connect With Shaun Website Gay Fathers Worldwide Facebook Instagram LinkedIn Hey Guys, Don't Forget! Join the 40 Plus: Gay Men Gay Talk, monthly chats. - Learn More! Also, join our Facebook Community - 40 Plus: Gay Men, Gay Talk Community
April 17 · 29 min
Pretty Privilege in the Gay World: Truth, Myth, and the Lie You Keep Telling Yourself – Rick Clemons
Better looking gay men have it easier. More matches, more attention, more forgiveness in every room they walk into. Gay culture did not invent pretty privilege but it turned it into a full contact sport, and gay men over 40 have been taking the hits for decades. Today I go solo and deep on why gay culture amplifies appearance-based hierarchies beyond anything straight culture produces, what the better looking guy is actually carrying that nobody talks about, and why the real damage is not the privilege itself but the moment you handed your self-worth to a community that was never going to give it back. Key Takeaways: Why pretty privilege is real in the gay world and why gay culture makes it significantly worse What the conventionally attractive gay man is actually carrying that looks nothing like freedom How apps turned daily rejection into a measurable number on your worth When gay men over 40 stopped deciding their own value and started waiting for the room to decide Why stopping the negotiation is the only move that actually changes anything About Rick Gay men over 40 are done negotiating. Done tolerating careers that don't fit, relationships that stopped working, and lives built for someone else's approval. Rick Clemons is the coach, speaker, author, and podcast host who meets them there and helps them decide what comes next. Rick's approach is direct, grounded, and unapologetically adult. No therapy-speak. No motivational fluff. Just honest conversation and a clear path forward for gay men ready to stop flirting with change and actually make it. He is the author of Frankly My Dear, I'm Gay and the forthcoming Perfect Detour: A Gay Man's Guide to Handling Life's Plot Twists...and His Own Bullshit. His highly acclaimed podcast, 40 Plus: Gay Men, Gay Talk, has built a devoted global following of gay men navigating midlife and beyond with honesty and zero apology. Rick works with gay men on the real stuff: identity, relationships, sex, career, aging, finances, family, and the loneliness nobody wants to admit to. His standard is simple. Stop negotiating your gay life. Live like you mean it. No fears, no excuses, no apologies. Connect With Rick Website Instagram Facebook Community Monthly Chats
April 10 · 45 min
Ken Breniman on Naked Yoga, Death Awareness, and Why Gay Men Over 40 Must Stop Avoiding Mortality
Aging hits different when you’re a gay man over 40. The body shifts. Friends disappear. Mortality stops being abstract. In this raw conversation, Ken Breniman, author, therapist, and leader of naked yoga for LGBTQ+ men, dives into death awareness, grief, body shame, loneliness, and why avoiding mortality keeps you negotiating your life. We talk orangutans in Borneo, naked yoga as radical body acceptance, and the courage it takes to face the truth about aging. If you’re over 40 and still pretending you have unlimited time, this episode will wake you up, to stop negotiating your gay life. Live like you mean it. Key takeaways: Death Awareness Is Not Morbid. It’s Clarifying.When you stop pretending you’re immortal, you stop tolerating what drains you. Mortality sharpens decision-making. Body Shame Doesn’t Expire at 40.Naked yoga isn’t about exhibitionism. It’s exposure to truth. Aging bodies deserve presence, not critique. Loneliness Doesn’t Fix Itself.Community takes intention. Waiting to “feel ready” keeps you isolated longer than you admit. About Kenneth Ken Breniman is a queer healer, writer, and elder-in-training who helps people dream more and dread less in uncertain times. He is a licensed clinical social worker, certified yoga therapist, and thanatology-informed grief educator whose work explores aging, intimacy, grief capacity, and personal death awareness, especially within LGBTQ+ communities. Ken is the author of a three body solution, an award-winning speculative sci-fi novel that uses humor, absurdity, and imagination to explore gerotranscendence, life force, and what it means to grow older without hardening or checking out. Drawing from grief work, primatology, contemplative practice, and storytelling, Ken blends depth with playfulness to make difficult conversations feel human, accessible, and even joyful. He lives with his long-time partner and believes the future belongs to those willing to stay curious, stay tender, and evolve together. Connect With Ken Website Facebook Instagram LinkedIn Hey Guys, Don't Forget! Join the 40 Plus: Gay Men Gay Talk, monthly chats. - Learn More! Also, join our Facebook Community - 40 Plus: Gay Men, Gay Talk Community
April 3 · 50 min
Mike Elliott Says the Thing No Man Wants to Hear: Your Relationships Are a Mirror of You
Most men spend years trying to fix their relationships by fixing the other person. Mike Elliott, LGBTQ+ ally, tried that too. It cost him his marriage. The Relational Leadership Mentor and Men's Initiation Guide rebuilt his entire life after divorce by doing the one thing men are trained to avoid: looking directly at themselves. Through a three-part framework of initiation, integration, and inspiration, Mike now guides men who are done sleepwalking through their relationships and ready to lead from something real. Mike and Rick get raw about what it actually takes to stop being reactive, take radical self-responsibility, and build a life anchored in presence instead of performance. Key Takeaways: Why self-improvement content often makes men feel more lost not less What initiation actually means and why every gay man over 40 has already been through one How your deepest wound becomes your most powerful tool for connection The difference between integration and just surviving what happened to you Why radical self-responsibility is not self-blame but the only real path forward About Mike Mike is a Relational Leadership Mentor and Men's Initiation Guide, working with men who want to have it all. He guides them to lead with Relational Authority, anchored in initiation, integration, and inspiration. Having been adopted twice and walked through the dark night of divorce, he rebuilt his life from the inside out. Now cohost of "The Sacred We," he helps men transform their relationships, starting with themselves, and create legacies of love, presence and purpose. Connect With Mike Website Instagram Hey Guys, Don't Forget! Join the 40 Plus: Gay Men Gay Talk, monthly chats. - Learn More! Also, join our Facebook Community - 40 Plus: Gay Men, Gay Talk Community
March 27 · 38 min
Rich Burns Says the Quiet Part Out Loud That Gay Men Over 40 Have Been Thinking for Years
Gay men over 40 have been watching themselves disappear from screens, from conversations, and from their own community's narrative for decades. Rich Burns got fed up and built the antidote. The Humanitas Prize-winning creator and star of "The Disappointments" turned personal professional failure, romantic wreckage, and the specific ache of gay male invisibility into a series with over 4 million views and a global audience that stretches far beyond the LGBTQ+ community. Rich and Rick go deep on why older gay men are still being erased, what it actually costs to tell the truth on screen, and why humor is not a coping mechanism but a weapon. Key Takeaways: Why gay men over 40 are still invisible in media and what one man did about it How Rich used personal humiliation and career setbacks as creative rocket fuel The financial reality most gay men live with that Hollywood keeps airbrushing out What 4 million views taught Rich about the universal power of gay male experience Why humor is not softening the blow but telling the whole truth About Rich Rich Burns is the writer, star and creator of the Humanitas Prize-winning digital series The Disappointments. He also created and serves as the head writer for the Netflix original series Mermaid Magic which debuted August 2024 at #1 on Netflix Kids, with a second season coming. He developed and wrote on the Netflix reboot of the animated series Winx Club - The Magic Is Back. He served as head writer on two other recent Netflix chart toppers: DreamWorks’ Spirit Riding Free and She-Ra and the Princesses of Power. Additionally, Rich was a staff writer at Walt Disney Feature Animation, scripting successful sequels to Brother Bear (Annie Award-nominated for Best Feature - Screenplay), The Fox and The Hound and The Little Mermaid, among others. His screenplay The Dunes of Overveen, based on a true story about a gay artist in Amsterdam who led a resistance raid against the Nazis during WWII, won an Outfest Award. Connect With Rich & Watch The Disappointments Website Instgram - The Disappointments Instagram - Rich Hey Guys, Don't Forget! Join the 40 Plus: Gay Men Gay Talk, monthly chats. - Learn More! Also, join our Facebook Community - 40 Plus: Gay Men, Gay Talk Community
March 20 · 36 min
Kit Roughhouse on Gay Erotica, Reinvention, and Telling the Truth After 40
Many gay men over 40 are reinventing themselves after layoffs, burnout, or careers that no longer fit. Creativity becomes survival, not a hobby. In this candid conversation, Kit Roughhouse shares how a job loss, a Los Angeles gay bar, and a long-suppressed creative voice gave rise to his alter ego and career as a gay erotica writer. his episode explores why erotic storytelling matters, how gay men use fantasy to explore identity and confidence, and what it means to create meaningful work later in life. It strips away shame around desire and reframes erotica as honest storytelling rooted in lived experience. Key takeaways: Why creative reinvention often begins after loss or disruption How gay erotica reflects identity, confidence, and belonging What it takes to claim your voice later in life without apology About Kit Kit Roughhouse is a writer of M/M erotica who was born in a gay bar in East Hollywood sometime in his late 20s. The bar closed years ago, but Kit keeps its spirit alive through his gleefully sexy smut, shot through with humor and humanity. Follow Kit Roughhouse on BlueSky for frequent updates on his writing and various gay obsessions. He's also active on Instagram. Connect With Kit Website Instagram Hey Guys, Don't Forget! Join the 40 Plus: Gay Men Gay Talk, monthly chats. - Learn More! Also, join our Facebook Community - 40 Plus: Gay Men, Gay Talk Community